Please help me

Ohsoconfuzzled · 10-17-2006, 04:33 AM

Hi I was wondering if any of you would be willing to help me with this if not ok

. Please forgive the awful posting format that will most likely ensue

So I met her about a year to two ago over a game to start out with neither of us knew (i suppose she did) the other was a member of the oppisite sex and the like. So we chatted in game for about a month before she asked me to get a IM program to talk to her while she was at work so of course i did. For about 6 months we just played the game together talked while she was at work or away at university and would play when she came back on the weekends. She was only supposed to come back once a month and originally thats what she did but gradually she would come back every single weekend and play this game with me for most if not all the weekend. Finally she asked me to get ventrilo (a microphone based communication thing) and a headset so we could actually talk she was interested in hearing me and i was wondering if she was an actualy girl never know people are creeps. So then we started playing the game and talking on ventrilo for 10+ hours a day usually and then when she had to go to bed she would bring her laptop downstairs so we could talk over IMs. So around christmas time last year she went away for about a 2-3 weeks during which time we didnt talk and i got really um i guess lonely would most accurately describe the feeling though i didnt know why. So on new years i debated calling her and wishing her a happy new years but ultimately decided not to as my gut got the best of me. When she arrived home the next day the first thing she did before unpacking was get on to see me we both went into how much we had missed each other and then later that evening she tried to tell me about how she felt. Halfway through it my computer went dead. Never been forgiven for that either.

Ok so flash forward we have been talking since then about it meeting each other and whatnot she has gone on 2 or 3 vacations of 3 weeks+ during which she spends a large portion of that time on her computer talking to me. Every once in awhile she will get really upset over something or her sisters will make some comment about her being a pedophile and that she would go to jail since i was 17 at the time and she is 20+. When they did this she would sometimes tell me that she didnt want to talk about this anymore and would want to go back to being just friends to which i would comply since i really adore her as a person and want her in my life either way. So the most recent bout with the "dont like me anymore" has come about as of late and it is the longest in duration by quite a substantial period a week+ or so. We have been getting into arguments as of late over tiny things and she has barely been around which is usual for this ordeal. But im left wondering if she is serious this time and if she is how do we stop the arguing because i cant stand to see her upset it tears me apart but yet we cant seem to stop arguing about stuff. It is very tough for me to ignore how i feel about her but should i just pretend like i dont like her anymore? Since that is what she is asking of me or should i be honest as i usually am (white lies excluded) and tell her that i still feel the same way about her.

Another issue between us has always been that i dont know exactly what i want from the ""relationship"" except that i just want to be around her where as she has always said she doesnt want a relationship and yet it has always moved in that direction and she was more than happy to be there.

Any thoughts on what i should do or how i can express myself more clearly would be greatly appreciated if anyone has actually read this thank you for doing so whether you reply or not and even if you dont read this it was nice to get off my chest so thanks.

Honey_30 · 10-17-2006, 11:01 AM

call her bluff. you dissappear for a week. see if she misses you,seems to me its all a little one sided. with you being the steady one and her being kind of on / off and on again.
i wouldnt lie about how you feel, but i guess if she only wanted to be friends you have to seriously ask yourself if you can deal with that.
sorry i dont have more useful advise for you, but im going through a crappy online thing myself at the minute and im questioning the whole online romance thing

AngelEyez · 10-17-2006, 11:46 AM

Hey There!

I was in the same situation as you. Last summer I met this guy on an on-line computer game (Call of Duty 2). He was 16 and I was 18. We talked on ventrilo for hours on end. We even considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend, even though we never really met. We would even chat on the phone sometimes. It had gone on like this for 6 months and I had already told my parents about him. I was wondering if he had told his parents. He said he hasn't, but he will get to it. I waited months and asked him again. He then replied that he was embarrassed that he liked a girl off the internet. He then ended it because he thought I was pressuring him into telling his parents. Whatever, he was a d*ckwad anyways

. But, it was hard for me to realize that he just totally stopped caring. His feelings about me changed in a matter of a week. It was bullcrap!

I had continued to play the computer game solo

. I met another guy who also played. We became friends and I had explained to him what that doofus did to me. He sympathized with me. Then he asked if I had a second chance at a long distance relationship, would I consider doing it again? I said, "No. It's a waste to love someone on the computer." A month later, he had convinced me that we should meet and that he has strong faith in us to being something more than just on-line friends. I had considered this for such a long time. To see him or not to see him? I finally wanted to take the biggest risk in my life. I flew to the U.S. (I live in Canada) and I met him. He picked me up from the airport. By the way, he's 17 and I'm 19. We met this past summer of 2006. I had the best time ever. Before this, I thought on-line relationships would be a waste. Now this evolved to us being a couple!

Of course it takes more effort than a short distance relationship, but I love him. I'm seeing him again during Christmas! This shows that it can work out between you and the girl as long as she's committed as you are. You also mentioned that her sisters make comments about pedofile business. It was the same in my situation. My parents were worried for me when I flew to the U.S., but I had seen him on webcam many times, and I trusted him. My friends made jokes about him being some on-line pervert. I got frustrated, but I laughed it off, and said, "Oh well."

She may deal with this situation differently. Try to make her understand that she shouldn't care what other people will say. The previous guy before my boyfriend was embarrassed and ashamed for liking me. What is that about? After talking to him for over 8 months, he tells me that. I was devasted. He gave me false hope. That's not needed in life.

Ohsoconfuzzled · 10-23-2006, 12:07 AM

Ok so idk if anyone has bothered to read this but i have been doing just what was suggested here and she called me today.... in tears she sounds so depressed i dont even know what to say to her she wont tell me what is wrong and just keeps crying. Doesnt want me to go but wont talk to me. I have absolutely no idea what to say or do to make her feel better Im having flowers delivered to her house via her sister but besides that i have no clue...

any help would be greatly appreciated

Ohsoconfuzzled · 10-23-2006, 05:47 AM

ok if anyone is reading this i need a reply asap she is telling me that she is going to hurt herself so that she can get the help she needs (makes no sense to me) i cant think ratioanally as all i can do is cry. First instinct was to call the house phone which was disconnected she lives a long distance so i would have to fly and am looking into that option if anyone has any advice i would love you for it please

Axel<3'sRoxas · 10-24-2006, 08:10 PM

Tell her to calm down, keep asking what's wrong but let her know that you've got all the time in the world for her to be able to tell you. Keep away from the subject of self harm when talking, or anything that might trigger her off.

10-17-2006, 04:33 AM	#1
Ohsoconfuzzled Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3	Please help me Hi I was wondering if any of you would be willing to help me with this if not ok . Please forgive the awful posting format that will most likely ensue So I met her about a year to two ago over a game to start out with neither of us knew (i suppose she did) the other was a member of the oppisite sex and the like. So we chatted in game for about a month before she asked me to get a IM program to talk to her while she was at work so of course i did. For about 6 months we just played the game together talked while she was at work or away at university and would play when she came back on the weekends. She was only supposed to come back once a month and originally thats what she did but gradually she would come back every single weekend and play this game with me for most if not all the weekend. Finally she asked me to get ventrilo (a microphone based communication thing) and a headset so we could actually talk she was interested in hearing me and i was wondering if she was an actualy girl never know people are creeps. So then we started playing the game and talking on ventrilo for 10+ hours a day usually and then when she had to go to bed she would bring her laptop downstairs so we could talk over IMs. So around christmas time last year she went away for about a 2-3 weeks during which time we didnt talk and i got really um i guess lonely would most accurately describe the feeling though i didnt know why. So on new years i debated calling her and wishing her a happy new years but ultimately decided not to as my gut got the best of me. When she arrived home the next day the first thing she did before unpacking was get on to see me we both went into how much we had missed each other and then later that evening she tried to tell me about how she felt. Halfway through it my computer went dead. Never been forgiven for that either. Ok so flash forward we have been talking since then about it meeting each other and whatnot she has gone on 2 or 3 vacations of 3 weeks+ during which she spends a large portion of that time on her computer talking to me. Every once in awhile she will get really upset over something or her sisters will make some comment about her being a pedophile and that she would go to jail since i was 17 at the time and she is 20+. When they did this she would sometimes tell me that she didnt want to talk about this anymore and would want to go back to being just friends to which i would comply since i really adore her as a person and want her in my life either way. So the most recent bout with the "dont like me anymore" has come about as of late and it is the longest in duration by quite a substantial period a week+ or so. We have been getting into arguments as of late over tiny things and she has barely been around which is usual for this ordeal. But im left wondering if she is serious this time and if she is how do we stop the arguing because i cant stand to see her upset it tears me apart but yet we cant seem to stop arguing about stuff. It is very tough for me to ignore how i feel about her but should i just pretend like i dont like her anymore? Since that is what she is asking of me or should i be honest as i usually am (white lies excluded) and tell her that i still feel the same way about her. Another issue between us has always been that i dont know exactly what i want from the ""relationship"" except that i just want to be around her where as she has always said she doesnt want a relationship and yet it has always moved in that direction and she was more than happy to be there. Any thoughts on what i should do or how i can express myself more clearly would be greatly appreciated if anyone has actually read this thank you for doing so whether you reply or not and even if you dont read this it was nice to get off my chest so thanks.

10-17-2006, 11:46 AM	#3
AngelEyez Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 419	Hey There! I was in the same situation as you. Last summer I met this guy on an on-line computer game (Call of Duty 2). He was 16 and I was 18. We talked on ventrilo for hours on end. We even considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend, even though we never really met. We would even chat on the phone sometimes. It had gone on like this for 6 months and I had already told my parents about him. I was wondering if he had told his parents. He said he hasn't, but he will get to it. I waited months and asked him again. He then replied that he was embarrassed that he liked a girl off the internet. He then ended it because he thought I was pressuring him into telling his parents. Whatever, he was a dckwad anyways . But, it was hard for me to realize that he just totally stopped caring. His feelings about me changed in a matter of a week. It was bullcrap! I had continued to play the computer game solo . I met another guy who also played. We became friends and I had explained to him what that doofus did to me. He sympathized with me. Then he asked if I had a second chance at a long distance relationship, would I consider doing it again? I said, "No. It's a waste to love someone on the computer." A month later, he had convinced me that we should meet and that he has strong faith in us to being something more than just on-line friends. I had considered this for such a long time. To see him or not to see him? I finally wanted to take the biggest risk in my life. I flew to the U.S. (I live in Canada) and I met him. He picked me up from the airport. By the way, he's 17 and I'm 19. We met this past summer of 2006. I had the best time ever. Before this, I thought on-line relationships would be a waste. Now this evolved to us being a couple! Of course it takes more effort than a short distance relationship, but I love him. I'm seeing him again during Christmas! This shows that it can work out between you and the girl as long as she's committed as you are. You also mentioned that her sisters make comments about pedofile business. It was the same in my situation. My parents were worried for me when I flew to the U.S., but I had seen him on webcam many times, and I trusted him. My friends made jokes about him being some on-line pervert. I got frustrated, but I laughed it off, and said, "Oh well." She may deal with this situation differently. Try to make her understand that she shouldn't care what other people will say. The previous guy before my boyfriend was embarrassed and ashamed for liking me. What is that about? After talking to him for over 8 months, he tells me that. I was devasted. He gave me false hope. That's not needed in life. __________________ ()¤·.¸¸.×º¤Ångel¤º´Eyez¤º×.¸¸.·¤(*)

10-17-2006, 11:01 AM	#2
Honey_30 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Posts: 72	call her bluff. you dissappear for a week. see if she misses you,seems to me its all a little one sided. with you being the steady one and her being kind of on / off and on again. i wouldnt lie about how you feel, but i guess if she only wanted to be friends you have to seriously ask yourself if you can deal with that. sorry i dont have more useful advise for you, but im going through a crappy online thing myself at the minute and im questioning the whole online romance thing

10-23-2006, 12:07 AM	#4
Ohsoconfuzzled Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3	Ok so idk if anyone has bothered to read this but i have been doing just what was suggested here and she called me today.... in tears she sounds so depressed i dont even know what to say to her she wont tell me what is wrong and just keeps crying. Doesnt want me to go but wont talk to me. I have absolutely no idea what to say or do to make her feel better Im having flowers delivered to her house via her sister but besides that i have no clue... any help would be greatly appreciated

10-23-2006, 05:47 AM	#5
Ohsoconfuzzled Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3	ok if anyone is reading this i need a reply asap she is telling me that she is going to hurt herself so that she can get the help she needs (makes no sense to me) i cant think ratioanally as all i can do is cry. First instinct was to call the house phone which was disconnected she lives a long distance so i would have to fly and am looking into that option if anyone has any advice i would love you for it please

10-24-2006, 08:10 PM	#6
Axel<3'sRoxas Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: U.K Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 100	Tell her to calm down, keep asking what's wrong but let her know that you've got all the time in the world for her to be able to tell you. Keep away from the subject of self harm when talking, or anything that might trigger her off.