How to deal with Body Image problem

Sean · 03-01-2006, 02:50 AM

I think I may have a body image problem. A while back I've noticed that people can still tell that I am physically diffrent. This is after 6 ear reconstruction surgery and 3 jaw surgery. I'm still getting the "What happened to you" and "Oh ****..." comments after the surgeries. This caused me to crack because I realize that I can never be normal. I always felt like that the reason I'm socially awkward, and unable to get girls. I dunno, all of my life it's been my dream to be normal. To not stick out like a sore thumb and to just blend in. Also because of my look I've had to work harder to prove myself and over come double standards, well, this can get tiring after awhile. So yea, that's my story.

Here is a picture of me before my jaw surgery.

This is me during my jaw surgeries.

And this is the final product.

So, what do yall think?

hazlcha · 03-01-2006, 07:51 AM

Here's the amazing revelation. Women do not rate appearances first in choosing. It's absolutely all about personality. Part of personality is self-image and confidence. This stuff can be gained, because it is an inherent trait.

From your pictures, you've clearly had surgery. I'm being objective here. And you know what? Great. That took a lot of guts to do, and the after pictures are much much better than the before. The fact that you did that shows character.

Quote:

This caused me to crack because I realize that I can never be normal.

Um, no! A person talking to you will probably get past the initial notice of the surgery in a matter of seconds. Besides, when you show them the same gutsy person who submitted themself to NINE (!) operations, everybody in the room should stand up when you walk in.

One more point. I have a problem with the idea of being "normal." I'm not saying people should be "abnormal," walk down the street talking to fire hydrants or aliens (unless they talk to them first) or anything. I'm saying people should be exceptional, each in his/her own way. Trying to blend in is hard to do. Being who you are makes the blending so much easier. You've got guts, man, don't let all these average people scare you!

PocoDiablo · 03-01-2006, 10:25 AM

How many times have you seen an attractive woman with some average, or below average, looking guy? I see it all the time. In fact, I know plenty of very good looking guys who can't keep a girlfriend. Sure, looks have *something* to do with it, but your personality counts a WHOLE lot more.

I'm not an attractive guy, not by any normal standards, but I've got a little bit of a personality and I have some social skills, and I have confidence. You can too.

You really should read this story, because it's so fascinating to me. I read it and realized that the only thing that is holding us back is ourselves.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
(Warning: Rude language)

There are lots of so-called "flawed" people out there with perfectly normal and happy relationships. I see them all the time. You probably do, too.

Me&Him · 03-01-2006, 10:57 AM

Personality far tops all looks!!!

Personality is the most important ingredient of a person!

Mrocza · 03-01-2006, 11:56 AM

Hey Sean,

Reading your post made my chest go all tight. I can totally relate.

First of all, I want to tell you that you're incredibly brave. I know you may not feel it, or hear it so often you don't care to hear it anymore, but you are.

No one has a perfect body image. No one is truly happy with how they look...if they are, they're called conceited for a reason

...but either way, everyone has hangups about themselves that are easy to see or oblivious to the rest of the world.

And while everyone says "personality is what matters" or "looks aren't important"...Well, ya, sure. You're not shallow and you wouldn't judge someone based on how they look but we are our worst critics.

It's hard to not care what other people think when we care so much about how we think about ourselves. And whether or not people want to admit it, sometimes the negative comments and general portrayals of "Beauty" do get to us.

We all live in the same world and the media shapes our views, whether we like it or not.

Three years ago I was in a car accident. I broke all the bones in my face from my lower forehead to below my nose. I severely damaged both eyes and ended up losing my right eye. I've been through extensive reconstructive craniofacial surgeries and still, my end result will never be how I looked like before. I have an obvious "deformity" (Ugh, I hate that word)

I can hide most of it, most of the time, with sunglasses. I wear them out in public, to school, at night...I get stares because I'm always wearing them, especially at night, or in the rain, or snow. Sometimes people catch on that somethings wrong and the stares get more persistent to figure out what I'm hiding. My family and friends who I'm comfortable without the sunglasses are really understanding, but I am different.

I also, dream to be "normal". I also, have to work harder, especially in social settings, so people can treat me normally. I also have to deal with the double standards, because when you're different, people treat you differently.

But there are people who get past the physical. People who realize that the body, the face, it's all a shell and the pearl is on the inside. I too, struggle to be content with my self-image. I know I will never be completely ok...and sometimes days go by where I can't look at myself in the mirror, but other times, I can look at myself and just say: THIS IS ME. DEAL WITH IT.

I know it's hard not to be comfortable in your own skin.

I know it's tiring to have the same things replayed in your life.

I know what it's like to have your life put on hold because you're striving to fix it.

PM me. I think I can totally relate.

littlepinkpunk · 03-01-2006, 09:57 PM

From the point of view of a person on the other side...
I don't think any differently of anyone in your situation. In fact, i usually want to get to know these people better because i feel that they may have a strong personality, and that is something i need/like to be around.
The only complication is this: i fear making others uncomfortable. I did volunteer work for a physical therapist and that was one of the best experiences i've had. Many of the people had to be brave to go through so many surgeries and the like...i really admired them. i've never gotten along with anyone better

i don't know how many people out there are like me (i usually consider myself an oddball)...but i just wanted you to know how I feel...
Now i have a question for you: how do i avoid making you uncomfortable?

Sean · 03-02-2006, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlepinkpunk

From the point of view of a person on the other side...
I don't think any differently of anyone in your situation. In fact, i usually want to get to know these people better because i feel that they may have a strong personality, and that is something i need/like to be around.
The only complication is this: i fear making others uncomfortable. I did volunteer work for a physical therapist and that was one of the best experiences i've had. Many of the people had to be brave to go through so many surgeries and the like...i really admired them. i've never gotten along with anyone better

i don't know how many people out there are like me (i usually consider myself an oddball)...but i just wanted you to know how I feel...
Now i have a question for you: how do i avoid making you uncomfortable?

Eh, you don't. Just be yourself.

03-01-2006, 02:50 AM	#1
Sean Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 195	How to deal with Body Image problem I think I may have a body image problem. A while back I've noticed that people can still tell that I am physically diffrent. This is after 6 ear reconstruction surgery and 3 jaw surgery. I'm still getting the "What happened to you" and "Oh ****..." comments after the surgeries. This caused me to crack because I realize that I can never be normal. I always felt like that the reason I'm socially awkward, and unable to get girls. I dunno, all of my life it's been my dream to be normal. To not stick out like a sore thumb and to just blend in. Also because of my look I've had to work harder to prove myself and over come double standards, well, this can get tiring after awhile. So yea, that's my story. Here is a picture of me before my jaw surgery. This is me during my jaw surgeries. And this is the final product. So, what do yall think?

03-01-2006, 10:25 AM	#3
PocoDiablo Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Springfield, VA Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 2,423	How many times have you seen an attractive woman with some average, or below average, looking guy? I see it all the time. In fact, I know plenty of very good looking guys who can't keep a girlfriend. Sure, looks have something to do with it, but your personality counts a WHOLE lot more. I'm not an attractive guy, not by any normal standards, but I've got a little bit of a personality and I have some social skills, and I have confidence. You can too. You really should read this story, because it's so fascinating to me. I read it and realized that the only thing that is holding us back is ourselves. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] (Warning: Rude language) There are lots of so-called "flawed" people out there with perfectly normal and happy relationships. I see them all the time. You probably do, too. __________________ Advice given is only as good as the details you provide, and even then it's just an opinion. No one knows the situation as well as you do, so trust your gut.

03-01-2006, 11:56 AM	#5
Mrocza Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Toronto, Ontario Gender: Female Posts: 986	Hey Sean, Reading your post made my chest go all tight. I can totally relate. First of all, I want to tell you that you're incredibly brave. I know you may not feel it, or hear it so often you don't care to hear it anymore, but you are. No one has a perfect body image. No one is truly happy with how they look...if they are, they're called conceited for a reason ...but either way, everyone has hangups about themselves that are easy to see or oblivious to the rest of the world. And while everyone says "personality is what matters" or "looks aren't important"...Well, ya, sure. You're not shallow and you wouldn't judge someone based on how they look but we are our worst critics. It's hard to not care what other people think when we care so much about how we think about ourselves. And whether or not people want to admit it, sometimes the negative comments and general portrayals of "Beauty" do get to us. We all live in the same world and the media shapes our views, whether we like it or not. Three years ago I was in a car accident. I broke all the bones in my face from my lower forehead to below my nose. I severely damaged both eyes and ended up losing my right eye. I've been through extensive reconstructive craniofacial surgeries and still, my end result will never be how I looked like before. I have an obvious "deformity" (Ugh, I hate that word) I can hide most of it, most of the time, with sunglasses. I wear them out in public, to school, at night...I get stares because I'm always wearing them, especially at night, or in the rain, or snow. Sometimes people catch on that somethings wrong and the stares get more persistent to figure out what I'm hiding. My family and friends who I'm comfortable without the sunglasses are really understanding, but I am different. I also, dream to be "normal". I also, have to work harder, especially in social settings, so people can treat me normally. I also have to deal with the double standards, because when you're different, people treat you differently. But there are people who get past the physical. People who realize that the body, the face, it's all a shell and the pearl is on the inside. I too, struggle to be content with my self-image. I know I will never be completely ok...and sometimes days go by where I can't look at myself in the mirror, but other times, I can look at myself and just say: THIS IS ME. DEAL WITH IT. I know it's hard not to be comfortable in your own skin. I know it's tiring to have the same things replayed in your life. I know what it's like to have your life put on hold because you're striving to fix it. PM me. I think I can totally relate. __________________ A wounded dear leaps the highest. Last edited by Mrocza; 03-01-2006 at 11:59 AM.

03-01-2006, 10:57 AM	#4
Me&Him Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Halifax Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 23	Personality far tops all looks!!! Personality is the most important ingredient of a person!

03-01-2006, 09:57 PM	#6
littlepinkpunk Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Age: 23 Posts: 52	From the point of view of a person on the other side... I don't think any differently of anyone in your situation. In fact, i usually want to get to know these people better because i feel that they may have a strong personality, and that is something i need/like to be around. The only complication is this: i fear making others uncomfortable. I did volunteer work for a physical therapist and that was one of the best experiences i've had. Many of the people had to be brave to go through so many surgeries and the like...i really admired them. i've never gotten along with anyone better i don't know how many people out there are like me (i usually consider myself an oddball)...but i just wanted you to know how I feel... Now i have a question for you: how do i avoid making you uncomfortable?