My Mom lets everyone use her as a doormat

prettydance · 02-06-2006, 08:25 PM

Deleted Comment

DN · 02-06-2006, 08:29 PM

You can't. You have done your best but she is an adult and must make her own decisions. But it is reasonable to defend yourself from personal comments by her best friend - be as polite as you can.

It seems you have a certain lack of respect for your mother yourself. Maybe if you tried boosting her self confidence with praise for what she does right instead of criticism, it may help her more.

oh-so-qt · 02-06-2006, 09:01 PM

Similar situation with my mother - but it's all about people (esp men) taking advantage of her. The only thing you can do is be honest about how you feel & let her know how it is affecting YOUR life. You can't change her, but you can ask her to change behaviours that affect you, and let her know you are concerned for her safety. If she's anything like my mother, it won't make a dent - but at least she know how I feel.

AwdreeHpburn · 02-07-2006, 10:22 AM

My mother is the same as well. Maybe its a mom thing. She USED to tell everyone all kinds of things about me and herself. She has been doing that since my sisters and brothers and I were little. She would tell the grocery store clerk our whole life stories.

As an adult, I have curbed that behavior simply by telling her every time she says something I don't want known that I would appreciate her not telling people things about me without my permission. I just said it every time.

Eventually, she was "trained" if you will, she would start to say something and would hear me saying my canned response and would stop herself or look at me, waiting for my permission, which I do not give.

I still hear her offering too much about my one of my sisters sometimes and herself. She too lives alone as does my sister. I get very nervous for both of them. I tried to tell her the dangers of telling people too much about herself or being "too nice." Sometimes I remind her that she doesn't have my sister's permission either. But she is her own person and will do what ever she wants. All I can do is change my response to the behavior. So far it works, at least when I'm around!

Sounds like your mom doesn't have a very healthy self image or high esteem. The best thing you could do for her is NOT be one of the people who disrespects her.

02-06-2006, 08:25 PM	#1
prettydance Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 112	My Mom lets everyone use her as a doormat Deleted Comment Last edited by prettydance; 03-18-2006 at 03:19 AM.

02-06-2006, 08:29 PM	#2
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	You can't. You have done your best but she is an adult and must make her own decisions. But it is reasonable to defend yourself from personal comments by her best friend - be as polite as you can. It seems you have a certain lack of respect for your mother yourself. Maybe if you tried boosting her self confidence with praise for what she does right instead of criticism, it may help her more. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

02-06-2006, 09:01 PM	#3
oh-so-qt Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Toronto Gender: Female Age: 34 Posts: 12	seen it Similar situation with my mother - but it's all about people (esp men) taking advantage of her. The only thing you can do is be honest about how you feel & let her know how it is affecting YOUR life. You can't change her, but you can ask her to change behaviours that affect you, and let her know you are concerned for her safety. If she's anything like my mother, it won't make a dent - but at least she know how I feel.

02-07-2006, 10:22 AM	#4
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,637	My mother is the same as well. Maybe its a mom thing. She USED to tell everyone all kinds of things about me and herself. She has been doing that since my sisters and brothers and I were little. She would tell the grocery store clerk our whole life stories. As an adult, I have curbed that behavior simply by telling her every time she says something I don't want known that I would appreciate her not telling people things about me without my permission. I just said it every time. Eventually, she was "trained" if you will, she would start to say something and would hear me saying my canned response and would stop herself or look at me, waiting for my permission, which I do not give. I still hear her offering too much about my one of my sisters sometimes and herself. She too lives alone as does my sister. I get very nervous for both of them. I tried to tell her the dangers of telling people too much about herself or being "too nice." Sometimes I remind her that she doesn't have my sister's permission either. But she is her own person and will do what ever she wants. All I can do is change my response to the behavior. So far it works, at least when I'm around! Sounds like your mom doesn't have a very healthy self image or high esteem. The best thing you could do for her is NOT be one of the people who disrespects her. __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......