in need of some help

glasgow_uk · 03-17-2006, 09:36 PM

my girlfriend has been going through a very bad time recently. she has told me that she thinks she is "bi". She has felling for another woman who she thinks has the same feelings for her. They are both very scared to make that last push and show or tell each other how they feel, for fear of the other not feeling the same way. I have told her i am comfortable with her situation. the whole thing is making both of them sick mentaly. What can my girlfriend do to show her friend how she feels but at the same time not risk anything. Any advise on how to tell if another person likes you the same way, or first time love (without the dirty bits) would be very welcome.

Süsser Tod · 03-17-2006, 09:44 PM

Huh???

So she has feelings for another girl, and you are comfortable with that???

What if the told you that she has feelings for other GUY, would you be comfortable?

Fact is, she has feelings for another person, that means there is something really wrong in your relationship, she is considering cheating, and you are encouraging her???

glasgow_uk · 03-17-2006, 09:47 PM

never thought of it like that. If she where to be with another guy, that would drive me crazy. but if she wants to be with another woman then so be it. she still comes home to me. The other woman also has a b/f.

Tigris · 03-19-2006, 02:02 PM

It sounds to me like there's going to be a hell of a mess to sort out if the two of them get together. There's going to be a lot of resentment and rejection if they both go ahead with this and discover they want to be with each other and not you two guys!

If they were both happy in their relationships then they wouldn't be even contemplating trying this!

Think of the consequences!

I hope you love her enough to walk away from your relationship if she chooses the girl over you. Is that what you want to do?

glasgow_uk · 03-20-2006, 08:39 AM

it's so messed up. Cos this is totaly new to me i don't know what to expect. She told me that she has had feeling like this before but never acted on them. All I want is to be happy. The thing is, She tells me she is Bi. But I ask how do you know if you've not tried it. That is what scares me. I write this with my head swirling, believe me I don't take any pleasure from the situation at all. we've been together for 15 years we are both 30 and have 2 kids. The reason I would like her to go ahead is so I know where I stand. If I have to move on I will. I'd rather stay. thanks for any reply

Tigris · 03-21-2006, 06:55 PM

It sounds like she's been in denial like me!

I knew 30 years ago that I thought I was a lesbian but pushed it to the back of my mind! Throughout my life it would 'pop up' and torture me but I'd be strong enough to push the thoughts away. As time went by it got worse.

I've been married twice. The 1st time for 5 years and the 2nd 14 years (divorced recently). 6 Years ago my problem surfaced again but this time it refused to go away. I thought I must be Bi! I'd fallen in love with a woman who was straight. Nothing happened but I owned up to my husband and told him how I'd felt growing up. He was devastated!

It took 3 years to mend my broken heart! We got over that problem and I became interested in another one. I fought those urges and it happened again! I didn't go looking, it just seemed to happen until I couldn't stand it anymore!

We talked about it and made a compromise. I found enotalone and started to post about my problem. I became friendly with a few people who were lesbians/bi so I talked to him about me contacting them on MSN. Deep down I knew that if I'd gone with a woman I'd have liked it and wanted more! Plus I didn't want to hurt him because I still cared.

As time passed I started to flirt with some of the girls/women who'd become my friends. They were no threat to him because they lived in Australia and USA. I told him what was going on and where they lived. It was obvious that he didn't feel threatened.

This solution seemed to work for a while and then I was confused about my feelings again. I suddenly realised that my feelings for my husband had been changing over the last few years and that I did care but I now loved him like a male member of my family not like a husband! That I'd been having sex with him because it was the right thing to do and not because I wanted to. I didn't like the person I was turning into I felt like a robot and I knew that was wrong!

I talked to my Doctor about my confusion and he refered me to a Psycho Sexual Counsellor. I told my husband and he realised how serious the problem had become and agreed he'd go to the meetings to when required. Unfortunately, that didn't work out how the Counsellor and my husband had hoped. They discovered that I'd been avoiding getting into bed for weeks so that he couldn't touch me! During the last meeting with both of them the Counsellor revealed to him that I'd fallen in love with a woman in Australia and I wanted to emigrate!

My husband walked out that day Nov 17th 2005 and we're now divorced. On Feb 18th Fluffy-girdlebuns and I got engaged in Australia!

I know that you are both going through a difficult time right now. You will continue to do this for years if you stay with this problem in your life. My advice is try counselling and see if it will help both of you understand what's happening.

Good luck and take care.

03-17-2006, 09:36 PM	#1
glasgow_uk Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: glasgow Gender: Male Posts: 7	in need of some help my girlfriend has been going through a very bad time recently. she has told me that she thinks she is "bi". She has felling for another woman who she thinks has the same feelings for her. They are both very scared to make that last push and show or tell each other how they feel, for fear of the other not feeling the same way. I have told her i am comfortable with her situation. the whole thing is making both of them sick mentaly. What can my girlfriend do to show her friend how she feels but at the same time not risk anything. Any advise on how to tell if another person likes you the same way, or first time love (without the dirty bits) would be very welcome.

03-17-2006, 09:44 PM	#2
Süsser Tod Offline Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Away from enotalone.com Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 889	Huh??? So she has feelings for another girl, and you are comfortable with that??? What if the told you that she has feelings for other GUY, would you be comfortable? Fact is, she has feelings for another person, that means there is something really wrong in your relationship, she is considering cheating, and you are encouraging her???

03-17-2006, 09:47 PM	#3
glasgow_uk Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: glasgow Gender: Male Posts: 7	never thought of it like that. If she where to be with another guy, that would drive me crazy. but if she wants to be with another woman then so be it. she still comes home to me. The other woman also has a b/f.

03-19-2006, 02:02 PM	#4
Tigris Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 3,556	It sounds to me like there's going to be a hell of a mess to sort out if the two of them get together. There's going to be a lot of resentment and rejection if they both go ahead with this and discover they want to be with each other and not you two guys! If they were both happy in their relationships then they wouldn't be even contemplating trying this! Think of the consequences! I hope you love her enough to walk away from your relationship if she chooses the girl over you. Is that what you want to do?

03-20-2006, 08:39 AM	#5
glasgow_uk Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: glasgow Gender: Male Posts: 7	it's so messed up. Cos this is totaly new to me i don't know what to expect. She told me that she has had feeling like this before but never acted on them. All I want is to be happy. The thing is, She tells me she is Bi. But I ask how do you know if you've not tried it. That is what scares me. I write this with my head swirling, believe me I don't take any pleasure from the situation at all. we've been together for 15 years we are both 30 and have 2 kids. The reason I would like her to go ahead is so I know where I stand. If I have to move on I will. I'd rather stay. thanks for any reply

03-21-2006, 06:55 PM	#6
Tigris Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 3,556	It sounds like she's been in denial like me! I knew 30 years ago that I thought I was a lesbian but pushed it to the back of my mind! Throughout my life it would 'pop up' and torture me but I'd be strong enough to push the thoughts away. As time went by it got worse. I've been married twice. The 1st time for 5 years and the 2nd 14 years (divorced recently). 6 Years ago my problem surfaced again but this time it refused to go away. I thought I must be Bi! I'd fallen in love with a woman who was straight. Nothing happened but I owned up to my husband and told him how I'd felt growing up. He was devastated! It took 3 years to mend my broken heart! We got over that problem and I became interested in another one. I fought those urges and it happened again! I didn't go looking, it just seemed to happen until I couldn't stand it anymore! We talked about it and made a compromise. I found enotalone and started to post about my problem. I became friendly with a few people who were lesbians/bi so I talked to him about me contacting them on MSN. Deep down I knew that if I'd gone with a woman I'd have liked it and wanted more! Plus I didn't want to hurt him because I still cared. As time passed I started to flirt with some of the girls/women who'd become my friends. They were no threat to him because they lived in Australia and USA. I told him what was going on and where they lived. It was obvious that he didn't feel threatened. This solution seemed to work for a while and then I was confused about my feelings again. I suddenly realised that my feelings for my husband had been changing over the last few years and that I did care but I now loved him like a male member of my family not like a husband! That I'd been having sex with him because it was the right thing to do and not because I wanted to. I didn't like the person I was turning into I felt like a robot and I knew that was wrong! I talked to my Doctor about my confusion and he refered me to a Psycho Sexual Counsellor. I told my husband and he realised how serious the problem had become and agreed he'd go to the meetings to when required. Unfortunately, that didn't work out how the Counsellor and my husband had hoped. They discovered that I'd been avoiding getting into bed for weeks so that he couldn't touch me! During the last meeting with both of them the Counsellor revealed to him that I'd fallen in love with a woman in Australia and I wanted to emigrate! My husband walked out that day Nov 17th 2005 and we're now divorced. On Feb 18th Fluffy-girdlebuns and I got engaged in Australia! I know that you are both going through a difficult time right now. You will continue to do this for years if you stay with this problem in your life. My advice is try counselling and see if it will help both of you understand what's happening. Good luck and take care.