having sex too soon in the relationship

SeaBisquit · 10-24-2006, 02:39 PM

hi , i know there has been alot of having sex on the first date threads. but this is different so.... i find myself meeting really nice guys. and i think in order to please them i need to have sex with them to make them happy. afterwards i feel like crap and wish that i hadn't done what i did. now i really like this guy alot and i had sex with him on the first date. now i think he is going to expect sex everytime we get together. i don't know how to make him respect me. i know sometimes it doesn't matter. but really i'm a nice person and i want him to know that.

krnswte143 · 10-24-2006, 02:42 PM

Being intimate in the first stage of dating is not a very good thing to start. I understand how you are feeling. I was like that too. Unfortunately, the relationship dont last long because all they want from you is (sex). I was told you are suppose to wait after 4 - 6 dates before being intimate... but for some ppl they click really fast and feel comfortable.. I started to be intimate w/ my boyfriend after our 5th date. At first i thought it was soon but i felt a connection and i felt comfortable.

SeaBisquit · 10-24-2006, 02:45 PM

i think we definately have a connection. but i feel i ruined it by sleeping with him to soon. i feel that he is not going to respect me much.

laboheme · 10-24-2006, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeaBisquit

i find myself meeting really nice guys. and i think in order to please them i need to have sex with them to make them happy.

I really don't know how to advise you on the situation with this particular guy, but what you said made me wonder...If you feel like you need to have sex with them to make them happy, are they really as nice as you think they are? I don't know, at least to me a truly nice guy would give off the "you don't have to do anything in particular, I just enjoy your company" vibe...

helpme2 · 10-24-2006, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krnswte143

Being intimate in the first stage of dating is not a very good thing to start. I understand how you are feeling. I was like that too. Unfortunately, the relationship dont last long because all they want from you is (sex). I was told you are suppose to wait after 4 - 6 dates before being intimate... but for some ppl they click really fast and feel comfortable.. I started to be intimate w/ my boyfriend after our 5th date. At first i thought it was soon but i felt a connection and i felt comfortable.

therre isn't a certain number of dates to wait before being intimate imo, but you should figure out what you want out of a relationship, what your partner wants, what sex means to you, what it means to them, and what you will do if things don't go swell before you throw sex into the mix.

Day_Walker · 10-24-2006, 03:02 PM

You cannot make him respect you, this guy is either going to be interested in you for the person you are or the sex that you give him. As long as you feel the need to please guys in this fashion you will continue to have sex with them early on instead of developing more compatibility before sleeping with them.

Jamiegirl · 10-24-2006, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeaBisquit

hi , i know there has been alot of having sex on the first date threads. but this is different so.... i find myself meeting really nice guys. and i think in order to please them i need to have sex with them to make them happy. afterwards i feel like crap and wish that i hadn't done what i did. now i really like this guy alot and i had sex with him on the first date. now i think he is going to expect sex everytime we get together. i don't know how to make him respect me. i know sometimes it doesn't matter. but really i'm a nice person and i want him to know that.

If u want to have a long term relationship with someone you should always wait a couple of months before having sex. Thats how u know the guy will be serious and that is how u gain respect. This isnt advice from me... My guy friend told me this. Girls that give it up too easily are easy to quit as well. hopefully this helps u. U dont need to please a guy with you body please him with your mind.

Good Luck

flower99 · 10-24-2006, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeaBisquit

i think we definately have a connection. but i feel i ruined it by sleeping with him to soon. i feel that he is not going to respect me much.

It is always a risk when sleeping with someone too soon (add so many problems and questions)......but it's not always a guarentee that he won't respect you. That depends on the kind of man he is & his feeling for you.

I think the best thing you can do is talk to him.
Tell him you regret sleeping with him so soon. That you do like him & enjoyed it, but you are afraid it may ruin things, and damaged the chance of having something real.
talk to him. It's a good start to the relationship to be honest with how you feel.

SeaBisquit · 10-24-2006, 03:06 PM

i know in some cases it doesn't matter. but i wish i would have waited.

Honey Pumpkin · 10-24-2006, 03:27 PM

Hi there,

I have no axe to grind pro or against having sex on a first date - I think it's wrong to judge anyone else, and sometimes it is what feels right, and that's terrific.

However, I recently met a guy again that I've been crazy about for soooooooooo long. We went out and had a fabulous evening together, and I have never been so tempted to sleep with someone, but I don't know, I was a bit shy or whatever. Anyway, I told him how tempted I was to drag him off to bed, but I wasn't going to that night. He was really nice about it, but I felt a bit bad about mixed messages. The point of this ramble is that he has been *incredibly* sweet and attentive since. So I don't know, I genuinely wasn't playing games about waiting etc, but it does seem to have a really positive effect. Just to be clear, I am absolutely NOT against sleeping with someone early etc, but - maybe there is something to be said for waiting even though you're both desperate to tear each other's clothes off???!

I also read somewhere you should never sleep with a man who you weren't absolutely sure would either cook you breakfast in the morning (ie llet you stay the night) or would get up and take you home no matter how late it was. That seemed like a sensible bit of advice too.

Don't beat yourself up about it, though, seabisquit. Maybe make a rule that for the next few months you're not going to sleep with anyone until you've seen them 3 or 4 times no matter how tempted you are. Not even if it's Johnny Depp. Oh okay, if it's Johnny Depp you can drag him off to bed.... !

10-24-2006, 02:39 PM	#1
SeaBisquit Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 28 Posts: 697	having sex too soon in the relationship hi , i know there has been alot of having sex on the first date threads. but this is different so.... i find myself meeting really nice guys. and i think in order to please them i need to have sex with them to make them happy. afterwards i feel like crap and wish that i hadn't done what i did. now i really like this guy alot and i had sex with him on the first date. now i think he is going to expect sex everytime we get together. i don't know how to make him respect me. i know sometimes it doesn't matter. but really i'm a nice person and i want him to know that. __________________ someone should come up with a man-woman dictionary. something like those English-French ones.

10-24-2006, 02:45 PM	#3
SeaBisquit Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 28 Posts: 697	i think we definately have a connection. but i feel i ruined it by sleeping with him to soon. i feel that he is not going to respect me much. __________________ someone should come up with a man-woman dictionary. something like those English-French ones.

10-24-2006, 03:02 PM	#6
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,882	You cannot make him respect you, this guy is either going to be interested in you for the person you are or the sex that you give him. As long as you feel the need to please guys in this fashion you will continue to have sex with them early on instead of developing more compatibility before sleeping with them. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

10-24-2006, 03:06 PM	#9
SeaBisquit Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 28 Posts: 697	i know in some cases it doesn't matter. but i wish i would have waited. __________________ someone should come up with a man-woman dictionary. something like those English-French ones. Last edited by SeaBisquit; 10-24-2006 at 03:24 PM.

10-24-2006, 03:27 PM	#10
Honey Pumpkin Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 2,396	Hi there, I have no axe to grind pro or against having sex on a first date - I think it's wrong to judge anyone else, and sometimes it is what feels right, and that's terrific. However, I recently met a guy again that I've been crazy about for soooooooooo long. We went out and had a fabulous evening together, and I have never been so tempted to sleep with someone, but I don't know, I was a bit shy or whatever. Anyway, I told him how tempted I was to drag him off to bed, but I wasn't going to that night. He was really nice about it, but I felt a bit bad about mixed messages. The point of this ramble is that he has been incredibly sweet and attentive since. So I don't know, I genuinely wasn't playing games about waiting etc, but it does seem to have a really positive effect. Just to be clear, I am absolutely NOT against sleeping with someone early etc, but - maybe there is something to be said for waiting even though you're both desperate to tear each other's clothes off???! I also read somewhere you should never sleep with a man who you weren't absolutely sure would either cook you breakfast in the morning (ie llet you stay the night) or would get up and take you home no matter how late it was. That seemed like a sensible bit of advice too. Don't beat yourself up about it, though, seabisquit. Maybe make a rule that for the next few months you're not going to sleep with anyone until you've seen them 3 or 4 times no matter how tempted you are. Not even if it's Johnny Depp. Oh okay, if it's Johnny Depp you can drag him off to bed.... ! __________________ “Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand - and melting like a snowflake…” (Francis Bacon, 1561 – 1626)

10-24-2006, 02:42 PM	#2
krnswte143 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 268	Being intimate in the first stage of dating is not a very good thing to start. I understand how you are feeling. I was like that too. Unfortunately, the relationship dont last long because all they want from you is (sex). I was told you are suppose to wait after 4 - 6 dates before being intimate... but for some ppl they click really fast and feel comfortable.. I started to be intimate w/ my boyfriend after our 5th date. At first i thought it was soon but i felt a connection and i felt comfortable.