Can I help her? (Bulimia)

Deveryn · 02-16-2006, 05:23 PM

Hi everyone,
I'm posting here to ask what I can do to help my girlfriend through her Bulimia, aswell as find some facts out about it.
I've read up on it fairly thoroughly, but I can't seem to find some of these answers:

If she doesn't do it frequently/consistantly is it still a health problem?
I keep telling her it is, because to me it seems to be common sense that even if you didn't do it (throw up on purpose) frequently it can still cause problems.
When I tell her about the side effects of bulimia she pretty much denies all of them saying she doesn't do it enough for them to appear.

It's hard for her to talk about it, she's been doing it on and off for a very long time. She's making progress and I am so incredibly proud of her for that, but sometimes it's hard to take when she doesn't tell me, or lies to me, about whether or not she threw up.

She tells me when she throws up most of the time, and almost all of the time without me asking, but theres been a fair amount of times when she just doesn't tell me about it and I find out a few weeks later

It hurts when she doesn't tell me, but I realize it's not the same as her not telling me about other things..

I have no idea what to do

Is there anything I can do?
Sometimes when she's going in to take a shower (she only throws up when she takes a shower, for some reason she feels a pull to do it in there) I ask her to please promise me that she won't, and that keeps her from doing it.
Sometimes she asks me if she can, and ofcourse I always tell her it'll just hurt her and try to talk her through it, but usually a few days, or a week or two later she throws up and I only find out about it when it comes up a few days later.

Mrocza · 02-16-2006, 05:37 PM

First of all, I admire your dedication to your girlfriend and the fact that you want to help her and be there for her.

But...you can't. Bulimia is a serious disorder, and by asking her not to do it for you or for herself, won't help. You'll start feeling guilty, she'll start feeling trapped. She needs to seek a form of couselling. She needs to get professional help.

In no way are you responsible to fix her, no matter how much you love her. This is something too big for you to handle and impossible for you to fix. You need to just be there for her and try to urge her to get help. If that means going to her parents and letting them know, or going to a couseller at school as an annonymous tip (However, if you are the only person she told, it might not work) then so be it.

She may be angry at you for trying to get her to go to a hospital or a doctor, but in the end she will appreciate you for it. Right now by trying to compromise with her, you are just pushing her away by making her feel guilty and then do it and hide it from you. Tell her you want to help her.

I wish the best of luck to both of you and I hope everything works out for her to have a full recovery.

ShySoul · 02-16-2006, 05:40 PM

Bulimia is just as much a mental and emotional issue as it is physical. I don't know all the phsyical problems it can cause (I'm sure someone else will be able to give that to you) but if she is doing it at all that isn't good. The problem lies within her. It is something that she has to deal with for her own physical and emotional well being. You seem to be a great guy and are helping her through this the best way you can, by being supportive. She should see a doctor and get help. Try to convince her again.

csar26 · 02-16-2006, 09:20 PM

I have a friend that has been suffering with anorexia and bulimia since she was 12, and I can tell you that it is customary for people with these disorders to lie (usually not intentional) and keep things hidden. Two years ago, she had to be admitted into a hospital program because her organs had started to give out on her. She was under constant surveillance for two months and given counselling on a daily basis. When she got out she told us that she was fine, that she had been "cured", but then was re-admitted by her doctor four months later... She's 28 now and she's still struggling with it.
I think it is wonderful that you are so supportive, but she really should tell her doctor about it. There are some great programs out there that are very discreet.

sugarandspice · 02-18-2006, 07:12 AM

heya

i am a struggling bulumic. I sound worse though i can throw up up to 6/7 x a day sometimes!

i know a few days beofre my period i will binge like absolute crazy. My mood is so low and all i feel like doing is having a really good binge an throwing up all day.

as for affects of it i think its rather dangerous. although when you re in that frame of mind it takes over you. you don't think about the danger.

i am tryin to resist being sick right now!

but for me if i dont get rid of the food then i feel suicidal anyway as obviously i put on weight so getting rid off it sometimes i feel is the only option to make me feel better. and then theres the binges where i feel so ill i have to.

but yeh when i am due on i feel i have to binge i duno why and have to throw up!! i guess i comfort eat when i'm down.

i know i really need to eat steadily to keep my sugar levels balanced so i dont binge, a lot easier said then done.

i know bulumia causes teeth to chip, blood vessels in the eyes to burst, swollen glands ( making you look like you have the mumps!) swollen belly, sore sore throat etc. i guess the more you do it the worst it is. i got swollen glands as i was doing it so often.

but everytime you throw up you are risking your life. it dehydrates you and affects pottasium levels which can cause heart attacks. a concellor i saw once told me a girl died from doing it as she had a stroke or somthing, her body just couldn't take the pressure. if shes not doing it that often then obviously theres less risk. but each time she does it theres the same risk. Its not natural to make yourself sick and put your body through that.

what i'm going to do is write a list of foods i like and a list i need and try eat regulary.

its so good you are there for her, having support is absolutly vital.

what i am also going to do is keep a diary of when i do throw up and how i feel. no dought ill be being sick a lot more often a few days before my period.

maybe get her to do the same thing?!

also helps after ive eaten is a distraction! a magazine, a puzzle a tv show anything and then i think ohwell its too late to be sick now!

i post on a website edauk.com its brill. you can post on there too or maybe show her it. itsd just a message board for people with eds.

maybe show her this message you have written. let her know your going through it with her that she's not alone.

take care and give her lots of cuddles!

Sugar X x x X ( am always here if you need someone as i know what its like to live with an ed demon!)

frecklegirl · 02-19-2006, 12:07 AM

D~ You sound like a wonderful friend/boyfriend/person for wanting to be there for your girl. I too struggled with bulimia and anoxia....problem was, if you do not fix the problem it does not go away. I switched "highs or more like lows" with alcohol now. I still sometimes feel the need to "get rid" of the food inside me. It is so much bigger than weight! It comes from a deep place inside us.

With me, I lost teeth ( replaced now by $20,000 in dental work, caps veneers), electrolyte balanced which can be very dangereous. My knuckles got so beat us from sticking my fingers down my throat that I became even "better" at it and willed myself to puke by just thinking about it. There is a relief after. Much like my compulsion to drink now. There is a place very shattered inside us and until we figure it out the problem does get worse and in my case I now have 2 DUI's because I am still struggling with an addiction.

Encourage her to seek good help. She really does not like to feel this way, and probably hates that she does this...but it is so hard to stop and the loneliness drives you to even do it more! It is part of a compulsion shrouded by a lot of shame. I feel the same way now with alcohol. Ashamed of myself, very scared and very alone. Please don't give up on her. She needs to know you love her unconditionally.

Ms.Lex · 03-24-2009, 11:45 PM

I had bulimia and relapsed. I just recently told my bf about the relapse. The thing is telling him, was my way of asking for help. I want to stop and being accountble to him helps me. Maybe the same is true in your situation. Best of luck, it is a horrible thing.

sarey · 03-25-2009, 01:57 AM

You sound like an amazing boyfriend.
I am currently battling anorexia-bulimia, it's extremely difficult.
Denial is common. People with ED's think "Nah, that won't happen to me", newsflash...it will.
I think you should not force help, instead, use "I" statements and express your concerns and worries, and just be there for her. All you can really do. It's up to the person if they recover or not. Cannot be forced.

02-16-2006, 05:23 PM	#1
Deveryn Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 12	Can I help her? (Bulimia) Hi everyone, I'm posting here to ask what I can do to help my girlfriend through her Bulimia, aswell as find some facts out about it. I've read up on it fairly thoroughly, but I can't seem to find some of these answers: If she doesn't do it frequently/consistantly is it still a health problem? I keep telling her it is, because to me it seems to be common sense that even if you didn't do it (throw up on purpose) frequently it can still cause problems. When I tell her about the side effects of bulimia she pretty much denies all of them saying she doesn't do it enough for them to appear. It's hard for her to talk about it, she's been doing it on and off for a very long time. She's making progress and I am so incredibly proud of her for that, but sometimes it's hard to take when she doesn't tell me, or lies to me, about whether or not she threw up. She tells me when she throws up most of the time, and almost all of the time without me asking, but theres been a fair amount of times when she just doesn't tell me about it and I find out a few weeks later It hurts when she doesn't tell me, but I realize it's not the same as her not telling me about other things.. I have no idea what to do Is there anything I can do? Sometimes when she's going in to take a shower (she only throws up when she takes a shower, for some reason she feels a pull to do it in there) I ask her to please promise me that she won't, and that keeps her from doing it. Sometimes she asks me if she can, and ofcourse I always tell her it'll just hurt her and try to talk her through it, but usually a few days, or a week or two later she throws up and I only find out about it when it comes up a few days later.

02-16-2006, 05:37 PM	#2
Mrocza Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Toronto, Ontario Gender: Female Posts: 986	First of all, I admire your dedication to your girlfriend and the fact that you want to help her and be there for her. But...you can't. Bulimia is a serious disorder, and by asking her not to do it for you or for herself, won't help. You'll start feeling guilty, she'll start feeling trapped. She needs to seek a form of couselling. She needs to get professional help. In no way are you responsible to fix her, no matter how much you love her. This is something too big for you to handle and impossible for you to fix. You need to just be there for her and try to urge her to get help. If that means going to her parents and letting them know, or going to a couseller at school as an annonymous tip (However, if you are the only person she told, it might not work) then so be it. She may be angry at you for trying to get her to go to a hospital or a doctor, but in the end she will appreciate you for it. Right now by trying to compromise with her, you are just pushing her away by making her feel guilty and then do it and hide it from you. Tell her you want to help her. I wish the best of luck to both of you and I hope everything works out for her to have a full recovery. __________________ A wounded dear leaps the highest.

02-16-2006, 05:40 PM	#3
ShySoul Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Where love guides our hearts and actions Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 6,135	Bulimia is just as much a mental and emotional issue as it is physical. I don't know all the phsyical problems it can cause (I'm sure someone else will be able to give that to you) but if she is doing it at all that isn't good. The problem lies within her. It is something that she has to deal with for her own physical and emotional well being. You seem to be a great guy and are helping her through this the best way you can, by being supportive. She should see a doctor and get help. Try to convince her again. __________________ The ShySoul has recently been on a mission to share a banner of love, respect, compassion, honesty, and selfish giving with one another. If you believe in these things as well, please make them a part of your everyday lives. Quality is what counts in the end. The soul never dies. We all have a strength within us that no force can deny. Speak up for what is right and never let anyone silence you. Feel free to introduce yourself. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134460

02-18-2006, 07:12 AM	#5
sugarandspice Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: neverland Age: 23 Posts: 111	heya i am a struggling bulumic. I sound worse though i can throw up up to 6/7 x a day sometimes! i know a few days beofre my period i will binge like absolute crazy. My mood is so low and all i feel like doing is having a really good binge an throwing up all day. as for affects of it i think its rather dangerous. although when you re in that frame of mind it takes over you. you don't think about the danger. i am tryin to resist being sick right now! but for me if i dont get rid of the food then i feel suicidal anyway as obviously i put on weight so getting rid off it sometimes i feel is the only option to make me feel better. and then theres the binges where i feel so ill i have to. but yeh when i am due on i feel i have to binge i duno why and have to throw up!! i guess i comfort eat when i'm down. i know i really need to eat steadily to keep my sugar levels balanced so i dont binge, a lot easier said then done. i know bulumia causes teeth to chip, blood vessels in the eyes to burst, swollen glands ( making you look like you have the mumps!) swollen belly, sore sore throat etc. i guess the more you do it the worst it is. i got swollen glands as i was doing it so often. but everytime you throw up you are risking your life. it dehydrates you and affects pottasium levels which can cause heart attacks. a concellor i saw once told me a girl died from doing it as she had a stroke or somthing, her body just couldn't take the pressure. if shes not doing it that often then obviously theres less risk. but each time she does it theres the same risk. Its not natural to make yourself sick and put your body through that. what i'm going to do is write a list of foods i like and a list i need and try eat regulary. its so good you are there for her, having support is absolutly vital. what i am also going to do is keep a diary of when i do throw up and how i feel. no dought ill be being sick a lot more often a few days before my period. maybe get her to do the same thing?! also helps after ive eaten is a distraction! a magazine, a puzzle a tv show anything and then i think ohwell its too late to be sick now! i post on a website edauk.com its brill. you can post on there too or maybe show her it. itsd just a message board for people with eds. maybe show her this message you have written. let her know your going through it with her that she's not alone. take care and give her lots of cuddles! Sugar X x x X ( am always here if you need someone as i know what its like to live with an ed demon!) __________________ in the world you are only one person, but to one person you may be the world what doesn't kill you makes you stronger Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it

02-19-2006, 12:07 AM	#6
frecklegirl Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 125	D~ You sound like a wonderful friend/boyfriend/person for wanting to be there for your girl. I too struggled with bulimia and anoxia....problem was, if you do not fix the problem it does not go away. I switched "highs or more like lows" with alcohol now. I still sometimes feel the need to "get rid" of the food inside me. It is so much bigger than weight! It comes from a deep place inside us. With me, I lost teeth ( replaced now by $20,000 in dental work, caps veneers), electrolyte balanced which can be very dangereous. My knuckles got so beat us from sticking my fingers down my throat that I became even "better" at it and willed myself to puke by just thinking about it. There is a relief after. Much like my compulsion to drink now. There is a place very shattered inside us and until we figure it out the problem does get worse and in my case I now have 2 DUI's because I am still struggling with an addiction. Encourage her to seek good help. She really does not like to feel this way, and probably hates that she does this...but it is so hard to stop and the loneliness drives you to even do it more! It is part of a compulsion shrouded by a lot of shame. I feel the same way now with alcohol. Ashamed of myself, very scared and very alone. Please don't give up on her. She needs to know you love her unconditionally. __________________ feel it, believe it, it will be.

02-16-2006, 09:20 PM	#4
csar26 Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ontario Posts: 20	I have a friend that has been suffering with anorexia and bulimia since she was 12, and I can tell you that it is customary for people with these disorders to lie (usually not intentional) and keep things hidden. Two years ago, she had to be admitted into a hospital program because her organs had started to give out on her. She was under constant surveillance for two months and given counselling on a daily basis. When she got out she told us that she was fine, that she had been "cured", but then was re-admitted by her doctor four months later... She's 28 now and she's still struggling with it. I think it is wonderful that you are so supportive, but she really should tell her doctor about it. There are some great programs out there that are very discreet.

03-24-2009, 11:45 PM	#7
Ms.Lex Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Arizona Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 12	I had bulimia and relapsed. I just recently told my bf about the relapse. The thing is telling him, was my way of asking for help. I want to stop and being accountble to him helps me. Maybe the same is true in your situation. Best of luck, it is a horrible thing.

03-25-2009, 01:57 AM	#8
sarey Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: In the UK, somewhere... Gender: Female Posts: 1,438	You sound like an amazing boyfriend. I am currently battling anorexia-bulimia, it's extremely difficult. Denial is common. People with ED's think "Nah, that won't happen to me", newsflash...it will. I think you should not force help, instead, use "I" statements and express your concerns and worries, and just be there for her. All you can really do. It's up to the person if they recover or not. Cannot be forced.