I need advice on cheating, help me get out! - Page 5

yeawutever · 06-14-2006, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sddeaston

You people (Ailec, avman, oldboy, and nottoogreen) have slightly more liberal views on this topic, which is fine...HOWEVER, I am PERSONALLY very against it (infidelity). I do not believe, either, that when asking for advice, that it is fair to have an expectation as far as the response. Advice is meant to help direct and guide one to do the right (or appropriate) thing. Why would those who are telling myself and spectre to "tone it down" expect us to be nice, and supportive. SHE CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND...lets not forget the issue at hand.. (avman said something along those lines).

Nope, I'm against it as well. In fact if you look on my early posts on this forum, it would just be criticizing the one who cheated. Just last year, everything I use to see everything black and white, now I'm starting to see some gray parts to it. Yes, cheating is wrong and is never the answer, but does this have to be repeated over and over again. I use to repeat this all over my early posts until I got tired of it already. Yes, she did cheated but she recognize it was wrong, wants to amend it. This is the purpose of this site, to support the people, otherwise many would already be leaving.

doyathink · 06-14-2006, 05:10 PM

To error is human, to sin and fall short, is also human. Sddeaston, a lot of what you are saying does make sense, however, I think it its the way you are portraying it that is comming across a bit bitter. I think all of us including Heather will admit that her actions were wrong!!! Now she is trying to figure out a way to make her situation right again.

Until you have walked in her particular shoes, you have no idea of the decisions you would make. She needs to get this all straight in her head and figure out the best way to approach him with it. Nothing done in haste turns out for the good so while she is seeking others opinions on this matter the real issue here is how and when she can make this known.

You have good ideas you are presenting her with, it's the way you are going about it. Make sense?

sddeaston · 06-14-2006, 06:14 PM

Sure does. However, this woman is in the wrong and doesnt know if she is going to tell the man who she "loves" that she has betrayed him, and has taken him for granted JUST AS MUCH AS HE HAS DONE TO HER (recent issues she has commented on with feeling like she is not "seen"), which is the reason she claims she was "driven" to do this.

To me, her not telling him would be just as big, if not bigger of an infraction upon their MUTUAL vows. HOWEVER, that is just to me, and I am not saying that I am by default right. I am here to make a point, as are all of you. once again, I am not being obscene... Make sense?

Iceman26 · 06-14-2006, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ailec1987

Yes, she did cheated but she recognize it was wrong, wants to amend it.

First off, you can't "amend" an issue like this one. What is done is done, and it can't be taken back.

My advice is to tell your husband, and then see what happens. You sound like a basically good person, and if you don't tell him, I believe you will feel a constant guilt as long as you don't tell him

sonjam · 06-15-2006, 06:00 AM

Poor Heather. She didn't come here for all of you to tell her what she's supposed to do- tell or not tell, she came here to get advice about the way forward to FORGET ABOUT THE OTHER GUY.

Whether she tells or not, it is up to her, forgetting about the other guy is what she want's help with.

Heather, forgive yourself. That is the first step in being able to live with it. We all make mistakes, you are sorry, your family doesn't know, no harm done. Resolve to work on your marraige, and be the best wife you can be. Then go on with your life. What's done is done, go forward, .... and forgive yourself.

pablovblack · 06-15-2006, 06:26 AM

I think your problem is deeper than what you think.

Please read this article on Love from Khrishnamurti.

Please be open minded as to what he is saying, If you understand what he is teaching then If you love someone "properly" there would be no need to cheat, therefore ask yourself this question of why you are cheating and are you really in love or are you fooling yourself.

This article blew my whole concept of love out of the window.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

nottoogreen · 06-15-2006, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pablovblack

I think your problem is deeper than what you think.

Please read this article on Love from Khrishnamurti.

Please be open minded as to what he is saying, If you understand what he is teaching then If you love someone "properly" there would be no need to cheat, therefore ask yourself this question of why you are cheating and are you really in love or are you fooling yourself.

This article blew my whole concept of love out of the window.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Enlightening, thank you.

I have added it to my collection: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showt...ght=kama+sutra

Here is a link with a buddhist perspective: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showt...20#post1060420

pablovblack · 06-15-2006, 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottoogreen

Enlightening, thank you.

I have added it to my collection: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showt...ght=kama+sutra

Here is a link with a buddhist perspective: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showt...20#post1060420

Thank you too, a wonderful post.

theantibarbie23 · 06-15-2006, 12:39 PM

I hate to be the one to bring this up but have you gotten yourself tested for STDs yet? I don't care what this guy you cheated with tells you, he could be a sesspool of disease. Even with protection you are at risk for certain things and yes some of them (like gential warts) can not be cured. If you haven't been tested you should refrain from having sex with your husband until you are. It not fair to him to unknowingly expose him to anything that could jepordize his health.

yeawutever · 06-15-2006, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theantibarbie23

I hate to be the one to bring this up but have you gotten yourself tested for STDs yet? I don't care what this guy you cheated with tells you, he could be a sesspool of disease. Even with protection you are at risk for certain things and yes some of them (like gential warts) can not be cured. If you haven't been tested you should refrain from having sex with your husband until you are. It not fair to him to unknowingly expose him to anything that could jepordize his health.

Yea, that I agree, until you get tested and clear, do not proceed on having sex with your hubby. There quite a handful of STD's that has no cure.

06-14-2006, 05:10 PM	#42
doyathink Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Venus Gender: Female Posts: 5,414	To error is human, to sin and fall short, is also human. Sddeaston, a lot of what you are saying does make sense, however, I think it its the way you are portraying it that is comming across a bit bitter. I think all of us including Heather will admit that her actions were wrong!!! Now she is trying to figure out a way to make her situation right again. Until you have walked in her particular shoes, you have no idea of the decisions you would make. She needs to get this all straight in her head and figure out the best way to approach him with it. Nothing done in haste turns out for the good so while she is seeking others opinions on this matter the real issue here is how and when she can make this known. You have good ideas you are presenting her with, it's the way you are going about it. Make sense? __________________ Don't dwell on what went wrong, Instead focus on who to punch first

06-15-2006, 06:00 AM	#45
sonjam Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: SA Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 974	Poor Heather. She didn't come here for all of you to tell her what she's supposed to do- tell or not tell, she came here to get advice about the way forward to FORGET ABOUT THE OTHER GUY. Whether she tells or not, it is up to her, forgetting about the other guy is what she want's help with. Heather, forgive yourself. That is the first step in being able to live with it. We all make mistakes, you are sorry, your family doesn't know, no harm done. Resolve to work on your marraige, and be the best wife you can be. Then go on with your life. What's done is done, go forward, .... and forgive yourself. __________________ About Kids... Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? A common enemy...

06-15-2006, 12:39 PM	#49
theantibarbie23 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: USA Gender: Female Posts: 350	I hate to be the one to bring this up but have you gotten yourself tested for STDs yet? I don't care what this guy you cheated with tells you, he could be a sesspool of disease. Even with protection you are at risk for certain things and yes some of them (like gential warts) can not be cured. If you haven't been tested you should refrain from having sex with your husband until you are. It not fair to him to unknowingly expose him to anything that could jepordize his health. __________________ Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive. - Havelock Ellis He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. - Raymond Hull Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

06-14-2006, 06:14 PM	#43
sddeaston Offline Join Date: Feb 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 409	Sure does. However, this woman is in the wrong and doesnt know if she is going to tell the man who she "loves" that she has betrayed him, and has taken him for granted JUST AS MUCH AS HE HAS DONE TO HER (recent issues she has commented on with feeling like she is not "seen"), which is the reason she claims she was "driven" to do this. To me, her not telling him would be just as big, if not bigger of an infraction upon their MUTUAL vows. HOWEVER, that is just to me, and I am not saying that I am by default right. I am here to make a point, as are all of you. once again, I am not being obscene... Make sense?

06-15-2006, 06:26 AM	#46
pablovblack Offline Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: England Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 168	I think your problem is deeper than what you think. Please read this article on Love from Khrishnamurti. Please be open minded as to what he is saying, If you understand what he is teaching then If you love someone "properly" there would be no need to cheat, therefore ask yourself this question of why you are cheating and are you really in love or are you fooling yourself. This article blew my whole concept of love out of the window. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]