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  1. #1
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    My Daddy Shot Me Up & Raped Me @ 16

    Well, I have never done this before. I see how wonderful people treat one another here, so here it goes..I hope you will pardon if it is too lenghthy.
    All I ever wanted was a Daddy. Mine left at age of 5. My step father was extremely physically & psycologically abusive. One day my dream came true, my Daddy showed up when I was 15. It was like prince charming had arrived to rescue me! When he would hug me & put me on his lap I loved it! I had never been hugged my my step father and rarely Momma.
    One day he called me into his room and gave me a shot of Cocaine I fell back on the bed. I loved this free feeling. The next thin I know he is on top of me inside of me. I cried and said NO NO NO. He just kept on. When he finished raping me, he looked at me and said you are just like your mother, you will never please a man, you don't have a sensuous bone in your bidy. I am now 42 God help me there is so much more. This went on & on. I ran away, when my baby sister was murdered I came back for her funeral. Daddy was there. I confronted him about everything. He apologized. I eventually came back to this town and he always seems to violte me. kissiing, inapproriate touching. I HATE IT I JUST WANT HIM TO LOVE ME AS A DAUGHTER. None of my sisters or Momma can understand why have have such a need to be loved by him. Am I sick?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    Moderators - topic cleared
    Last edited by avman; 05-05-2006 at 02:38 PM.
    You can make the world a better place - one person at a time.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    Hello justagirl88. Have you gone to the authorities yet about this? We can certainly do so on your behalf to bring this to justice.
    You can make the world a better place - one person at a time.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Beyondthesea's Avatar
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    Hi,

    I am absolutely horrified at what you have endured. You are not sick for wanting his approval, but it's probably not worth the effort.

    Have you sought counseling and group therapy to help you sort through your feelings? You certainly deserve to feel clear and peace of mind.

    My prayers are with you.
    _____________________________
    Dreams are renewable, whether you're five or 105,
    you have a lifetime ahead of you.
    ~Rev. Dale Turner

    It's never too late,
    in fiction or in life, to revise.
    ~Nancy Thayer

    Every day you sit back and wait for something to happen
    is another day lost.
    ~Jennifer Flavin

  5. #5
    Silver Member coollady1957's Avatar
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    You have surely been through a nightmare with what he did. It definately should be stopped on what he is continuing to do to you.

    Some counseling for youself may be of some help, so that you can understand your feelings.

    For this man, I know that he needs to stop what he is doing,. THere are efforts that you can make to put a stop to it. If he did this to you in the past and continues to violate you by the unwanted touching, kissing, , etc, how do you know he is not doing it to some one else also.

    I hope you find the right path to correct this situation.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member AwdreeHpburn's Avatar
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    Justagirl - Welcome. I hope you find some consolation here on ENA.

    You are not at all sick for wanting your father to love you in a "normal" way.

    I am so sorry for your experiences.

    Have you been thru therapy or dealt with this with a professional psychologist?
    What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

  7. #7
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    Thank you ALL so much. I thought, "who would respond to me?" It is complicated. My condition to come back to my town where Daddy lives, was for him, his wife & myself to all sit down and let me confront him and he tell his wife the truth. (I was 24 years old at that time) He got on his kness and begged my forgiveness and admitted to everything. I was FINALLY at peace with it. ALL of the horrible, horrible night mares I endured for 7 long years .. TERRIFED of sleep, finally began to slow down. As time moved along, he would get drunk, grab a breast or my butt..."accidentaly" fall on me a get a hand full between my legs or a nasty UGH.."wet sloppy kiss". He ruined everything. It is all back. EVERYTIME I go away for a long time, then I miss him, go back and see him and he is Mr. Appropraite then eventually he does the same things. Never Rape again, I would kill him. It is the most confusing situation of shame, anger, love , hate, betrayal , rage, sadness and fear. Most of all I just want him to look and me and love me like a daughter. I know this will not happen , he is sick. I am 42 years old. #$$** can't I get over it? I did before. But now it seems even more insulting and degrading because I have confronted him. 2 weeks ago I went to see him. He begged me to sleep in his bed with him, etc..I cried and begged him to not treat me like this then I brought it all back up. His exact words were.."Jesus Christ...that was so many years ago, don't blame me, you wanted me to shoot you up..." As far as authorities, I did everything a child was taught. I told my Mother, Step Dad, Daddy's wife, Daddy's Ex, 2 uncles and NOTHING. NOT ONE SOLE TOLD AUTHORITIES. And YES he has done it to many children..my 2 little sisters (I recently found out) my brother and God himself only knows how many other children. I TOLD. Nobody came. I felt if I went to the police when no adult did that I would be ignored again & feel violated all oveer agin. Is this being a drama queen tell everyone on here? I just don't know how to get it out of my head.

  8. 05-05-2006, 04:44 PM

  9. #8
    You are not being a drama queen, your scared, no one on this earth could blame you. Your a grown woman now, he can't do these things to you anymore, you need to get away from him. Just cut off all contact so you can get away and heal. Then call the police and get him locked up.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member Sylph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the yang to the worlds yin
    You are not being a drama queen, your scared, no one on this earth could blame you. Your a grown woman now, he can't do these things to you anymore, you need to get away from him. Just cut off all contact so you can get away and heal. Then call the police and get him locked up.
    I agree completly.

    I know it's difficult to hear people say something like 'Just go to the police' when it is probably extremely difficult for you to bring yourself to do so but the bottom line is that you must. If no one else is going to go to the police then you have to not only for the sake of battling your own demons but for the sake of other children he might be abusing every single day.

    The police are not going to shun you, you don't know that you will. I know it's going to be tough but you've got to tell them. If you and even one of the other people he's abused come give a statement then that's more then enough to get him convicted for a very long time indeed.

    Right now you have two choices, you can allow him to continue doing God knows what to other people while you live with your nightmares and countless emotions that must be going through your head. Or you can go to the police and get this all over with so you can get some final real closure.
    To the two of them, neither actions nor thoughts matter.

    They are connected by something more essential, more integral.

    They do not give unto each other, nor do they seek.

    It might be that their mutual existance is all that they require.

  11. #10
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    Thank you. Aren't I too old? What about statute of limitations? He recently had a quadruple bi-pass. My little sisters may hate me for it. It is just so much. I did see a therapist for a while. I loved it. She was so wonderful. Bless her heart, when she heard all of the craziness I have experienced .. she said I should write a book! Then she quit working at that office and my then insurance wasn't accepted at her new practice. I just felt dumped. Now I have no insurance and am afraid to open up everthing again and they will quit eventually too.

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