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Thread: My girlfriend likes to talk to other guys, is this cheating?

  1. #1
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    My girlfriend likes to talk to other guys, is this cheating?

    Just a brief summary of my relationship. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and we live together. We meet using Lavalife and I love her dearly and she has always told me she wouldn't dream of ever cheating on me because her heart won't let her.

    About a month ago, I found out she started chatting with several guys she said her girlfriend introduced her to. She then started to chat with these guys over MSN and then over the phone. When I confronted her about this, she told me it was just friendly chat and she has not intention of ever meeting them or being with them. I began to get really suspicious and started looking at her MSN conversation history and noticed she was misleading these guys telling them she was single and how she would like to meet them. She would even get phone calls from these guys and she would lie telling me it was her girlfriend. I begged her to please stop and she told me she would because she didn't want to hurt me anymore so she deleted these guys off her MSN and promised not to talk to them anymore.

    About a couple of weeks ago, she told me she was going out to her girlfriend's house. But when her girlfriend called, it sounded like a guy. When I asked her about this, she insisted it was her girlfriend and asked me to trust her. Convinced that it was a guy I heard and I remembered that one of th guys in her MSN wanted to meet her at a bar. I didn't even have to follow her, I left 5 minutes after she did and my heart dropped when I saw her car parked outside the bar. I went into the bar and saw her with this guy she was talking to on MSN. I just introduced myself and told them to have a good time and fell apart outside. She didn't even run after me or call me to explain. I called her mom and her mom called her and told her that I was falling apart outside. She finally came out and told me she was meeting the guy with her girlfriend and that I didn't see her girlfriend because she was in the bathroom. She then wanted to go back in and finish the drink with her friends.

    I believed this and went back home. I gave her girlfriend a call and she said she didn't leave her house and doesn't even know who this guy was that my girlfriend was seeing. Knowing that she lied to me, I confronted her and soon all the lies started coming out. My girlfriend even told this guy I was her ex when I caught them and I forced her to call this guy and apologize for misleading him. There were several times I just wanted to give up on her because of all her lies and doing things behind my back.

    I even found out recently that she meet this guy and all the others off Lavalife, which she started using again a month ago. She insists she was not cheating on me and it would not go any further than a drink but if she just wanted to be friends, why does she need to deceive and lie about it? My trust in her has been shattered but I do know I still love her and gave her a second chance. It just seems everyday, I find something else. Just recently, I found out she emailed this guy she meet saying that she's not fully in love with me and that she was starting to like him. Her explanation was she just wanted to be nice and apologize but she continues to lie to others and myself. What I'm doing is wrong too, checking on her, her email. I don't want to, I really don't but it seems like the only way to stop her from doing what she is doing. I have pleaded with her over the past month to stop all this nonsense and she promised she would but I just never believed she would go and meet this guy. Would you consider this cheating? Or was she just looking for attention or a friend?

    Sorry for the long story ... I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. If I tell my friends or family, they'll just tell me to leave her and I want to believe she is a good person for me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member rose2summer's Avatar
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    Well, if you smell a fish, there probably is one.

    She is hiding these men from you, saying she is single, I think it's time to deal with the issue and discuss it with her.

    She cannot have her cake and eat it too.

    Spying on her isn't right either so try to avoid that.

    I would not consider it cheating but she might be on the brink of doing so.

    Is she really that good when she hides that she's with you with these men?

    I think you need to look at what's really going on here, reread what you wrote, and tell me, is this fair to you?

    Hugs, Rose
    If life is fulfilled we go away with empty hands.
    ~Chinese Proverb~

    With every failure, there's a chance for success.
    With every failure, there's a chance to learn.
    ~Rose~

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Day_Walker's Avatar
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    I dont know how you could not consider this cheating. The sad part is that you need to leave her and you wont do it. You are going to rationalize the situation saying that you love her and you dont want the relationship to end. The truth is that she isnt acting like she is in a relationship with you. She is interested in other guys and you are just too emotionally attached to her to leave. Get out while you can, it is going to be painful but far worse than the alternative.
    "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine

    "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

  4. #4
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    you know, I talk to men all the time. at the grocery store, in the elevator, at work, at the gym, at the post office.... etc.... but I don't go around telling guys that I'm single if I'm not!

    yup, smells fishy, like rose said....

    it's one thing to "talk" to other guys, but a whole different thing to sign back up on a dating website. she is cheating on you, or even if she isn't, she intends to. I know that if I were dating someone for a while, and I saw them back up on a website, that would be the end of that relationship!!!

    she is only with you now until she finds a replacement.

    dump her.
    There's no place like 127.0.0.1.



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  6. #5
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    Smells like fish is right.. this all stinks like a three month old haddock.

    I don't often use these words as I always feel there is some sort of hope but not in this case and the words are........ DUMP HER.

    She is sniffing out other men because she is STILL looking, she has not commited herself to you. She tells the other men the truth and you should believe it. Her actions are proving this. All the words in the world mean nothing if they are not backed up by action.

    If you do not tell her its over, she will continue to make a fool out of you for a very long time. You are right not to trust her, you are wasting your time, energy and love on a liar who doesn't love you.

  7. #6
    Member OceanEyes's Avatar
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    Please read over these points again:

    Quote Originally Posted by dimstar View Post
    I began to get really suspicious and started looking at her MSN conversation history and noticed she was misleading these guys telling them she was single and how she would like to meet them. She would even get phone calls from these guys and she would lie telling me it was her girlfriend.
    I went into the bar and saw her with this guy she was talking to on MSN. I just introduced myself and told them to have a good time and fell apart outside. She didn't even run after me or call me to explain.
    My girlfriend even told this guy I was her ex when I caught them and I forced her to call this guy and apologize for misleading him.
    I even found out recently that she meet this guy and all the others off Lavalife, which she started using again a month ago.
    Just recently, I found out she emailed this guy she meet saying that she's not fully in love with me and that she was starting to like him. Her explanation was she just wanted to be nice and apologize but she continues to lie to others and myself.
    I'm sorry hun, but this girl does NOT love or respect you. I would never even DREAM of doing something this heinous and underhanded to my boyfriend. And why? Because I love and respect him! Time to wake up. I know it's hard - I really do - but this behaviour will not resolve itself in time. Her heart is not into the relationship.
    Last edited by OceanEyes; 11-02-2006 at 01:16 PM.
    There is no map to human behaviour. - Bjork

  8. #7
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    didn't even have to follow her, I left 5 minutes after she did and my heart dropped when I saw her car parked outside the bar. I went into the bar and saw her with this guy she was talking to on MSN. I just introduced myself and told them to have a good time and fell apart outside. She didn't even run after me or call me to explain. I called her mom and her mom called her and told her that I was falling apart outside.
    oh yikes!!!! I missed that part! you caught her on a date with another man?

    blah.

    it's over. forget her.
    There's no place like 127.0.0.1.



  9. #8
    Platinum Member rose2summer's Avatar
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    didn't even have to follow her, I left 5 minutes after she did and my heart dropped when I saw her car parked outside the bar. I went into the bar and saw her with this guy she was talking to on MSN. I just introduced myself and told them to have a good time and fell apart outside. She didn't even run after me or call me to explain. I called her mom and her mom called her and told her that I was falling apart outside.
    Whoaaa! How did you pull it all together when you saw her?

    She is grade A cheater, please let go of her, put her back on the shelf, and let some other guy put up with her cheating and horrid ways.

    You deserve far better than that, please do not let her get away with this by staying, her tactics smell like rotten eggs.
    If life is fulfilled we go away with empty hands.
    ~Chinese Proverb~

    With every failure, there's a chance for success.
    With every failure, there's a chance to learn.
    ~Rose~

  10. #9
    Platinum Member rose2summer's Avatar
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    Here's my gift to you, a boot:



    Kick her to the curb with it
    If life is fulfilled we go away with empty hands.
    ~Chinese Proverb~

    With every failure, there's a chance for success.
    With every failure, there's a chance to learn.
    ~Rose~

  11. #10
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    You know what mate, I am in a very similar situation to you. Read my thread if u like, its under "she cheated on me". You know what I'm gonna tell you right? And i know if u read mine, you would tell me the same thing. We are in the same boat man, and it hurts and sucks sooo much. I think we both know what to do. However, we are both hesitating, trying do delay the inevitable, holding on for dear life to what we once had. Why? Maybe you could tell me, cos i really dont know
    Last edited by NiceGuysFinishLast; 11-02-2006 at 02:25 PM. Reason: spelling

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