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  1. #1

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    feeling physically sick after break-up...

    hey all, i'm new to the boards, seems like a good place for help in my situation!

    so firstly the story. i met my now ex-fiancee about two years ago on the net, we met up and i stayed for a bit logner than i should have. we both practically fell in love after the first day together, and it was only a month before i moved in with her. the first year we were together, everything was fine: we both got on really well, the partenership seemed like it couldn't be broken: but then last summer, we both had a massive argument. so big, that i decided to leave her: i moved away from her for a few weeks, only to have lust for her after being a few weeks apart!

    i asked her if we could start again from scratch. she accepted, and i moved back in with her. during the past year she had issues with paranoia and trust, which was justified considering i had made a lot of mistakes: not cheating mind you, just acting a bit selfish. just under 3 months ago, i made the move to split up, as i was missing my friends, my home town, and i wasn't happy living with her because she wasn't the person i fell in love with. she'd changed into someone else, which was both of our faults really.

    for the first month, spite prevailed. both of us got on each others backs, demanding this that and the other. it finished in a big argument, and left it. about 3 weeks later, we spoke to each other again on MSN, and we made up, said that we should be friends, but leave it until we get over each other. Now here's where the real problems start, for me at least!

    because we are both avid gamers, we used to share the same online community. when i got back on the net about a month after we split, she left the community and i got back on it. saturday just gone, she contacted me once more to ask if she could join the community again, and whether i was over her or not. i felt great, life was really starting to look up, so i immediately though i was! i asked her if she was seeing someone (probably the first bad move), and she had slept with someone who i used to know, and absolutely hated: then she said she slept with 2 other guys, just as flings like. she proceeds to tell me how happy she is without me, how she feels free from the fear that the paranoia gave her, how she had lost weight, got on the sunbeds, took pride in her appearance once more, had loads of offers for sex, and to top it all off, said that she was completely over me.

    and so i hit rock bottom. evidently i wasn't over her, and her unintentional directness shot like a spear through the heart. i basically burst out crying, and told her i can't talk to her anymore, i needed more time to heal you know? so i asked her for 2 more weeks before she comes back on the community forums, and to not post up anything about how she is feeling (which will invetably be "i've never felt better"), or how she's progressing with life until i have moved on too.

    but meanwhile, i have a dilemma. every time i think of her i feel physically sick and nausious. last night i was sick in the toilet for a good 10 minutes because a thought popped into my head of her shagging another bloke. i think i'm still in love with her, because she's the woman who i fell in love with, rather than the woman i left? but it's wasted love if it is, as i can't / won't go back, i don't want to go back to live with her, and i want to move on.

    so my question is this: why am i feeling sick everytime i think of her? and what can i do to stop this horrible feeling? i've just started work again, and i really don't want it to affect it. Since i've broken up with her, i've been out a lot, even went out saturday after she gave the final blow: i just can't afford to go out anymore than twice a week!

    has anyone got any advice they can give me? could really do with some good help right about now!

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  2. #2
    Member Alison63's Avatar
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    Sounds to me like she is just trying to make you jealous and think about what you are missing (I also think that that was a bit cruel).

    And the nausea is just nerves and anxiety, she has put the idea in your head of other men being with her when I don't think that really considered that as you were getting on with your own life and having some fun with your friends.

    Just carry on doing what you are doing, you seem to be enjoying yourself.

    The sickness will pass !!

    A XXXX

  3. #3
    Member in_the_mirror's Avatar
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    i know exactly what you are going through, for i've gone through the same. it made me sick to think of my ex with another girl and i couldn't eat because anytime i did i threw up....it was bad and i just couldn' get in a good mood about any of it. unfortuneatly it took my dad having a heart attack to get me to snap out of it and realize that i need to live my life and not fret over the life of another person. it is ok to care about them but you can't let your health suffer for them, because they just aren't worth it. if they make you hurt that bad they aren't worth it ever.

    i suggest excersizing, running lifting weights, anything to get your mind off of her. you do your best to look great and get some attention for yourself. and don't worry about her, she is prolly just trying to get you upset, because if she ever really cared she wouldn't have told you those things. relationships take a awhile to heal especially when they have to change from intimacy to just a friendship. a month away from a person usually is not enough time to heal no matter what anyone says, but just because you aren't healed from the relationship doesn't mean that you can't start a new one.
    Fear is the only thing that hurts.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member Donster's Avatar
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    I think it all depends on your perspective. You obviously are not over her, but would like to be. So what you need is to maintain NC with her. All the feelings will lessen over time.

    Whether she is over you or not, whether she is sleeping with someone else or not....you will eventually not care. She seems to take pride and joy in hurting you with her words (whether they are even true or not), and she doesnt seem like someone who you wuold want to be with in the long term anyways, so turn away from her! (Yes, I know, easier said or done).

    This is where No Contact does wonders for yourself, your psyche, your soul.

    When I was together with my ex, I used to drive myself crazy imaginnig that he was sleeping with other people, etc. So much paranoia, so much anxiety. Most of it was unfounded--I had done it to myself.

    The most hurtful part, for me, was when he started developing a relationship(s) with other people while I was still with him.

    As far as I know, he is still doing the same things now that he was doing when I was with him...but you know what? Now I dont care anymore at all! Even in just a month and a half of little contact, the thought of him with someone else just doesnt create the same reaction in me as it would have before. So trust those of us who are going through the NC regimen...it does work, it does take discipline, and it's not easy, but it is worth it in the long run when you feel free from the anxiety that is clearly still binding you (and making you feel sick to your stomach).

    hang in there! and good luck!
    "When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying."--???

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  6. #5

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    hey all, thanks for the advice!

    i've been doing weight training since i left her, and i am actually starting to see a result: i pushed it a bit too hard tonight though and now my upper body is killing! BUT, it has actually taken my mind off it. last night after i posted that, i went for a long walk round the fields near my house, sat down under a tree and watched over my town on top of a hill: and it made me realise why exactly i came back to my home town. there is still something lurking down inside, but the positive emotions fighting back with a vengeance!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Aurian's Avatar
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    I think being physically ill is simply emotional spillover. This stuck you very hard and your body is responding to it. When I ended my relationship, I was throwing up everything I ate for several weeks and also had heartburn for the first time and daily migraines. Now that I am dealing with my feelings and they are starting to go, my body is no longer reacting to emotional extremes.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member Donster's Avatar
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    It's stress and anxiety. And the mind-body connection gone awry. This is kinda gross, but there was a week where I could not keep anything in (not from the top, but from my bottom)--this is before I actually broke up with my ex, but probably around the time that it finally began to sink in that it was over. Gosh, I had almost forgotten about this...thanks for reminding me! (j/k). It's good to understand both our minds and our bodies, so taht we can take appropriate steps to at least comfort our bodies if our brains and emotions are going through tough times.
    "When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying."--???

  9. #8

    Agreed.

    My boyfriend and I broke up this weekend...I feel like I have been torn to shreds and yet because I am at uni I have to hold it together or il fall behind.

    Just so you don't feel alone, I feel sick also. Suppressing the emotion isn't healthy and im pretty sure that is what is causing this physical reaction. It may be the same for you? It not like I don't want to eat...im not purposefully harming myself...I just know that if I do my body will get rid of the comfort.

    I advise starting a diary. I know its cliche and such....but ever since I grew up and started experiencing various aspects of crap in life, I have found a diary helps get the emotion out. Paper absorbs alot.

  10. #9
    Gold Member citymouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the_trev View Post
    but meanwhile, i have a dilemma. every time i think of her i feel physically sick and nausious. ad

    You're not alone.

    This afternoon I kept turning things over in my mind and finally I thought I was going to hurl. I had to lie down and take a nap... at one point I almost thought I was coming down with a bug and would have to call in sick to work tomorrow.

    But now I'm feeling better.

    I think the lesson here is to not let our thoughts and feelings run away with us. Take control of the way you choose to frame this situation. The exes might have left us, but we are in control of how we will react.

    Let's choose to take good care of ourselves especially during this difficult time.

  11. #10
    Silver Member miss_sunshine86's Avatar
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    yes - lets...
    Although my 20 tequila shots and 2 bottles of wine may have not helped last night:P
    Ughhhhhhhhh!!!!
    I danced with a random guy and then CRIED when he asked where my bf is
    LOL
    xxx

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