Atheist and Catholic

Reina · 06-04-2006, 11:03 PM

I am a Catholic and believe God is watching over me, family, friends etc. My ex-boyfriend is atheist. The reason we broke up before was religion. That was a year ago. We still talk all the time and have repeatedly talked about getting back together. However, I keep saying I want to get the religion issue figured out first. I can deal with him not believing the same as me as a friend and I think I could handle it as a spouse (he has said he could see us married at some point). However, we both want kids at some point and this is where it falls apart. He is willing to have children baptized and raised Catholic until they decide for themselves whether to believe in God or not. However, if this is the case, that leaves me with all the responsibility of teaching the religious beliefs. He has no problem with me going to church every week or anything like that so it isn't like he is trying to change my beliefs. I'm just not sure what to do. I realize in the end it is my decision and I can accept him as atheist, but I don't know if I could accept realistically being the only foundation of faith in an immediate family.

(I did see another post with Catholic and atheists, but felt there were a lot of other issues involved in that one that made it seem not as useful for me.)

Any one else have a situation at all similar to maybe offer some advice?

**melrich** · 06-04-2006, 11:07 PM

Quote:

He is willing to have children baptized and raised Catholic until they decide for themselves whether to believe in God or not. However, if this is the case, that leaves me with all the responsibility of teaching the religious beliefs. He has no problem with me going to church every week or anything like that so it isn't like he is trying to change my beliefs.

Well I think that he as shown a real willingness to compromise. If he is an atheist you cannot really expect him to be teaching your future kids about something he does not believe in. And you cannot force him to believe in Catholicism. I do think he has made all the compromises he probably can.

It's probably back to you now to decide whether all that is acceptable. I don't think he can take it any further.

LostInMyThoughts · 06-04-2006, 11:07 PM

Don't comprimise your values for anyone.

It sounds like religion and faith are very important to you, and you deserve to be with someone who mirrors those same beliefs. Thats not to take away anything from your Ex-bf, but I think because you two differ on this important aspect of your lives, should be enough to give you caution.

Good luck.

DN · 06-04-2006, 11:08 PM

My mother was Catholic and my father non-practicing Anglican - he never discussed religion when i was a child. I was raised as a Catholic and went to a Catholic school until secondary school. When I was an adult I made my own decision about my beliefs.

It would not be only you raising the children in the religion if they went to a Catholic School or Sunday school etc. Providing their father did not concern himself in any way I see few problems.

sephoraX · 06-04-2006, 11:16 PM

personally, i feel that children could learn so much from parents like this. I support teching openness and open-mindedness. Your children will see you both and how different you are, and how you are able to work it out. It may be a confusing concept in the younger years...but they will learn.

i know that my future children will be in a similar situation. my values are derived from many, and almost all things that i learn.

as LostInMyThoughts said, there is no need to compromise your own values, and always think of what is in the best interest of your future.
This man has shown that he is willing to work with you on the things that don't fall together. try just as hard to work with him. and if it doesn't work for the two of you, don't force it.

AwdreeHpburn · 06-04-2006, 11:22 PM

fundamental differences are usually deal breakers.

There is no way I would marry anyone who had polar opposite views as me and could possible taint my children.

I'm a strong athiest and when my mom or husband's mom makes occasional religious based comments both my husband and I agree on how to handle it with our children.

I would have a very hard time if my husband and I were not on the same page.

I agree that neither you NOR your ex should compromise.

Daddy Bear · 06-04-2006, 11:30 PM

my mom is involved with the Episcopal Church and my dad spends Sunday mornings puttering around the house. they are both very comfortable in this arrangement.

AwdreeHpburn · 06-04-2006, 11:32 PM

Yeh SB, It can work, no doubt. But what about when it came to you and any siblings??

I have too much fear that my kids will be taught things I don't believe are right to teach children. I'm sure it's the same for others who are strong believers.

So, in the situation of your mum and dad, who's ideaology prevailed?

**melrich** · 06-04-2006, 11:53 PM

Quote:

I have too much fear that my kids will be taught things I don't believe are right to teach children.

Yes but that is not relevant here. The OP has already stated that her ex is happy for the kids to be brought up Catholic and attend Catholic schools etc. He has already made that compromise.

Reina · 06-05-2006, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DN

My mother was Catholic and my father non-practicing Anglican - he never discussed religion when i was a child. I was raised as a Catholic and went to a Catholic school until secondary school. When I was an adult I made my own decision about my beliefs.

When you had religious questions, did you ever ask them at home? If so, did you ever try talking religion with your father? And if the reply was something like we can go ask your mother most of the time--what about if she was gone for something? Did he just brush it off, answer it, tell you to wait, etc?

06-04-2006, 11:03 PM	#1
Reina Offline Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2	Atheist and Catholic I am a Catholic and believe God is watching over me, family, friends etc. My ex-boyfriend is atheist. The reason we broke up before was religion. That was a year ago. We still talk all the time and have repeatedly talked about getting back together. However, I keep saying I want to get the religion issue figured out first. I can deal with him not believing the same as me as a friend and I think I could handle it as a spouse (he has said he could see us married at some point). However, we both want kids at some point and this is where it falls apart. He is willing to have children baptized and raised Catholic until they decide for themselves whether to believe in God or not. However, if this is the case, that leaves me with all the responsibility of teaching the religious beliefs. He has no problem with me going to church every week or anything like that so it isn't like he is trying to change my beliefs. I'm just not sure what to do. I realize in the end it is my decision and I can accept him as atheist, but I don't know if I could accept realistically being the only foundation of faith in an immediate family. (I did see another post with Catholic and atheists, but felt there were a lot of other issues involved in that one that made it seem not as useful for me.) Any one else have a situation at all similar to maybe offer some advice? Last edited by Reina; 06-04-2006 at 11:05 PM.

06-04-2006, 11:07 PM	#3
LostInMyThoughts Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Seattle Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 1,578	Don't comprimise your values for anyone. It sounds like religion and faith are very important to you, and you deserve to be with someone who mirrors those same beliefs. Thats not to take away anything from your Ex-bf, but I think because you two differ on this important aspect of your lives, should be enough to give you caution. Good luck. __________________ "If you're going through hell; keep going." - Winston Churchill

06-04-2006, 11:08 PM	#4
DN Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,445	My mother was Catholic and my father non-practicing Anglican - he never discussed religion when i was a child. I was raised as a Catholic and went to a Catholic school until secondary school. When I was an adult I made my own decision about my beliefs. It would not be only you raising the children in the religion if they went to a Catholic School or Sunday school etc. Providing their father did not concern himself in any way I see few problems. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

06-04-2006, 11:22 PM	#6
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,639	fundamental differences are usually deal breakers. There is no way I would marry anyone who had polar opposite views as me and could possible taint my children. I'm a strong athiest and when my mom or husband's mom makes occasional religious based comments both my husband and I agree on how to handle it with our children. I would have a very hard time if my husband and I were not on the same page. I agree that neither you NOR your ex should compromise. __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

06-04-2006, 11:32 PM	#8
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,639	Yeh SB, It can work, no doubt. But what about when it came to you and any siblings?? I have too much fear that my kids will be taught things I don't believe are right to teach children. I'm sure it's the same for others who are strong believers. So, in the situation of your mum and dad, who's ideaology prevailed? __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

06-04-2006, 11:16 PM	#5
sephoraX Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 23 Posts: 74	personally, i feel that children could learn so much from parents like this. I support teching openness and open-mindedness. Your children will see you both and how different you are, and how you are able to work it out. It may be a confusing concept in the younger years...but they will learn. i know that my future children will be in a similar situation. my values are derived from many, and almost all things that i learn. as LostInMyThoughts said, there is no need to compromise your own values, and always think of what is in the best interest of your future. This man has shown that he is willing to work with you on the things that don't fall together. try just as hard to work with him. and if it doesn't work for the two of you, don't force it.

06-04-2006, 11:30 PM	#7
Daddy Bear Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: TBA Gender: Male Age: 47 Posts: 4,358	my mom is involved with the Episcopal Church and my dad spends Sunday mornings puttering around the house. they are both very comfortable in this arrangement.