new skin

jchan · 05-03-2006, 05:35 PM

5-6 weeks NC

i'm just typing here to get things off my mind so yes. the old me died. it died the day my heart was ripped out and stomped on that fateful day, a lil over a month ago. I'm in the process of being reborn.

i yearned for her, in my dreams, in my thoughts in my day to day life. she left me for someone else. last time i heard about her she's been really good friends with this acquaintance passenger from her flight. she's overseas right now with her family (i was supposed to be there). from lonliness and the happy atmosphere of spring, i become sad at times. Sadly enough, I recieved a family heirloom from my grandmother, 2 matching wedding rings- my grandmother thought there was something good to come out of this. She still believes my ex is going to come back. I wish for the same thing.

but the shear thought of the end of my relationship, how i was abandoned on the basis of being unable to take care of her (on her terms?) being too negative, how she lost interest in me, how there's somebody else in the picture who's so much richer, better than me, and how "timing" isn't right, has made me angry. very angry. it's not that i hate her. I know many of you would tell me to do so. it's just that i hate how things have become.

she wants to be friends, but would you be friends with a backstabber? the term friendship is too easily thrown around. and it has. my friend's been telling me how she has tried to contact me several times but i haven't answered. good for me. screw her. if she doesn't love me why would she still want to contact me? i'm no fool. not anymore. i've learned to become strong. I'm too much better as a person to hang around garbage like this. If I was going to be with her I'll do so as a boyfriend. Not some backburner backup plan friend looming over her possible new relationship with this new guy, or someone else.

I'm so much stronger, there would be times of anger, hate, bitterness. But this relationship taught me something important. That I should always watch my back. Because all it comes down to is this, love only exists when both parties work at it, there's no love when somebody puts more effort into it. If she wants to come back (who am i kidding) there's work to be done, i might be happy. But i'm counting on the basis that i'm going to change, success is the best form of revenge. She'll regret leaving a good relationship, leaving a good boyfriend, a guy with so much potential

neolithic · 05-03-2006, 05:50 PM

good for you. you're right; if she wants to keep you in her life but not as her boyfriend, she's just throwing you around. that's very strong of you to recognize and you are certainly on the road to recovery. i wouldn't even think of getting back together, ever. you should move on and learn from this, and again.. good for you.

rajabah · 05-03-2006, 07:00 PM

That's good to hear. You and I have had a very similar experience. Ex-gf dumped me for someone else a month and a half ago and wanted to be friends.

Don't take her back if she ever does come back though. She will have no respect for you then and she'll know what her limits are and she'll do it again, I guarantee. Don't be someone else's doormat.

Through this experience I have learned that you can't depend on someone else for your love and happiness. You can only count on yourself. You can't give someone everything you've got, because when they leave you, you're left with nothing.

Keep up the NC, and if she calls or emails you or anything, I say ignore it. Silence is deafening. I know I'll be doing the same if my ex ever decides to come back to me.

possibiliti · 05-03-2006, 08:35 PM

[QUOTE]Through this experience I have learned that you can't depend on someone else for your love and happiness. You can only count on yourself. You can't give someone everything you've got, because when they leave you, you're left with nothing.[QUOTE]

rajabah, I couldn't agree more with what you said above. When we love somebody, we just believe in him/her whole heartedly, invest all our efforts and engery. But really when s/he leaves, nothing matters. Sometimes I feel like I never exist. People can really switch from angel to devil in no time.

jchan, I am also on this road of healing. I feel the same. It is really a torture, but maybe reborn itself is just a painful process. Constantly looking back to the past, waiting for our exs to change their minds will just make us stuck in the dark shadow forever. After all, exs don't care about us, maybe before, but not now, not in the future. They left. We are not important enough to keep. But really come to think of it, be strong, keep living and living well is the only way we can be happy again and have a life ahead. As time passes on, I hope one day we will feel indifference when we think back all of this.

05-03-2006, 05:35 PM	#1
jchan Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Age: 26 Posts: 168	new skin 5-6 weeks NC i'm just typing here to get things off my mind so yes. the old me died. it died the day my heart was ripped out and stomped on that fateful day, a lil over a month ago. I'm in the process of being reborn. i yearned for her, in my dreams, in my thoughts in my day to day life. she left me for someone else. last time i heard about her she's been really good friends with this acquaintance passenger from her flight. she's overseas right now with her family (i was supposed to be there). from lonliness and the happy atmosphere of spring, i become sad at times. Sadly enough, I recieved a family heirloom from my grandmother, 2 matching wedding rings- my grandmother thought there was something good to come out of this. She still believes my ex is going to come back. I wish for the same thing. but the shear thought of the end of my relationship, how i was abandoned on the basis of being unable to take care of her (on her terms?) being too negative, how she lost interest in me, how there's somebody else in the picture who's so much richer, better than me, and how "timing" isn't right, has made me angry. very angry. it's not that i hate her. I know many of you would tell me to do so. it's just that i hate how things have become. she wants to be friends, but would you be friends with a backstabber? the term friendship is too easily thrown around. and it has. my friend's been telling me how she has tried to contact me several times but i haven't answered. good for me. screw her. if she doesn't love me why would she still want to contact me? i'm no fool. not anymore. i've learned to become strong. I'm too much better as a person to hang around garbage like this. If I was going to be with her I'll do so as a boyfriend. Not some backburner backup plan friend looming over her possible new relationship with this new guy, or someone else. I'm so much stronger, there would be times of anger, hate, bitterness. But this relationship taught me something important. That I should always watch my back. Because all it comes down to is this, love only exists when both parties work at it, there's no love when somebody puts more effort into it. If she wants to come back (who am i kidding) there's work to be done, i might be happy. But i'm counting on the basis that i'm going to change, success is the best form of revenge. She'll regret leaving a good relationship, leaving a good boyfriend, a guy with so much potential

05-03-2006, 05:50 PM	#2
neolithic Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 275	good for you. you're right; if she wants to keep you in her life but not as her boyfriend, she's just throwing you around. that's very strong of you to recognize and you are certainly on the road to recovery. i wouldn't even think of getting back together, ever. you should move on and learn from this, and again.. good for you.

05-03-2006, 07:00 PM	#3
rajabah Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: East Coast Gender: Male Posts: 71	That's good to hear. You and I have had a very similar experience. Ex-gf dumped me for someone else a month and a half ago and wanted to be friends. Don't take her back if she ever does come back though. She will have no respect for you then and she'll know what her limits are and she'll do it again, I guarantee. Don't be someone else's doormat. Through this experience I have learned that you can't depend on someone else for your love and happiness. You can only count on yourself. You can't give someone everything you've got, because when they leave you, you're left with nothing. Keep up the NC, and if she calls or emails you or anything, I say ignore it. Silence is deafening. I know I'll be doing the same if my ex ever decides to come back to me.

05-03-2006, 08:35 PM	#4
possibiliti Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 55	[QUOTE]Through this experience I have learned that you can't depend on someone else for your love and happiness. You can only count on yourself. You can't give someone everything you've got, because when they leave you, you're left with nothing.[QUOTE] rajabah, I couldn't agree more with what you said above. When we love somebody, we just believe in him/her whole heartedly, invest all our efforts and engery. But really when s/he leaves, nothing matters. Sometimes I feel like I never exist. People can really switch from angel to devil in no time. jchan, I am also on this road of healing. I feel the same. It is really a torture, but maybe reborn itself is just a painful process. Constantly looking back to the past, waiting for our exs to change their minds will just make us stuck in the dark shadow forever. After all, exs don't care about us, maybe before, but not now, not in the future. They left. We are not important enough to keep. But really come to think of it, be strong, keep living and living well is the only way we can be happy again and have a life ahead. As time passes on, I hope one day we will feel indifference when we think back all of this.