My weight and my mother...please help.

crayzee · 07-05-2006, 06:44 PM

Hi there...

I am 18 years old (turning 19 in October) and entering my 2nd year of university in September! I am overweight and my mother uses this fact as a "loaded gun". By that I mean that whenever she wants to put me down she will use that and start rambling on about how no one wants to be friends with "rolls of fat", how I should avoid wearing anything "fashionable" because I will make the designer look bad, how when I walk it seems as though big-foot is coming down the stairs... and so on...

During my first year of university, she forbid me from moving into residence because "no one wants to share dorms with a fat one" and because she said that if I were in residence I would do nothing but eat all day and not study and fail and drop out. (Which is not the case since I managed to pull a 3.2 GPA in the life sciences...)

When ever I am home, studying, sitting around, or whatever, she barges into my room and yells at me for not being "active" and that I will be lonely for the rest of my life and that she is ashamed to take me anywhere because people might think that she is a bad mother as oppose to me being "fat and stupid"...

The thing is, I live very far away from my campus. It takes me 2 hours to get there one-way (I have to take a bus AND the subway...). I am doing a double major in Human biology and Psychology and my classes are stressfull and run (almost) nine-to-nine. By the time I get home it is almost 12 o'clock... she doesn't understand what I go through every single day just to get myself a higher education. In the morning, I have to wake up to her negativity and yelling and screaming. I often cry on the bus because I just cannot take her comments anymore.

What hurts even more, is that I have actually tried to lose weight. I have taken a kinesiology/nutrition course so its not like I dont know the "basics". Its just, I guess, I lead a stressfull life and everytime she yells, screams and slams doors I just feel the urge to binge on chocolate and foods that tend to calm people (in general) down...

I do not know what to do. I am afraid of speaking to a counsellor because I do not know what my mother would do if she found out. I have several close friends but they all seem to think my mother is an angel and a very loving mother and I don't think any of them would believe me if I shared this with them...

Can someone offer me some wisdom?

InHiding · 07-05-2006, 06:49 PM

SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS. They are friends with you, not her. They will/should be there for you.

What is your mother's weight like? Is she extremely skinny? The reason I ask is because people with eating disorders often act irrational about others being overweight. It might not have anything to do with you.

crayzee · 07-05-2006, 07:05 PM

She is by no means skinny... She has a thyroid problem so she is biologically unable to lose weight. However, i estimate that she weighs somewhere between 170 and 180 lbs...

About speaking to my friends ... should I gather them all and kind of tell them that I have a "problem" or should I just consult my closest...

Skylines&&Turnstiles · 07-05-2006, 07:14 PM

Have you ever asked why she goes on about your weight and told her that it hurts being yelled and screamed at?

InHiding · 07-05-2006, 07:14 PM

My mother has a thyroid problem and is unable to lose weight as well. But I know for a fact that she used to be anorexic, and always talks about weight issues and things, which brought out my anorexia. I don't think parents understand just how much they can affect their children in this area, and the results really are devastating.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds pretty extreme and I don't know what you could possibly say to her to make her change her behavior. It seems like she says these things to do nothing more than cause you pain, since that's all they will really do.

I encourage you to talk to a counselor. How would your mother find out? If necessary, tell her whatever makes you feel better. Tell her it's tutoring, or that you're seeking help to control your weight. I don't know. Maybe someday you can tell her the truth. I know that you are not alone, and this is something you cannot ignore. Eating disorders are real and they need to be dealt with. You find comfort in food. It's not something you can just turn off. But you also do not deserve to be treated this way. You do not deserve those hurtful words. Talk to your friends, talk to a counselor.

I hope this helps! Good luck.

itsallgrand · 07-05-2006, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crayzee

I do not know what to do. I am afraid of speaking to a counsellor because I do not know what my mother would do if she found out.

What do you fear she will do?

Your mom sounds rather abusive. I agree that you should talk to your friends about this - it's too much to keep inside and suffer alone. Maybe try with your closest friend first. Whoever you feel safest with to understand etc.

If the situation is very bad; you may consider finding somewhere else to live.

Is your mom paying for your education? Just wondering if she could possibly use that against you to try to 'hold' you at home.

crayzee · 07-05-2006, 07:21 PM

No I havn't tried to ask her...I feel that I cannot ask her anything about anything. Sometimes there are things that I go through that I KNOW she has insight about but I do not feel comfortable walking up to her and asking.

Thanks for the advice, I hope to get some more from here. I know a lot about eating disorders. It is kind of weird. I know a lot about them, their psychology, their biology - after all, I am a Human Biology/Psychology double major. It is one thing to know theory, it is an entirely other to apply it. I've tried lots of things - excercise, diet, etc... - and have been unsuccessful. I have considered joining LAweightloss programs or weightwatchers and such but they are overly expensive and absolutley unaffordable to me, right now.

crayzee · 07-05-2006, 07:22 PM

I pay for EVERYTHING ... my commute, my books, my tuition, my student fees, clothes, gas, EVERTHING!!!!

InHiding · 07-05-2006, 07:23 PM

I know she said she doesn't want you to, but what is keeping you from living in a dorm?

crayzee · 07-05-2006, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butwhybother

I know she said she doesn't want you to, but what is keeping you from living in a dorm?

I dunno. I would be the one to pay for it. I guess it is fear... I've spoken about the residence conflict we have to a professor that I have grown to trust. He simply said the most he and the university could do is have my registrar call home and have a conversation with her about residence. However, I am afraid of how she would react if she found I "discussed" the issue with someone.

07-05-2006, 06:44 PM	#1
crayzee Offline Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 16	My weight and my mother...please help. Hi there... I am 18 years old (turning 19 in October) and entering my 2nd year of university in September! I am overweight and my mother uses this fact as a "loaded gun". By that I mean that whenever she wants to put me down she will use that and start rambling on about how no one wants to be friends with "rolls of fat", how I should avoid wearing anything "fashionable" because I will make the designer look bad, how when I walk it seems as though big-foot is coming down the stairs... and so on... During my first year of university, she forbid me from moving into residence because "no one wants to share dorms with a fat one" and because she said that if I were in residence I would do nothing but eat all day and not study and fail and drop out. (Which is not the case since I managed to pull a 3.2 GPA in the life sciences...) When ever I am home, studying, sitting around, or whatever, she barges into my room and yells at me for not being "active" and that I will be lonely for the rest of my life and that she is ashamed to take me anywhere because people might think that she is a bad mother as oppose to me being "fat and stupid"... The thing is, I live very far away from my campus. It takes me 2 hours to get there one-way (I have to take a bus AND the subway...). I am doing a double major in Human biology and Psychology and my classes are stressfull and run (almost) nine-to-nine. By the time I get home it is almost 12 o'clock... she doesn't understand what I go through every single day just to get myself a higher education. In the morning, I have to wake up to her negativity and yelling and screaming. I often cry on the bus because I just cannot take her comments anymore. What hurts even more, is that I have actually tried to lose weight. I have taken a kinesiology/nutrition course so its not like I dont know the "basics". Its just, I guess, I lead a stressfull life and everytime she yells, screams and slams doors I just feel the urge to binge on chocolate and foods that tend to calm people (in general) down... I do not know what to do. I am afraid of speaking to a counsellor because I do not know what my mother would do if she found out. I have several close friends but they all seem to think my mother is an angel and a very loving mother and I don't think any of them would believe me if I shared this with them... Can someone offer me some wisdom?

07-05-2006, 06:49 PM	#2
InHiding Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Gender: None Specified Posts: 117	SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS. They are friends with you, not her. They will/should be there for you. What is your mother's weight like? Is she extremely skinny? The reason I ask is because people with eating disorders often act irrational about others being overweight. It might not have anything to do with you.

07-05-2006, 07:05 PM	#3
crayzee Offline Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 16	She is by no means skinny... She has a thyroid problem so she is biologically unable to lose weight. However, i estimate that she weighs somewhere between 170 and 180 lbs... About speaking to my friends ... should I gather them all and kind of tell them that I have a "problem" or should I just consult my closest...

07-05-2006, 07:14 PM	#4
Skylines&&Turnstiles Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Cemetery Drive Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 456	Have you ever asked why she goes on about your weight and told her that it hurts being yelled and screamed at?

07-05-2006, 07:21 PM	#7
crayzee Offline Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 16	No I havn't tried to ask her...I feel that I cannot ask her anything about anything. Sometimes there are things that I go through that I KNOW she has insight about but I do not feel comfortable walking up to her and asking. Thanks for the advice, I hope to get some more from here. I know a lot about eating disorders. It is kind of weird. I know a lot about them, their psychology, their biology - after all, I am a Human Biology/Psychology double major. It is one thing to know theory, it is an entirely other to apply it. I've tried lots of things - excercise, diet, etc... - and have been unsuccessful. I have considered joining LAweightloss programs or weightwatchers and such but they are overly expensive and absolutley unaffordable to me, right now.

07-05-2006, 07:22 PM	#8
crayzee Offline Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 16	I pay for EVERYTHING ... my commute, my books, my tuition, my student fees, clothes, gas, EVERTHING!!!!

07-05-2006, 07:23 PM	#9
InHiding Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Gender: None Specified Posts: 117	I know she said she doesn't want you to, but what is keeping you from living in a dorm?