I'll see her in a month, and im stressing myself out

joeG · 10-09-2006, 02:00 PM

Hello fellow enotaloners. Iv'e been incognito the past couple weeks, trying to get my head on straight. For those of you that haven't read my initial post. I was in a relationship for a year, known eachother 5. Lived together for the last 10 months of the relationship. Towards the end of July we had a disagreement on where to move to. I decided to leave, moved 7 hours away. We broke up a week later. I say it was her, she seems to think it was me that "broke it off". Broke up August 10th, went into a week of NC on both sides. She started calling, and has been the initiater of the calls since.

Since we split, she calls everyday/every other day. Conversation always starts off casual. We laugh, joke around. She always asks question after question about what Im doing, if Im dating, if Ive "slept" with anyone yet, etc. And yes, I know, "She's probably the one doing it, and feeling guilty". She swears up and down she's been with no one, which I could easily believe being it takes her getting to know someone pretty well before getting sexual. (She was sexually abused by her step father at a young age).

Anyway, after we split, I decided I was going to move back to my homestate (like me and her had planned). Before I got a chance to leave (Im on the westcoast, homestate is Midwest), I got a call from my sister in law to help film this movie. The pay is great, so I decided to stick around for that. Which brings me to today. I leave in a week, to move in with my sister in law for a month while the movie is being filmed. My sister in law is my ex's aunt (not blood). So instead of being 7 hours away, i'll be for hours from her. She knows Im going down there, and for the past couple weeks have asked me to "come visit, it'll be fun" on a couple occasions. Iv'e declined. We haven't seen eachother since the end of July, and I'm not gonna lie, I miss her like crazy.

She still tells me she loves me everyday. I tried the whole "nc letter" about a month ago, she cried like a baby, made me feel bad, so I continued contact with her. If I dont answer the phone, she will call 4-5 times in a row. When I do get back to her its always "Why didnt you answer, what were you doing" she has major insecurity issues because of her past, but when we do talk now, she still acts like my gf. She brings up past memories constantly. Has said things like "Well maybe if you had just proposed you wouldnt of left me here" stupid things. I always change the subject, or just laugh at her.

Thing is, I told her I wanted to see her after this movie was done being filmed. She agreed. But I can tell she's nervous about it. I asked her if she wanted me to come down there, or if she wanted to fly up to her sister in laws. She said she'd rather come there, which is fine, I know she never gets away from her own family drama. I'm just completely torn with what to do.

I dont know if I want to move back to my homestate period. Even if me and the ex didn't get back together. I think I only want to go back, cuz its comfortable for me, and I have a lot of friends there. She doesn't know this, but a big part of my decision is weighing on how our meeting goes. Which I know that shouldnt determine where I wanna go in my life. But if I do end up moving "home" we'll be 1500 miles apart, and there is no going back from there for me. If I go home, that's it...and I guess im scared of that.

She's sat and tried to convince me to just "stay in the bay area". Which is 4 hours away from her. Everytime I bring up my homestate she thinks of reasons why I shouldnt go. We're both extremely stubborn, and have strong personalities. Hence the reason I refuse to crumble for her. Do I want her back? yes. I just dont know that Im willing to fight til im blue in the face for her.

Its obvious she still has strong feelings for me. She called yesterday, she was sick and had a "bad day, everyone was pissing her off" we talked for a good half hour, had her laughing and I said "Well you sound like youre feeling better" she said "I still feel sick, but my moods a lot better". A part of me felt like, she just called cuz she KNOWS how I am. I'm always making jokes, so im thinking "Did she call just to get a laugh" or "Did she call because Im the only one that can make her feel better", somedays I could care less if I talk to her, somedays I think Id be better off without her.

Then theres days like today. That I just want all this <mod edit> over with. I want to know where I stand, I want to know where we stand. I know that us seeing eachother will make things a lot clearer. I'm extremely nervous about that encounter. And its still a month away.

Any advice, thoughts, opinions, are appreciated. I'm having a down day, just need a little kick in the <mod edit>. Thanks.

DN · 10-09-2006, 02:46 PM

My wife emigrated from Canada to England when we got married. A year later we emigrated to Canada because of better opportunities. I have never regretted it. Canada is now my home because that is where my family is.

Bottom line: home is where your heart is. If you love each other enough you should be able to work this out if you can compromise.

joeG · 10-09-2006, 03:35 PM

you're right. and my heart is with her. but these past 2 months have been a eye opening experience as well as an extremely confusing state for me. all these phone calls. her tears, telling me she misses me, calling me for comfort as she has always done. either you want me or you dont.

i know she's scared to see me. we haven't seen eachother since I left, and it was a very very emotional time. iv'e never in my life, seen someone break down like she did. even though we "agreed" on a long distance relationship, i knew when i left that day, that was it. now im left second guessing myself. maybe i should of stuck it out, for us. i just couldnt live in that inviornment.

i just wish i could read into why she still acts the way she does. she wont use the term "friends" when we talk. and its getting to the point, we're either going to get back together, or im going to have a lot of anger towards her, which i dont want.

i just hope i can stick it out til Nov.

DN · 10-09-2006, 04:03 PM

If where you lived wasn't an issue - would you marry her?

joeG · 10-10-2006, 12:36 PM

marry? I don't know that we're all that ready for that step. Commit fully, in hopes of marriage, yes.

She called this morning 6 am, I was actually just falling asleep (went out lastnight). Who the hell calls people at 6 am? I answered with "What are you doing calling so damn early" she says "I just wanted to call and tell you I love you, I had to wake up early to get my sister ready for school" OK?

We talk for a little while. She tells me how cold it is there, and how she really misses snuggling up. I said "Dont bring all this up right now" she kept on "Really, I miss cuddling with you so much". I really dont remember much else of the convo, other than telling her I was going back to bed lol.

Another thing. I'm currently staying with my mother for another week. My mom has known my ex as long as I have, and they always got along great. The ex called lastnight while I was sleeping, my mom had, had a couple drinks. I woke up to my mom telling me I was supposed to call the ex back.

I call her back, she tells me how her and my mother had a nice convo. I asked about what. She said "Well, she was just saying how she's worried about you, because she knows you're not sure on where you want to live". I figured no big deal. Until the ex said "Yeah, she said you were thinking either back to your homestate of back DOWN HERE" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

First of all, Iv'e never expressed to my mother I wanted to move back down to my ex's homestate. I think she thought she was helping out, but in reality she made me look like a fool. I told my ex, she had been drinking and I had not said that, but she seemed all excited. Started making jokes about it.

Now she's calling at 6 am?

joeG · 10-11-2006, 01:07 PM

She phoned again this morning, 7:30 am. I was awake already so I answered. I said "So is this a daily thing now, you calling at the butt crack of dawn" she said "No, I just like hearing your voice" allllllright. We chit chatted for a good hour, about life, her little sister, my family etc. Didn't talk about "us", which we rarely do anyway.

She told me she into an old aquaintence of ours a few days ago. And he asked "Where her bf is?" she told him I was back in XXXX, and he said "Oh, are you guys still together" she replied with "We are taking things day by day".

I was unaware we were taking things day by day. It's funny how we communicate great, always have, yet I didn't know we were taking things "day by day".

I realize some of you are probably thinking "You are an idiot, she obviously still wants to be with you", or "You are an idiot, stop talking to her". What is going on here?

10-09-2006, 02:00 PM	#1
joeG Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Midwest Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 66	I'll see her in a month, and im stressing myself out Hello fellow enotaloners. Iv'e been incognito the past couple weeks, trying to get my head on straight. For those of you that haven't read my initial post. I was in a relationship for a year, known eachother 5. Lived together for the last 10 months of the relationship. Towards the end of July we had a disagreement on where to move to. I decided to leave, moved 7 hours away. We broke up a week later. I say it was her, she seems to think it was me that "broke it off". Broke up August 10th, went into a week of NC on both sides. She started calling, and has been the initiater of the calls since. Since we split, she calls everyday/every other day. Conversation always starts off casual. We laugh, joke around. She always asks question after question about what Im doing, if Im dating, if Ive "slept" with anyone yet, etc. And yes, I know, "She's probably the one doing it, and feeling guilty". She swears up and down she's been with no one, which I could easily believe being it takes her getting to know someone pretty well before getting sexual. (She was sexually abused by her step father at a young age). Anyway, after we split, I decided I was going to move back to my homestate (like me and her had planned). Before I got a chance to leave (Im on the westcoast, homestate is Midwest), I got a call from my sister in law to help film this movie. The pay is great, so I decided to stick around for that. Which brings me to today. I leave in a week, to move in with my sister in law for a month while the movie is being filmed. My sister in law is my ex's aunt (not blood). So instead of being 7 hours away, i'll be for hours from her. She knows Im going down there, and for the past couple weeks have asked me to "come visit, it'll be fun" on a couple occasions. Iv'e declined. We haven't seen eachother since the end of July, and I'm not gonna lie, I miss her like crazy. She still tells me she loves me everyday. I tried the whole "nc letter" about a month ago, she cried like a baby, made me feel bad, so I continued contact with her. If I dont answer the phone, she will call 4-5 times in a row. When I do get back to her its always "Why didnt you answer, what were you doing" she has major insecurity issues because of her past, but when we do talk now, she still acts like my gf. She brings up past memories constantly. Has said things like "Well maybe if you had just proposed you wouldnt of left me here" stupid things. I always change the subject, or just laugh at her. Thing is, I told her I wanted to see her after this movie was done being filmed. She agreed. But I can tell she's nervous about it. I asked her if she wanted me to come down there, or if she wanted to fly up to her sister in laws. She said she'd rather come there, which is fine, I know she never gets away from her own family drama. I'm just completely torn with what to do. I dont know if I want to move back to my homestate period. Even if me and the ex didn't get back together. I think I only want to go back, cuz its comfortable for me, and I have a lot of friends there. She doesn't know this, but a big part of my decision is weighing on how our meeting goes. Which I know that shouldnt determine where I wanna go in my life. But if I do end up moving "home" we'll be 1500 miles apart, and there is no going back from there for me. If I go home, that's it...and I guess im scared of that. She's sat and tried to convince me to just "stay in the bay area". Which is 4 hours away from her. Everytime I bring up my homestate she thinks of reasons why I shouldnt go. We're both extremely stubborn, and have strong personalities. Hence the reason I refuse to crumble for her. Do I want her back? yes. I just dont know that Im willing to fight til im blue in the face for her. Its obvious she still has strong feelings for me. She called yesterday, she was sick and had a "bad day, everyone was pissing her off" we talked for a good half hour, had her laughing and I said "Well you sound like youre feeling better" she said "I still feel sick, but my moods a lot better". A part of me felt like, she just called cuz she KNOWS how I am. I'm always making jokes, so im thinking "Did she call just to get a laugh" or "Did she call because Im the only one that can make her feel better", somedays I could care less if I talk to her, somedays I think Id be better off without her. Then theres days like today. That I just want all this <mod edit> over with. I want to know where I stand, I want to know where we stand. I know that us seeing eachother will make things a lot clearer. I'm extremely nervous about that encounter. And its still a month away. Any advice, thoughts, opinions, are appreciated. I'm having a down day, just need a little kick in the <mod edit>. Thanks. Last edited by DN; 10-09-2006 at 02:44 PM. Reason: language

10-09-2006, 02:46 PM	#2
DN Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,445	My wife emigrated from Canada to England when we got married. A year later we emigrated to Canada because of better opportunities. I have never regretted it. Canada is now my home because that is where my family is. Bottom line: home is where your heart is. If you love each other enough you should be able to work this out if you can compromise. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

10-09-2006, 04:03 PM	#4
DN Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,445	If where you lived wasn't an issue - would you marry her? __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

10-09-2006, 03:35 PM	#3
joeG Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Midwest Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 66	you're right. and my heart is with her. but these past 2 months have been a eye opening experience as well as an extremely confusing state for me. all these phone calls. her tears, telling me she misses me, calling me for comfort as she has always done. either you want me or you dont. i know she's scared to see me. we haven't seen eachother since I left, and it was a very very emotional time. iv'e never in my life, seen someone break down like she did. even though we "agreed" on a long distance relationship, i knew when i left that day, that was it. now im left second guessing myself. maybe i should of stuck it out, for us. i just couldnt live in that inviornment. i just wish i could read into why she still acts the way she does. she wont use the term "friends" when we talk. and its getting to the point, we're either going to get back together, or im going to have a lot of anger towards her, which i dont want. i just hope i can stick it out til Nov.

10-10-2006, 12:36 PM	#5
joeG Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Midwest Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 66	marry? I don't know that we're all that ready for that step. Commit fully, in hopes of marriage, yes. She called this morning 6 am, I was actually just falling asleep (went out lastnight). Who the hell calls people at 6 am? I answered with "What are you doing calling so damn early" she says "I just wanted to call and tell you I love you, I had to wake up early to get my sister ready for school" OK? We talk for a little while. She tells me how cold it is there, and how she really misses snuggling up. I said "Dont bring all this up right now" she kept on "Really, I miss cuddling with you so much". I really dont remember much else of the convo, other than telling her I was going back to bed lol. Another thing. I'm currently staying with my mother for another week. My mom has known my ex as long as I have, and they always got along great. The ex called lastnight while I was sleeping, my mom had, had a couple drinks. I woke up to my mom telling me I was supposed to call the ex back. I call her back, she tells me how her and my mother had a nice convo. I asked about what. She said "Well, she was just saying how she's worried about you, because she knows you're not sure on where you want to live". I figured no big deal. Until the ex said "Yeah, she said you were thinking either back to your homestate of back DOWN HERE" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? First of all, Iv'e never expressed to my mother I wanted to move back down to my ex's homestate. I think she thought she was helping out, but in reality she made me look like a fool. I told my ex, she had been drinking and I had not said that, but she seemed all excited. Started making jokes about it. Now she's calling at 6 am?

10-11-2006, 01:07 PM	#6
joeG Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Midwest Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 66	She phoned again this morning, 7:30 am. I was awake already so I answered. I said "So is this a daily thing now, you calling at the butt crack of dawn" she said "No, I just like hearing your voice" allllllright. We chit chatted for a good hour, about life, her little sister, my family etc. Didn't talk about "us", which we rarely do anyway. She told me she into an old aquaintence of ours a few days ago. And he asked "Where her bf is?" she told him I was back in XXXX, and he said "Oh, are you guys still together" she replied with "We are taking things day by day". I was unaware we were taking things day by day. It's funny how we communicate great, always have, yet I didn't know we were taking things "day by day". I realize some of you are probably thinking "You are an idiot, she obviously still wants to be with you", or "You are an idiot, stop talking to her". What is going on here?