I can not get aroused... psychological issue?

twentyOnE · 02-09-2006, 09:56 AM

Hi,

Currently i'm 24 years old and I know I've never had any libido/sex drive issues but I'm seeing a new girl and when we get intimate, I feel that I don't have that sex drive and I can not get a solid/firm erection.

The thing is, I just broke up with my Ex-GF a month ago and she's a very wonderful person. I just felt that it was my time to leave and she was left heart broken. We agreed to be friends and we stay in touch almost daily. I don't have any feelings for her as a girlfriend but i do as friends.

I don't know if this may/may not be the case but is it possible that I have some kind of guilt being intimate w/ another girl(i know i shouldn't) that prevents me from being aroused? Last time I was intimate with the new girl, my ex-gf popped into my head and I felt really guilty for some stranggggge reason... I was thinking about telling my ex-gf it's better that we don't talk for a while and keep her out of my head... anyone ever have this problem? or have any suggestions? I want my libido back!

thank you for listening....

chai714 · 02-09-2006, 10:38 AM

If you didn't have problems before with getting an erection, perhaps it is a psychological problem - especially if your ex is popping into your head and you're feeling guilty. I can see how it might be difficult to maintain your erection if you have feelings of guilt rather than raging hormones while with your new woman.

Limit or decrease contact with your ex for now. IF you don't want to do that, consult with a psychologist. If you're a student in college, most have free psychological services. Good luck.

Mrocza · 02-09-2006, 03:14 PM

Are you sure you don't have feelings for your ex?

Perhaps you should take some time apart so you can cool off and get your mind on what it should be:P

Ash · 02-09-2006, 04:11 PM

You need some time. Time to get over your past girlfriend, and time to get to know your new girlfriend. Don't push things.

It's going to take a long time before you get past your last relationship. From the way the described things as being, you do feel some guilt for being the one to want to move on, so to mitigate that you're putting in the effort to stay in touch. That will make things tougher.

Any chance you were looking for your next relationship too quickly? Think about that for a while. Perhaps she's not the right person either and just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's okay, you just need to understand it if it is the case.

ShySoul · 02-10-2006, 09:07 PM

twentyOnE,

Ash hit it right on the button. A month after a serious relationship end, there is still going to be feelings. You aren't going to be over the person. Just dating or even finding someone they would consider dating can be difficult for a lot of people. To be ready for something as intimate as sex... that isn't something that most people can do. And my theory on the people who do it is that most of them are either trying to hide their feelings, or they weren't into the old relationship to begin with.

I think you should slow things down and take it easy for a bit. Date this new girl if you like and think you are ready for it, but don't go for sex. Be honest with her and say that you aren't ready for that yet.

02-09-2006, 09:56 AM	#1
twentyOnE Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: New Jersey Age: 27 Posts: 48	I can not get aroused... psychological issue? Hi, Currently i'm 24 years old and I know I've never had any libido/sex drive issues but I'm seeing a new girl and when we get intimate, I feel that I don't have that sex drive and I can not get a solid/firm erection. The thing is, I just broke up with my Ex-GF a month ago and she's a very wonderful person. I just felt that it was my time to leave and she was left heart broken. We agreed to be friends and we stay in touch almost daily. I don't have any feelings for her as a girlfriend but i do as friends. I don't know if this may/may not be the case but is it possible that I have some kind of guilt being intimate w/ another girl(i know i shouldn't) that prevents me from being aroused? Last time I was intimate with the new girl, my ex-gf popped into my head and I felt really guilty for some stranggggge reason... I was thinking about telling my ex-gf it's better that we don't talk for a while and keep her out of my head... anyone ever have this problem? or have any suggestions? I want my libido back! thank you for listening.... __________________ While the sun shines on you I need some love to rain on me. . . Last edited by twentyOnE; 02-09-2006 at 09:58 AM.

02-09-2006, 10:38 AM	#2
chai714 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The End of the Pier Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 2,705	If you didn't have problems before with getting an erection, perhaps it is a psychological problem - especially if your ex is popping into your head and you're feeling guilty. I can see how it might be difficult to maintain your erection if you have feelings of guilt rather than raging hormones while with your new woman. Limit or decrease contact with your ex for now. IF you don't want to do that, consult with a psychologist. If you're a student in college, most have free psychological services. Good luck. __________________ "Your mind is your greatest weapon." - David J. Lieberman, Ph.D "Most every person or situation can be influenced through the power of psychology."

02-09-2006, 03:14 PM	#3
Mrocza Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Toronto, Ontario Gender: Female Posts: 986	Are you sure you don't have feelings for your ex? Perhaps you should take some time apart so you can cool off and get your mind on what it should be:P __________________ A wounded dear leaps the highest.

02-09-2006, 04:11 PM	#4
Ash Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Age: 46 Posts: 1,868	You need some time. Time to get over your past girlfriend, and time to get to know your new girlfriend. Don't push things. It's going to take a long time before you get past your last relationship. From the way the described things as being, you do feel some guilt for being the one to want to move on, so to mitigate that you're putting in the effort to stay in touch. That will make things tougher. Any chance you were looking for your next relationship too quickly? Think about that for a while. Perhaps she's not the right person either and just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's okay, you just need to understand it if it is the case. __________________ Wisdom can come with youth ... my friends here prove it everyday.

02-10-2006, 09:07 PM	#5
ShySoul Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Where love guides our hearts and actions Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 6,135	twentyOnE, Ash hit it right on the button. A month after a serious relationship end, there is still going to be feelings. You aren't going to be over the person. Just dating or even finding someone they would consider dating can be difficult for a lot of people. To be ready for something as intimate as sex... that isn't something that most people can do. And my theory on the people who do it is that most of them are either trying to hide their feelings, or they weren't into the old relationship to begin with. I think you should slow things down and take it easy for a bit. Date this new girl if you like and think you are ready for it, but don't go for sex. Be honest with her and say that you aren't ready for that yet. __________________ The ShySoul has recently been on a mission to share a banner of love, respect, compassion, honesty, and selfish giving with one another. If you believe in these things as well, please make them a part of your everyday lives. Quality is what counts in the end. The soul never dies. We all have a strength within us that no force can deny. Speak up for what is right and never let anyone silence you. Feel free to introduce yourself. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134460