Problems With sister

lovecrazy · 07-31-2006, 10:00 AM

Before I start I am going to go ahead and say this is going to be a long post and I apologize ahead of time, and I am thankful for those who decide to read this and give advice!!!

Well my sister is 25 years old, and honestly all her life besides a few years has been irresponsible. basically not going to work, lying about going to work when she actually didnt. Not holding a job. Basicaly through her life, she would tell us one thing and do another. She also quit day school at 16 and was enrolled into a high school that was at night, that way she could work during the day and attend school at night, she also would say she was going to school and wouldnt. and this continue until she was about 19.

Then she met her ex husband, who actualy got her straight. Not sure if she just settled down or if he had something to do with it. But she got a waitressing job, and stuck with it. She was there for about 2 years, then she got into a car wreck and couldnt work for a while do to broken ankle (not her fault) then when she was promoted to manager, they did a background check, and she was laid off due to her criminal past of theft. (that is a long story) Well after that she found a job doing telemarketing was doing great, she got married. Against our wishes (husband cheated, wasnt a good marriage ended after 6 months) Well during the time of her marriage she got another job at a resturant that she was at for close to 3 years. Her and her husband seperated, and she started dating a guy named "B" He seemed like a good guy, and actually treated her very well...Well basically from my sisters age of 22-24 she worked, also she did alot of over time. And she finally had grown up.

During the time she was married, and then divorced, and then with her boyfriend "B" she held a job, and tried getting her GED. SHe was doing great. But her and her boyfriend ended up breaking up June of 05 because it just wasnt there anymore, and plus from what she told me he abused her, and all that jazz. Well basically they have remained friends no big deal.

Anyways after they broke up she started getting behind on her car payment "drinking her problems away" so I believe my mother had to help her out with her car payment, and insurance. Anyways they traded her car in Dec of 05. Her car payment is about $550.00 a month, and that is when the trouble.

Basically from Dec to about the last of March to beginning of April she was on drugs, METH, COKE. And she said that she got into out patient rehab after that, and she got behind on her car payment because of paying for rehab. Well in March she got fired for calling into work too much, then always being late. So she found another job, and apparently the money she earned was paying for rehab. Well basically sometime in May she got laid off from that job, reason: last one hired, first one fired. So she hasnt had a job since then. And she hasnt paid a car payment since. So My mother called her loan company and they worked out a deal to where they took two months off the loan right now, and just added it to the end of the loan. No problem..there

Well she would sleep all day and run all night. Mean while my mother was helping her pay this, and giving her that. Well basically the last few weeks they have been fighting non stop, and I honestly am sick of it.
My sister finally got a job working at a gas station, and she started this past Friday, and was suppose to return to work on Saturday Morning. Well Friday night I go out to a bar with some friends my sister said that she was coming and I asked how when she has no gas money. She said our mother will give it to her, then my mother wouldnt give it to her, and she called me asking me for money, Well I ended up giving her money. I gave her 20 bucks to get gas, and cigarettes. And I even bought her two beers so she could relax. Well some how she ended up getting super drunk, partly my fault for giving her drinks. But normally she has a very high tolerance for beer. Well she ordered food, and I asked her how she was going to pay for it, she said she had money. Anyways she was drunk, trying to get into a fight that she had no business being in. So I basically yelled, and screamed at her, and she started crying, and I left her at the bar. (Friends were going to take her to their house) Well she started calling me, and said that "when you and mom yell at me, makes me want to start using drugs again, or kill myself" So I turned the car around, and went back to a waffle house (24 hour resturant) and i started another scene in front of friends and strangers. And basically ended up getting her home at about 4 in the morning. I had to be at work at seven, plus I had to run my friends back to their car for driving her car back to my house.

Anyways I ended up going home after work, and my sister was up at this time, and she was suppose to go into work at 6 am and didnt because she was still drunk. And Saturday was fine at the house, and then Sunday comes around, she calls and claims that she caught my step father looking in the window while she was taking a shower. I am not trying to make excuses for my step father who is amanic depressive (chemical imbalance in the brain) which it needs to be treated with meds to help keep him straight. But honestly he is better off the meds then he is on them. Well when I was 14 years old I caught my step dad looking under neath the door at my sister. And you could tell he was disoriented, while doing this. Basically he was on his meds when this happened. Come to find out the Dr. gave him too much and my mother stated that it had a sexual side effect. Well honestly I dont know how it would make you want to look at your step daughter while she was naked. but whatever we moved past it.

And honestly do not know to believe my sister if its true or not. My mother seems to think that if he did, it was to check and see if she was doing drugs. But he claims that he didnt. Well its Monday morning, and my sister was suppose to be at work at 6 am, and it is now 10 am here in GA. And she is still in bed. I told my mom take her car, and tell her to get out. She wants to wait and see, just because she is trying to be nice, and all that jazz...

Basically I am at a loss of what to do. She is 25 years old, acts like a teenager. She said at points over the last few months she has been depressed. I do not know if she is on drugs still, or if she is just lazy and going back to her old teenager ways. I think part of the problem as to why my sister is acting like a spoiled child, is because my mother has babied her way too much her entire life. So basically my sister has until tomorrow to get a job or I am coming home tomorrow after work and I am going to take the care, or so my mother says I can do.

But help, what do I do, how can I get her back to what she was over a year ago. I honestly think she needs counseling, but she wont go.

I am so confused.

Sorry again this is so long!

Thanks

Siriana · 07-31-2006, 12:35 PM

how about you moving out from that house? And keeping distance from this situation?

sonjam · 08-01-2006, 08:16 AM

Hi There

Thank you for sharing your story with us! It is indeed a very sticky situation! This basically boils down to her relying on you, her family to bail her out of all the trouble she gets into.

She probably is depressed to, it is a very big side effect from rehabilitation from drug abuse, and thus she must sometimes feel that she just can't get up to do the most basic things.

Firstly, before getting into a screaming fight again, sit her down and talk to her using "I" statements. Something in these lines:

I feel hurt when you.... Mom and I have a hard time coping....... We are worried about you....... I get angry when............ I struggle to understand......etc. Try to keep calm, screaming and yelling will only spiral the whole situation deeper into the abyss.

lovecrazy · 08-01-2006, 08:20 PM

well it seems that she finally got a waitressing job, and that she is wanting to move forward...

Sorry I havent replied, got busy with work, then got into a car wreck...I am fine but I was backing out of my parking spot, some guy i work with hit my car...Hit me so hard he left tire marks that were about 10 feet long, and moved my car about 1 foot or so from the orginial spot...I am fine, but my friend has some bumps and bruises!

07-31-2006, 10:00 AM	#1
lovecrazy Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Dawsonville, GA Gender: Female Posts: 587	Problems With sister Before I start I am going to go ahead and say this is going to be a long post and I apologize ahead of time, and I am thankful for those who decide to read this and give advice!!! Well my sister is 25 years old, and honestly all her life besides a few years has been irresponsible. basically not going to work, lying about going to work when she actually didnt. Not holding a job. Basicaly through her life, she would tell us one thing and do another. She also quit day school at 16 and was enrolled into a high school that was at night, that way she could work during the day and attend school at night, she also would say she was going to school and wouldnt. and this continue until she was about 19. Then she met her ex husband, who actualy got her straight. Not sure if she just settled down or if he had something to do with it. But she got a waitressing job, and stuck with it. She was there for about 2 years, then she got into a car wreck and couldnt work for a while do to broken ankle (not her fault) then when she was promoted to manager, they did a background check, and she was laid off due to her criminal past of theft. (that is a long story) Well after that she found a job doing telemarketing was doing great, she got married. Against our wishes (husband cheated, wasnt a good marriage ended after 6 months) Well during the time of her marriage she got another job at a resturant that she was at for close to 3 years. Her and her husband seperated, and she started dating a guy named "B" He seemed like a good guy, and actually treated her very well...Well basically from my sisters age of 22-24 she worked, also she did alot of over time. And she finally had grown up. During the time she was married, and then divorced, and then with her boyfriend "B" she held a job, and tried getting her GED. SHe was doing great. But her and her boyfriend ended up breaking up June of 05 because it just wasnt there anymore, and plus from what she told me he abused her, and all that jazz. Well basically they have remained friends no big deal. Anyways after they broke up she started getting behind on her car payment "drinking her problems away" so I believe my mother had to help her out with her car payment, and insurance. Anyways they traded her car in Dec of 05. Her car payment is about $550.00 a month, and that is when the trouble. Basically from Dec to about the last of March to beginning of April she was on drugs, METH, COKE. And she said that she got into out patient rehab after that, and she got behind on her car payment because of paying for rehab. Well in March she got fired for calling into work too much, then always being late. So she found another job, and apparently the money she earned was paying for rehab. Well basically sometime in May she got laid off from that job, reason: last one hired, first one fired. So she hasnt had a job since then. And she hasnt paid a car payment since. So My mother called her loan company and they worked out a deal to where they took two months off the loan right now, and just added it to the end of the loan. No problem..there Well she would sleep all day and run all night. Mean while my mother was helping her pay this, and giving her that. Well basically the last few weeks they have been fighting non stop, and I honestly am sick of it. My sister finally got a job working at a gas station, and she started this past Friday, and was suppose to return to work on Saturday Morning. Well Friday night I go out to a bar with some friends my sister said that she was coming and I asked how when she has no gas money. She said our mother will give it to her, then my mother wouldnt give it to her, and she called me asking me for money, Well I ended up giving her money. I gave her 20 bucks to get gas, and cigarettes. And I even bought her two beers so she could relax. Well some how she ended up getting super drunk, partly my fault for giving her drinks. But normally she has a very high tolerance for beer. Well she ordered food, and I asked her how she was going to pay for it, she said she had money. Anyways she was drunk, trying to get into a fight that she had no business being in. So I basically yelled, and screamed at her, and she started crying, and I left her at the bar. (Friends were going to take her to their house) Well she started calling me, and said that "when you and mom yell at me, makes me want to start using drugs again, or kill myself" So I turned the car around, and went back to a waffle house (24 hour resturant) and i started another scene in front of friends and strangers. And basically ended up getting her home at about 4 in the morning. I had to be at work at seven, plus I had to run my friends back to their car for driving her car back to my house. Anyways I ended up going home after work, and my sister was up at this time, and she was suppose to go into work at 6 am and didnt because she was still drunk. And Saturday was fine at the house, and then Sunday comes around, she calls and claims that she caught my step father looking in the window while she was taking a shower. I am not trying to make excuses for my step father who is amanic depressive (chemical imbalance in the brain) which it needs to be treated with meds to help keep him straight. But honestly he is better off the meds then he is on them. Well when I was 14 years old I caught my step dad looking under neath the door at my sister. And you could tell he was disoriented, while doing this. Basically he was on his meds when this happened. Come to find out the Dr. gave him too much and my mother stated that it had a sexual side effect. Well honestly I dont know how it would make you want to look at your step daughter while she was naked. but whatever we moved past it. And honestly do not know to believe my sister if its true or not. My mother seems to think that if he did, it was to check and see if she was doing drugs. But he claims that he didnt. Well its Monday morning, and my sister was suppose to be at work at 6 am, and it is now 10 am here in GA. And she is still in bed. I told my mom take her car, and tell her to get out. She wants to wait and see, just because she is trying to be nice, and all that jazz... Basically I am at a loss of what to do. She is 25 years old, acts like a teenager. She said at points over the last few months she has been depressed. I do not know if she is on drugs still, or if she is just lazy and going back to her old teenager ways. I think part of the problem as to why my sister is acting like a spoiled child, is because my mother has babied her way too much her entire life. So basically my sister has until tomorrow to get a job or I am coming home tomorrow after work and I am going to take the care, or so my mother says I can do. But help, what do I do, how can I get her back to what she was over a year ago. I honestly think she needs counseling, but she wont go. I am so confused. Sorry again this is so long! Thanks

08-01-2006, 08:16 AM	#3
sonjam Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: SA Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 978	Hi There Thank you for sharing your story with us! It is indeed a very sticky situation! This basically boils down to her relying on you, her family to bail her out of all the trouble she gets into. She probably is depressed to, it is a very big side effect from rehabilitation from drug abuse, and thus she must sometimes feel that she just can't get up to do the most basic things. Firstly, before getting into a screaming fight again, sit her down and talk to her using "I" statements. Something in these lines: I feel hurt when you.... Mom and I have a hard time coping....... We are worried about you....... I get angry when............ I struggle to understand......etc. Try to keep calm, screaming and yelling will only spiral the whole situation deeper into the abyss. __________________ About Kids... Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? A common enemy...

07-31-2006, 12:35 PM	#2
Siriana Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Europe Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 3,769	how about you moving out from that house? And keeping distance from this situation?

08-01-2006, 08:20 PM	#4
lovecrazy Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Dawsonville, GA Gender: Female Posts: 587	well it seems that she finally got a waitressing job, and that she is wanting to move forward... Sorry I havent replied, got busy with work, then got into a car wreck...I am fine but I was backing out of my parking spot, some guy i work with hit my car...Hit me so hard he left tire marks that were about 10 feet long, and moved my car about 1 foot or so from the orginial spot...I am fine, but my friend has some bumps and bruises!