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Thread: Why do some men come on too strong the first few dates?

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    Why do some men come on too strong the first few dates?

    I met this great guy, he's funny, cute, nice body, we went out twice and had a great time both nights. Here's the thing...He is coming on so strong in terms of telling me how beautiful and sexy I am! (which is nice, but it's just too much!) Is he just a smooth talker? He acts like we are a couple but I've only gone out with him twice! What is going on here? I need help. I really like him, but I'm scared.
    Last edited by skyler; 03-19-2006 at 01:30 AM.

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    He's trying to stay away from your damned friendzone.

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    Gold Member IronLion85's Avatar
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    I'm no expert, but I would reccomend that you stand firm in moving forward with the relationship at a pace you're comfortable with. If he comes on too strong just let him know (keep it light if you can).

    Aggierocker might have a point too.
    Last edited by IronLion85; 03-19-2006 at 01:40 AM.
    "Whenever I meet a beauty, I escape or hide in a corner. Not that I think they are intimidating, but they attract horrible people. Some guys really do their utmost to make these beautiful women believe how good they are..." - Thom Yorke

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    Member Tesseract_Witch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skyler
    I met this great guy, he's funny, cute, nice body, we went out twice and had a great time both nights. Here's the thing...He is coming on so strong in terms of telling me how beautiful and sexy I am! (which is nice, but it's just too much!) Is he just a smooth talker? He acts like we are a couple but I've only gone out with him twice! What is going on here? I need help. I really like him, but I'm scared.

    I think you are overreacting; he is relaxed, but you seem to be on-edge. I suggest you chill out!
    Quaff this nepenthe, and perhaps ye will then be...What?

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    He has probably been with ALOT of women if he feels so comfortable saying and doing those things. Most guys would be scared to that so quickly...he probably has a history with lots of girls. Just something to consider.

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    Member Empathy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tesseract_Witch
    I think you are overreacting; he is relaxed, but you seem to be on-edge. I suggest you chill out!
    You clearly have no idea how uncomfortable guys like that can make a woman. lol. I have bad luck in that department. Most of the guys that I've met come on waaaay too strong and it makes determining their character a little difficult. It can either mean that they really are a little too comfortable with themselves or that they have NO clue about the dating world and think what they're doing is right. Not only can it be decieving but it gets annoying. I met a guy once who on our first "date" almost drove off of the road because he kept staring at me and telling me how beautiful I was....It creeped me the hell out. Seriously guys. Less is more!
    "What is done cannot be undone, but what is lost can sometimes be found." -from the book "Taliesin" by Stephen R. Lawhead

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    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    Skyler and Empathy, I also get leery of guys who come on too strong in the beginning. It scares me and puts me on the defensive because I have heard that guys who come on too strong in the beginning, usually drop the relationship quickly too, or they are too insecure with themselves and want to "own" you right off the bat. My ex was like that. He came onto me very strongly in the beginning. On our second date, he was trying to make out heavily with me and kiss me and hold me all the time. On the third date, he was already assuming that I was his gf and that we were an item. He scared me a bit because of his forcefulness and because it was so in a hurry. I did know that he was very insecure about himself and that he had been dumped a lot in the past so, I think he was trying to reassure himself. He later did admit to me, during our first breakup, that he had committed himself to a relationship with me a bit too early in the beginning and didnt realize how incompatible we were.

    Now, if a guy were to get too clingy and forceful in the beginning of a relationship, my guard would probably be up. With my past disasters in dating, the next relationship I find, I will probably try to take things slowly.

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    Platinum Member Miss M's Avatar
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    When a guy comes on too strong too early, it often means he's just interested in the sex, and not a meaningful relationship. Don't let him set the pace, and if you're not comfortable with what he's doing and saying, listen to your feelings and trust them. And especially, give yourself permission to set your own pace to something that is more comfortable for you, and slow things down.
    You gotta put down the duckie if you wanna play the saxophone!
    ~~ Hoots the Owl (Sesame Street muppet)

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    What if the girl comes on to me too strongly? I tend to get that A LOT.

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    Platinum Member Miss M's Avatar
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    Same difference. It's either emotional instability, insecurity, or an excessive interest in sex as opposed to a deeper and more meaningful relationship. Bottom line... if it's not according to your own comfort level, then slow it down, or just bypass it completely. The main thing is to honor your own needs, and be true to yourself.
    You gotta put down the duckie if you wanna play the saxophone!
    ~~ Hoots the Owl (Sesame Street muppet)

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