joking about him having a midlife crisis?

red10 · 02-04-2006, 02:25 PM

okay, so i just wanted to know what some of you think about what i did....in a nutshell (i've also posted this other places, but i forget where!) my ex (well, now Ex) recently told me he wanted to pursue another relationship with an old friend who called him out of the blue who just got divorced with a kid. he told me they have been writing letters and stuff and he thinks she's the one...all the same stuff he told me....anyway, basically, after he told me, i emailed him the next day, it was a nice email - telling him i love him, i understand he has to take this 'risk' and i wish him well, he also asked to be friends, but i told him not now....anyway, he emailed me a couple of times, then i wrote back...saying something like, 'oh, so i guess this is your midlife crisis you've always been worried about, looks like you have it all figured out - he's only 30, but something that has been bothering him...i also wrote that i didnt mean to be so harsh, just trying to find some humor in this situation - he knows me, we are both witty and can be sarcastic, so he knows i wasn't trying to hurt his feelings ( i think...) but was that really wrong of me to write? i know that must have pushed a button, and i haven't heard from him, which is good for me, cause i need time...but i don't know, this whole situation was just so shocking to me - i'm trying to let go, but it's only been 2 wks...aaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

this forum has been great for me, but it's still so hard! i feel like i'm i a love triangle, well, not anymore...but it really does suck to be the one left out -

any thoughts?

Relationship Coach · 02-04-2006, 02:47 PM

You owe him nothing. Sarcasm and pointed humor in my book is all but too kind! Go NC with him, you deserve more and for whatever his reason or justification is, he does not seem very trustworthy.

You are only a part of a triangle by choice, leave and let them have an acute angle on their own.

RC

red10 · 02-04-2006, 04:09 PM

thanks RC - you're right - he isn't trustworthy anymore...i just feel he just dumped this on me and right away he was asking me to say something...and i was in total shock, i would have never thought he would do this, at least tell me in the beginning when he started to have feelings for someone else...and what a weird situation he's getting himself into..but not for me to worry about.... i just kind of wish i could just talk to him and find that closure, it just happened so fast, he had the chance to think about it, and i just had no choice - but there's no way i would beg him to change his mind, he can't be worth it after doing this! haha...although i do have my weak moments, only to hope they are when he isn't around!...but i know it is what it is...and the only way i can look is forward, so lesson to be learned and get on with my life already!

it's just really tough with 2 1/2 yrs. behind us, and there are many many many more good memories than bad ones...

i love using this forum to just vent...even if i don't get much advice for my specific situation, i love reading what other's have to say, cause they are very on target for the most part!!!

Relationship Coach · 02-04-2006, 05:49 PM

red,
I can certainly understand wanting to vent, 2 1/2 years is an investment of much more than time. Shock is the perfect word for many here and the closure part is hard but look at it this way in a morbid since. If he was killed in a car wreck instantly, there is no closure but if he died a lingering painful death over the course of 6 months you would certainly have closure along with memories of a painful struggle. So sometimes a fast break like this is better in the long run. Always look for something positive even in the worst of times. Good Luck!

RC

red10 · 02-05-2006, 08:44 PM

that's a good point...although i would hate to think something like that would happen to him! but with every loss, there's a gain!

02-04-2006, 02:25 PM	#1
red10 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: CT Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 185	joking about him having a midlife crisis? okay, so i just wanted to know what some of you think about what i did....in a nutshell (i've also posted this other places, but i forget where!) my ex (well, now Ex) recently told me he wanted to pursue another relationship with an old friend who called him out of the blue who just got divorced with a kid. he told me they have been writing letters and stuff and he thinks she's the one...all the same stuff he told me....anyway, basically, after he told me, i emailed him the next day, it was a nice email - telling him i love him, i understand he has to take this 'risk' and i wish him well, he also asked to be friends, but i told him not now....anyway, he emailed me a couple of times, then i wrote back...saying something like, 'oh, so i guess this is your midlife crisis you've always been worried about, looks like you have it all figured out - he's only 30, but something that has been bothering him...i also wrote that i didnt mean to be so harsh, just trying to find some humor in this situation - he knows me, we are both witty and can be sarcastic, so he knows i wasn't trying to hurt his feelings ( i think...) but was that really wrong of me to write? i know that must have pushed a button, and i haven't heard from him, which is good for me, cause i need time...but i don't know, this whole situation was just so shocking to me - i'm trying to let go, but it's only been 2 wks...aaarrrrggghhhh!!!! this forum has been great for me, but it's still so hard! i feel like i'm i a love triangle, well, not anymore...but it really does suck to be the one left out - any thoughts?

02-04-2006, 02:47 PM	#2
Relationship Coach Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Las Vegas, NV Gender: Male Age: 46 Posts: 1,951	You owe him nothing. Sarcasm and pointed humor in my book is all but too kind! Go NC with him, you deserve more and for whatever his reason or justification is, he does not seem very trustworthy. You are only a part of a triangle by choice, leave and let them have an acute angle on their own. RC __________________ The slightest impact can make the greatest change.

02-04-2006, 05:49 PM	#4
Relationship Coach Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Las Vegas, NV Gender: Male Age: 46 Posts: 1,951	red, I can certainly understand wanting to vent, 2 1/2 years is an investment of much more than time. Shock is the perfect word for many here and the closure part is hard but look at it this way in a morbid since. If he was killed in a car wreck instantly, there is no closure but if he died a lingering painful death over the course of 6 months you would certainly have closure along with memories of a painful struggle. So sometimes a fast break like this is better in the long run. Always look for something positive even in the worst of times. Good Luck! RC __________________ The slightest impact can make the greatest change.

02-04-2006, 04:09 PM	#3
red10 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: CT Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 185	thanks RC - you're right - he isn't trustworthy anymore...i just feel he just dumped this on me and right away he was asking me to say something...and i was in total shock, i would have never thought he would do this, at least tell me in the beginning when he started to have feelings for someone else...and what a weird situation he's getting himself into..but not for me to worry about.... i just kind of wish i could just talk to him and find that closure, it just happened so fast, he had the chance to think about it, and i just had no choice - but there's no way i would beg him to change his mind, he can't be worth it after doing this! haha...although i do have my weak moments, only to hope they are when he isn't around!...but i know it is what it is...and the only way i can look is forward, so lesson to be learned and get on with my life already! it's just really tough with 2 1/2 yrs. behind us, and there are many many many more good memories than bad ones... i love using this forum to just vent...even if i don't get much advice for my specific situation, i love reading what other's have to say, cause they are very on target for the most part!!!

02-05-2006, 08:44 PM	#5
red10 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: CT Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 185	that's a good point...although i would hate to think something like that would happen to him! but with every loss, there's a gain!