whole dating thing is so extremely stressful

monsieur · 04-09-2006, 10:57 PM

Anyone else find the whole thing of dating or asking to date or getting in a relationship just so extremely stressful that it is painful to put yourself through? When I am single and not looking life is so simple, when I get interested in someone things just get to be so complicated and half the time is spent with a knot in my stomach and all stressed out.

Anyone else know where I'm coming from?

walkingwithaghost · 04-09-2006, 11:08 PM

i think its worth it when you get to make out with them. ha-ha. but its true. just stay in control.

khujo56 · 04-09-2006, 11:11 PM

I would agree that is can be stressful and confusing sometimes. What i have learned is that you should never settle for what the person you are dating wants. I mean if you want a relationship and she wants to be friends, then you should let the person know. Don't settle for anything. You know what you want and you should stick to it. If you are not on the same page, then there is no point wasting your time. Move on. I have learned from my mistakes and now i stick to what i want.

thegirl_20 · 04-09-2006, 11:15 PM

YES! dating is always very confusing. I'm naturally a confused person but when it comes to relationships there always seems to be some kind of drama or mixed emotions involved. It can be a guessing game too sometimes when the couple doesn't like to speak their mind. I think the best way to avoid confusion and stress is to be honest and open with ur partner.

tylercdurden2004 · 04-09-2006, 11:17 PM

Of course its "challenging" life is all about challenges. Whether its stressful is really each persons point of view. you need to figure out what it is that you want, and date to those ideals. Enjoy just meeting people and the more you get out there the easier it is. When you are not looking life is simple, for one reason, you are not putting pressure on yourself. If you go into meeting girls with the idea that you need "get" them, you will be putting extra pressure on yourself. Extra pressure wil lead you to make decisions that are less than ideal. Creating a circle where the more you try the more you fail. just go out and enjoy meeting a variety of girls. There are lots of great girls out there just waiting to be found. Remember to HAVE FUN.

Roobuls · 04-09-2006, 11:18 PM

I believe at times, it can get extremely stressful, but only becuz you let it (most of the time). I see it most stressful if you let her believe you guys are in the friend position, but you see things entirely different, the only reason you let it stay in the friend position is becuz your shy, or something on those grounds. It gets stressful becuz both of you are on the same page, its like you want her to read your mind, but shes not going to do it, becuz the most your doing is hinting the fact that you like her, which doesnt always work. I believe that the stress disappears wen you get it off ur chest, pull the curious cat, throw yourself on the wire and let her know, if you don't you gunna be 1 stressed out man, tossing and turning in ur bed thinking about her, thinking of how bad and how much you want her. LOL! what you need in that situation is the "bad influence friend" who will force you to do it. Even if she turns you down life is a whole lot simplier, now u can stop focusing on her and find some1 who is interested.

shyanne · 04-09-2006, 11:19 PM

well not that i tried much but when i did......i would have to agree

i think life should be simple or wish it was

monsieur · 04-09-2006, 11:22 PM

Roobuls your post was really good, it is the fact that uncertainty and lack of communication and compromise adds to stress. If I had the strength to lay things on the line and take the consequences good or bad then the stress would be much less... wish I had the guts.

Funny how some people actually love and enjoy the whole game, some of us on the other hand get so nerved up inside and feels like our hearts and guts are twisting all day just thinking of it.

Roobuls · 04-09-2006, 11:35 PM

see I can see where your coming from, and I can see the level of pain you experience in the fact of making the move to find the relationship. But its nerve racking for everyone, even her! She may be as or even more nervous then you. When you approach and ask her, your throwing the ball in her court. For 1, that realives the stress on you (to a certain degree) and it allows the answer to actually arrive. Now I don't know if im making this sound like you just go to her and tell her, "hey i like you", and if i am i don't mean to do it like that. Start up a convo, talk to them, if you are in the friend zone, there is a level of comfort that exsists, so asking her to go somewhere as innocent as a mall, or for a walk is much easier, and if and wen you do so, that will be the best time to let her know, becuz its a 1 on 1 basis, you can relate to her more better, and i find it, if your somewhere like in a park or going for a walk, there is a level of ease in the enviroment. But the bad thing about the friend zone is that, she may only want to see you as a "friend".
So mainly the stress level comes from the Nerves, uncertainty and the motivational problems. You play and sports? If so then you know what it takes to win, most of it is a mental game, believing in yourself is most of the battle, same goes for asking the girls out, remember most of what you say isn't what your saying to her. Body language, tone, are major factors, self confidience and eye contact are the best you can do. See I'm still in high school and at times i get a little gittery, but i "mental slap" myself into shape, I make myself realize if i don't do it now, its never going to be done. (It usually really only takes like 2 minutes!) So monsieur, the best advice I can give you, is to breathe, relax, and believe in yourself. Don't think of the what if's, and don't let yourself back down from it, if you got the opportunity don't make excuses to aviod it, becuz then wen your all alone, ur brain is the only 1 whos talking to u, n chances are its gunna be about her. The longer you wait the harder it is for you.

orgasmictofu · 04-10-2006, 12:24 AM

I actually found the whole dating thing fun and enlightening.

I never went into a date with any expectations. If something more happens, great, if not, I met someone and am one step closer to finding the guy for me by learning what I like and dislike.

It should be fun. Try to have some fun

04-09-2006, 10:57 PM	#1
monsieur Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 404	whole dating thing is so extremely stressful Anyone else find the whole thing of dating or asking to date or getting in a relationship just so extremely stressful that it is painful to put yourself through? When I am single and not looking life is so simple, when I get interested in someone things just get to be so complicated and half the time is spent with a knot in my stomach and all stressed out. Anyone else know where I'm coming from?

04-09-2006, 11:17 PM	#5
tylercdurden2004 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle East Gender: Male Age: 33 Posts: 3,696	Of course its "challenging" life is all about challenges. Whether its stressful is really each persons point of view. you need to figure out what it is that you want, and date to those ideals. Enjoy just meeting people and the more you get out there the easier it is. When you are not looking life is simple, for one reason, you are not putting pressure on yourself. If you go into meeting girls with the idea that you need "get" them, you will be putting extra pressure on yourself. Extra pressure wil lead you to make decisions that are less than ideal. Creating a circle where the more you try the more you fail. just go out and enjoy meeting a variety of girls. There are lots of great girls out there just waiting to be found. Remember to HAVE FUN. __________________ "Depend Upon it, Sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully." - Samuel Johnson "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Ralph Waldo Emerson Avatar: Whale Skin Hubcaps Dealer. Nice guys: www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=136757&highlight=horsey

04-09-2006, 11:08 PM	#2
walkingwithaghost Offline Join Date: Jan 2005 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 285	i think its worth it when you get to make out with them. ha-ha. but its true. just stay in control.

04-09-2006, 11:11 PM	#3
khujo56 Offline Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 83	I would agree that is can be stressful and confusing sometimes. What i have learned is that you should never settle for what the person you are dating wants. I mean if you want a relationship and she wants to be friends, then you should let the person know. Don't settle for anything. You know what you want and you should stick to it. If you are not on the same page, then there is no point wasting your time. Move on. I have learned from my mistakes and now i stick to what i want.

04-09-2006, 11:15 PM	#4
thegirl_20 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 543	YES! dating is always very confusing. I'm naturally a confused person but when it comes to relationships there always seems to be some kind of drama or mixed emotions involved. It can be a guessing game too sometimes when the couple doesn't like to speak their mind. I think the best way to avoid confusion and stress is to be honest and open with ur partner.

04-09-2006, 11:18 PM	#6
Roobuls Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 19	I believe at times, it can get extremely stressful, but only becuz you let it (most of the time). I see it most stressful if you let her believe you guys are in the friend position, but you see things entirely different, the only reason you let it stay in the friend position is becuz your shy, or something on those grounds. It gets stressful becuz both of you are on the same page, its like you want her to read your mind, but shes not going to do it, becuz the most your doing is hinting the fact that you like her, which doesnt always work. I believe that the stress disappears wen you get it off ur chest, pull the curious cat, throw yourself on the wire and let her know, if you don't you gunna be 1 stressed out man, tossing and turning in ur bed thinking about her, thinking of how bad and how much you want her. LOL! what you need in that situation is the "bad influence friend" who will force you to do it. Even if she turns you down life is a whole lot simplier, now u can stop focusing on her and find some1 who is interested.

04-09-2006, 11:19 PM	#7
shyanne Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 385	well not that i tried much but when i did......i would have to agree i think life should be simple or wish it was

04-09-2006, 11:22 PM	#8
monsieur Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 404	Roobuls your post was really good, it is the fact that uncertainty and lack of communication and compromise adds to stress. If I had the strength to lay things on the line and take the consequences good or bad then the stress would be much less... wish I had the guts. Funny how some people actually love and enjoy the whole game, some of us on the other hand get so nerved up inside and feels like our hearts and guts are twisting all day just thinking of it.

04-09-2006, 11:35 PM	#9
Roobuls Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 19	see I can see where your coming from, and I can see the level of pain you experience in the fact of making the move to find the relationship. But its nerve racking for everyone, even her! She may be as or even more nervous then you. When you approach and ask her, your throwing the ball in her court. For 1, that realives the stress on you (to a certain degree) and it allows the answer to actually arrive. Now I don't know if im making this sound like you just go to her and tell her, "hey i like you", and if i am i don't mean to do it like that. Start up a convo, talk to them, if you are in the friend zone, there is a level of comfort that exsists, so asking her to go somewhere as innocent as a mall, or for a walk is much easier, and if and wen you do so, that will be the best time to let her know, becuz its a 1 on 1 basis, you can relate to her more better, and i find it, if your somewhere like in a park or going for a walk, there is a level of ease in the enviroment. But the bad thing about the friend zone is that, she may only want to see you as a "friend". So mainly the stress level comes from the Nerves, uncertainty and the motivational problems. You play and sports? If so then you know what it takes to win, most of it is a mental game, believing in yourself is most of the battle, same goes for asking the girls out, remember most of what you say isn't what your saying to her. Body language, tone, are major factors, self confidience and eye contact are the best you can do. See I'm still in high school and at times i get a little gittery, but i "mental slap" myself into shape, I make myself realize if i don't do it now, its never going to be done. (It usually really only takes like 2 minutes!) So monsieur, the best advice I can give you, is to breathe, relax, and believe in yourself. Don't think of the what if's, and don't let yourself back down from it, if you got the opportunity don't make excuses to aviod it, becuz then wen your all alone, ur brain is the only 1 whos talking to u, n chances are its gunna be about her. The longer you wait the harder it is for you.

04-10-2006, 12:24 AM	#10
orgasmictofu Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Canada eh? Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 523	I actually found the whole dating thing fun and enlightening. I never went into a date with any expectations. If something more happens, great, if not, I met someone and am one step closer to finding the guy for me by learning what I like and dislike. It should be fun. Try to have some fun