I feel taken advantage of

loveable_hippie · 04-16-2006, 07:37 PM

Hi everyone, I hope this doesn't sound silly but I need advice desperately. My family asks me for favors all the time and not small ones. The latest is that I was asked to watch my neice and nephew for 2 weeks (3 years old and 9 months old respectively). All of the family knows that if they don't let me think about a decision and make me decide right away, I will say yes and that is being used against me all the time. I understand that family is there to give a hand in time of need but i feel that it is too much for me right now, since I am in the middle of a very high risk pregnancy. I would like to tell everyone that it is getting too much, but I am afraid that they will get mad at me. I don't want to hurt anyone and I am afraid if I say anything, that it will make me look like I don't want to help anyone. I am also afraid that if I continue to take care of everyone else, I will put myself and my baby at risk.

I thank everyone for any advice you have on how to say no without feeling bad or making it look like I am being rude. Thanks everyone.

CarnelianButterfly · 04-16-2006, 08:00 PM

I think first and foremost your concern should be for your own child. If you are in a high risk pregnancy, caring for 2 small children will only add to your stress and that will not be good at all. Its not right for them to do that to you, especially if you have this to worry about. I'd say tell them to get a sitter, you need to be careful and take care of yourself. My neighbor has 2 nine month olds, I've helped with them for only a few hours and was very tired afterward. I couldn't imagine doing that for 2 weeks AND being pregnant. Please take care of yourself.

DN · 04-16-2006, 08:09 PM

One of the hardest things for some people is to say "No".

The only way to make it easier is to practice.

itsallgrand · 04-16-2006, 08:26 PM

Yup, you just need to practise saying "NO". Try it in front of a mirror for a while. Sounds corny, but it helps. Go through the scenario, rehearse it, and then do it.

Keep this is mind: When someone takes advantage of your generosity, and they know how to do it, they are actively manipulating you.
They are being a jerk by attempting to manipulate.
You have no obligation to be 'nice'.

If a man came up to you and attempted to steal your wallet, would you feel bad for stopping him from taking it?
Hell no! You'd probably shout 'No' and do everything in your power to stop him.
This is the same thing. They are stealing your time and energy:that you need for you and your baby.

You'll see. It's very empowering to be able to say 'No'. The demands will lessen with time, and they will be asking you how they can help!

Boricua7 · 04-16-2006, 08:30 PM

Just say "No".

Your baby should be the most important thing to you and everyone should respect that. No one should expect you to be doing anything for them especially since you are pregnant. It should be them giving YOU a hand!

fishrrshortae · 04-16-2006, 11:33 PM

Frankly, if they know about your situation, they are rude for asking you in the first place.

Try saying something like, "I would love to help you, but unfortunately my doctor has advised that I exert myself minimally..."
Maybe offer to help them find someone else to watch the kids.
And stick to your decision no matter how pissy they get.

04-16-2006, 07:37 PM	#1
loveable_hippie Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Upstate NY Age: 25 Posts: 16	I feel taken advantage of Hi everyone, I hope this doesn't sound silly but I need advice desperately. My family asks me for favors all the time and not small ones. The latest is that I was asked to watch my neice and nephew for 2 weeks (3 years old and 9 months old respectively). All of the family knows that if they don't let me think about a decision and make me decide right away, I will say yes and that is being used against me all the time. I understand that family is there to give a hand in time of need but i feel that it is too much for me right now, since I am in the middle of a very high risk pregnancy. I would like to tell everyone that it is getting too much, but I am afraid that they will get mad at me. I don't want to hurt anyone and I am afraid if I say anything, that it will make me look like I don't want to help anyone. I am also afraid that if I continue to take care of everyone else, I will put myself and my baby at risk. I thank everyone for any advice you have on how to say no without feeling bad or making it look like I am being rude. Thanks everyone. __________________ "STRESS" The confusion created when ones mind overrides the bodys basic desire to choke the living "manure" out of someone who desperately needs it.

04-16-2006, 08:09 PM	#3
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	One of the hardest things for some people is to say "No". The only way to make it easier is to practice. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

04-16-2006, 08:30 PM	#5
Boricua7 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: South Georgia Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 707	Just say "No". Your baby should be the most important thing to you and everyone should respect that. No one should expect you to be doing anything for them especially since you are pregnant. It should be them giving YOU a hand! __________________ "If there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts." - excerpt from Leo Tolstoy's "Anna Karenina" in Nilo Cruz's play "Anna in the Tropics"

04-16-2006, 08:00 PM	#2
CarnelianButterfly Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Too far from home Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 4,473	I think first and foremost your concern should be for your own child. If you are in a high risk pregnancy, caring for 2 small children will only add to your stress and that will not be good at all. Its not right for them to do that to you, especially if you have this to worry about. I'd say tell them to get a sitter, you need to be careful and take care of yourself. My neighbor has 2 nine month olds, I've helped with them for only a few hours and was very tired afterward. I couldn't imagine doing that for 2 weeks AND being pregnant. Please take care of yourself.

04-16-2006, 08:26 PM	#4
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,783	Yup, you just need to practise saying "NO". Try it in front of a mirror for a while. Sounds corny, but it helps. Go through the scenario, rehearse it, and then do it. Keep this is mind: When someone takes advantage of your generosity, and they know how to do it, they are actively manipulating you. They are being a jerk by attempting to manipulate. You have no obligation to be 'nice'. If a man came up to you and attempted to steal your wallet, would you feel bad for stopping him from taking it? Hell no! You'd probably shout 'No' and do everything in your power to stop him. This is the same thing. They are stealing your time and energy:that you need for you and your baby. You'll see. It's very empowering to be able to say 'No'. The demands will lessen with time, and they will be asking you how they can help!

04-16-2006, 11:33 PM	#6
fishrrshortae Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: NY Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 454	Frankly, if they know about your situation, they are rude for asking you in the first place. Try saying something like, "I would love to help you, but unfortunately my doctor has advised that I exert myself minimally..." Maybe offer to help them find someone else to watch the kids. And stick to your decision no matter how pissy they get.