HELP PLEASE!!! Quick question...is there hope?

JulieSB · 09-14-2006, 05:03 PM

Has anyone cheated without the person finding out, and actually got over the guilt? I had never had sex with anyone else (I'm 27 years old) other then my bf of 7yrs and started to get curious. It was the worse thing I've EVER done. Wondering if there is hope for me. Will time heal this wound?

Closure · 09-14-2006, 05:06 PM

Okay, what's done is done but I don't like cheating.

Time is the greatest healer Julie.

Maybe coming clean would quicken the process?

Hope you had safe sex.

NJRon · 09-14-2006, 05:10 PM

That's a tough one. I think most of the people who got over the guilt, never had it to begin with. So, it seems that you, feeling guilty, want to do the right thing for your relationship without breaking it apart or hurting your boyfriend. Sometimes, the best way to deal with guilt is to recognize your faults and just endeavor to overcome them in the future. No one is perfect. In the meantime, think about what led to the infidelity and address that, because that is where the root of the issue lies.

There are not always easy answers to quick questions.. nor quick remedies for easy actions.

Closure · 09-14-2006, 05:14 PM

Ohhh I got it

The main reason she probably cheated was because she'd only ever experienced one guy......totally natural in my eyes......

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJRon

That's a tough one. I think most of the people who got over the guilt, never had it to begin with. So, it seems that you, feeling guilty, want to do the right thing for your relationship without breaking it apart or hurting your boyfriend. Sometimes, the best way to deal with guilt is to recognize your faults and just endeavor to overcome them in the future. No one is perfect. In the meantime, think about what led to the infidelity and address that, because that is where the root of the issue lies.

There are not always easy answers to quick questions.. nor quick remedies for easy actions.

JulieSB · 09-14-2006, 05:17 PM

Yes that was my main reason behind it, but nevertheless it was wrong and I fell so bad. I realize now that there isn't anyone else out there for me, and I wish my boyfriend (hopefully soon husband to be!) was my one and only. I know I can't take it back, but just really want to know if the guilt (at least how heavey it is) will decrease? Thank you everyone for ur help!

Closure · 09-14-2006, 05:21 PM

There's no general rule for guilt, no rule of thumb so to speak.

If you hurt real bad then you need to clear your mind and the only way to do that is tell him. Yes it will hurt, yes he will be angry and yes you lose risking him but that is better than looking someone in the eye when you know you've betrayed them.

If I was the boyfriend i'd want to know but then i'd also dump the girl. Who knows, he maybe different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JulieSB

Yes that was my main reason behind it, but nevertheless it was wrong and I fell so bad. I realize now that there isn't anyone else out there for me, and I wish my boyfriend (hopefully soon husband to be!) was my one and only. I know I can't take it back, but just really want to know if the guilt (at least how heavey it is) will decrease? Thank you everyone for ur help!

NJRon · 09-14-2006, 05:23 PM

To be honest, it might help to work with a counselor an this. To have someone objective and face-to-face. I feel the best way is to work with someone to figure out your feelings and whether the right thing is to tell him, or to figure out how to overcome your guilt. Because, the answer is yes, it is possible to overcome guilt... but, I don't think anyone can say that *(you* can overcome *your* guilt except you. Be careful about dealing with an issue like this on your own because, if it is not managed in a healthy way for you, it may actually do more harm than good.

justpaisley · 09-14-2006, 05:25 PM

Is there any way he could find out from someone else?

You really need to get to the root of why you cheated. I've also only ever been with one person (my husband) and I've never been curious about anyone else. There's got to be something else that's driven you to cheat. What is it, really?

NJRon · 09-14-2006, 05:26 PM

While I would have sometimes wished I had known so that I could make an informed decision on whether to stay with someone or not... there were other times that I wish I had not known... knowing is what ended up destroying the relationship much more than the actual act. Every instance is different. Unfortunately, one the best ways to be able to be perfectly honest is to never do anything you are ashamed of... that's a pretty difficult thing to accomplish.

Closure · 09-14-2006, 05:30 PM

Thank God i've never been cheated on.

I'd like to think i'd never strike a woman but if a woman were to cheat on me, then sleep with me and put me at risk from God know's what I may not be responsible for my actions!

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJRon

While I would have sometimes wished I had known so that I could make an informed decision on whether to stay with someone or not... there were other times that I wish I had not known... knowing is what ended up destroying the relationship much more than the actual act. Every instance is different. Unfortunately, one the best ways to be able to be perfectly honest is to never do anything you are ashamed of... that's a pretty difficult thing to accomplish.

09-14-2006, 05:03 PM	#1
JulieSB Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 4	HELP PLEASE!!! Quick question...is there hope? Has anyone cheated without the person finding out, and actually got over the guilt? I had never had sex with anyone else (I'm 27 years old) other then my bf of 7yrs and started to get curious. It was the worse thing I've EVER done. Wondering if there is hope for me. Will time heal this wound?

09-14-2006, 05:06 PM	#2
Closure Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: None Specified Posts: 256	Okay, what's done is done but I don't like cheating. Time is the greatest healer Julie. Maybe coming clean would quicken the process? Hope you had safe sex. __________________ I'm not here for your entertainment You don't really want to mess with me tonight Just stop and take a second I was fine before you walked into my life ~Pink~ If anyone needs help, support or someone to speak to feel free to add my msn which is in my profile. www.lookitsme.com/closure

09-14-2006, 05:10 PM	#3
NJRon Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 3,242	That's a tough one. I think most of the people who got over the guilt, never had it to begin with. So, it seems that you, feeling guilty, want to do the right thing for your relationship without breaking it apart or hurting your boyfriend. Sometimes, the best way to deal with guilt is to recognize your faults and just endeavor to overcome them in the future. No one is perfect. In the meantime, think about what led to the infidelity and address that, because that is where the root of the issue lies. There are not always easy answers to quick questions.. nor quick remedies for easy actions. __________________ I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness! - Nathanial Mayweather I'm not the moose! Nor am I a certified advice giver of any kind... so take everything I say as my opinion... throw away what doesn't work and keep what does. - Me

09-14-2006, 05:23 PM	#7
NJRon Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 3,242	To be honest, it might help to work with a counselor an this. To have someone objective and face-to-face. I feel the best way is to work with someone to figure out your feelings and whether the right thing is to tell him, or to figure out how to overcome your guilt. Because, the answer is yes, it is possible to overcome guilt... but, I don't think anyone can say that (you can overcome your guilt except you. Be careful about dealing with an issue like this on your own because, if it is not managed in a healthy way for you, it may actually do more harm than good. __________________ I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness! - Nathanial Mayweather I'm not the moose! Nor am I a certified advice giver of any kind... so take everything I say as my opinion... throw away what doesn't work and keep what does. - Me

09-14-2006, 05:26 PM	#9
NJRon Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 3,242	While I would have sometimes wished I had known so that I could make an informed decision on whether to stay with someone or not... there were other times that I wish I had not known... knowing is what ended up destroying the relationship much more than the actual act. Every instance is different. Unfortunately, one the best ways to be able to be perfectly honest is to never do anything you are ashamed of... that's a pretty difficult thing to accomplish. __________________ I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness! - Nathanial Mayweather I'm not the moose! Nor am I a certified advice giver of any kind... so take everything I say as my opinion... throw away what doesn't work and keep what does. - Me

09-14-2006, 05:17 PM	#5
JulieSB Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 4	Yes that was my main reason behind it, but nevertheless it was wrong and I fell so bad. I realize now that there isn't anyone else out there for me, and I wish my boyfriend (hopefully soon husband to be!) was my one and only. I know I can't take it back, but just really want to know if the guilt (at least how heavey it is) will decrease? Thank you everyone for ur help!

09-14-2006, 05:25 PM	#8
justpaisley Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Mississippi Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 857	Is there any way he could find out from someone else? You really need to get to the root of why you cheated. I've also only ever been with one person (my husband) and I've never been curious about anyone else. There's got to be something else that's driven you to cheat. What is it, really?