I think my boyfriend's gay

indigo_girl · 10-30-2006, 05:44 AM

Hello,

I've been out with my boyfriend for about 2 years now, and I have a sneaking suspicion that he is gay, but in denial. I have asked him about this in the past and he has reassured me that he is NOT gay, and he's not even attracted to the thought of gayness. However, something at the back of my head tell me otherwise. I've always felt like he's been lying to me in some ways (and sometimes I do catch him out in his out-right lies). I'm hoping someone could reaffirm whether my hunch is right or not.

Reasons why i think he's gay:

1. He acts feminine sometimes (hand gestures, stance)
2. He's neat & a neat dresser
3. He gets 'looks' and eye contact/smiles from guys at restaurants. My gay former co-worker use to eye him the same way.
4. He's very close to his mother and doesn't have much father influence
5. He's not very masculine or a gentleman. I get the feeling that he likes to be 'taken care' of and nurtured.
6. He told me throughout high school and uni, he was not attracted to any of the girls in his class even though they liked him

The thing that worries me most is the 'looks' he gets from other guys. I've seen it plenty of times when we dine out. He denies they give him a 'look' even though he can tell they're being friendly towards him.

Am I being hyper sensitive, or is there something hidden he's not telling me?

TheRedQueen · 10-30-2006, 05:46 AM

Why are you with him if you are so sure that he's gay?

How's the sex?

Newo Ikkin · 10-30-2006, 06:11 AM

He just sounds metrosexual to me.

Well groomed men (gay or straight) are often bound to get 'looks' from homosexual men!

Ask him. If you dont want to right now, wait until/see if the signs get stronger. Right now, the radar looks pretty weak. x

**Hope75** · 10-30-2006, 06:25 AM

How does he treat YOU?

**arwen** · 10-30-2006, 07:04 AM

I don't think him getting looks FROM other guys is much of a criterium, I had women checking me out a lot when I had my hair shorter (also not a criterium, I just noticed the difference)-- that didn't influence my heterosexuality at all. If your guy would be gay, I think 'red flags' would be him being flirty or overly aggressive to the guys that eye him (aggressive if he's in denial). If it doesn't bother him at all, I wouldn't think anything of it. Another clue would be if he doesn't seem to really enjoy or initiate sex, or if you find something like a gay dating site where he's registered (I don't recommend snooping for that at all though).

You have been with him for two years. Could it just be that you are not attracted to his neat and maybe not-typical-masculine behaviour?

Ilse

**BellaDonna** · 10-30-2006, 09:30 AM

It's possible for him to simply have a more feminine gender identity, however that does not automatically mean he is gay.

Quote:

How's the sex?

Quote:

How does he treat YOU?

I wonder the same thing.

BellaDonna

Tigris · 10-30-2006, 10:10 AM

I have a friend who looks gay but he isn't. He's 5' 10", slightly built, has small wrists and a waist measuring 28". He looks like he's going to break in two at any moment. He uses his hands to talk a lot and has a caring nature.

He was around his Mother and 3 older sisters a lot growing up. He's very considerate where women are concerned and is there when a girl needs a shoulder to cry on.

He's been approached by a guy when he left a restaurant and was asked out. He was shocked when it happened and embarrassed. I laughed when he told me.

On another occasion I warned him that someone new at work was hitting on him and he didn't even realise. He went out with this guy as a friend to a basketball game and there was no problems, unfortunately they went somewhere on another occasion and the guy tried to kiss him. He told the guy he might be a friend but if he tried anything like that again he'd punch him.

Day_Walker · 10-30-2006, 10:41 AM

I dont think that the 6 things you listed are anything conclusive, but they can be stereotypes. What makes a person gay is that they have an interest in being romantically and sexually involved in the same sex. Unless he has an active interest in the same sex then he is not gay.

I'mThatGirl · 10-30-2006, 10:44 AM

The "metrosexual" attributes seem to fit several men I've known that were raised by their mother only. If there was little or no male influence, then they may not reflect those masculine attributes.

Have you talked to him about it? I agree that if he's a clean cut, good looking guy, he's going to get the looks from others.

Tigris · 10-30-2006, 10:46 AM

If you keep mentioning to him that he looks gay you're going to hurt him. Stop worrying about what sexuality he is and enjoy your time together. If you don't you could soon be single, is that what you want?

10-30-2006, 05:44 AM	#1
indigo_girl Offline Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2	I think my boyfriend's gay Hello, I've been out with my boyfriend for about 2 years now, and I have a sneaking suspicion that he is gay, but in denial. I have asked him about this in the past and he has reassured me that he is NOT gay, and he's not even attracted to the thought of gayness. However, something at the back of my head tell me otherwise. I've always felt like he's been lying to me in some ways (and sometimes I do catch him out in his out-right lies). I'm hoping someone could reaffirm whether my hunch is right or not. Reasons why i think he's gay: 1. He acts feminine sometimes (hand gestures, stance) 2. He's neat & a neat dresser 3. He gets 'looks' and eye contact/smiles from guys at restaurants. My gay former co-worker use to eye him the same way. 4. He's very close to his mother and doesn't have much father influence 5. He's not very masculine or a gentleman. I get the feeling that he likes to be 'taken care' of and nurtured. 6. He told me throughout high school and uni, he was not attracted to any of the girls in his class even though they liked him The thing that worries me most is the 'looks' he gets from other guys. I've seen it plenty of times when we dine out. He denies they give him a 'look' even though he can tell they're being friendly towards him. Am I being hyper sensitive, or is there something hidden he's not telling me?

10-30-2006, 06:25 AM	#4
Hope75 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: kitteh ville Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 12,503	How does he treat YOU? __________________ Muffin cats need love too. Please refer to the forum rules before posting: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :)

10-30-2006, 07:04 AM	#5
arwen Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	I don't think him getting looks FROM other guys is much of a criterium, I had women checking me out a lot when I had my hair shorter (also not a criterium, I just noticed the difference)-- that didn't influence my heterosexuality at all. If your guy would be gay, I think 'red flags' would be him being flirty or overly aggressive to the guys that eye him (aggressive if he's in denial). If it doesn't bother him at all, I wouldn't think anything of it. Another clue would be if he doesn't seem to really enjoy or initiate sex, or if you find something like a gay dating site where he's registered (I don't recommend snooping for that at all though). You have been with him for two years. Could it just be that you are not attracted to his neat and maybe not-typical-masculine behaviour? Ilse __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

10-30-2006, 10:41 AM	#8
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,881	I dont think that the 6 things you listed are anything conclusive, but they can be stereotypes. What makes a person gay is that they have an interest in being romantically and sexually involved in the same sex. Unless he has an active interest in the same sex then he is not gay. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

10-30-2006, 10:44 AM	#9
I'mThatGirl Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Somewhere Out There Gender: Female Age: 31 Posts: 4,873	The "metrosexual" attributes seem to fit several men I've known that were raised by their mother only. If there was little or no male influence, then they may not reflect those masculine attributes. Have you talked to him about it? I agree that if he's a clean cut, good looking guy, he's going to get the looks from others. __________________ Never make someone your priority when they only make you their option. Never waste time on someone not willing to waste or share time with you. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein Wonder of these days.... how do they sleep at night? How? Is there something I'm missing? In search of. . . . understanding I guess.

10-30-2006, 05:46 AM	#2
TheRedQueen Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: The Far Side Gender: Female Posts: 1,990	Why are you with him if you are so sure that he's gay? How's the sex?

10-30-2006, 06:11 AM	#3
Newo Ikkin Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: None Specified Posts: 520	He just sounds metrosexual to me. Well groomed men (gay or straight) are often bound to get 'looks' from homosexual men! Ask him. If you dont want to right now, wait until/see if the signs get stronger. Right now, the radar looks pretty weak. x

10-30-2006, 10:10 AM	#7
Tigris Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 3,556	I have a friend who looks gay but he isn't. He's 5' 10", slightly built, has small wrists and a waist measuring 28". He looks like he's going to break in two at any moment. He uses his hands to talk a lot and has a caring nature. He was around his Mother and 3 older sisters a lot growing up. He's very considerate where women are concerned and is there when a girl needs a shoulder to cry on. He's been approached by a guy when he left a restaurant and was asked out. He was shocked when it happened and embarrassed. I laughed when he told me. On another occasion I warned him that someone new at work was hitting on him and he didn't even realise. He went out with this guy as a friend to a basketball game and there was no problems, unfortunately they went somewhere on another occasion and the guy tried to kiss him. He told the guy he might be a friend but if he tried anything like that again he'd punch him.

10-30-2006, 10:46 AM	#10
Tigris Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 3,556	If you keep mentioning to him that he looks gay you're going to hurt him. Stop worrying about what sexuality he is and enjoy your time together. If you don't you could soon be single, is that what you want?