Muslim vs Catholic

Miss_A · 06-03-2006, 06:13 AM

Mine is a very difficult situation...I have lost hope and am hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been with my bf for 4 years he is muslim and i am catholic...his parents hate me...despise me...simply because i am not muslim. His mother has recently been trying to set him up with a the "right" girl. She turns up everywhere he goes, she comes to his house for dinner. I am at my witts end. I do not know what to do anymore. This is one thing to add to a very long list of things. I would cut off my right arm for him but at the same time i am upset and alone. I do not know whether i should stay or go. Please somebody shed some light....

Daligal83 · 06-03-2006, 08:23 AM

I think it's important for you to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss what he wants. Is he OK with not marrying a Muslim girl? If so then he needs to start dealing with his mother about this issue so that it does not hurt your relationship. If he does want to marry a Muslim girl, then there is your answer.

If you guys stay together, don't expect his mother to just accept it and make it easy for you. It's obviously important to her that her son marry someone Muslim and it may take a long time for her to come around, if she ever does. You and your boyfriend just have to decide if it's worth the fight.

novaseeker · 06-03-2006, 08:27 AM

A work colleague of mine is a Muslim woman who is married to a Catholic man. She relates the tales of their early relationship and how tense it was for the families, but as the two groups of people got to see how well the couple got along and how good they were for each other, they gained greater acceptance. They never gained *total* acceptance, however, because each religion considers it important that offspring be raised in that tradition, and not any other tradition, so there's an inherent conflict if anyone in the equation is religious (including the extended families of course). So there will always be some conflict. But these relationships can work ... again my colleague and her husband are very happily married with three lovely kids.

Miss_A · 06-03-2006, 08:44 AM

My bf and I have talked about it...over and over...and he has clearly expressed its me he wants to be with...i know its an uphill battle with his parents...mine have come around...not entirely but they back up what i believe. His parents have said to him...we dont care about your hapiness its how you look in the "community". His dad is a figure head in their community. And his mother will not stop meddling and trying to set him up. This girl is dead keen on him too. he says no, removes himself if she is around, but i just dont know what to do anymore. it hurts to stay and it hurts to go.

Mr Mister1 · 06-03-2006, 08:52 AM

I used to be with a Muslim girl and in the end it didn't work out because of our religous difference, we don't even talk to each other now. I am Catholic but I will never judge someone based on their religion.
In my case I never even met her parents, she never even told them I existed because they had told her that if she ever was involved with someone non Muslim they would never forgive her. On a few occasions she brought it up pretty much saying it wouldn't work out because of that only to decide she still wanted me. In the end though I had to call it off because it just wasn't going to work out unless she could decide that she did want me for who I was. As a result I also decided that we couldn't be friends, mainly because I found the whole thing to be insulting and offensive.

I don't personally believe religous differences should get in the way if the two people really love each other and frankly I think your bf's parents need to grow up! But he also needs to grow up and decide to either stick with you and make it clear to his parents he wants to be with you and he's going to to so, or decide to just do what his parents tell him and leave you alone!

So in conclusion my advice is to stright up ask him, does he want to be with you for the long term for who and what you are and will he be man enough to stick by his decision despite any xenophobic demands from his parents. If his answer is yes then good on him but it will also be his responsibility to stand up to his parents. If his answer is no then you deserve better and WILL be better off with someone else!

Beyondthesea · 06-03-2006, 09:26 AM

I understand where you are coming from. I'm actually friends with a girl who is Muslim, the boy is also Muslim but from a different sekt(?) so his parents are outraged and don't want anything to do with her.

HOWEVER, the point is that he has to stick up for you. It sounds like he is. Now, if he is ready to commit to you, i think he should just do it because eventually they have to accept you...they have no choice.

I also wanted to mention that if you do want to marry him, you're going to have to get used to feeling unaccepted unfortunately. That is just the way they will be to you because you aren't Muslim.

Or yes, you could convert but they may still have concerns. How much do you love this guy? It may be a long, bumpy life.

Mr Mister1 · 06-03-2006, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheyda

If his parents are extremely strict, the only way you are going to be able to be with him without upsetting them is by converting to Islam. If you decide to do that, you have to be aware that you will pretty much be dedicating your entire life to your religion; many Muslims are much more religious than Catholics.

That'd be a very big thing to do, you'd have to be VERY sure it was what you wanted and it was right for you. Doing it for the sake of being accepted would not be right, it wouldn't feel right, especially if you've had strong Catholic beliefs for a long time. Like, well for me it's not just something I do it's something I am and no matter what happens I will always be a Catholic. It's not much different than if you were born and raised in say.. Scotland, you'll always be Scottish!

AwdreeHpburn · 06-03-2006, 10:41 AM

.....become an atheist. Prolly easier for them to swallow, someone who believes in no god than one believes in a catholic one....

Kyoshiro Ogari · 06-03-2006, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss_A

My bf and I have talked about it...over and over...and he has clearly expressed its me he wants to be with...i know its an uphill battle with his parents...mine have come around...not entirely but they back up what i believe. His parents have said to him...we dont care about your hapiness its how you look in the "community". His dad is a figure head in their community. And his mother will not stop meddling and trying to set him up. This girl is dead keen on him too. he says no, removes himself if she is around, but i just dont know what to do anymore. it hurts to stay and it hurts to go.

How old are the two of you? I ask because of this...

Quote:

His parents have said to him...we dont care about your hapiness its how you look in the "community".

An adult would make his/her own decision about who they want to be with and defy their parents. "Defy" is a strong word to use but it applies here. His father is a community figure head. Tricky situation. Converting to Islam is not a bad idea, if you're ready for that. I doubt you would be, though. My friend who is Italian converted to Hebrew(?) for his girlfriend. He even took a small jab with a needle to his penis during some ceremony. Now that's love for you right there. I have another friend who is Muslim and he's married with three kids to a Catholic. No terrible problems there, but honestly I am not sure how his parents reacted, since they live in Egypt and he's here in the US of A. Her parents were fine with it though. We worked with his father-in-law and they were like buddies.

Some of the greatest relationships/unions were those that overcame obstacles. This is the Mount Fiji of hurdles because religion is the #1a root of the world's problems, with money being 1b. Amazing how the most powerful entity/entities of the universe that we all worship are the biggest cause of our current problems. I find that contradictingly mind boggling. But I digress.

As for you, I say stick it out. If you are old enough, do what you want. You want to be with him and he wants to be with you. As adults (if you two are so) you can make your own decisions. It's your life. Live it as you choose to.

Scout · 06-03-2006, 10:52 AM

Hmmm...it sounds like the mom needs to be won over here. Are you allowed in their house? If so, I would use every opportunity to talk pleasantly with her, offer to help with cleaning up after dinner, or helping to cook.

Treat her like she'd want a daughter-in-law to treat her! Ask her to teach you how to sew, or to cook something, or anything you know she knows how to do. Bring her cookies, or little gift baskets. Just kill her with kindness (as sincerely as possible).

And bring your boyfriend into the efforts. You two could wash the family cars, help with the yardwork.

I know this all sounds like kissing up...and it is! The key is to be such a nice, friendly, open person that eventually his parents will feel guilty for not liking you, no matter how religious they are.

06-03-2006, 08:23 AM	#2
Daligal83 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 3,033	I think it's important for you to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss what he wants. Is he OK with not marrying a Muslim girl? If so then he needs to start dealing with his mother about this issue so that it does not hurt your relationship. If he does want to marry a Muslim girl, then there is your answer. If you guys stay together, don't expect his mother to just accept it and make it easy for you. It's obviously important to her that her son marry someone Muslim and it may take a long time for her to come around, if she ever does. You and your boyfriend just have to decide if it's worth the fight. __________________ Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it. ~Salvador Dali~ "If you can't trust, then you can't be trusted" -Ben Folds

06-03-2006, 09:26 AM	#6
Beyondthesea Offline Gold Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: where the streets have no name Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 1,606	I understand where you are coming from. I'm actually friends with a girl who is Muslim, the boy is also Muslim but from a different sekt(?) so his parents are outraged and don't want anything to do with her. HOWEVER, the point is that he has to stick up for you. It sounds like he is. Now, if he is ready to commit to you, i think he should just do it because eventually they have to accept you...they have no choice. I also wanted to mention that if you do want to marry him, you're going to have to get used to feeling unaccepted unfortunately. That is just the way they will be to you because you aren't Muslim. Or yes, you could convert but they may still have concerns. How much do you love this guy? It may be a long, bumpy life. __________________ _____________________________ Dreams are renewable, whether you're five or 105, you have a lifetime ahead of you. ~Rev. Dale Turner It's never too late, in fiction or in life, to revise. ~Nancy Thayer Every day you sit back and wait for something to happen is another day lost. ~Jennifer Flavin Last edited by Beyondthesea; 06-03-2006 at 09:41 AM.

06-03-2006, 10:41 AM	#8
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,639	.....become an atheist. Prolly easier for them to swallow, someone who believes in no god than one believes in a catholic one.... __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

06-03-2006, 10:52 AM	#10
Scout Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 7,292	Hmmm...it sounds like the mom needs to be won over here. Are you allowed in their house? If so, I would use every opportunity to talk pleasantly with her, offer to help with cleaning up after dinner, or helping to cook. Treat her like she'd want a daughter-in-law to treat her! Ask her to teach you how to sew, or to cook something, or anything you know she knows how to do. Bring her cookies, or little gift baskets. Just kill her with kindness (as sincerely as possible). And bring your boyfriend into the efforts. You two could wash the family cars, help with the yardwork. I know this all sounds like kissing up...and it is! The key is to be such a nice, friendly, open person that eventually his parents will feel guilty for not liking you, no matter how religious they are. __________________ If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. * * * One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie * * * Bob Ross rules! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOpF_ZGD4Ps

06-03-2006, 06:13 AM	#1
Miss_A Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Australia Gender: Female Posts: 10	Muslim vs Catholic Mine is a very difficult situation...I have lost hope and am hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have been with my bf for 4 years he is muslim and i am catholic...his parents hate me...despise me...simply because i am not muslim. His mother has recently been trying to set him up with a the "right" girl. She turns up everywhere he goes, she comes to his house for dinner. I am at my witts end. I do not know what to do anymore. This is one thing to add to a very long list of things. I would cut off my right arm for him but at the same time i am upset and alone. I do not know whether i should stay or go. Please somebody shed some light....

06-03-2006, 08:27 AM	#3
novaseeker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Gender: Male Age: 41 Posts: 1,660	A work colleague of mine is a Muslim woman who is married to a Catholic man. She relates the tales of their early relationship and how tense it was for the families, but as the two groups of people got to see how well the couple got along and how good they were for each other, they gained greater acceptance. They never gained total acceptance, however, because each religion considers it important that offspring be raised in that tradition, and not any other tradition, so there's an inherent conflict if anyone in the equation is religious (including the extended families of course). So there will always be some conflict. But these relationships can work ... again my colleague and her husband are very happily married with three lovely kids.

06-03-2006, 08:44 AM	#4
Miss_A Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Australia Gender: Female Posts: 10	My bf and I have talked about it...over and over...and he has clearly expressed its me he wants to be with...i know its an uphill battle with his parents...mine have come around...not entirely but they back up what i believe. His parents have said to him...we dont care about your hapiness its how you look in the "community". His dad is a figure head in their community. And his mother will not stop meddling and trying to set him up. This girl is dead keen on him too. he says no, removes himself if she is around, but i just dont know what to do anymore. it hurts to stay and it hurts to go.

06-03-2006, 08:52 AM	#5
Mr Mister1 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 452	I used to be with a Muslim girl and in the end it didn't work out because of our religous difference, we don't even talk to each other now. I am Catholic but I will never judge someone based on their religion. In my case I never even met her parents, she never even told them I existed because they had told her that if she ever was involved with someone non Muslim they would never forgive her. On a few occasions she brought it up pretty much saying it wouldn't work out because of that only to decide she still wanted me. In the end though I had to call it off because it just wasn't going to work out unless she could decide that she did want me for who I was. As a result I also decided that we couldn't be friends, mainly because I found the whole thing to be insulting and offensive. I don't personally believe religous differences should get in the way if the two people really love each other and frankly I think your bf's parents need to grow up! But he also needs to grow up and decide to either stick with you and make it clear to his parents he wants to be with you and he's going to to so, or decide to just do what his parents tell him and leave you alone! So in conclusion my advice is to stright up ask him, does he want to be with you for the long term for who and what you are and will he be man enough to stick by his decision despite any xenophobic demands from his parents. If his answer is yes then good on him but it will also be his responsibility to stand up to his parents. If his answer is no then you deserve better and WILL be better off with someone else!