addicted to a jerk

tsgirl74 · 04-24-2006, 03:54 PM

I think I'm addicted to my boyfriend of 4 years even though he's cruel, selfish, and a bad parent. He's always been manipulative - telling me he's never met anyone like me before, pledging his undying love, even crying. This lasts a few weeks, until I say or do anything minutely wrong. Then he gets angry, throws me out of his house, or tells me there's something seriously wrong with me. It's a rollercoaster. He kicked me out of the house because his daughter asked him to. She won't allow her mother to have a boyfriend. She has told her that and the mother has agreed. Her mother dates when the daughter is with her father so she won't know. His daughter has always been extremely jealous, selfish, and undisciplined. She tells her parents what to do in a bossy tone, talks back, and cries until she eventually gets her way. She slept in his bed with him every night until I met him. Now that I'm not living there anymore she is sleeping in his bed every night again. He also still drys her off after her baths. She stands in the bathroom after she bathes or showers and yells for him to come dry her off. Then he carries her into her room. She's almost 10. She wears a padded bra, high heels, and short skirts. She lays on top of him, sits in his lap, and straddles him constantly. It's creepy - like she's flirting with him. When I mentioned those things he says they are normal and gets very angry and defensive. He says I don't have children so I don't know (I teach middle school, but that doesn't count, he says). He has me doubting my own judgement.
He can be verbally abusive,moody, physically abusive (throwing things at me, he slapped me once, held me in a headlock, pushed me a few times) and he's OCD and anxious so he takes meds for it but when he runs out he doesn't refill for weeks, so he becomes extremely difficult to deal with.
I know I deserve so much more. I'm a doormat. He's 34 and still doesn't pay his electric or water bill sometimes until it gets cut off.
I'm such a fool. I just keep waiting for the intoxicating good times.

RayKay · 04-24-2006, 03:58 PM

The only way to break an addiction, is to make a choice to stop it and take the steps necessary to help you in doing that.

He sounds awful, and in my opinion, no amount "great times" make up for someone treating you that way. That is not love.

As for his daughter - girls indeed can be flirty that way, more common in fact with their fathers when they feel "threatened" by another woman taking his attentions (ie you), however it is his responsibility as a parent to define the boundaries as to what is acceptable and what isn't.

My advice? Cut your losses and walk away. Things are not going to get better.

Beyondthesea · 04-24-2006, 04:47 PM

Agreed. I dated an abusive man and can honestly say there is no hope that he will change. It was 7 years and every moment I am away from him my soul cries with happiness now. Life is hard enough without having to struggle everyday with someone who hates your soul.

Pack it in and move on. I guarantee it will be the best thing you have ever done.

Daddy Bear · 04-24-2006, 05:34 PM

welcome, tsgirl! i saw a number of red flags in your post but let me just comment on one. if he doesn't believe that a 9-year old girl needs to dry herself in private after bathing, and defensively suggests that it's normal for him to involve himself in it, run like hell. that may be innocent, but it's ill-advised, to say the least. as a parent myself, i personally find it inappropriate and highly suspect.

unless you have a martyr complex, you'll be much better off finding someone more clear-headed (especially if you are what your name suggests). spare yourself the torture, and please keep us updated on how you're doing.

hugs,
sb

Bethany · 04-24-2006, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tsgirl74

he slapped me once, held me in a headlock

I'm such a fool. I just keep waiting for the intoxicating good times.

Once shame on him, Twice shame on you. Walk away from this abusive man. Don't you think you deserve better?

Everything about the whole situation seems odd and if it were me I'd leave, it's not what I would choose for my own future, however intoxicating at times.
Thinking of the next 10 years with this man and his vindicitve daughter.... I'd rather be alone.

04-24-2006, 03:54 PM	#1
tsgirl74 Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1	addicted to a jerk I think I'm addicted to my boyfriend of 4 years even though he's cruel, selfish, and a bad parent. He's always been manipulative - telling me he's never met anyone like me before, pledging his undying love, even crying. This lasts a few weeks, until I say or do anything minutely wrong. Then he gets angry, throws me out of his house, or tells me there's something seriously wrong with me. It's a rollercoaster. He kicked me out of the house because his daughter asked him to. She won't allow her mother to have a boyfriend. She has told her that and the mother has agreed. Her mother dates when the daughter is with her father so she won't know. His daughter has always been extremely jealous, selfish, and undisciplined. She tells her parents what to do in a bossy tone, talks back, and cries until she eventually gets her way. She slept in his bed with him every night until I met him. Now that I'm not living there anymore she is sleeping in his bed every night again. He also still drys her off after her baths. She stands in the bathroom after she bathes or showers and yells for him to come dry her off. Then he carries her into her room. She's almost 10. She wears a padded bra, high heels, and short skirts. She lays on top of him, sits in his lap, and straddles him constantly. It's creepy - like she's flirting with him. When I mentioned those things he says they are normal and gets very angry and defensive. He says I don't have children so I don't know (I teach middle school, but that doesn't count, he says). He has me doubting my own judgement. He can be verbally abusive,moody, physically abusive (throwing things at me, he slapped me once, held me in a headlock, pushed me a few times) and he's OCD and anxious so he takes meds for it but when he runs out he doesn't refill for weeks, so he becomes extremely difficult to deal with. I know I deserve so much more. I'm a doormat. He's 34 and still doesn't pay his electric or water bill sometimes until it gets cut off. I'm such a fool. I just keep waiting for the intoxicating good times.

04-24-2006, 03:58 PM	#2
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	The only way to break an addiction, is to make a choice to stop it and take the steps necessary to help you in doing that. He sounds awful, and in my opinion, no amount "great times" make up for someone treating you that way. That is not love. As for his daughter - girls indeed can be flirty that way, more common in fact with their fathers when they feel "threatened" by another woman taking his attentions (ie you), however it is his responsibility as a parent to define the boundaries as to what is acceptable and what isn't. My advice? Cut your losses and walk away. Things are not going to get better. __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

04-24-2006, 04:47 PM	#3
Beyondthesea Offline Gold Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: where the streets have no name Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 1,606	Agreed. I dated an abusive man and can honestly say there is no hope that he will change. It was 7 years and every moment I am away from him my soul cries with happiness now. Life is hard enough without having to struggle everyday with someone who hates your soul. Pack it in and move on. I guarantee it will be the best thing you have ever done. __________________ _____________________________ Dreams are renewable, whether you're five or 105, you have a lifetime ahead of you. ~Rev. Dale Turner It's never too late, in fiction or in life, to revise. ~Nancy Thayer Every day you sit back and wait for something to happen is another day lost. ~Jennifer Flavin

04-24-2006, 05:34 PM	#4
Daddy Bear Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: TBA Gender: Male Age: 47 Posts: 4,358	welcome, tsgirl! i saw a number of red flags in your post but let me just comment on one. if he doesn't believe that a 9-year old girl needs to dry herself in private after bathing, and defensively suggests that it's normal for him to involve himself in it, run like hell. that may be innocent, but it's ill-advised, to say the least. as a parent myself, i personally find it inappropriate and highly suspect. unless you have a martyr complex, you'll be much better off finding someone more clear-headed (especially if you are what your name suggests). spare yourself the torture, and please keep us updated on how you're doing. hugs, sb