My girlfriend is paranoid about pregnancy

Byakugan · 07-30-2006, 11:57 AM

Hello all,
I was wondering if anybody could offer me some advice. I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now. We are very happy together and she is the type that is heavy into commitment. The problem is she is /very/ paranoid about getting pregnant. She is on birth control pills and we always use a condom but she is also reluctant to have full on intercourse. We do outercourse/frottage and it is nice and we both orgasm that way but still if there is even a hint that some sperm might have leaked out the base of the condom she will be anxiouse for weeks and convinced she is pregnant until she has her period (and her pills give her a period only four times a year so it can be quite a while) What can I say or do to put her at ease? I love her very much and would never leave her because of it. I'm willing to wait until she is ready but I get the feeling that if I do not help reassure her, she never will be. Can anybody help?

Thanks,

Byaku

PS: If anyone is curious I'm 22 and she is 21

**lady00** · 07-30-2006, 12:02 PM

I have similar feelings to your gf's...I have always been pretty paranoid about getting pregnant even while using protection. I'm not sure what to say except that for me personally I don't think I will ever be 100% comfortable until I'm in a place in life where I am ready to deal with having a child if protection does not work and I end up getting pregnant. I don't know if your gf feels the same way but I guess all you can do is make sure you use protection every time and try to reassure her that with her on the pill and you using condoms, her chances are extremely slim. That said, it's hard to be a woman when there are so many stories that exist about people whom used protection (even in some cases, two forms) and still got pregnant.

cichlid · 07-30-2006, 12:10 PM

She is paranoid...don't have sex. It's simple. You can't get pregnant when you abstain.

Meow18 · 07-30-2006, 12:17 PM

I would suggest her switching to a pill where she gets her period once a month, like normal. Only, usually with pills, they will shorten the period so it only lasts about 3-4 days when a pill-less period would last up to 7 days.

The reason I say this is because since she is so paranoid, having to wait months for her next period just adds tremendous stress that doesn't need to be there. And it can be avoided. Obviously it won't make her completely stress free, but she will be able to relax more throughout the year getting her period 12 times instead of 4.

It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill. It's also possible to get pregnant while using condoms. However, both together make it a very slim chance. It's ok for her to be worried. But in her case, there must be a reason she's so worried.

Have you talked about what would happen if she did happen to get pregnant? Have you decided whether you would have an abortion, or give it up for adoption, or keep it? How would you tell both your parents? Would you go to all her doctor appointments and classes with her? Would you be willing to be a part of the child's life?

Seriously, those seem like questions that could just be answered when the time comes. But maybe if you can answer them now and talk about them with her, it will help her to relax more. Just make a list of all possible questions to consider with pregnancy, and just go through them with her.

So my advice would be to talk to her about those questions, and have her go to the doctor and switch pills.

**Hope75** · 07-30-2006, 12:43 PM

Meow took the words right out my mouth.

Some women NEED that reassurance of having a period every month, especially with an anxiety level as high as hers about getting pregnant, when she is taking all the right precautions.

Also, it might help her to make a consult appt. with her gyno. Have her present this concern to the gyno and have the gyno tell her exactly what the precentage rate of women who get pregnant this way (practically 0%) and see if hearing it from a professional helps.

Counseling for the anxiety is also a good idea. A little anxiety is normal and can actually motivate you to do things and be productive, but when it gets as high as this, and it interferes with normal, pleasurable activities, it's dysfunctional and should be addressed.

Is she this anxious in other areas of her life too?

wlfpack81 · 07-30-2006, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cichlid_chick

She is paranoid...don't have sex. It's simple. You can't get pregnant when you abstain.

No offense, but not everyone is going to wait until marriage for sex. People just have to realize this and just accept it and worry about the stuff going on in their own lives and not someone elses (unless you're dealing w/a family member or close friend which does change things a bit).

southerngirl · 07-30-2006, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wlfpack81

No offense, but not everyone is going to wait until marriage for sex. People just have to realize this and just accept it and worry about the stuff going on in their own lives and not someone elses (unless you're dealing w/a family member or close friend which does change things a bit).

NO offence taken but if we all just worried about 'our own lives' there would be no one on here to give advice. Obviously he wanted outside input or he would not be here posting about his problem.

Meow18 · 07-30-2006, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cichlid_chick

She is paranoid...don't have sex. It's simple. You can't get pregnant when you abstain.

Actually, if nothing else works, this might have to be the final outcome. Sex is only adding stress to her life. Soon enough she might just decide on her own that it's too much to deal with right now..

But still, there are a lot of options for her at this point. You have gotten lots of great advice from all of us! Hopefully something works!

cichlid · 07-30-2006, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wlfpack81

No offense, but not everyone is going to wait until marriage for sex. People just have to realize this and just accept it and worry about the stuff going on in their own lives and not someone elses (unless you're dealing w/a family member or close friend which does change things a bit).

Yes, I took offense. He asked a question and I gave him an answer that worked. Don't agree with it then ignore it. Answers don't always have to be so complicated. I mean the guy's GF is stressed. Sex gives her stress despite protection.

07-30-2006, 11:57 AM	#1
Byakugan Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 11	My girlfriend is paranoid about pregnancy Hello all, I was wondering if anybody could offer me some advice. I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now. We are very happy together and she is the type that is heavy into commitment. The problem is she is /very/ paranoid about getting pregnant. She is on birth control pills and we always use a condom but she is also reluctant to have full on intercourse. We do outercourse/frottage and it is nice and we both orgasm that way but still if there is even a hint that some sperm might have leaked out the base of the condom she will be anxiouse for weeks and convinced she is pregnant until she has her period (and her pills give her a period only four times a year so it can be quite a while) What can I say or do to put her at ease? I love her very much and would never leave her because of it. I'm willing to wait until she is ready but I get the feeling that if I do not help reassure her, she never will be. Can anybody help? Thanks, Byaku PS: If anyone is curious I'm 22 and she is 21

07-30-2006, 12:10 PM	#3
cichlid Offline Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: the South Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 1,173	She is paranoid...don't have sex. It's simple. You can't get pregnant when you abstain. __________________ "Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir" -- Leela (from Futurama)

07-30-2006, 12:17 PM	#4
Meow18 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: IL Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,884	I would suggest her switching to a pill where she gets her period once a month, like normal. Only, usually with pills, they will shorten the period so it only lasts about 3-4 days when a pill-less period would last up to 7 days. The reason I say this is because since she is so paranoid, having to wait months for her next period just adds tremendous stress that doesn't need to be there. And it can be avoided. Obviously it won't make her completely stress free, but she will be able to relax more throughout the year getting her period 12 times instead of 4. It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill. It's also possible to get pregnant while using condoms. However, both together make it a very slim chance. It's ok for her to be worried. But in her case, there must be a reason she's so worried. Have you talked about what would happen if she did happen to get pregnant? Have you decided whether you would have an abortion, or give it up for adoption, or keep it? How would you tell both your parents? Would you go to all her doctor appointments and classes with her? Would you be willing to be a part of the child's life? Seriously, those seem like questions that could just be answered when the time comes. But maybe if you can answer them now and talk about them with her, it will help her to relax more. Just make a list of all possible questions to consider with pregnancy, and just go through them with her. So my advice would be to talk to her about those questions, and have her go to the doctor and switch pills. __________________ Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another person's love. So just be sure the person you are committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice. Forget who hurt you yesterday, but don't forget who loves you today.

07-30-2006, 12:43 PM	#5
Hope75 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: kitteh ville Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 12,512	Meow took the words right out my mouth. Some women NEED that reassurance of having a period every month, especially with an anxiety level as high as hers about getting pregnant, when she is taking all the right precautions. Also, it might help her to make a consult appt. with her gyno. Have her present this concern to the gyno and have the gyno tell her exactly what the precentage rate of women who get pregnant this way (practically 0%) and see if hearing it from a professional helps. Counseling for the anxiety is also a good idea. A little anxiety is normal and can actually motivate you to do things and be productive, but when it gets as high as this, and it interferes with normal, pleasurable activities, it's dysfunctional and should be addressed. Is she this anxious in other areas of her life too? __________________ Muffin cats need love too. Please refer to the forum rules before posting: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :)

07-30-2006, 12:02 PM	#2
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,867	I have similar feelings to your gf's...I have always been pretty paranoid about getting pregnant even while using protection. I'm not sure what to say except that for me personally I don't think I will ever be 100% comfortable until I'm in a place in life where I am ready to deal with having a child if protection does not work and I end up getting pregnant. I don't know if your gf feels the same way but I guess all you can do is make sure you use protection every time and try to reassure her that with her on the pill and you using condoms, her chances are extremely slim. That said, it's hard to be a woman when there are so many stories that exist about people whom used protection (even in some cases, two forms) and still got pregnant.