She told me the truth. parents wouldn't let her date a non Christian

Massari · 02-20-2006, 09:15 PM

To make the long story short http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showt...751#post935751 there is this girl in my University. I have known her for a year. And she likes me.. I thought she didn't.. because I asked her out last valentine day and she said I like you as a friend and no more. And then I was heart broken and decided to put the whole thing behind.. things changed (read my link please it explains) she started to get physical.. we became close friend.. not seeing each other too much.. just in school and all.. she hugs me give me kiss on the cheek. I did ask her for several occasions.. like Niagra falls . going to cottage come to salsa dancing So it was my birthday last Friday I invited her to come to my place she accepted it and said she'll be there.. she didn't come and nor she called me.. I was sad..sent her a short email saying.. well well guess who didn't show up" today a week from then. I got an email message.. she said "Remember first year? you kinda asked me out, and i said no? b/c i didnt think of you as more than a friend. That was a lie. Because i liked you." So she explains that its her dad which doesn't want her daughter to date a non-Christian especially a Muslim. I am not even a true Muslim. Just because I am Persian ppl think I am true arab Muslim. I drink alcohol.. eat Pork do not pray. So technically I am not a Muslim. She said it was hard for her to get close to me knowing that she couldn't date me.. ME READING THIS WAS OVER WHELMING; for the first time she was honest with me. Things made sence why she never went out with me she also mentioned thet she was gonna ask me out even before I did that day a year ago but she aked her parent and her dad refused.. I had tears knowing that she liked me they way I wanted.. she said this week she moved to her grand parents and she just got back.. she couldn't stand the presence of her father.. she is young 19-20 years … DID anyone had a situation like this where religion is a problem? I am not religious at all I dun care about all that.. its for appearance.. I belive in god and I think this is what matters.. what can I do.. is there a future for us.. I think this is a very retarded reason to not be with someone you like. My question is why she didn't tell me this earlier.? (she did mention that she wasn't sure if I would understand cause I am not the first one who she refused to go out with , thought I am the one who she care to explain, cause she liked me a lot) but I think she could have told me this story long time ago it would make my like easier.

WHAT CAN I DO here? Convert to Christianity? I would do that if that is the only way she can be with mer..

wlfpack81 · 02-20-2006, 09:39 PM

Don't convert to any religion over someone else. Religion is personal and private, not to be influence by others. If you decide to convert due b/c you feel the spirit or however they say it, not b/c of some girl.

**melrich** · 02-20-2006, 09:40 PM

I agree with you that this si not a good reason to not be seeing each other but it seems very unlikely that there would be anything you could do to change her parents thinking.

I don't think you should convert (her parents are likely to come up with another reason) and I don't think you should try and pressure her as all this will do is drive a wedge between her and her parents.

All you can do is let her know how you feel and hope that if she feels the same way she will find the strength to become her own person and live her own life.

puppy · 02-20-2006, 10:00 PM

hi

I certainly agreed with the previous post on this matter. You will surprise there is a large number of couple who have different religious belief, which in effect, affected their relationship.

Converting yourself is not a problem, but believing and accepting the teaching and its value can be hard. In this case, all you can do is to simply to tell her what you believe and then allow her this time for her to gain the will to tell her parents about this.

Please try to understand that this girl does love you, but have increasing pressure from the parents.

Good luck.

Woof Woof!

theantibarbie23 · 02-21-2006, 12:15 AM

If at her age she's letting her parents make her decisions in life for her, relationship decisions no less...... that's not someone you want to date.

Ethier she's not strong enough to live her own life or she's been programmed into believing her family should make her decisions for her.

The fact that her father doesn't want her to date outside of her religion (ESPECIALLY MUSLIM men) makes me think he's a bit of a biggot and if that's the case, your becoming a christian wouldn't even matter to this man because of your family's faith and your past.

The best thing you can do is find someone else that doesn't screen people based entirely on religion. Open minded people are much more fun anyhow, in my opinion

You'll be saving yourself a huge headache!

Markers · 02-21-2006, 05:30 AM

Changing religion because of a girl is the stupidest thing ever, if you don't have really no interest whatsoever to the religion itself. If you, however, are interested in Christianity as well, I want to encourage you to go for it.

Massari · 02-21-2006, 04:09 PM

thank you all so much for replying.
Today I will see her, she is my lab partner.. I will tell her the how much I like/maybe even love (I am not sure) her or how much I care about her and what I feel about her. I have never told like that that fearing that she'll freak out and just not feel the same about me.. now that I know how she feels.. I don't see any reason why not to be honset with her.. I wish I had told her earier (but asking her to come with me it all these places would show that I do care aboyt her). I'll let it out I want her to know that I will try everything for this to work out if it is possible in anyway... I am not sure.. if she still wanna try to make it work or think its pointless since her father is not going to change his idea about ny of this... but then she knew everything before...and all this is nothing new for her .. for me it is.. the email was the best birthday gift anyone gave me I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I wanted her to feel somewhat where i was. from the tone of the email I can feel that she likes me, but then I see she sounds like no matter how much she likes me..this is an exact quote "Anyway, I liked you back then too much not to think about taking you seriously, so I just thought it was better if i didnt get closer to you by spending time with you. Thats why i didnt go anywhere when you invited me to go places." I think she still likes me.. the last time I saw her (I was inviting her for my B day) we were sitting in front of our lab.. she somhow put her head on my shoulder. I felt something.. so yeah I am gonna tell her how I feel .. hoping she still likes me like then.. cause I still don

NJRon · 02-21-2006, 04:20 PM

Wouldn't it be better to find someone else that you might be a bit more compatible with? Even if she did decide to go out with you, you're just setting yourself up for a lot of drama.

Better to not get involved in the first place.

theantibarbie23 · 02-21-2006, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJRon

Wouldn't it be better to find someone else that you might be a bit more compatible with? Even if she did decide to go out with you, you're just setting yourself up for a lot of drama.

Exactly NJRon, he is opening pandora's box. It's best not to go there.

Massari · 02-22-2006, 12:40 AM

truth was said.. and for the first time it didn't hurt.. she likes me.. we talked a little for 30 min.. I was holding her hands.. I throw it all out that how I feel about her my feelings are still the same if not stronger .. but I felt like she knows that its not gonna work so she gave up on in already.. I did propose some solutions.. like becoming a Christian.. she said that might work.. but unlikely that her father would change his mind.. I know, when it comes the romance and the one .. I never find it.. and when I do. I'll watch it burn in front of my eyes.. I reach to stop it and my hand burns. . .

02-20-2006, 09:15 PM	#1
Massari Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Canada , Ontario Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 1,508	She told me the truth. parents wouldn't let her date a non Christian To make the long story short http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showt...751#post935751 there is this girl in my University. I have known her for a year. And she likes me.. I thought she didn't.. because I asked her out last valentine day and she said I like you as a friend and no more. And then I was heart broken and decided to put the whole thing behind.. things changed (read my link please it explains) she started to get physical.. we became close friend.. not seeing each other too much.. just in school and all.. she hugs me give me kiss on the cheek. I did ask her for several occasions.. like Niagra falls . going to cottage come to salsa dancing So it was my birthday last Friday I invited her to come to my place she accepted it and said she'll be there.. she didn't come and nor she called me.. I was sad..sent her a short email saying.. well well guess who didn't show up" today a week from then. I got an email message.. she said "Remember first year? you kinda asked me out, and i said no? b/c i didnt think of you as more than a friend. That was a lie. Because i liked you." So she explains that its her dad which doesn't want her daughter to date a non-Christian especially a Muslim. I am not even a true Muslim. Just because I am Persian ppl think I am true arab Muslim. I drink alcohol.. eat Pork do not pray. So technically I am not a Muslim. She said it was hard for her to get close to me knowing that she couldn't date me.. ME READING THIS WAS OVER WHELMING; for the first time she was honest with me. Things made sence why she never went out with me she also mentioned thet she was gonna ask me out even before I did that day a year ago but she aked her parent and her dad refused.. I had tears knowing that she liked me they way I wanted.. she said this week she moved to her grand parents and she just got back.. she couldn't stand the presence of her father.. she is young 19-20 years … DID anyone had a situation like this where religion is a problem? I am not religious at all I dun care about all that.. its for appearance.. I belive in god and I think this is what matters.. what can I do.. is there a future for us.. I think this is a very retarded reason to not be with someone you like. My question is why she didn't tell me this earlier.? (she did mention that she wasn't sure if I would understand cause I am not the first one who she refused to go out with , thought I am the one who she care to explain, cause she liked me a lot) but I think she could have told me this story long time ago it would make my like easier. WHAT CAN I DO here? Convert to Christianity? I would do that if that is the only way she can be with mer.. __________________ I know this silence ,been here before, I’m walking blinded through your door. . .

02-21-2006, 12:15 AM	#5
theantibarbie23 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: USA Gender: Female Posts: 352	If at her age she's letting her parents make her decisions in life for her, relationship decisions no less...... that's not someone you want to date. Ethier she's not strong enough to live her own life or she's been programmed into believing her family should make her decisions for her. The fact that her father doesn't want her to date outside of her religion (ESPECIALLY MUSLIM men) makes me think he's a bit of a biggot and if that's the case, your becoming a christian wouldn't even matter to this man because of your family's faith and your past. The best thing you can do is find someone else that doesn't screen people based entirely on religion. Open minded people are much more fun anyhow, in my opinion You'll be saving yourself a huge headache! __________________ Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive. - Havelock Ellis He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. - Raymond Hull Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

02-21-2006, 05:30 AM	#6
Markers Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 807	Changing religion because of a girl is the stupidest thing ever, if you don't have really no interest whatsoever to the religion itself. If you, however, are interested in Christianity as well, I want to encourage you to go for it. __________________ If you want me to give further advice, you should PM me as I won't be looking back at every thread I reply to. :]

02-21-2006, 04:09 PM	#7
Massari Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Canada , Ontario Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 1,508	thank you all so much for replying. Today I will see her, she is my lab partner.. I will tell her the how much I like/maybe even love (I am not sure) her or how much I care about her and what I feel about her. I have never told like that that fearing that she'll freak out and just not feel the same about me.. now that I know how she feels.. I don't see any reason why not to be honset with her.. I wish I had told her earier (but asking her to come with me it all these places would show that I do care aboyt her). I'll let it out I want her to know that I will try everything for this to work out if it is possible in anyway... I am not sure.. if she still wanna try to make it work or think its pointless since her father is not going to change his idea about ny of this... but then she knew everything before...and all this is nothing new for her .. for me it is.. the email was the best birthday gift anyone gave me I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I wanted her to feel somewhat where i was. from the tone of the email I can feel that she likes me, but then I see she sounds like no matter how much she likes me..this is an exact quote "Anyway, I liked you back then too much not to think about taking you seriously, so I just thought it was better if i didnt get closer to you by spending time with you. Thats why i didnt go anywhere when you invited me to go places." I think she still likes me.. the last time I saw her (I was inviting her for my B day) we were sitting in front of our lab.. she somhow put her head on my shoulder. I felt something.. so yeah I am gonna tell her how I feel .. hoping she still likes me like then.. cause I still don __________________ I know this silence ,been here before, I’m walking blinded through your door. . .

02-21-2006, 04:20 PM	#8
NJRon Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 3,242	Wouldn't it be better to find someone else that you might be a bit more compatible with? Even if she did decide to go out with you, you're just setting yourself up for a lot of drama. Better to not get involved in the first place. __________________ I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness! - Nathanial Mayweather I'm not the moose! Nor am I a certified advice giver of any kind... so take everything I say as my opinion... throw away what doesn't work and keep what does. - Me

02-20-2006, 09:39 PM	#2
wlfpack81 Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Washington, DC Metro Area Gender: Male Posts: 733	Don't convert to any religion over someone else. Religion is personal and private, not to be influence by others. If you decide to convert due b/c you feel the spirit or however they say it, not b/c of some girl.

02-20-2006, 09:40 PM	#3
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,503	I agree with you that this si not a good reason to not be seeing each other but it seems very unlikely that there would be anything you could do to change her parents thinking. I don't think you should convert (her parents are likely to come up with another reason) and I don't think you should try and pressure her as all this will do is drive a wedge between her and her parents. All you can do is let her know how you feel and hope that if she feels the same way she will find the strength to become her own person and live her own life.

02-20-2006, 10:00 PM	#4
puppy Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Male Posts: 89	hi I certainly agreed with the previous post on this matter. You will surprise there is a large number of couple who have different religious belief, which in effect, affected their relationship. Converting yourself is not a problem, but believing and accepting the teaching and its value can be hard. In this case, all you can do is to simply to tell her what you believe and then allow her this time for her to gain the will to tell her parents about this. Please try to understand that this girl does love you, but have increasing pressure from the parents. Good luck. Woof Woof!

02-22-2006, 12:40 AM	#10
Massari Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Canada , Ontario Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 1,508	truth was said.. and for the first time it didn't hurt.. she likes me.. we talked a little for 30 min.. I was holding her hands.. I throw it all out that how I feel about her my feelings are still the same if not stronger .. but I felt like she knows that its not gonna work so she gave up on in already.. I did propose some solutions.. like becoming a Christian.. she said that might work.. but unlikely that her father would change his mind.. I know, when it comes the romance and the one .. I never find it.. and when I do. I'll watch it burn in front of my eyes.. I reach to stop it and my hand burns. . . __________________ I know this silence ,been here before, I’m walking blinded through your door. . .