I am ugly

Hi all

I am a 21 year old male and i feel that i am an ugly looking person. When ever i look in the mirror all i see is ugly. I always see bad features. I don't feel good looking.

The problem stemmed from a year ago when a person compared me to a close friend and said that i was in his very words 'not good looking and girls don't like me' (this person was a male).

This had a huge impact on me and now all i see is uglyness. I feel like crying right now.

What i do also is go on the net and see good looking ppl and then feel down that i dont look like them.

I also dont feel attractive to women.

Someone plz reply and need help.

Man I know EXACTLY how you feel.

It's possible that you're just psyching yourself out because he said that and you're actively LOOKING for flaws. Look up body dismorphic disorder on google.

I have days where I look in the mirror and wonder why I've never had a girlfriend, and other days I look in the mirror and wonder why girls have ever even talked to me.

i feel that way a lot. i hate reading magazines cos i see all the beautiful people and wonder "why couldnt i look like that?" i know how you feel and im sure a lot of people do. coming from a male calling you ugly, he could have been saying that because he was jealous. also, a lot of guys call males ugly just because they dont want to look as if they would be attracted to a guy. i never hear guys say "oh that other guy is relaly hot". and also, you have a very low-self esteem and no confidence. is this the only time youve been called ugly or did you get teased a lot in school or something? i can guarantee youre not an ugly person, i dotn believe there are ugly people i think everyone is unique in their own way, as corny as it sounds. im sure youre a beautiful person with a lot to offer and the people who bring you down are so insecure about themselves so they say hurtful things to make themselves feel better.

is there any way you could go into counseling?

First off, no one is ever really ugly. It is all in how one percieves another. I believe that if you have lowself esteem and you do want to do something to make yourself feel better. Find your weaknesses and start working on them, take a walk, meditate, make a work out sechdule....anything can help you feel better about yourself. It just starts with you. Wake up every morning and look in the mirror and repeat 10 times "I AM NOT UGLY"....it may sound funny but truss me after a while you start believing and knowing it!

i'm so sorry that your friend said that to you! that's an awful thing to hear, especially from someone you trust.

Everyone has things about them that they don't like! everyone! that's why there's so much money in plastic surgery!

There is so much more to a person than whether or not they are 'attractive' in a conventional sense (for example, being thin with big boobs if you're female, or being muscular and tall if you're male) however this perception of how you see yourself can affect everything!

it's easy to say to someone that they need to simply stop comparing themselves to others, but this is such a hard thing to do. however, i do think that if looking at these pictures of people is getting you down, then you should stop looking at them.

find a feature of yours that you like - for me its my eyes - and rest easy in the knowledge that that part of you is beautiful. and if people don't agree with you, what does it matter?

I was a late physical developer and always looked way young for my age. When i was 16-17 i was teased about how small looking i was. This dented my self-esteem soo much so, that now at 21 i am at uni and i have isolated myself from ppl and am crippling shy. I dont even leave my room to empty my room bcause i am afraid to see ppl.

I also really liked this girl and told her indirectly and she rejected me. This hasn;t helped.

I come from a hindu family which wouldn;t really allow me to have a girlfriend. I feel restricted almost.

My mother told me as a joke that i should get cosmetic surgery for the bump on my nose.

I feel i have a bad looking nose and i just generally feel unattractive looking in the mirror.

you need to get out into the world and build up your self esteem!

you've been rejected by one girl, but there's, as the old saying goes, plenty more fish in the sea! and your friends teasing you definitely won't have helped make you feel any better about yourself, but you can't let their negative comments from 5 years ago rule over you anymore. i guarantee that someone you meet someday will think you are beautiful.

i have an odd nose too, as i have no bone on the bridge of it. it's basically flat, to the extent that my glasses slide down it. my friend once said it was like a snout, which hurt, but then i realised that it's my nose. it's as much a part of me as my hand or one of my fingers, so i accept it as a part of me.

you need to find the beauty within yourself, and if these comments from your past weren't there, i'm sure you'd see it much easier!

i'm sure you are not ugly in the slightest, but just a guy with low self esteem

Well, at least your mom never called you an "ugly duckling" when you were a child...

About being attractive to women... the inside is worth so much more than the outside. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. There are guys who have not been attracted to me initially, who grew to like me a lot after they got to know me.

So remember that who you are on the outside doesn't equate who you are on the inside. They always say not to judge other people by their appearances -- but you have to also remember not to judge yourself based solely on your appearance. How can you say that you're not attractive? Would anyone ever date a guy based solely on their looks? Personality is a HUGE factor in attractiveness.

And you shouldn't be afraid to leave your room. If people want to judge you based on your appearance, that's their problem. They're not worth your time. But I can guarantee you that if you learn to like yourself, if you gain the confidence that people will like you even if you don't look like Brad Pitt, then you'll find that most people will not be rejecting you.

The way you see yourself matters more than what other people think of you based on your appearance. Say there are two people, one incredibly handsome yet a dud, and the other mediocre in terms of looks but with a great personality. If the great personality person comports himself with confidence and doesn't really care about his looks, most girls will find him far more attractive than the other guy.

This doesn't go to say that you are not incredibly handsome! It's just an analogy. It really doesn't matter how you look, whether you have amazing looks or not. It just matters if you're okay with yourself and who you are and are able to radiate confidence. Confidence is what attracts people in the long term. So don't let your negative self image bog you down!

You need to get out there, as patch2006uk said. Find out for yourself that there are people out there who will want to know you as a person. Take small steps, like by going out of your room into areas where you can meet girls. Take it at a rate that you are comfortable with. Don't be afraid of taking risks because of what happened in the past with the other girl.

I know how you guys feel also. Some people have made comments about me that have stayed with me. It's not easy at all to believe you are unattractive.

like what IronLion85, some days I look in the mirror and I see a great-looking guy. And other days I look and see someone with no attractiveness potential. It's all about how you feel inside that determines how you see yourself outside.

That said, you do need to do things that make you feel great. Working out is amazing in what it can do for your self-image.

Truly, I won't BS anybody - it's not at all about looks. I've had a few occasions where I believed that looks had nothing to do with it. Why? Because everyone is different in what they see. You can help yourself by making others see you in a different light (not by plastic surgery either) by making confidence radiate.

It's all about confidence. It seems that if you have that, pretty much nothing else matters in terms of how you look.

On a deeper level, when you find out that a really attractive girl likes you (which will happen), at that instant you forget everything else you have gotten in your mind about not being attractive. At that moment physical features no longer matter.

We live in a soceity where no one likes the way they look anymore. If you stare at most super models you can actually see something about them that is ugly. THe thing is though, as men, we don't really know what we look like to them. I mean, we can guess, but it's amazing because I am so handsome looking, but still I can't possibly attract every woman on the planet.

Woman are attracted to men, because they have rugged features, and to you and me we think they are ugly in general. Don't judge yourself, woman don't care what you look like if you can make them feel good and you create feelings in them towards you.Trust me, looks do not matter.

The people who say they do are only saying it because that is their state of mind. If they did a little more thinking about it they would realize it has nothing to do with looks.

innerstrength

Dont let any one say your ugly, they dont have the right to and there not telling the truth. Look at my pic loads have told me Im ugly but I just think there a joke. believe in your self and who you are, be up right, do good when ever you can and dont ever call another human being Ugly like the fool who called you. Be a better man then him not some skin deep eye candi kid. Women and men like who you are more than what you look like. Ive dated Models who would in the eye candi world count as 10s but none of them ever gave me as much fun as my wife who I love with all my hart.

See one day your going to be looking down as you partnet ill in bed looks as bad as they can and you will have to be there for them. 100% there not just thinking well she/he looked better but loving them for what they are now and for ever.

Ugly is what ugly dos and that fool whos indear of help is to pull some one down is as ugly as they come.

It's alright, I've come to cope with being ugly, and ya know..be thankful that you are able bodied and have a roof over your head.

Post a pic, let us judge you!

As for women people generally judge harsher on looks the younger they are because they are more influenced by media. For a man it gets better as you get older and are judged more on your accomplishments and character than your appearance. For women it gets worse because of evolutionary preferences and the media portrayal of younger women as more desirable.

Forgetting your face I bet there are at least a hundred things you can work on to make yourself more desirable than you are right now.

1. hair

2. clothes

3. social skills

4. car

5. ambition/drive

6. humor

etc. etc. etc.

Instead of complaining on the internet or just feeling bitter about your face, acknowledge you have a problem. Then figure out what you can do BETTER than everyone else to make up for it.

Everything is about attitude. If you finally break through and see that you aren't ugly, you'll be fine. Everybody is beautiful in their own way. Just because someone thinks you aren't attractive doesn't mean it's true. You have to be positive about things and keep your chin up. Nobody deserves to feel ugly. And about other people looking attractive, who cares about them. Society has influenced people's minds to think that in order to succeed in life, you need to have good looks, but that's not true. You need the brain, too. So if you want to feel better, go do a hobby that you like and keep your mind off the media. People waste their life trying to look pretty and are very dependent on others, which causes their life to be not as good as it can be.

Think about it this way...yes, you are ugly. So am I. So is the person who told you that you were ugly in the first place. Look at the President, even he is ugly. All of the people who are reading this right now are ugly.

Because we're human, we all carry a little piece of ugliness around with us in our pockets, and we guard that little ugly monster with all we can. There are people out there who don't like people of other races...that's ugly, but when you point it out to them they protect their ugliness. There are people out there who are insecure about themselves, and one way they have to make themselves feel a little bit better is to point out flaws in other people (saying "I feel ugly today, so I'm going to make you feel uglier than me").

One thing to consider is this: although we are ugly, at the same time we're all beautiful. Different people have a different idea of what beautiful is. Just as an example, in one episode of Cheers, Sam (who considered himself to be an adonis) couldn't get the shapely beauty that was hanging out in his bar. He could get any other woman, but not this one. Come to find out that this woman was a "chubby chaser". She liked the fat guy with the good personality. That was her idea of beauty. Fat was beautiful. Sam and his athletic build was not.

For many years, I believed that I was ugly, too. I could never find anybody to share my life with and I had given up. I figured that it was my destiny to watch my friends jump from person to person...finding the perfect one, and then breaking up and doing it all over again, when I couldn't find even one person. But the Indians (Native Americans) have a saying, and that's "There's someone out there for everyone."

Somewhere out there, there's someone who thinks that you're the ideal image of beauty. It all goes back to the beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing. No matter what you look like, nature has balanced things off so that there is someone for you out in the world, somewhere.

Do a little work on yourself, it's going to boost your image of yourself a lot. Start lifting weights, get the daring haircut you've always wanted to get but was afraid to try. Get a tan. Buy some sexy underwear. Little things like this make a difference...not because you're trying to fit into the world of the helium-heads who just KNOW that they're beautiful. But because by doing little things like this, it's going to boost your self esteem.

Speaking of self esteem: I know a few guys out there that are unattractive in physical terms. But they just don't give a squat about it. They behave as any other person would, they don't seem to mind what other people think of them, and they have fun interacting with people. They have wonderful personalities, and women just can't seem to stay away! It's true. Personality can sometimes be more attractive than physical looks. Girls, I think, would much rather go out with an average guy with a great personality than an adonis who only wants to talk about how beautiful he is.

In that light, go out and do something. That's the only way to meet people. Drop your friend that told you that you were ugly in the first place (no true friend would ever say something like that), and start a new thing for yourself. Join a group who does something that you enjoy. Take classes in something that you've always wanted to learn to do.

Every day, find a reason to compliment at least one person. And give that compliment with a smile on your face. Gee, I really like the way you did your hair today. That's a nice dress. You're losing weight, it looks great. If we all did this at least once a day, nobody would ever feel ugly again.

And every night, before you go to bed, look into a mirror and concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Throughout history, people have been inflicted with diseases that can deform and make some people feel like they are physical monsters. God gave you the face that you have now for a reason. In His eyes, you truly are a beautiful child. And if he can see that in you...shouldn't you?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So the first thing, the first step, would be for you to go through a little self-help session. Do it for yourself. Begin by learning to love yourself, because nobody else will ever be able to love you until you're able to. Give yourself a break. Lighten up. Love yourself. All the rest will just fall into place.

Good luck.

(oh, and by the way...I finally did meet the one person who thought that I was beautiful. We've been together now for 7 years.)

I can SOOO relate to this post alot because I often feel this way alot! You have to realise that not everyone will find you attractive & that goes for everyone in the world. What's so great about this world is that we all have different tastes,opinions,styles,looks & preferences. So yeah, wo what if someone called you ugly? There's another person out there that thinks you're the sexiest person on the earth!It's happened to me before,I've been called ugly but I've been called handsome also by a different person,(Not to sound arrogant). Also focus more on the positive than the negative!

If you feel unattractive, do something about it! Maybe changing into a new look & style would make you feel ALOT more confident & more importantly make you feel attractive! I know it HELPS alot when you change somethings about yourself. Get a new hairstyle or get some clothes that fit your personality, get something you like & that looks good on you! Excercise or hit the gym daily! These things will help you!

Also be confident,be funny & always smile! That attracts people even more! You don't have to be a Brad Pitt to be a knockout!! Just be yourself & more importantly love yourself!! If you don't love yourself... who will????

Just think about these things & I hoped I helped! Take care!

I keep on going through stages like that. I do sometimes feel how you feel. I think most of the time it's to do with past issues. Maybe you should try and not think about what that guy said to you because his WRONG. I bet your lovely looking it's just people that bring us down. Let me ask you a question if this guy didn't say everything to you about your looks will you be feeling this way?

When I was a teenager I had a raging case of Body Dysmorphic disorder. And I don't say it lightly either...

I started believing that I was hideously deformed when I was 12 and the self hatred didn't begin to ebb until I was 19-years-old. Due to years of insecurity as a child and my sexuality issues(discovering I was gay and hating it so much...), this was probably the catalyst for my body dysmorphia.

I, LITERALLY, couldn't find ONE good or attractive thing about myself for almost a decade. In fact, every little flaw or imperfection that I had appeared, to me, as a deformity.

I thought that my nose was too long and that I had to much skin. Sometimes I even compared myself to starving Ethiopian children because I was so emaciated(just adolescent thinness). It got to the point where I would not goto the bathroom without turning out the lights...I would wash my face in the dark as well.

I tried never too look into mirrors either because I would find something to obsess over, and sometimes I would waste entire weekends obsessing about an imaginary flaw.

I would also try and find perfect "angles" to achieve a perfect "look." When I found an angle that made me feel good I could leave the house. But if the angle changed I would start obsessing and have borderline panic attacks.

It got to the point where I spent my entire highschool experience inside of my room obsessing about all my flaws.

So believe me, I know what it is like to feel hideous...especially when you are not.

What turned me around, for the better, was human companionship and affirmation from people who saw the good in me.

There will always be those individuals who tear you down(one primary component for my low self image in school was that I always had someone telling me how ugly I was...It was usually the popular kids. And whenever someone would tell me I was beautiful or good looking I automatically thought they were lying out of pity), that is why you have to surround yourself with people who will lift you up...

Most important of all I had to learn to love myself. Believe me, it was a slow process but I eventually did. Instead of obsessing over the things that I hated(which was everything) I found something that I liked...And with gentle, gradual, persuasion I started to believe it...

I realized that I had the power within me to make the positive change. I realized that I was an indivdual with so much to offer...And when I stopped comparing myself to others and just loving who I was and who I had to offer...Bye bye to my detrimental self esteem.

Now I have people telling me that I am cute and handsome all the time...Because I walk with my head held high. Believe me I have come ALONG way. And I still deal with certain insecurities, from time to time...None of us are perfect. But instead of yielding to insecurites I confront them and face them down. And that strength comes from daily affirmation. I don't miss a day when I don't tell myself I am wonderful, beautiful, and a blessing to the world. That may sound totally conceited, but if I don't toot my horn no one else will.

Don't be afraid to love who you are. Once you do you realize how ugly you are NOT.

Hey Wondercookie and FoxLocke, just wanted to thank you guys for sharing your advice/experiences. Your posts were very inspirational.

I dont think anyone sees themselves as perfect. But how you look is not the greatest factor to get a girl to like you, or for you to like yourself. Its all about your self image. If you feel good about yourself, it will show. Im sure you've seen the supermodel with her arms around that ok looking guy. While he may not look the best, his attitude, confidence, and the way he carries himself is what attracted her. Looks aren't everything, walk tall, and smile.

Hey you are not UGLY! That guy was probably just talking and besides he's a guy I wouldn't care what the hell he thought. There is someone out there that will think you are the most handsome man on this earth, you'll see.

AND THAT GOES TO EVERYONE THAT THINK THEY ARE UGLY

Physical attractiveness - what you think you see when you look in the mirror - is so unimportant. Being attractive physically is not the same thing.

I'm female and average looking and this is my perspective:

My longest relationship (10+ years) was with a man who would objectively be called good-looking. It didn't work because I was never sexually attracted to him and though he beat me on looks, he was the one who was insecure.

I am now in a relationship with a man who has, objectively, below average looks. And yet he only has to touch my hand and I want sex. And this is not a first.

Physical attraction to someone is about the whole package. Not about looks, or personality. Just about the combination of the two of you and the way you react to each other.

It's alright, I've come to cope with being ugly, and ya know..be thankful that you are able bodied and have a roof over your head.

Damn girl, you are not ugly at all. Judging from your avatar (I'm assuming that is you?) you are beautiful.

Looks don't matter in life, all that matters is if you are a good person.

That is me, yes...wow I checked this thread by pure chance, I can't believe someone left something on here for me! LOL

thank you v much for good words