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Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.


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I thought I would share parts of my journal that I go back to on bad days to remind me of why I am here and what I hope for in the future.

Here's what I tell myself to get me through:

 

* Everything happens for a reason. I have always believed this. If you don't know the reason now, it will make sense with time because:

 

* "everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end." –unknown; Either you get back together with your ex or you find someone new that makes you happy. If you make the conscientious decision to be happy, you will be. One of my favorite quotes: "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. – Henry Ford"

 

* "I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer…" - Rainer Maria Rilke [i think it's the begging part of this quote that makes me want to do what she asks.]

 

Things I do that help me get through a day:

 

* Talk to my friends and family. Luckily I have gotten to a point where I don't bore them with the details of my heartache. Listening to them and hearing about their life is nice.

 

* Write. I have always kept and journal and I write down my thoughts, whatever they may be. Getting them down on paper helps me move past them a little.

 

* Travel. Get out of town for the weekend if you can.

 

* Take a fun class. I am taking a dance class and love it – it's fun, I interact with others and everyone is there to have a good time.

 

* Read, watch TV, movies.

 

* Spend time with friends.

 

* Let yourself be sad. That's okay and perfectly natural. There's nothing wrong with moping around the house, watching tv all day and eating ice cream for dinner every so often!

 

Nothing you haven't already heard I am sure, but it helps to see them listed out and know that you have options!

 

My favorite inspiring quotes:

 

promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!

-christian d. larson

 

believe in yourself and all that you are. know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.

- christian d. larson

 

life does not put things in front of you that you are unable to handle.

-unknown

 

everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end.

-unknown

 

if you're going through hell, keep going...

-churchill

 

now is the time to live your ideal life.

-cousineau

 

you are unrepeatable. there is a magic about you that is all your own...

- d.m. dellinger

 

in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

-einstein

 

whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should...

-ehrmann

 

 

I took the following poem from someone else's post (thank you to whomever posted it, I didn't write down their name!). It's quite sad, but given that my gut still feels like I am destined to be with my ex (or I am not over my addiction to him), I can't let go of it.

 

If You Forget Me:

 

I want you to know

one thing.

 

You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

 

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

 

If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.

 

If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.

 

But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine.

 

Pablo Neruda

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  • 5 weeks later...

I don't mind if you take inspiration out of the lives of others. However it displays a lack of creativity in your own soul. What defines Steadysoul?, what is unique about you? Is your life even less then the shadow of someone elses quote? Be sure to come up with your own ideas, thoughts about everything because that will define who you are.

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steadyhand,

 

Thanks for your post. I enjoyed the quotes. I agree that things will be okay in the end for most of us. Law, you have the right to your opinion, but I don't happen to agree with you.

 

The journey through the grief of loss is slightly different for all us, which makes sense because we all have our own unique experiences that cause us to handle matters differently. The good thing is that a forum like this can be a valuable tool for all of us. I certainly have drawn solice from many of the posts that I've read here.

 

So thanks for sharing steadyhand.

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Dear Steadyhand:

 

It's great that you're thinking of taking control of your life. Be very careful with the concept that "everything will work out in the end" though. My mother died in the back of an ambulance covered in her own blood, screaming curses at her husband. I don't consider that a happy ending. My own favourite saying of the moment would probably be more along the lines of sh*t happens.

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Some of the original ones others have said to me that made a whole lot of sense, given my circumstances (wife cheating, left me):

 

1. If she wanted to be with you, she would BE WITH YOU!

2. She would have gotten divorced no matter who she was with. It didn't have much to do with me at all (so true).

3. If you have to go through this sometime, it is better now when you are 41 instead of later at 45. Options get pretty limited the later in life you become single.

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  • 3 years later...

Dear all,

these are my notes:

 

past events are mind boosters or mind antiboosters (depressants). Whenever you analyse past events, you either become high or get depressed. So be fully aware of waht you do at present time, because just a sec after it is your past.

 

you dont have to force yourself to decide things for others, because everyone has different perception of things. just leave evrthing to their own decision, you can only support the decision if you think it is right. otherwise dont be involved in anyones decision. everyone must decide by himself. you can only show possibilities to them

 

there is always similarity between events

 

there is no coincidence

 

happiness is understanding...

 

regards

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  • 2 weeks later...

How am I supposed to move on??? Its been a little over a month..

This is too much for me.. and his parents called my parents today..

 

its not helping me move on. It is reminding me of the pain... I am angry now.. and anger leads to texting the ex all these crazy things. I am supposed to be the better person

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sometime people are not good at coming up with there own so they look for others for inspiration thers nothing wrong with that at all.

 

I agree, its why we have music, art, poems, novels.....

If we didnt have or need inspiration from others none of these things would exist

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sometime people are not good at coming up with there own so they look for others for inspiration thers nothing wrong with that at all.

 

I agree, its why we have music, art, poems, novels.....

If we didnt have or need inspiration from others none of these things would exist

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  • 1 year later...
  • 6 months later...

Thanks steadyhand - this was really useful.

 

I am struggling to deal with the feelings of shame and guilt of breakup. My bf left because he had had enough of our relationship as there was a fair deal of argument. I have taken most of the blame upon myself and it is hard to deal with the things he said about how I drove him to not love me anymore and how the relationship was awful for me and made him into a person he is not.

He is not treating me like s**t - he wants nothing to do with me, he doesn't talk to me, he is a complete stranger.

I feel angry, unworthy, ashamed, hurt beyond belief. It's difficult to deal with these thoughts, to find the will to move on.

 

You said something about answers. How do I deal when I have "too many" answers?

 

Thanks

 

A

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  • 3 months later...

Hi I am currently going through a rough patch with my gf, it all started about roughly three weeks ago.

I am the one to blame for what happened on that day but I apologized for it straight away, I know that words carry more meaning

than anything else and I am sure that what I said hurt her but after a few days she did forgive me.

 

Upon talking to her she tells me that she doesn't feel that love anymore since that day and she is confused about a lot of things.

I did my best to clear any confusion she had but I didn't think it worked, I do not know what to do as I really love her and

do not want to lose her.

 

I know that she still loves me but she just keeps telling me that she doesn't feel the love, we have not broken up yet

but we have decided to take things a little slow and start as friends again.

I was not very happy with this at the time that she told me and I refused to take it into consideration...after talking to a close

friend I decided to give her a bit of space and she also agreed to review our relationship after a bit of time.

 

My every fiber is still believing that there is hope that we can go back to how we were but there is still this feeling of dread.

 

Do you think there is still any chance that we can be together again?

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