First, I am glad I have found what appears to be a decent forum for this topic. I am into my fourth day after finding out that my wife had an affair with her coworker. A few days ago, my wife came home and told me that she had something to tell me and made me promise to hear her out. She then proceeded to tell me that she had cheated on me with her coworker that is 20 years older than her.
She told me that they slept together three times while out of town at conferences. She said that the other man's wife found out about the affair and forced her to tell me. My wife confessed that she had no plans of telling me in the near future. She said that someday she would have told me. Since being told, my emotions flip-flop from anger to rage to sadness to humiliation, etc.
Yesterday, I met with the other man's wife. She told me that she had suspected something for months and had gotten enough information together to confront her husband. He admitted it to her and for the last 5 weeks she has been confronting my wife and pushing her to tell me. She discussed the things that made her suspicious; phone records, emails, etc. Most shocking was that she said that her husband said that they slept together "at least 10 times."
I confronted my wife with this information and she adamently denies it. With respect to all of the details that she told me, I want to believe her. However, I can't understand why the other man would tell his wife that it happened at least 10 times. When I met with the other man's wife she told me that her husband was mad that I knew and he has refused to communicate with her. The other man's wife said that he answered her questions when first confronted and since then he has been uncommunicative and gets mad when she asks him about it. When I found out he got so mad that he left her for a couple of nights before returning.
His behavior is erratic and unapologetic (from what I can gather). It is not consistent with the way a rational person would act if they were caught and wanted to work things out. I guess I want to know who to believe with respect to the number of times that they had sex. Outside of work they had limited opportunities because of family obligations and the times that their spouses (me and the other man's wife) were around. They did however, work on work-related projects outside of normal work hours and away from their spouses. My wife said that nothing happened during these times. Help!!!! I don't know what to believe or where to turn to get over this. I am so sad.