Am I quilty for longing for more???

[charhuck]

I'm a single mom (7 years now) raising 3 kids, 2 are mentally handicapped. My life consists of work, and raising kids. Last 2 years I've also been pursuing my teaching degree online. Do I date? NO! Have I? Yes, twice. First time, guy turned out to be an absolute jerk to me and my kids, so I ran for my life! Second time, he realized 7 months into the relationship that there was a fair amount of responsibility involved in raising children (especially the special needs variety), and HE ran for HIS life! I really cared deeply for that one, and so did my children, we all grieved deeply - especially me, and for a long time. That ended 2 1/2 years ago, and now I guess I've just decided that first, I can't put my precious children through that again, and second, my heart can't take that kind of pain again, and third - realistically, short of an angel straight from heaven, there just aren't any men out there at my age who want to take on responsibilities, they're looking to relieve themselves of the ones they've got! Let's be honest here. They're looking for someone to take care of them, not the other way around. But then there's the lonliness. Yes, I have a house full of people, and there's never a dull (or quiet) moment, but there's never anyone's arms around me either, or anyone to comfort me when I've had a bad day or week or life! I really miss all that, and I just don't think God created me to be one of those people that can spend all the rest of my days without someone to love, cause He put so much love in my heart - and so much longing to love with no one to give it to. I love my children, they are my life, they have all my love right now, and I feel so quilty that it can't just be enough. Am I just wanting more than my fair share, and should I just shut up and quit whining? I know there are people out there who are all alone and absolutely no one to love them, and truely I am blessed. But still....

[cas28]

You are an angel....Few people would give of themselves so completely the way you have. Your children are blessed to have you as a mother and role model. God has a plan for everyone including you. Seek solice in God's love for you. Someone is out there with the capacity and desire to love you and your family. Don't give up!

[RayKay]

Originally Posted by charhuck

I'm a single mom (7 years now) raising 3 kids, 2 are mentally handicapped. My life consists of work, and raising kids. Last 2 years I've also been pursuing my teaching degree online. Do I date? NO! Have I? Yes, twice. First time, guy turned out to be an absolute jerk to me and my kids, so I ran for my life! Second time, he realized 7 months into the relationship that there was a fair amount of responsibility involved in raising children (especially the special needs variety), and HE ran for HIS life! I really cared deeply for that one, and so did my children, we all grieved deeply - especially me, and for a long time. That ended 2 1/2 years ago, and now I guess I've just decided that first, I can't put my precious children through that again, and second, my heart can't take that kind of pain again, and third - realistically, short of an angel straight from heaven, there just aren't any men out there at my age who want to take on responsibilities, they're looking to relieve themselves of the ones they've got! Let's be honest here. They're looking for someone to take care of them, not the other way around. But then there's the lonliness. Yes, I have a house full of people, and there's never a dull (or quiet) moment, but there's never anyone's arms around me either, or anyone to comfort me when I've had a bad day or week or life! I really miss all that, and I just don't think God created me to be one of those people that can spend all the rest of my days without someone to love, cause He put so much love in my heart - and so much longing to love with no one to give it to. I love my children, they are my life, they have all my love right now, and I feel so quilty that it can't just be enough. Am I just wanting more than my fair share, and should I just shut up and quit whining? I know there are people out there who are all alone and absolutely no one to love them, and truely I am blessed. But still....

Hey sweetie,

No I don't think you are guilty at all for wanting more - it's normal to feel a desire for companionship, and if you are around children all the time you also want adult conversations. I imagine you also want someone to share with, to work with, to laugh with. All normal.

You sound like a beautiful person, and I am sure you will find someone. Think of it this way, those men whom left did not deserve you or your beautiful children - and God is only going to want you to be with the one whom does.

I know it's hard being single with children (and ones with special needs more so as they have added health issues and emotional and developmental needs) to get out on your own, but are there any groups you can join - like a local sports team, or a photography club, or running club, to get out and even meet more people (not necessarily a man, just people in general!). Sometimes you need to take care of yourself too and that means more then work and raising the children. Perhaps there is a support group you can join, or a group for parents of special needs children where you can find someone to maybe switch off with you during week to give each other a break?

Getting your children involved in things too to give yourself time is great too. I am not sure how old your kids are, or their health, but I know my cousin whom has Down's Syndrome has been very active in the Special Olympics ever since he was pretty young, and it REALLY helped his confidence and taught him it's not about limitations...but about what you CAN do. It also gave his parents some time to take some time for themselves while he was doing that! And again, it is a GREAT way for you to meet other families and parents facing the same challenges (and you never know whom knows who and can introduce you to someone ).

There is a man out there with a huge heart too, whom will want to love you and your children with all he has. If you believe in God, believe he has a plan for you.