Help - Bipolar Disorder??!!!

[Unchained_melody]

I don't know what is happening to me and why? Lately I have had plenty of problems come up in my life.

OK Here are things that are bothering me right now:

I get so depressed over not having enough money, I get angry when I go a little over the budget, I get confused when I have no work or that my partner is saying something that makes me think about either money, parents, freedom, cancer, going overseas again or unemployment.

I get extremely lost and bored about my life right now because I have no work again and yet I want to study, and then I want to work, but I want to study.. Sometimes I wanna do both, and yet sometimes I don't feel like I need to be in a hurry to do anything because I have lost motivation and yet at other times I feel like I need to do it now!! now!! and then there are just Empty spaces in my thoughts AND!! I don't know what I should do! with my life!!

I get so sad when I think about my partner who has cancer, I get so frustrated when we tend to argue all the time now and it hurts alot. I get annoyed by everything and anything around me; noise, people, car fumes, not being able to hear what my partner said because of all the noise, I hate crowds, I hate the sun because it burns my precious skin, gives me a headache and makes me mad at everything because I can't see anything without my sunglasses. I hate the roads because there are too many cars and not enough traffic lights, I hate those bumpers on the road when my car sometimes goes flipping about because of it. I hate Cancer because it is not curable and it keeps coming back and it just DESTROYS everything that You love!! and it makes you break down and cry.
I hate sales people who annoy the sh** out of you when you are too busy doing important things. I hate not having enough money, I hate spending money and yet I love spending money but I hate it afterwards and it gives me a nervous breakdown!!

I get even more frustrated when I want to have my own place soon, but I am saving up like a mad chicken, But when I go out and have fun with my partner and I end up spending a little bit more than I usually do for example: My budget for the day is $40. But then I go abit out of controll and happy that I spend $120!! instead. And that figure makes me sooo MAD!!
Most of the time I question myself "Why did I spend this much?" after I have already spent it. And then I feel so guilty and bad for about 2 hours to 24 hours. But the thing that confuses me is that When I am Spending More money, I feel happy and free.
But after I spend that money my feelings change? into guilt, anger, hopelessness and frustration??

I feel like I am paranoid about money, I feel like I need to save it all and if it disappears I go a little crazy! and then all depressed and get anxiety from it.
Has anyone felt this way about money? Does anyone want to share their similar experiences, anger and frustration. You can tell me everything that annoys you on this thread.

I feel like I have some Mental disorder or something about MONEY? or even Everything in life!

Last night I went into this Website and I found out that I might have - Bipolar disorder.??

Help I am so lost and worried!! I don't know what to do??
Does anyone have any ideas??!!!!!

[Unchained_melody]

Okay so what's the point in posting anything into this forum if noone is going to reply or relate or say anything or suggest any ideas??

I mean this is a forum built for people who have alot of problems to ask for some advice and to share their feelings and thoughts.

It doesn't seem to be looking too good anymore.

I am going to cancel my registration.

[vesper]

im sorry that you have a partner with cancer, I am sure that is creating and un believable amount of stress and anxiety in you. It sounds like you are stressed out and have some very plausible issues that you are working on. You need to find a way to RELAX and have your mind slow down a little bit. I know it is hard, but that is what I would suggest. As for bipolar disorder, I am not a psychologist, but I can suggest that maybe you should talk to a good therapist about this and see if they can help you.

[vesper]

also, spending money may be a way that you are trying to RELEASE stress because it is a RUSH to go shopping, but then afterwards you are down because of the stress. Maybe you should ask your partner to lock away all of your credit cards...it is also a good time to talk to close friends and family if they are available to help at all...this sounds like a lot to take on by yourself!!

[becallamjr]

I'm bipolar and from reading your post I dont think that is what you suffer from it. Though I am not a therapist. I think you may just be compulsive. Your spending spree your probably relating to the mania. When I'm in a manic state I do things that I have little control over and it is extremely hard for me to realize that I'm doing something that is unhealthy. For example, I may begin to paint my bedroom a color at 3am because I think it is a good idea, but when the mania episode is over, I usually realize that it was an unhealthy idea. As for the depression side of the coin, you seem to be pretty happy aside from your partner and your spending sprees. I think that maybe you are so stressed out, that when you sepnd the money it is a relief of that stress, but once you spend it you get that guilt because you went away from what you were originally trying to do. Mainly, go see a therapist.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Whoa.

First, Im really sorry to hear that your partner has cancer, thats terrible.

I dont think, heres the good news, that you do have a mental illness, well, going on what I just read anyway. Rather, you are having normal reactions to stressful life events, and I think general stress management is your best bet, usually means counselling and diet/exercise, all the usual.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

OO I have suspected-awaiting-confirmation Bipolar Disorder, and my symptoms arn't really due to anything, they are more...organic? Everything can be going great for me, then my mind starts spiralling downwards, and The Madness Starts.

[ShySoul]

First, I am also sorry that your partner has cancer. Try to get him the best help you can. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

If you believe that you might be bipolar, consult a doctor. See what he recommends doing and if he can help you in anyway.

Take some time to think about what it is you really want out of life. What is it that makes you happiest and eases the anxiety and tension? Pursue that. Maybe find a part time job in the field you like doing, and then take classes as well. Or work full time and take one or two classes when you can.

I think you are using shopping as a way to relieve the stress you feel. When you are shopping you can forget your worries and just enjoy buying what makes you feel comfortable and takes your mind off of things. But then you get the bill and it just causes more worries. You need to be able to limit the shopping and only get what is essential. Throw away or lock up the credit cards. Find another activity that you enjoy to help relieve the stress.

I hope things can start to get better for you. Hang in there.

[sugarandspice]

hey babe

sending you such a huge hug right now! ((((((((((((unchained_melody)))))))))))))) i cant even imagine when a loved one has cancer, it must be sooo tough and i think you ought to stop being so hard on yourself. so what you shop?! people cope with things in different ways, we all need some release. Im a shopaholic myself somtimes....it gives me a buz...makes me feel better in that moment. Its fun and buying new glitzy things makes me feel better. i love jewlery and bags and belts and pyjamas!!!!i cant stop!!but havinglittle things like that does make me feel better a little bit. i dont have the money either but i suffer a lot with depression...to the extent i dont want to be here...so spending money after a depressive episode..i just dont think about it.

i am the same as you as i dont know what to do with my life. Ive just given up a uni course as i couldnt be bothered to study and my depression makes it hard to get up everyday. i just couldnt handle the thought of failour and thought i would fail a long time before i went..its horrible not knowing what to do. Im not doing anything right now as i dont even think i can cope with a job...

ive thought v.recently too i may have bi polar disorder i can feel hyper one minute and want to die the next, Its maddness and i can never relax. Are you on any medication at the mo? im on anti d's for bulimia but im going to go back to my doc and explain how i feel as i cant function in everyday life. Ive just writen a long post on it on here- depression in my own words.

maybe go to your doc and explain how you feel and if theres anything that can be done. Im thinking there is something wrong with me as normal people dont think like this!!!!and its driving me absolutley crazy!

made me smile when i read the bit about doing things now now now!!!i am like that a bit. sometimes feel such a rush...i need to do this...do that...get this sorted etc......usually i have a rush at night and can't sleep!!

soz i aint much use and dont have much advice except talk lots to everyone about how you feel and get to the doctors and let me know how you go as i am feeling a little bit the same right now!

love sugar x x x

[Unchained_melody]

Thank You Everyone for your replies..