We broke up after 3 years. Why? Religion. ***UPDATE***

miss888s · 11-03-2006, 07:15 PM

well thank you to everyone who has given me words of advice and encouragement. some of yur words have really made me think on what i have to do for myself and my relationship with my boyfriend.

well the update is...last night i was hospitalised for stomach spasms. i just needed to stay overnight at the hospital. i called the ambulance as my stomach was hurting like mad and i was vomitting.

my flatmate rang by boyfriend and he said that unfortunately he has to work tomorrow really early and he cant drive at night as he has a restricted license and he doesnt want to get caught by the police.

he did try to call me at the hospital but i was in such pain i couldnt be bothered to answer. this morning he rang again but i was asleep so i didnt answer.

now i feel anger towards him. anger and heartbreak which makes it worse. maybe i should not think too much about him not being able to come last night. maybe i am being selfish to expect him to be at the hospital. but then again maybe it is a sign that he cant give a damn anymore.

i just want to crawl into this rock and not have to wake up anymore.

**avman** · 11-03-2006, 07:21 PM

If he had driven to see you and was caught by the police he would be in jail. I don't know how the mass transit system is around you or whether there are other options but clearly he's trying to avoid getting himself in major trouble by driving over there.

He did call you twice to check on you. I can understand you were in pain and asleep and so you weren't able to answer, but I think you are going overboard by claiming he doesn't care.

miss888s · 11-03-2006, 07:26 PM

yes you're right ayman..at first i was really sad and angry that he didnt bother to come. but then i thought to myself that he is breaking the law, what if he gets♠ caught, is it worth it..wel i dont think he woud go to jail but probably he will get a really hefty fine.

i just feel all the emotions and questions in my head...what if this and what if that. in terms of health i am feeling much better not..but my emotions are still bruised.

markfromark · 11-03-2006, 07:32 PM

are there taxi cabs in the area he lives in?

I understand his excuse with the licence but getting up early should be no excuse at all.

miss888s · 11-03-2006, 07:39 PM

he lives in the suburbs but here there is absolutely no problem to get taxis. in a way, if he really wanted to see me he could have got one. maybe his brain couldnt think to that level. i was admitted at about 2am. the ambulance got here at about 1 and they did some tests on me as i waas vomiting and nearly passing out when they arrived.

Relationship Coach · 11-03-2006, 08:25 PM

Is it possible that he sees this as an attempt by you to make him feel guilty or sorry for you? I'm not trying to be mean but if you look at this from an outsiders perspective it seems that you are expecting him to act as if you are still dating. I'm sure he still cares for you but maybe his feelings are on a different level now than yours and asking him to risk being fined by driving on a restricted license comes across as you being a little selfish. Part of the healing process is learning to not rely on him for anything. After 3 years you have a lot of ground to cover in that department, this will take time.

I'm sure this has been hard on him too and the aftermath along with any additional drama just makes it harder on both of you. Use this time to rediscover how strong of a person you really are and this will enable you to start focusing on what is in front of you, not behind you. Best of Luck!

RC

miss888s · 11-03-2006, 09:02 PM

hi RC. yes i would not be surprised if he thought that it was just me acting. he just rang to see how i was. he said he didnt know which hospital i was at and my flatmate just told him that i was taken by ambulance. at this stage, expecting him to come meet me would seem rather selfish iguess. but deep down i knew he wouldnt anyway.

right now i am feeling more anger than heartache and sadness.

Relationship Coach · 11-03-2006, 09:06 PM

But wouldn't you rather want him to come to the hospital because he wanted to be there on his own free will, not because you wanted him there? Remember you can only control your actions and behavior not his. By trying to control what he feels and does, is nothing more than manipulation. You want someone to be with you because they want to be with you, not because they feel obligated to be. Cheer up, find the good with in the bad and take care of yourself.

RC

11-03-2006, 07:15 PM	#1
miss888s Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Wellington Gender: Female Posts: 62	We broke up after 3 years. Why? Religion. *UPDATE* well thank you to everyone who has given me words of advice and encouragement. some of yur words have really made me think on what i have to do for myself and my relationship with my boyfriend. well the update is...last night i was hospitalised for stomach spasms. i just needed to stay overnight at the hospital. i called the ambulance as my stomach was hurting like mad and i was vomitting. my flatmate rang by boyfriend and he said that unfortunately he has to work tomorrow really early and he cant drive at night as he has a restricted license and he doesnt want to get caught by the police. he did try to call me at the hospital but i was in such pain i couldnt be bothered to answer. this morning he rang again but i was asleep so i didnt answer. now i feel anger towards him. anger and heartbreak which makes it worse. maybe i should not think too much about him not being able to come last night. maybe i am being selfish to expect him to be at the hospital. but then again maybe it is a sign that he cant give a damn anymore. i just want to crawl into this rock and not have to wake up anymore.

11-03-2006, 07:21 PM	#2
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,524	If he had driven to see you and was caught by the police he would be in jail. I don't know how the mass transit system is around you or whether there are other options but clearly he's trying to avoid getting himself in major trouble by driving over there. He did call you twice to check on you. I can understand you were in pain and asleep and so you weren't able to answer, but I think you are going overboard by claiming he doesn't care. __________________ "Children are a wonderful gift . . . They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are." Desmond Tutu

11-03-2006, 08:25 PM	#6
Relationship Coach Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Las Vegas, NV Gender: Male Age: 46 Posts: 1,953	Is it possible that he sees this as an attempt by you to make him feel guilty or sorry for you? I'm not trying to be mean but if you look at this from an outsiders perspective it seems that you are expecting him to act as if you are still dating. I'm sure he still cares for you but maybe his feelings are on a different level now than yours and asking him to risk being fined by driving on a restricted license comes across as you being a little selfish. Part of the healing process is learning to not rely on him for anything. After 3 years you have a lot of ground to cover in that department, this will take time. I'm sure this has been hard on him too and the aftermath along with any additional drama just makes it harder on both of you. Use this time to rediscover how strong of a person you really are and this will enable you to start focusing on what is in front of you, not behind you. Best of Luck! RC __________________ The slightest impact can make the greatest change.

11-03-2006, 09:06 PM	#8
Relationship Coach Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Las Vegas, NV Gender: Male Age: 46 Posts: 1,953	But wouldn't you rather want him to come to the hospital because he wanted to be there on his own free will, not because you wanted him there? Remember you can only control your actions and behavior not his. By trying to control what he feels and does, is nothing more than manipulation. You want someone to be with you because they want to be with you, not because they feel obligated to be. Cheer up, find the good with in the bad and take care of yourself. RC __________________ The slightest impact can make the greatest change.

11-03-2006, 07:26 PM	#3
miss888s Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Wellington Gender: Female Posts: 62	yes you're right ayman..at first i was really sad and angry that he didnt bother to come. but then i thought to myself that he is breaking the law, what if he gets♠ caught, is it worth it..wel i dont think he woud go to jail but probably he will get a really hefty fine. i just feel all the emotions and questions in my head...what if this and what if that. in terms of health i am feeling much better not..but my emotions are still bruised.

11-03-2006, 07:32 PM	#4
markfromark Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: west coast Gender: Male Age: 43 Posts: 59	are there taxi cabs in the area he lives in? I understand his excuse with the licence but getting up early should be no excuse at all.

11-03-2006, 07:39 PM	#5
miss888s Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Wellington Gender: Female Posts: 62	he lives in the suburbs but here there is absolutely no problem to get taxis. in a way, if he really wanted to see me he could have got one. maybe his brain couldnt think to that level. i was admitted at about 2am. the ambulance got here at about 1 and they did some tests on me as i waas vomiting and nearly passing out when they arrived.

11-03-2006, 09:02 PM	#7
miss888s Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Wellington Gender: Female Posts: 62	hi RC. yes i would not be surprised if he thought that it was just me acting. he just rang to see how i was. he said he didnt know which hospital i was at and my flatmate just told him that i was taken by ambulance. at this stage, expecting him to come meet me would seem rather selfish iguess. but deep down i knew he wouldnt anyway. right now i am feeling more anger than heartache and sadness.