Sometimes I feel alone in my own skin!

lovecrazy · 06-20-2006, 10:06 PM

Not sure if this is the right place but this goes for my relationship with Win, as well as my family....

Tonight, Win comes home, we have some small talk, and he goes to play his game, comes back up stairs, and then comes back up stairs to get his frozen dinner out of the microwave...well we start chatting. And he asks me what was wrong? I told him my eyes still hurt...I have old contacts, and they are still killing my eyes, as well as allergies...anyyways...I started talking about my sister, then we switched to a different subject....and then he goes down stairs, when I try and go back to something else we were just talking about. (When we actually sit and talk our converstaions switches all the time, no big deal)...but when he just went down stairs to go play his game..I even said "get back up here" he didnt....

Then he came back up stairs for another frozen dinner, asked me what was wrong? I said nothing...just because it would have started a big fight....at least that is what I am afraid of...I hate fighting....

How would you handle something this minor? For some reason when I argue I have a very bad attitude, and I am trying to avoid it as much as possible..Normally when I argue it turns bad. That is why i havent said anythign yet.

But I feel alone in my own skin at times! Oh and this also goes with family too...it seems that no one listens tome...maybe it is because of the bad attitude I get when I argue...so maybe they are sick of it...Which honestly I think I give attitude when someone is screwing my mothe rover, or she is being walked over by my sister, or something like that...

Why is that?

monkey1 · 06-21-2006, 01:21 AM

Maybe the tone and the way you express how you feel people might feel threatened or feel defensive. You might need to work on how you phrase what you feel.

Saying "get back up here" to your partner would probably bother me, esp if we were in the middle of an argument and I needed to take time away to sort myself out. Saying that makes me feel like I'm going to be yelled at or that I did something wrong and would NOT be an effective way to get me to return. It'd be all the more reason I'd rather sit and play games.

Maybe he didn't know you wanted to sit and talk. You could have said "Can you come back upstairs? I wanted to finish telling you what I was saying. You can eat your dinner here if you want." Saying something like that is much less threatening and is more likely to get a positive reponse rather than "get back up here!"

When people act defensive, resentful, mad and have a bad attitude, it makes it very difficult to resolve anything. You need to find a way to calm down and figure out why you're upset and deal with your feelings in a better way. That way, you're more likely to find a solution and resolve a problem.

lovecrazy · 06-21-2006, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monkey1

Maybe the tone and the way you express how you feel people might feel threatened or feel defensive. You might need to work on how you phrase what you feel.

Saying "get back up here" to your partner would probably bother me, esp if we were in the middle of an argument and I needed to take time away to sort myself out. Saying that makes me feel like I'm going to be yelled at or that I did something wrong and would NOT be an effective way to get me to return. It'd be all the more reason I'd rather sit and play games.

Maybe he didn't know you wanted to sit and talk. You could have said "Can you come back upstairs? I wanted to finish telling you what I was saying. You can eat your dinner here if you want." Saying something like that is much less threatening and is more likely to get a positive reponse rather than "get back up here!"

When people act defensive, resentful, mad and have a bad attitude, it makes it very difficult to resolve anything. You need to find a way to calm down and figure out why you're upset and deal with your feelings in a better way. That way, you're more likely to find a solution and resolve a problem.

Well we werent really in an arguement last night...he just kind of wandered off in the middle of a conversation....and that was disrepectful...

But I do agree with you that the tone, and how I say it has alot to do with it!

Thanks!

06-20-2006, 10:06 PM	#1
lovecrazy Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Dawsonville, GA Gender: Female Posts: 587	Sometimes I feel alone in my own skin! Not sure if this is the right place but this goes for my relationship with Win, as well as my family.... Tonight, Win comes home, we have some small talk, and he goes to play his game, comes back up stairs, and then comes back up stairs to get his frozen dinner out of the microwave...well we start chatting. And he asks me what was wrong? I told him my eyes still hurt...I have old contacts, and they are still killing my eyes, as well as allergies...anyyways...I started talking about my sister, then we switched to a different subject....and then he goes down stairs, when I try and go back to something else we were just talking about. (When we actually sit and talk our converstaions switches all the time, no big deal)...but when he just went down stairs to go play his game..I even said "get back up here" he didnt.... Then he came back up stairs for another frozen dinner, asked me what was wrong? I said nothing...just because it would have started a big fight....at least that is what I am afraid of...I hate fighting.... How would you handle something this minor? For some reason when I argue I have a very bad attitude, and I am trying to avoid it as much as possible..Normally when I argue it turns bad. That is why i havent said anythign yet. But I feel alone in my own skin at times! Oh and this also goes with family too...it seems that no one listens tome...maybe it is because of the bad attitude I get when I argue...so maybe they are sick of it...Which honestly I think I give attitude when someone is screwing my mothe rover, or she is being walked over by my sister, or something like that... Why is that?

06-21-2006, 01:21 AM	#2
monkey1 Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: San Francisco, CA Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 690	Maybe the tone and the way you express how you feel people might feel threatened or feel defensive. You might need to work on how you phrase what you feel. Saying "get back up here" to your partner would probably bother me, esp if we were in the middle of an argument and I needed to take time away to sort myself out. Saying that makes me feel like I'm going to be yelled at or that I did something wrong and would NOT be an effective way to get me to return. It'd be all the more reason I'd rather sit and play games. Maybe he didn't know you wanted to sit and talk. You could have said "Can you come back upstairs? I wanted to finish telling you what I was saying. You can eat your dinner here if you want." Saying something like that is much less threatening and is more likely to get a positive reponse rather than "get back up here!" When people act defensive, resentful, mad and have a bad attitude, it makes it very difficult to resolve anything. You need to find a way to calm down and figure out why you're upset and deal with your feelings in a better way. That way, you're more likely to find a solution and resolve a problem.