I always get critized

serve_the_people · 01-29-2006, 02:00 AM

My dad is always critizing me. Several times a day, almost every day, he puts me down. I have had to deal with this for over a decade now, and I hate it. I am leaving home soon.

He says really mean things. Calls me an idiot and says I am stupid, tells me that no one will hire me, and other stuff.

Its so unfair, because I have been such a dutiful son. I have almost finished university, I got straight A's and was 2nd top student in my department, I won scholarships. I also have been so caring towards others: I have mentored a boy through big brothers, I have volunteered on a suicide crisis hotline, and I have done volunteer work with children and seniors and others. I have never done drugs, never had sex, never been drunk, never had a speeding or parking ticket, never been to a wild party, never done any of that stuff. But my dad still critizes me almost every day. I have done it right, but I still get critized. Its so unfair.

TheLegend · 01-29-2006, 02:18 AM

Yeah I feel you, since I had/have the same problem, but the thing is you're a good student, and a good person..The best thing I found is that I learned to ignore the bad things my dad says.. I know it's really hard and doesn't always work maybe but that's the best I could do.. But I'm sure in your case it'll get better once you move out since they'll miss you etc. (my opinion)

sidehop · 01-29-2006, 02:36 AM

Have you asked him why? Has he had such experience that although he may sound very negative he also doesn't want you to fail in life?

darkblue · 01-29-2006, 09:30 AM

Allow me to be blunt:
Why are you still there?
Have you got a job? If not - get one. Get out of the house.

Talking to him probably won't be any good, as it has gone on for some time, it's more than likely just him.

Aim to get out of the house as soon as possible, and when an argument presents itself - don't stick around waiting for insults - leave.
Leave the house, go for a walk, read a book. Do something.

Relationship Coach · 01-29-2006, 11:35 AM

STP,
To me it sounds like he is harboring some deep seeded resentment towards you. As in he knows you are a better person than he will ever be and have more potential than he has. I may be way off base here but it sounds like the pot calling the kettle black. He probably has very low self esteem issues and feels better by belittling you. Moving out and becoming successful at whatever you do in life will show him you made it despite the negative world and poor example he set for you.

RC

Dako · 01-29-2006, 11:52 AM

Unhappy people are often most critical of those they see as "luckier" than they are, and find nothing more annoying than someone else's good virtues.
I have a favorite niece who is an amazing lady She's been a wonderful, successful person since she was a little kid. Her stepfather would criticize the way she walked, table manners and almost anything that came into his twisted mnd. I would tell him to shut his yap, and he'd be quiet for a while.
She is now in her 40s and still an amazingly good person. She now realizes her stepfather was a miserably unhappy man who took it out on her.

Darkblue is right, it's time to leave the nest.

01-29-2006, 02:00 AM	#1
serve_the_people Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 103	I always get critized My dad is always critizing me. Several times a day, almost every day, he puts me down. I have had to deal with this for over a decade now, and I hate it. I am leaving home soon. He says really mean things. Calls me an idiot and says I am stupid, tells me that no one will hire me, and other stuff. Its so unfair, because I have been such a dutiful son. I have almost finished university, I got straight A's and was 2nd top student in my department, I won scholarships. I also have been so caring towards others: I have mentored a boy through big brothers, I have volunteered on a suicide crisis hotline, and I have done volunteer work with children and seniors and others. I have never done drugs, never had sex, never been drunk, never had a speeding or parking ticket, never been to a wild party, never done any of that stuff. But my dad still critizes me almost every day. I have done it right, but I still get critized. Its so unfair.

01-29-2006, 02:18 AM	#2
TheLegend Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 248	Yeah I feel you, since I had/have the same problem, but the thing is you're a good student, and a good person..The best thing I found is that I learned to ignore the bad things my dad says.. I know it's really hard and doesn't always work maybe but that's the best I could do.. But I'm sure in your case it'll get better once you move out since they'll miss you etc. (my opinion) __________________ From lashes to ashes, From lust to dust It's about quality not quantity. People say the glass is half full, they don't say of what! Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. -Samuel Beckett When a man talks dirty 2 a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty 2 a man, it's $3.95 per min WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON, BUST OUT THE TEQUILA AND SALT When someone you love hurts you; cry a river, build a bridge, GET OVER IT! ;)

01-29-2006, 09:30 AM	#4
darkblue Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland. Gender: Male Posts: 5,085	Allow me to be blunt: Why are you still there? Have you got a job? If not - get one. Get out of the house. Talking to him probably won't be any good, as it has gone on for some time, it's more than likely just him. Aim to get out of the house as soon as possible, and when an argument presents itself - don't stick around waiting for insults - leave. Leave the house, go for a walk, read a book. Do something. __________________ _________________ Aut vincere aut mori. "Whoever loves; becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism." - Sigmund Freud Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself. That is the first principle of existentialism - J.P. Sartre

01-29-2006, 11:35 AM	#5
Relationship Coach Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Las Vegas, NV Gender: Male Age: 46 Posts: 1,953	STP, To me it sounds like he is harboring some deep seeded resentment towards you. As in he knows you are a better person than he will ever be and have more potential than he has. I may be way off base here but it sounds like the pot calling the kettle black. He probably has very low self esteem issues and feels better by belittling you. Moving out and becoming successful at whatever you do in life will show him you made it despite the negative world and poor example he set for you. RC __________________ The slightest impact can make the greatest change.

01-29-2006, 02:36 AM	#3
sidehop Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: NH USA Gender: Male Posts: 1,599	Have you asked him why? Has he had such experience that although he may sound very negative he also doesn't want you to fail in life?

01-29-2006, 11:52 AM	#6
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,115	Unhappy people are often most critical of those they see as "luckier" than they are, and find nothing more annoying than someone else's good virtues. I have a favorite niece who is an amazing lady She's been a wonderful, successful person since she was a little kid. Her stepfather would criticize the way she walked, table manners and almost anything that came into his twisted mnd. I would tell him to shut his yap, and he'd be quiet for a while. She is now in her 40s and still an amazingly good person. She now realizes her stepfather was a miserably unhappy man who took it out on her. Darkblue is right, it's time to leave the nest.