girlfriend is single mother

markfromark · 10-23-2006, 01:00 PM

so my girlfriend is a single mother (child is 5) and I am starting to realize that her child is the number one priority in her life. I guess that is normal or how it is supposed to be and I wonder how other people deal with a problem like this:

For example I can get her to go with me on a date maybe only once a month. If I suggest to get a baby sitter for a saturday evening she calls me selfish. I love her child but I noticed that she does not seem to have the desire to spend any quality time with me. Maybe that is normal as well, after all a lot of her time is spent dealing with her kid. I do spend time at her house but of course everything revolves around her kid constantly.

There are a lot of stepmoms/stepdads out there and I'd like to know how they are dealing with romance when there kids around all the time.

rose2summer · 10-23-2006, 01:10 PM

Yes, I think it's great that her child is her #1 priority.

The downfall is that you end up feeling neglected.

Can't you get alone time when she puts her child to bed?

It seems like you are being very patient and I commend you for that.

Hugs, Rose

I'mThatGirl · 10-23-2006, 01:12 PM

How long have the two of you been dating? Do you spend alot of time together in general?

Dako · 10-23-2006, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markfromark

so my girlfriend is a single mother (child is 5) and I am starting to realize that her child is the number one priority in her life.

Sounds normal to me. If I were you, I'd be happy to know she's a normal, loving mother. A single mother can be incredibly attached to her kids, especially one as young as five.

I was once friends with a single mother, and her daughter was about 4. I was put off by her lack of care for her daughter.

Momene · 10-23-2006, 01:42 PM

I'm afraid that for most people, the children always come first, even if you are both the natural parents. Yes, our life as a couple has been diminished by having our daughter but, to me, she is very great and we're crazy about her.

heloladies21 · 10-23-2006, 01:46 PM

This isn't about her kid, this is about her lack of interest in you and it's all because of the way you've been handling the relationship. I've read your previous posts and you sound like one of those typical "nice guys" who are actually nice to the point where you're a doormat, don't stick up for yourself, and have a fake smiley all the time attitude. This is what's making her lose interest in you, because she doesn't respect you and doesn't believe you're ginuine with your emotions. This has happened to you before and will keep happening to you again and again until you're willing to make a change in your views and actions.

Momene · 10-23-2006, 01:49 PM

I can see my lecture about setting boundaries coming on ...

under_my_amberella · 10-23-2006, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by heloladies21

This isn't about her kid, this is about her lack of interest in you and it's all because of the way you've been handling the relationship. ..............

This is what's making her lose interest in you, because she doesn't respect you and doesn't believe you're ginuine with your emotions.

My personal opinion is somewhere between this extreme and the other posts.

I think this certainly is about her kid. And, although I have no way to be sure, I would expect that she respects you as a person.

However, she should have some balance. Yes, her child is her #1 priority, but you are also a priority. All parents need to find the balance between their children, their romantic relationships, and 'me' time. It is only healthy and will, ultimately, make her a better mother.

You need to work this out between the two of you.

markfromark · 10-23-2006, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by heloladies21

you sound like one of those typical "nice guys" who are actually nice to the point where you're a doormat, don't stick up for yourself, and have a fake smiley all the time attitude.

... keep happening to you again and again until you're willing to make a change in your views and actions.

where is this coming from? And where would I have to start to change my views about what??

DN · 10-23-2006, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hazey_amber

My personal opinion is somewhere between this extreme and the other posts.

I think this certainly is about her kid. And, although I have no way to be sure, I would expect that she respects you as a person.

However, she should have some balance. Yes, her child is her #1 priority, but you are also a priority. All parents need to find the balance between their children, their romantic relationships, and 'me' time. It is only healthy and will, ultimately, make her a better mother.

You need to work this out between the two of you.

I agree with this post. Children are the first priority but not the only priority.

You should try talking to her about this. Present it as a problem for both of you to fix and suggest some negotiation and compromise from both of you.

10-23-2006, 01:10 PM	#2
rose2summer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 2,382	Yes, I think it's great that her child is her #1 priority. The downfall is that you end up feeling neglected. Can't you get alone time when she puts her child to bed? It seems like you are being very patient and I commend you for that. Hugs, Rose __________________ If life is fulfilled we go away with empty hands. ~Chinese Proverb~ With every failure, there's a chance for success. With every failure, there's a chance to learn. ~Rose~

10-23-2006, 01:12 PM	#3
I'mThatGirl Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Somewhere Out There Gender: Female Age: 31 Posts: 4,873	How long have the two of you been dating? Do you spend alot of time together in general? __________________ Never make someone your priority when they only make you their option. Never waste time on someone not willing to waste or share time with you. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein Wonder of these days.... how do they sleep at night? How? Is there something I'm missing? In search of. . . . understanding I guess.

10-23-2006, 01:00 PM	#1
markfromark Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: west coast Gender: Male Age: 43 Posts: 59	girlfriend is single mother so my girlfriend is a single mother (child is 5) and I am starting to realize that her child is the number one priority in her life. I guess that is normal or how it is supposed to be and I wonder how other people deal with a problem like this: For example I can get her to go with me on a date maybe only once a month. If I suggest to get a baby sitter for a saturday evening she calls me selfish. I love her child but I noticed that she does not seem to have the desire to spend any quality time with me. Maybe that is normal as well, after all a lot of her time is spent dealing with her kid. I do spend time at her house but of course everything revolves around her kid constantly. There are a lot of stepmoms/stepdads out there and I'd like to know how they are dealing with romance when there kids around all the time.

10-23-2006, 01:42 PM	#5
Momene Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Wiltshire Gender: Male Posts: 3,498	I'm afraid that for most people, the children always come first, even if you are both the natural parents. Yes, our life as a couple has been diminished by having our daughter but, to me, she is very great and we're crazy about her.

10-23-2006, 01:46 PM	#6
heloladies21 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 3,897	This isn't about her kid, this is about her lack of interest in you and it's all because of the way you've been handling the relationship. I've read your previous posts and you sound like one of those typical "nice guys" who are actually nice to the point where you're a doormat, don't stick up for yourself, and have a fake smiley all the time attitude. This is what's making her lose interest in you, because she doesn't respect you and doesn't believe you're ginuine with your emotions. This has happened to you before and will keep happening to you again and again until you're willing to make a change in your views and actions.

10-23-2006, 01:49 PM	#7
Momene Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Wiltshire Gender: Male Posts: 3,498	I can see my lecture about setting boundaries coming on ...