Help! My toddler is bitting and pulling hair!

savigota · 10-19-2006, 12:21 AM

Hello everyone:

I have a 22 month old son who has started bitting and pulling hair and will not pay attention when I ask him to stop. He is currently attending preschool but now it has gotten to a point where he has bitten his teacher, a classmate and pulled the hair of two other children.

It all started last month when we went on vacation to my parents house (they live abroad) and we stayed there for a month. He was constantly being stimulated there and pampered since my family never gets to see him so when they do they are all over him. Welll one day he just started bitting everyone. He bites and then smiles and giggles when I scold him. He things of it as a game. I am firm when I tell him that he shouldnt do that because he is hurting "mommy" or whomever he is bitting... instead of stopping he'll try even harder to bite me anywhere.

since i got a complain from his teacher, I started paying close attention to this matter and now at home he won't bite me... he'lll try but then when I ask him not to do that because its not right, because it hurts, etc... he'll stop but then try to bite me in a playful way... and then afterwards will go at his father and REALLy bite him.

I don't know what else to do because both my husband and me are firm with him when he misbehaves in this matter but he doesnt seem to care and will either ignore us or as i said before, will giggle and keep on doing it.

Well after I kind of "controlled" the bitting toward me here in the house, as a sort of complain, when I scold (i hate this word it sounds so strong)him, he starts pulling on my hair... I guess to show disagreement. It has gotten to a point were he will pull my hair(very forcefully by the way) when he doesnt get his way on anything else.

To my surprise today, he strated combining both behaviors in school today and teachers are already telling me that it has become a problem and that I have to do something about it. I don't know what is going through his mind, he does not lack attention of any sort since I am a full time mom and Im always very loving and on top pf things with him. He is our first child and I really want to stop this behavior but I don;t know how. I wouldn't want him to come home from school with a bite mark or a chunk of hair pulled from his head... I would go crazy mad... I feel so frustated that my son would engage in this behavior.

Any ideas on how to address this issue? there haven't been any significant changes in his rutine other than the family vacation we took, and he seemed to have alot of fun... anyways it has been a month since he got back, he should already have gotten his "home rutine" back.

Please help me!

savigota · 10-19-2006, 12:30 AM

forgot to mention that my baby does not talk yet so it is very difficult to communicate with him. I know he understands but since I do not have the ability to communicate with him verbally (ex: :what has mommy told you"? etc) it makes things for frustrating and difficult... Every day on our way to school I start talking to him that he has to be good and not bite his classmeates, etc but I don't think he is even paying attention to me!

Thanks again, and please send me as much advise as possible!

Maverick32x · 10-19-2006, 12:31 AM

Well, i don't know much about raising children.... (since i dont have one) but i took a class, and we discussed two methods of discipline.... Negative Punishment, and Positive Punishment....
Basically, Negative Punishment is when you take something away ( a toy, ability to do something he wants)
Positive Punishment is when you give him something (a spanking, slap on the wrist)
Each of these methods are supposibly useful... I personally dont really support positive punishment, but to each their own.... You may want to look into more ways to discipline than just simply "telling him" maybe he needs to have consequences for his actions? and that will show him that what he is doing will have negative consequences..... (Sorry, I'm speaking like a behaviorist and defintly treating your child like a lab rat;;;; ) but I know there are similiarities espeically at a young age...... Of course REAL mothers/fathers will probably have better advice :b

AwdreeHpburn · 10-19-2006, 12:34 AM

savi - relax - as weird as this is going to sound, it's QUITE normal behaviour for a toddler that age. I'm assuming he's not talking much yet??

Unfortunatley, what he's doing is more instictive than the idea that it is wrong to do those things. That's where we come in. We have to encourage him to NOT do it because it's not OK.

Most often babies and young toddlers bite because they can not express themeselves verbally. Say words to him. "Are you frustrated?" "Are you angry?" "Do YOU want the toy?" Encourage him to use words.

Try to pay attention to WHEN he exhibits the behaviour and ask his teachers to do the same. Most often the biting is reactionary - not simply because he wants to.

If there is something he wants from another child, a toy, his juice etc. he may think to go, "uh." or say, "mine" and when that doesn't get him what he wants, he grabs...hair. And when he's really upset, he'll bite.

Maybe kids are taking things from him and his is only a reaction. If he's using biting to take toys, same premise.

Consistently take his hand and gently rub it across your leg and say, "gentle" or "be nice" He'll start to associate that motion with those words. Soon, all you'll need are the words.

Be firm when he exhibits the biting orhair pulling behaviour with the same consistent punishment. And remind him to use his words. "I want the toy" Or ME want. What ever it is he is able to say.

He'll get it. Be patient, but consistent. And know that he's completely normal...

gnabna · 10-19-2006, 12:39 AM

Hi savigota. I think this website can help. You are not alone so many toddlers go through this stage. One of mine left a horrible mark on another child once I was mortified! I promise if you are consistent this phase will pass. It seems like this only lasted for about 2 and half weeks.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Good luck!

AwdreeHpburn · 10-19-2006, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverick32x

Well, i don't know much about raising children.... (since i dont have one) but i took a class, and we discussed two methods of discipline.... Negative Punishment, and Positive Punishment....
Basically, Negative Punishment is when you take something away ( a toy, ability to do something he wants)
Positive Punishment is when you give him something (a spanking, slap on the wrist)

Just wanted to challenge this - first off, it's an oxymoron - isn't it? Positive punishment?

And also, a slap anywhere is NEVER a good idea, especially for children under two who are exhibiting violent behaviour. That would feed the behaviour, not stop it.

I would like to know where you took a class that said a postive punishment is spanking?!!? I'd like to report that institution to....somewhere! shheeesh!

**melrich** · 10-19-2006, 12:43 AM

Quote:

forgot to mention that my baby does not talk yet so it is very difficult to communicate with him.

Ta Ree has some great advice. I also think the fact that he is not talking is a key. You think you are frustrated, your son will be far more so. He has all this stuff he wants to tell you but he can't and it makes him mad.

My neice did not talk until she was 4 (and even then not very well for a year or two). Her behaviour was very bad, very attention seeking. It cleared up almost overnight when she started talking.

Usually the issue with kids is not the activity itself, the activity is usually a manifestation of frustration or anxiety or anger.

My guess is you boy is starting to recognise that his peers are all talking and that is frustrating the hell out of him. He wants to talk to you and he is mad that he can't.

I agree with Ta Ree, it is biting and hair pulling is not totally unusual for a toddler and I am sure he will grow out of it.

Anna. · 10-19-2006, 12:43 AM

It sounds bad, but bite him or pull his hair back!
It'll make him understand what it feels like.

**melrich** · 10-19-2006, 12:45 AM

Quote:

It sounds bad, but bite him or pull his hair back!

Just in case you don't know this....don't ever do that.

gnabna · 10-19-2006, 12:45 AM

I disagree, NEVER bite a child back EVER! Then they think it is perfectly appropriate behavior.

10-19-2006, 12:21 AM	#1
savigota Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 43	Help! My toddler is bitting and pulling hair! Hello everyone: I have a 22 month old son who has started bitting and pulling hair and will not pay attention when I ask him to stop. He is currently attending preschool but now it has gotten to a point where he has bitten his teacher, a classmate and pulled the hair of two other children. It all started last month when we went on vacation to my parents house (they live abroad) and we stayed there for a month. He was constantly being stimulated there and pampered since my family never gets to see him so when they do they are all over him. Welll one day he just started bitting everyone. He bites and then smiles and giggles when I scold him. He things of it as a game. I am firm when I tell him that he shouldnt do that because he is hurting "mommy" or whomever he is bitting... instead of stopping he'll try even harder to bite me anywhere. since i got a complain from his teacher, I started paying close attention to this matter and now at home he won't bite me... he'lll try but then when I ask him not to do that because its not right, because it hurts, etc... he'll stop but then try to bite me in a playful way... and then afterwards will go at his father and REALLy bite him. I don't know what else to do because both my husband and me are firm with him when he misbehaves in this matter but he doesnt seem to care and will either ignore us or as i said before, will giggle and keep on doing it. Well after I kind of "controlled" the bitting toward me here in the house, as a sort of complain, when I scold (i hate this word it sounds so strong)him, he starts pulling on my hair... I guess to show disagreement. It has gotten to a point were he will pull my hair(very forcefully by the way) when he doesnt get his way on anything else. To my surprise today, he strated combining both behaviors in school today and teachers are already telling me that it has become a problem and that I have to do something about it. I don't know what is going through his mind, he does not lack attention of any sort since I am a full time mom and Im always very loving and on top pf things with him. He is our first child and I really want to stop this behavior but I don;t know how. I wouldn't want him to come home from school with a bite mark or a chunk of hair pulled from his head... I would go crazy mad... I feel so frustated that my son would engage in this behavior. Any ideas on how to address this issue? there haven't been any significant changes in his rutine other than the family vacation we took, and he seemed to have alot of fun... anyways it has been a month since he got back, he should already have gotten his "home rutine" back. Please help me!

10-19-2006, 12:34 AM	#4
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,639	savi - relax - as weird as this is going to sound, it's QUITE normal behaviour for a toddler that age. I'm assuming he's not talking much yet?? Unfortunatley, what he's doing is more instictive than the idea that it is wrong to do those things. That's where we come in. We have to encourage him to NOT do it because it's not OK. Most often babies and young toddlers bite because they can not express themeselves verbally. Say words to him. "Are you frustrated?" "Are you angry?" "Do YOU want the toy?" Encourage him to use words. Try to pay attention to WHEN he exhibits the behaviour and ask his teachers to do the same. Most often the biting is reactionary - not simply because he wants to. If there is something he wants from another child, a toy, his juice etc. he may think to go, "uh." or say, "mine" and when that doesn't get him what he wants, he grabs...hair. And when he's really upset, he'll bite. Maybe kids are taking things from him and his is only a reaction. If he's using biting to take toys, same premise. Consistently take his hand and gently rub it across your leg and say, "gentle" or "be nice" He'll start to associate that motion with those words. Soon, all you'll need are the words. Be firm when he exhibits the biting orhair pulling behaviour with the same consistent punishment. And remind him to use his words. "I want the toy" Or ME want. What ever it is he is able to say. He'll get it. Be patient, but consistent. And know that he's completely normal... __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

10-19-2006, 12:43 AM	#8
Anna. Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: the South US Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 836	It sounds bad, but bite him or pull his hair back! It'll make him understand what it feels like. __________________ I opened my eyes And looked up at the rain And it dripped in my head And flowed in my brain, And all that I hear as I lie in my bed Is the slisity-slosh of the rain in my head. -Shel Silverstein

10-19-2006, 12:30 AM	#2
savigota Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 43	forgot to mention that my baby does not talk yet so it is very difficult to communicate with him. I know he understands but since I do not have the ability to communicate with him verbally (ex: :what has mommy told you"? etc) it makes things for frustrating and difficult... Every day on our way to school I start talking to him that he has to be good and not bite his classmeates, etc but I don't think he is even paying attention to me! Thanks again, and please send me as much advise as possible!

10-19-2006, 12:31 AM	#3
Maverick32x Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: IL Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 1,010	Well, i don't know much about raising children.... (since i dont have one) but i took a class, and we discussed two methods of discipline.... Negative Punishment, and Positive Punishment.... Basically, Negative Punishment is when you take something away ( a toy, ability to do something he wants) Positive Punishment is when you give him something (a spanking, slap on the wrist) Each of these methods are supposibly useful... I personally dont really support positive punishment, but to each their own.... You may want to look into more ways to discipline than just simply "telling him" maybe he needs to have consequences for his actions? and that will show him that what he is doing will have negative consequences..... (Sorry, I'm speaking like a behaviorist and defintly treating your child like a lab rat;;;; ) but I know there are similiarities espeically at a young age...... Of course REAL mothers/fathers will probably have better advice :b

10-19-2006, 12:39 AM	#5
gnabna Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 99	Hi savigota. I think this website can help. You are not alone so many toddlers go through this stage. One of mine left a horrible mark on another child once I was mortified! I promise if you are consistent this phase will pass. It seems like this only lasted for about 2 and half weeks. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] Good luck!

10-19-2006, 12:45 AM	#10
gnabna Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 99	I disagree, NEVER bite a child back EVER! Then they think it is perfectly appropriate behavior.