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Thread: girlfriend doesn't trust me!!!!

  1. #1
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    girlfriend doesn't trust me!!!!

    Things have been pretty decent with my girl lately. I've written a few other posts about her recently and in the past.

    I thought things were getting better between us but something happened today that let me know they probably aren't. - I call her about an hour ago to see how she's doing. I wake her so at first she doesn't have much to say because she's just waking up, still a bit disoriented.

    But we're not on the phone for 5 minutes and she's telling me she has a bad feeling about a certain webpage that I have. Now, everyone and their mama has a MySpace account. I've had mine for over a year, whatever, that's not important.

    She starts telling me that she wants us to delete our accounts because it's causing too many problems in our relationship. Says she's having all these bad feelings and she doesn't believe anything I tell her when it comes to what I do on the website.

    Now, I don't want you thinking this is me fighting with her simply to keep my Myspace account, because I could care less about the account. She loves saying that I don't want to delete it because it's more important to me than our relationship (is that something that all women say when they're not getting their way??) just a question.

    I'm a pretty attractive guy so naturally there are ladies hitting me up all the time on the site. the send notes and comments and whatever; those of you who have a myspace know the routine. - Now I have pictures of the two of us, of our son, along with my family and friends on my page. It clearly states that I'm in a relationship and from the looks of the pictures you can easily see that I'm in a relationship.

    For some reason she's having these 'bad feelings' about me having a page, saying that I let ladies 'disrespect our relationship'. Saying I let ladies disrespect her. Saying I let ladies 'cross the line', and saying I flirt right back when they do. - - She even told me today, "the girls probably tell you, 'oh you're so fine. I wanna **** you!' and you don't say anything! you just let them say it!!" - -

    In all honesty women have spoken to me like that IN PERSON and it's a turn off. Why would it 'magically' turn me on 'cause they say the same things on the internet? - She has done nothing but ASSUME I let ladies disrespect her and the relationship. She ASSUMES I play along when they cross line.

    The thing about this has been an issue before. She asked, "When you talk to these girls online do you keep it strictly 'online'?" I told her my answer and she immediately didn't believe me. In the past (when we weren't together) I met 3 girls and we've stayed pretty good friends since; nothing ever happened between us because I didn't want it to. They may have wanted to, but I didn't. But since she and I got back together a couple of months ago I haven't done anything like that. I've NEVER let anyone disrespect her our relationship. - As a matter of fact, the ladies that contact me always make comments like, "congrats on your beautiful son. you have a beautiful family" "Your girlfriend is beautiful!" - Whether they mean it or not I don't know, but no one as EVER disrespected our relationship.

    I tell her these things and it doesn't matter. She doesn't believe me; she says "I don't believe you're being totally honest with me." ?!!! - I don't know what else to tell her; this is extremely frustrating. - - Then she'll say, if you won't delete the page I want your password. SIKE!!! - I don't invade her personal space so I'm not letting her invide mine just because she has a 'bad feeling'.

    It's all a matter of TRUST to me. If she can't take my word for it then she just doesn't trust me, plane and simple. I haven't done ANYTHING wrong for her to 'THINK' anything is going on so why should I suffer because she's a little uneasy? - I feel when she asked me the first time...and i gave her my answer....that should've been the END of that issue. But she brought it up again once I got out here (I'm deployed) about 4 weeks ago. I tell her the same answer and she give me the same treatment she gave me today. - THEN she asks me again today out of nowhere!!

    I feel if she couldn't take my FIRST answer from the get go that's showing me she has no TRUST in what I say. - - - She says she does. I tell her she can say she trusts me 'till she's blue in the face, but she doesn't, because if she DID then this myspace thing wouldn't be an issue. Am I right? Yes? No? let me know... - - -

    I tell her she can't say anything to me when it comes to trust because there was a point when she was staying with some guy she worked with 'cause she her mom kicked her out of the house. She was staying with him and his cousin (a female). Now,....sure I'm crazy for letting that happen,...(even tho we weren't together at the time) but I trusted her. I mean WHO KNOWS what happened when I left his house, 'cause she was staying there. Only she, her friend, and GOD know. I TRUST her. I never even question it. He did her a favor, who knows how she paid him in return. - - You know what, I'll NEVER know if anything happened between the two of them. Like I said, i'm probably crazy for letting that happen. I mean, my son was there too. - I didn't stress about it. IF they were doing anything Karma is a real WITCH and they'll get theirs in due time. BUT I trusted her BLINDLY. Never questioned it. I 'knew' nothing was going on. - WHY can't she trust me when it comes to something so simple as a website?! -

    I recently posted a topic in 'Relationship Commitment'. For those of you who read that......THIS is why I feel SHE'S not ready for marriage. This is why I'm NOT even thinking of the idea of marriage when it comes to her. SHE DOESN'T TRUST ME!!!



    AGAIN, this isn't about keeping a website, this is about her not having any trust in what I say to her.




     

    Lui

  2. #2
    Member ~Serendipity~'s Avatar
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    Hmmm... not really sure what to say.
    There are definitely issues there that you both need to work on. Sometimes, when we think we have found the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives, we find anything and everything to be a threat to breaking that up, I know it's taken me all three years of my relationship with Luke to FINALLY start to settle down and trust him and trust that he won't leave me for someone else.

    Some people have had things happen to them in the past that makes it more difficult to trust people...

    If you guys are considering marriage, I would definitely suggest you guys going to counselling before you undertake such a big commitment. The worst thing to do would be to marry with these underlying problems.....

    Good luck with it...
    Definition of Serendipity: Good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries...

  3. #3
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    This is a test. I know, because I had to pass a very similar one exactly a week ago. Here's what happened to me.

    I was just driving around wth my gf in my car and every one in a while I look around to see who's next to me in other cars. Not for any specific reason, just looking off into space basically. She accuses me of checking out these girls and I have no idea what she's talking about because I honestly don't even remember looking at them. So I proceed to try and ease her mind and explain myself saying things like "I don't even remember who you're talking about" "I just look around sometimes with no real reason", but she doesn't let the situation drop. This goes on for about 10 minutes. So a little light bulb goes off in my head and I decide to handle it differently and start ripping her about not trusting me, how I trust her when she's not around about other guys, basically making her feel guilty about accusing me of this unwarrented stuff. At that point either she understood what I was telling her as the truth or we were going to have some time to think things over on our own. But she backed down as I called her out on her BS and how she doesn't trust me.

    You need to do something similar. You've done enough explaining to her, this is actually reenforcing her insecurities when you reassure her and be all understanding. It's not the way to go in this kind of situation. When someone attacks your integrity as a man, the way to handle it is stern and with force. This is not the time to console her, it's the time to let her know that she's wrong, that she's wrong to accuse you of it, and that she should feel guilty for accusing you of it.

    Do not take your myspace down, this would also just reenforce her insecurities and make problems worse because the tests only get worse when you fail them.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member rose2summer's Avatar
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    I agree with HL here.

    Although you want to curb her insecurities, you also don't want to be subject to her manipulation and control measures.

    Trust is crucial to the success of a relationship, so it may be best to discuss that with her and get some couples counseling.

    Her insecurities will drive a ridge between you two over time.

    Hugs, Rose
    If life is fulfilled we go away with empty hands.
    ~Chinese Proverb~

    With every failure, there's a chance for success.
    With every failure, there's a chance to learn.
    ~Rose~

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    HL, Rose, I totally hear what you're saying. I've stood my ground. I stood it when I was on the phone with her when this came up. I don't know if I was TOO harsh.

    I told her (when I was a bit irritated) if she didn't start 'singing a different tune' about myspace, and if she didn't start trusting what I say that she'd have to go. That I couldn't be with a woman that didn't trust me over something so simple. I told her she had a week to get it together, and that it would be in her best intrest for the topic NOT to rise again.

    I eventually calmed down and told her she needed to trust me if she had the slightest thought of marrying me in her head. That we wouldn't go anywhere if she couldn't trust me. - I also said that I was a bit irritated when I said what I said about her having to get it together within a week or she'd be gone, BUT stood by what I said. She has a week to get that thought of me deleting my myspace account out of her head and to quit doubting my word. and if there was ever a moment where I doubted her trust in me that the relationship would be done and over with for once and for all, 'cause I wasn't going to play these games anymore.

    I don't know if that was too much, but I'm sticking to what I said.

    Thanks!!
    Lui

  7. #6
    heloladies21's Avatar
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    Good for you to stick up for yourself, but why even give her a week? This is something she can understand instantly and you don't want to let it fester cause the problem will grow in that time.

  8. #7
    Silver Member confused25's Avatar
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    Well if you're saying you don't care about the myspace page then why don't you just close it to make her happy? It's not like you need that page for anything, and there's really no point in getting all worked up about this when you can just shut it down. It's also going to be a good way to show her that you have nothing to hide.

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    I disagree with heloladies!!!!

    Granted Xxmaer -don't let yourself be walked over by her. Enough is enough it's not fair the way she's pushing you on this HOWEVER..I know for myself..I tend to follow the theory that if my man reacts defensively..I will start wondering what he has to hide..if however he explains calmly and with understanding then i will feel more at ease.

    I had this with my ex and have been having such feelings with my bf recently...if he reacts defensively to a questions I can't help but wonder..or if he questions me like he did last night about my "manfriend" I can't help but wonder then too..

    Open communication guys!! We all need to learn this lesson!
    Quit the games! Lifes too short as they say!

  10. #9
    Member Smile_83's Avatar
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    I think it's more than just myspace. I personallly think she's trying to see how far she could push you. It takes time to trust someone. maybe she feels a bit unsecure.

  11. #10
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    She does have somewhat of a point I think. Personally I think a myspace account is basically a billboard (advertisement) for people to meet people. Granted you can use it to keep in touch with long lost friends, people who are off to school whatever... but also it can be used to meet the new chickies. How about taking down your pics? Any friends who know who you are, dont really need to see your pics. That would probably reduce the amount of skanks hitting on you via your website, and would not give your girl any reason to believe that you WANT the attention. I think that is probably the crux of this whole thing. She thinks you like, or want that attention that you are getting on the website. Show her that you dont.

    Personally I dont use a myspace acct, and If my girl were to set one up I would probably be a little put off by it just because I know the type of guys that would be contacting her. Guys just looking out for their penis and nothing else.

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