Controlling parents

Sean · 01-31-2006, 11:20 AM

This is a long read.

I am 21 years old, and it's always been my dream to teach Community College. I had it all plan out, I was to get my bacholar in Social Studies, minor in education. Then I would go to Graduate school and get my master in history. After that, with a little luck, I could get a full time position at a community college. Well last semester I had an education class with Dr. Starr. On the first day he asked all of us what we wanted to do with our degree, and I told him. He called me into his office and asked me why I was going to be doing student teaching if I was going to be teaching community college. So I told him and he explained that Community College wasn't public school and I didn't need to go this route since this route was for public school. So I talked to this about my parents, and we decided that it was better to go ahead and stay the course in case I couldn't get a job at a community college right off the bat. I was fine with this. Because no matter what happened, I would be teaching history.
I love history, it's one of my favorite subject and I love talking about history and politics. Now teaching public school wouldn't be such a bad thing, as long as it's in a good school. I do not want to teach in one of those run down schools or inner city schools. However, my dream is Community College so that is what I am going for, or was going for.
Now fast foward to last week. I submitted my portfolio for student teaching, and I asked Dr. Starr some questions. Once again he expressed his concerns about me student teaching. I told him why I was doing this, and he was still concerned. So we set up a meeting with my parents, and last friday we had that meeting. He expressed his concerns etc. We also met with the career advisor who told us that most community colleges were hiring part time, and that there were smaller in number than public high school. Well, this wasn't good news to me because I had my heart set on community college. Now, this career advisor brought up teaching deaf student, and she never mentioned history once. So I am assuming that this will be general ed. So after this, I started to consider my option. Public School, Private Schools, Community College or deaf school. Now like I said I love history, and I want to teach history. Well, instead of letting ME make my decision, my parents already laid out a plan where I was to do an internship at the deaf school (it's a specialize school), and I would get my master in history, and then I would go on to teach deaf students.
There are several problems with this. For once I am a Social Studies major who is minoring in Education. These schools, are looking for people with Special Education as a major. I know this because yesterday I talked to the Special Ed. teacher and she told me that they will most likely take a Special Ed. major over me. Second, while I am hard of hearing myself, (hearing aid) I do not have any desire to teach deaf students. Mainly because I am not sure what I will be teaching. I would like to be teaching history because at least then I know I'm teaching history! The final problem with this is that this is my parents plan, NOT MINE!

.
This is NOT the first time my parents has done something like this, and I am getting sick and tired of it. I have NEVER seen them do this to my brother and I cannot for the life of me figure out why they feel like it's their responsbility to plan out MY life for ME. I am an intelligent person with a good GPA, and a hard worker. I have several people who I can refrence for a job and I know I can do the work that is required in the reqular teaching field. Jeez, I even planned a unit last semester and I got A's on them!
I am SICK and tired of my parents doing this and being controlling, it's getting on my last nerves, and I wish they would have a little confidence in me that I know what I am doing when I plan out my OWN life. I swear, I feel like just disconnecting myself from my family for a while and just being out on my own.

lusitana · 01-31-2006, 12:37 PM

If you didn't want your parents to make the decision, you shouldn't have invited them to the meeting. Don't go blaming that on anyone but yourself. Your parents have no right to be in the meeting and your professor has no right to contact your parents. I don't know what I would do if any of my university students brought their PARENTS in to talk to me about their grades or plans (something unpleasant, no doubt), but rest assured I wouldn't have the type of discussion you describe in front of them.

Aside from that, it sounds like Dr. Starr is firmly locked in the ivory tower. I, for one, think it's a smart idea to diversify so you can teach at many levels. It's strange that no one's listening to your preferences and the story doesn't make sense, Dr. Starr discouraging you from high school and the advisor discouraging you from college, but they still came to a consensus. Are you not being assertive, or are you expecting too much from a program with few internship options? Can you go back to the career advisor and change your posting? Can you get another education advisor who's more supportive and understanding of your plan? If you're so dead set against all of this, why did you agree to it? And why is the prof listening to your parents instead of you? It sounds like controlling parents are only half of the problem. Maybe you SHOULD get out on your own for a while.

You know what Zeppelin said - there's still time to change the road you're on. Just because you teach at a deaf school once doesn't mean you're stuck teaching at them forever, or that you can never teach history. I've found in my life that if I plan something in my future, it's nearly a guarantee that it won't happen.

Sean · 01-31-2006, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lusitana

If you didn't want your parents to make the decision, you shouldn't have invited them to the meeting. Don't go blaming that on anyone but yourself. Your parents have no right to be in the meeting and your professor has no right to contact your parents. I don't know what I would do if any of my university students brought their PARENTS in to talk to me about their grades or plans (something unpleasant, no doubt), but rest assured I wouldn't have the type of discussion you describe in front of them.

Yea, I am deeply regretting that meeting now, and I am working hard to undo the damage.

Quote:

Aside from that, it sounds like Dr. Starr is firmly locked in the ivory tower. I, for one, think it's a smart idea to diversify so you can teach at many levels. It's strange that no one's listening to your preferences and the story doesn't make sense, Dr. Starr discouraging you from high school and the advisor discouraging you from college, but they still came to a consensus.

Yea, I am confused about that too. The mixed singal isn't helping!

Quote:

Are you not being assertive, or are you expecting too much from a program with few internship options? Can you go back to the career advisor and change your posting?

No real plans have been made yet, it's just been laid out on the table as an option. Which I probably will not take.

Quote:

Can you get another education advisor who's more supportive and understanding of your plan? If you're so dead set against all of this, why did you agree to it?

Because I have no back bone, I never really stood up for myself before, and well yea. About time I did get alittle bit more asserative.

Quote:

And why is the prof listening to your parents instead of you? It sounds like controlling parents are only half of the problem. Maybe you SHOULD get out on your own for a while.

Trust me, I am seriously thinking about it.

Quote:

You know what Zeppelin said - there's still time to change the road you're on. Just because you teach at a deaf school once doesn't mean you're stuck teaching at them forever, or that you can never teach history. I've found in my life that if I plan something in my future, it's nearly a guarantee that it won't happen.

Yea, but I dunno, I guess I don't have any real desire to teach at a deaf school.

lusitana · 01-31-2006, 02:05 PM

Well, if you've never stood up for yourself before, now's a great time to start - it's an issue you're passionate about that affects your future! Your future plans sound both flexible and feasible, and they're worth fighting for.

Try to get a posting you're more excited about (although I think teaching at a deaf school would be COOL), and if your parents are all, "What about the deaf school?", just lie and say a special ed student got it. I don't normally advocate lying to people, but seriously, any posting you get will help your future and it's really none of their fricking business in the first place.

Sean · 01-31-2006, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lusitana

Well, if you've never stood up for yourself before, now's a great time to start - it's an issue you're passionate about that affects your future! Your future plans sound both flexible and feasible, and they're worth fighting for.

Yea, after I undo this mess, I'm going to let my parents know that I am deciding my life for myself, and their options are either support me on it, or don't expect to hear from me anytime soon.

Quote:

Try to get a posting you're more excited about (although I think teaching at a deaf school would be COOL), and if your parents are all, "What about the deaf school?", just lie and say a special ed student got it.

I have been looking at internship in museums.

Quote:

I don't normally advocate lying to people, but seriously, any posting you get will help your future and it's really none of their fricking business in the first place.

Eh, my parents lie all the time, so I have no qualms lying to them.

01-31-2006, 11:20 AM	#1
Sean Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 195	Controlling parents This is a long read. I am 21 years old, and it's always been my dream to teach Community College. I had it all plan out, I was to get my bacholar in Social Studies, minor in education. Then I would go to Graduate school and get my master in history. After that, with a little luck, I could get a full time position at a community college. Well last semester I had an education class with Dr. Starr. On the first day he asked all of us what we wanted to do with our degree, and I told him. He called me into his office and asked me why I was going to be doing student teaching if I was going to be teaching community college. So I told him and he explained that Community College wasn't public school and I didn't need to go this route since this route was for public school. So I talked to this about my parents, and we decided that it was better to go ahead and stay the course in case I couldn't get a job at a community college right off the bat. I was fine with this. Because no matter what happened, I would be teaching history. I love history, it's one of my favorite subject and I love talking about history and politics. Now teaching public school wouldn't be such a bad thing, as long as it's in a good school. I do not want to teach in one of those run down schools or inner city schools. However, my dream is Community College so that is what I am going for, or was going for. Now fast foward to last week. I submitted my portfolio for student teaching, and I asked Dr. Starr some questions. Once again he expressed his concerns about me student teaching. I told him why I was doing this, and he was still concerned. So we set up a meeting with my parents, and last friday we had that meeting. He expressed his concerns etc. We also met with the career advisor who told us that most community colleges were hiring part time, and that there were smaller in number than public high school. Well, this wasn't good news to me because I had my heart set on community college. Now, this career advisor brought up teaching deaf student, and she never mentioned history once. So I am assuming that this will be general ed. So after this, I started to consider my option. Public School, Private Schools, Community College or deaf school. Now like I said I love history, and I want to teach history. Well, instead of letting ME make my decision, my parents already laid out a plan where I was to do an internship at the deaf school (it's a specialize school), and I would get my master in history, and then I would go on to teach deaf students. There are several problems with this. For once I am a Social Studies major who is minoring in Education. These schools, are looking for people with Special Education as a major. I know this because yesterday I talked to the Special Ed. teacher and she told me that they will most likely take a Special Ed. major over me. Second, while I am hard of hearing myself, (hearing aid) I do not have any desire to teach deaf students. Mainly because I am not sure what I will be teaching. I would like to be teaching history because at least then I know I'm teaching history! The final problem with this is that this is my parents plan, NOT MINE! . This is NOT the first time my parents has done something like this, and I am getting sick and tired of it. I have NEVER seen them do this to my brother and I cannot for the life of me figure out why they feel like it's their responsbility to plan out MY life for ME. I am an intelligent person with a good GPA, and a hard worker. I have several people who I can refrence for a job and I know I can do the work that is required in the reqular teaching field. Jeez, I even planned a unit last semester and I got A's on them! I am SICK and tired of my parents doing this and being controlling, it's getting on my last nerves, and I wish they would have a little confidence in me that I know what I am doing when I plan out my OWN life. I swear, I feel like just disconnecting myself from my family for a while and just being out on my own.

01-31-2006, 12:37 PM	#2
lusitana Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Trapped in academia Age: 28 Posts: 77	If you didn't want your parents to make the decision, you shouldn't have invited them to the meeting. Don't go blaming that on anyone but yourself. Your parents have no right to be in the meeting and your professor has no right to contact your parents. I don't know what I would do if any of my university students brought their PARENTS in to talk to me about their grades or plans (something unpleasant, no doubt), but rest assured I wouldn't have the type of discussion you describe in front of them. Aside from that, it sounds like Dr. Starr is firmly locked in the ivory tower. I, for one, think it's a smart idea to diversify so you can teach at many levels. It's strange that no one's listening to your preferences and the story doesn't make sense, Dr. Starr discouraging you from high school and the advisor discouraging you from college, but they still came to a consensus. Are you not being assertive, or are you expecting too much from a program with few internship options? Can you go back to the career advisor and change your posting? Can you get another education advisor who's more supportive and understanding of your plan? If you're so dead set against all of this, why did you agree to it? And why is the prof listening to your parents instead of you? It sounds like controlling parents are only half of the problem. Maybe you SHOULD get out on your own for a while. You know what Zeppelin said - there's still time to change the road you're on. Just because you teach at a deaf school once doesn't mean you're stuck teaching at them forever, or that you can never teach history. I've found in my life that if I plan something in my future, it's nearly a guarantee that it won't happen.

01-31-2006, 02:05 PM	#4
lusitana Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Trapped in academia Age: 28 Posts: 77	Well, if you've never stood up for yourself before, now's a great time to start - it's an issue you're passionate about that affects your future! Your future plans sound both flexible and feasible, and they're worth fighting for. Try to get a posting you're more excited about (although I think teaching at a deaf school would be COOL), and if your parents are all, "What about the deaf school?", just lie and say a special ed student got it. I don't normally advocate lying to people, but seriously, any posting you get will help your future and it's really none of their fricking business in the first place.