Pretty sure my Dad has depression

Blured · 05-26-2006, 09:11 AM

I know I've been asking for help alot recently, but this is really bothering me.
I live with both my parents, and my younger brother, who has severe autism (14), he can't verbally communicate at all, and needs constant supervision.
My dad works probably around 40 hours a week, two days a week he works well over 12 hours (leaves at 6am, gets back around 9/10) his work is opretty stressful; he's a chaplin in a young offender's prison.
When Dad isn't working he has to look after my brother, my Mum does her fair share too, and she works part time.
Dad is constantly expressing his frustration with life, he says he has no life outside of work, and is constantly wearing a frown. In the few hours of free time he gets a week, he's working on a degree.
Sorry to blurb, but what -if anything- can I do?! I offer to help with my Brother, but they feel that I'm not old enough to take him out on my own yet, and that it's not my responsabilty.

kellbell · 05-26-2006, 09:14 AM

Hi Blured,

Wow, it sounds like your parents have their hands full. Some things you can do...well perhaps helping around the house with the chores. Or helping make dinner. Do you help out with taking care of your autistic brother? My advice would be help out as much as you can around the house.

All families go through a rough patch such as yours. It just takes the family sticking together and helping each other out. Good for you for asking about what you can do. Hope this helps you.

reality_writer · 05-26-2006, 09:36 AM

Hey, I grew up with a father who had depression and was an alcoholic.... sooo I kinda know that it does really suck.

But at the same time, you gotta remember that he made his own life, he brought you into it, and you shouldn't feel that you have to except responsibility for any of his un-happiness.

it sounds like he is taking on a lot, maybe if he tried cutting out something that is over working him, or if he really wants to finish the degree, think about changing his hours at his job to part time just for awhile. to slow things down. It just sounds like he needs a little "him" time.

If you are really worried about it, talk to him, and get him to go to the doctor, and get the doctor to recommend a therapist to talk to. Sometimes that helps all on it's own.

Tigris · 05-26-2006, 10:11 AM

Good for you for trying to help. How old are you?

jabele · 05-26-2006, 11:02 AM

Since you are his daughter, I feel it might not be the best idea to be his therapist. At the same time, it might be useful to allow him to speak openly about how he feels about his life/work situation and then say ---in a non-threatening and caring way---that there are people he can talk to. In fact, many workplaces provide therapy services and job counseling to their workers...

Those are really long days he has and I do think it would be beneficial that he get that sort of support. Also, I'm not sure how old you are, but maybe you could do things around the house - i.e.- help clean, cook, and pick up after yourself (though you may do these things already, I don't really know)

Those are my suggestions. Good luck

Blured · 05-26-2006, 02:31 PM

I'm 16, and though I do help with my brother I don't do enough cleaning. Though my mum does must of it - Dad doesn't care, or have enough time. Me and Mum have suggested to him that he goes to a doctor, or has some kind of therapy - he actually grimaces at the idea. He doesn't like the idea of telling his problems to someone he doesn't know, which is understandable.

Tigris · 05-26-2006, 06:44 PM

His problem will only get worse if he doesn't deal with it now! Talk to your Mother again and see if she'll agree to go with him. Get her to tell him it's now starting to affect the family. If he's devoted to the family he'll probably come to his senses and do something about it.

05-26-2006, 09:11 AM	#1
Blured Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 126	Pretty sure my Dad has depression I know I've been asking for help alot recently, but this is really bothering me. I live with both my parents, and my younger brother, who has severe autism (14), he can't verbally communicate at all, and needs constant supervision. My dad works probably around 40 hours a week, two days a week he works well over 12 hours (leaves at 6am, gets back around 9/10) his work is opretty stressful; he's a chaplin in a young offender's prison. When Dad isn't working he has to look after my brother, my Mum does her fair share too, and she works part time. Dad is constantly expressing his frustration with life, he says he has no life outside of work, and is constantly wearing a frown. In the few hours of free time he gets a week, he's working on a degree. Sorry to blurb, but what -if anything- can I do?! I offer to help with my Brother, but they feel that I'm not old enough to take him out on my own yet, and that it's not my responsabilty.

05-26-2006, 09:14 AM	#2
kellbell Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 4,333	Hi Blured, Wow, it sounds like your parents have their hands full. Some things you can do...well perhaps helping around the house with the chores. Or helping make dinner. Do you help out with taking care of your autistic brother? My advice would be help out as much as you can around the house. All families go through a rough patch such as yours. It just takes the family sticking together and helping each other out. Good for you for asking about what you can do. Hope this helps you. __________________ "Let your soul be your pilot, let your soul guide you, it will guide you well." Sting <---- me and my mom :) "Get busy living or get busy dyin', damn right..." Morgan Freeman, Shawshank Redemption.

05-26-2006, 11:02 AM	#5
jabele Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: NY Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 177	Since you are his daughter, I feel it might not be the best idea to be his therapist. At the same time, it might be useful to allow him to speak openly about how he feels about his life/work situation and then say ---in a non-threatening and caring way---that there are people he can talk to. In fact, many workplaces provide therapy services and job counseling to their workers... Those are really long days he has and I do think it would be beneficial that he get that sort of support. Also, I'm not sure how old you are, but maybe you could do things around the house - i.e.- help clean, cook, and pick up after yourself (though you may do these things already, I don't really know) Those are my suggestions. Good luck __________________ “I am going into an unknown future, but I'm still here. And still, where there’s life, there’s hope.” —John Lennon, December 8, 1980

05-26-2006, 09:36 AM	#3
reality_writer Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 51	Hey, I grew up with a father who had depression and was an alcoholic.... sooo I kinda know that it does really suck. But at the same time, you gotta remember that he made his own life, he brought you into it, and you shouldn't feel that you have to except responsibility for any of his un-happiness. it sounds like he is taking on a lot, maybe if he tried cutting out something that is over working him, or if he really wants to finish the degree, think about changing his hours at his job to part time just for awhile. to slow things down. It just sounds like he needs a little "him" time. If you are really worried about it, talk to him, and get him to go to the doctor, and get the doctor to recommend a therapist to talk to. Sometimes that helps all on it's own.

05-26-2006, 10:11 AM	#4
Tigris Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 3,556	Good for you for trying to help. How old are you?

05-26-2006, 02:31 PM	#6
Blured Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 126	I'm 16, and though I do help with my brother I don't do enough cleaning. Though my mum does must of it - Dad doesn't care, or have enough time. Me and Mum have suggested to him that he goes to a doctor, or has some kind of therapy - he actually grimaces at the idea. He doesn't like the idea of telling his problems to someone he doesn't know, which is understandable.

05-26-2006, 06:44 PM	#7
Tigris Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 3,556	His problem will only get worse if he doesn't deal with it now! Talk to your Mother again and see if she'll agree to go with him. Get her to tell him it's now starting to affect the family. If he's devoted to the family he'll probably come to his senses and do something about it.