Five months on,

Ohso · 10-30-2006, 04:34 PM

It's been about five months since my relationship came to a end. It was a quick end to a long relationship with no explanation or reason given. I won't pretend it was easy, my heart was broken and I went to pieces. Yet it was what he wanted and as people said "would you really want to be with someone who didn't love you?"....obviously no I wouldn't.

I'm in the unfortunate position of still living under the same roof as my ex, while this may sound odd to most of you it was a necessary evil. While I wouldn't recommend anyone else do this I wasn't in a position to leave and weird as it may be it worked out quite well.

So anyway, here I am five months later, my ex has got himself a new man and I'm enjoying being on the dating scene again. My ex and I are on good terms for the most part, there was some friction when he began bringing his new man back to the house but I worked through it. I've been dating a few men but never got as far as first base (My choice) and although I've made friends none have developed further.

Then last week I was invited to spend the week in the country with a gay friend. On Sunday I get a text from my ex saying "I think I need psychiatric help to sort myself out". I was a little shocked and was expecting him to follow it up with another text or something. On my return on the Monday nothing was said so I didn't question him about it further (as harsh as it may seem I didn't see it as my place). Friday comes around and he knocks on my door, he pops his head around and says "I just thought you should know I've split up with my boyfriend". Again I was shocked, I said I was sorry and asked him why, his response was "I need to sort myself out first". At that he puts on his coat and goes out.

Saturday comes around and I'm invited to go to the country again, this guy is a bit smitten with me but it's nothing serious. We've shared a cuddle but we really enjoy each others company more than anything else. He drives up to my house, toots his horn and off I go ready for a weekend of Sci Fi and pizza. Five minutes later I receive a text from my ex wanting to know if the guy I just got into the car with was my BF or a **** Buddy!!!!.

I'm a bit surprised at this, I've never questioned him about his where abouts or what he gets up to and thought he'd extend me the same courtesy. I decide to answer anyway and tell him he's my friend. He replies with "Friends don't go away for weekends together and come back looking like they've had a good ****".

This isn't the first time he's questioned my sex life since we split up, I wasn't sure if I should respond. He sent another text saying "If he's just a friend why didn't you invite him in?, how long have you been seeing him?, is this the guy you've been going to London with?". This is quickly followed by another text saying "On second thoughts I don't want to know".

I'm not sure what's going on here, my ex splitting up with his new guy was a big shock, his recent actions/questions have caught me off guard and him saying he thinks he needs psychiatric help has only confused me.

I'm not sure what to do, is it that he's realised the grass isn't greener on the other side?, did his new BF dump him and not the other way around?, is he jealous that I'm moving on?. I thought he was happy, he got everything he wanted didn't he?

I'm not happy with the situation, up untill now I've kept my cool but I'm angry as hell that he feels he can ask me these personal questions. I've been through hell and back because of him and don't need him adding any sort of pressure to my life right now. He has no right.

all about us · 10-31-2006, 04:30 PM

I think you are right when you say he has no right to ask you about your life. He dumped you, and that action builds a "barrier" that separates you both. If you are sure you don't want to get back with him again, then make sure he knows this and establish boundaries in what he can ask and what you will answer. If you have really moved on from this relationship and you see now that he was never sure about you (he was looking for someone better elsewhere), then I think you would do a favor to yourself if you don't get involved with him again.

Donster · 10-31-2006, 06:52 PM

Well, he can ask what he wants to ask, but you dont necessarily have to give him any answer!

You should recommend to your ex that he seek counseling from a therapist. It can be quite helpful, and he admittedly already realizes that he needs professional help to deal with his issues.

Quote:

I'm not sure what to do, is it that he's realised the grass isn't greener on the other side?, did his new BF dump him and not the other way around?, is he jealous that I'm moving on?. I thought he was happy, he got everything he wanted didn't he?

You have probably surmised everything that is going on in his head right in this paragraph!

10-30-2006, 04:34 PM	#1
Ohso Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: UK Gender: Male Posts: 46	Five months on, It's been about five months since my relationship came to a end. It was a quick end to a long relationship with no explanation or reason given. I won't pretend it was easy, my heart was broken and I went to pieces. Yet it was what he wanted and as people said "would you really want to be with someone who didn't love you?"....obviously no I wouldn't. I'm in the unfortunate position of still living under the same roof as my ex, while this may sound odd to most of you it was a necessary evil. While I wouldn't recommend anyone else do this I wasn't in a position to leave and weird as it may be it worked out quite well. So anyway, here I am five months later, my ex has got himself a new man and I'm enjoying being on the dating scene again. My ex and I are on good terms for the most part, there was some friction when he began bringing his new man back to the house but I worked through it. I've been dating a few men but never got as far as first base (My choice) and although I've made friends none have developed further. Then last week I was invited to spend the week in the country with a gay friend. On Sunday I get a text from my ex saying "I think I need psychiatric help to sort myself out". I was a little shocked and was expecting him to follow it up with another text or something. On my return on the Monday nothing was said so I didn't question him about it further (as harsh as it may seem I didn't see it as my place). Friday comes around and he knocks on my door, he pops his head around and says "I just thought you should know I've split up with my boyfriend". Again I was shocked, I said I was sorry and asked him why, his response was "I need to sort myself out first". At that he puts on his coat and goes out. Saturday comes around and I'm invited to go to the country again, this guy is a bit smitten with me but it's nothing serious. We've shared a cuddle but we really enjoy each others company more than anything else. He drives up to my house, toots his horn and off I go ready for a weekend of Sci Fi and pizza. Five minutes later I receive a text from my ex wanting to know if the guy I just got into the car with was my BF or a ** Buddy!!!!. I'm a bit surprised at this, I've never questioned him about his where abouts or what he gets up to and thought he'd extend me the same courtesy. I decide to answer anyway and tell him he's my friend. He replies with "Friends don't go away for weekends together and come back looking like they've had a good **". This isn't the first time he's questioned my sex life since we split up, I wasn't sure if I should respond. He sent another text saying "If he's just a friend why didn't you invite him in?, how long have you been seeing him?, is this the guy you've been going to London with?". This is quickly followed by another text saying "On second thoughts I don't want to know". I'm not sure what's going on here, my ex splitting up with his new guy was a big shock, his recent actions/questions have caught me off guard and him saying he thinks he needs psychiatric help has only confused me. I'm not sure what to do, is it that he's realised the grass isn't greener on the other side?, did his new BF dump him and not the other way around?, is he jealous that I'm moving on?. I thought he was happy, he got everything he wanted didn't he? I'm not happy with the situation, up untill now I've kept my cool but I'm angry as hell that he feels he can ask me these personal questions. I've been through hell and back because of him and don't need him adding any sort of pressure to my life right now. He has no right.

10-31-2006, 04:30 PM	#2
all about us Offline Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: the sunny Caribbean Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 49	I think you are right when you say he has no right to ask you about your life. He dumped you, and that action builds a "barrier" that separates you both. If you are sure you don't want to get back with him again, then make sure he knows this and establish boundaries in what he can ask and what you will answer. If you have really moved on from this relationship and you see now that he was never sure about you (he was looking for someone better elsewhere), then I think you would do a favor to yourself if you don't get involved with him again.