Well here goes....

yeawutever · 01-21-2006, 11:12 AM

Well, I dunno if u people wanna hear this, I think it's kinda stupid, but ok, if u can tell me some suggestions ok, fine. I talked back to mom whenever I feel she really deservesm basically gets on my nerves, and she's not right all the time, I have called her, stupid, idiot, and also "*****" and the HATE word on two occassions. Just two weeks ago, I say it in front of ur aunt and also one of her friend, cuz she deserve it. No, I don't feel bad afterwards though, I just forget it, I'm like wutever. But, I been thinking maybe I'm suppost to control myself more, I already say it in front of relatives and well, that's not good, but it's her fault mainly. I hear some people believe in God's commandents and it's say that if u diss or hit ur parents, it's a bad destiny for u, but heck, no, I don't believe in none of that, I don't believe in God in fact. If this was true, heck I would be prollie on the streets or in hell now inteads of college. Any suggestions on how I can aviod talking back to her and saying those words, it's gonna be an embarrass again if I do it again in front of relatives or friends.

yeawutever · 01-21-2006, 11:13 AM

At times I also feel I wanna get out of the house and live independent, I ain't no minor no more.

DN · 01-21-2006, 11:14 AM

It's very simple - make a decision not to behave like that and stick to it.

Not easy if you have a bad temper, but it is simple.

Also check out some anger management classes.

yeawutever · 01-21-2006, 11:17 AM

Yea, I'll tried that, I also been thinking whenever I feel like talking back again, I should excuse myself and then come back when I'm calm.

DN · 01-21-2006, 11:26 AM

Also take deeper breaths, to get more oxygen to the brain - that also has a calming effect and reduces anxiety and stress.

Also see the definition of a 'rant' from my signature below.

shyanne · 01-21-2006, 12:19 PM

your not a little girl.... how dare you say those things to your mother. you may be saying the word idiot........but your looking like the word as it flows from your lips. your in college and not on the streets because of your MOTHER......how do you think you will feel if something happens to your mom......you can't take back all the things you said but you can make a change now so you won't have any regrets later in life. "she deserves it, its her fault"........come on... one day you'll be a mom and see how hard it can be, all the worries that go along with it. trying your hardest to provide a good life for them so they can go to college. teaching them right from wrong, making sure they have food and clothes and loving them unconditionally. i'm sure your mom loves you very much even after calling her those names.

**lady00** · 01-21-2006, 12:54 PM

Also, maybe you need to change the way you think about your reaction to your mom. It's normal to have disagreements and sometimes she will make mistakes and cause you to be angry. But just because it is sometimes "her fault" doesn't mean she deserves to be called names. No one deserves to be disrespected like that, especially not your mom! If she does something to upset you, it's fine to let her know that but calling her names is not the way to go about it. If she does something that bothers you, either wait until others leave or approach her when the two of you have a moment alone and after you have calmed down. Then explain to her that it makes you feel badly when she does whatever it is that is bothering you. Just a suggestion. Since I don't know much about your relationship with your mom, I can't give anything more specific but that doesn't really matter. The point is...make a commitment to change your approach because chances are you won't stop disagreeing with your mom (even if you move out) and you won't stop disagreeing with others (because that's just a part of life) and you need to figure out how to resolve disagreements without name-calling.

**Hope75** · 01-21-2006, 12:55 PM

Self control usually develops more with maturity... and experience. At 18 you are a young lady and hopefully you will begin, as you have been thinking about, to learn how to restrain every thought that comes into your head from coming out of your mouth.

It's not really your job to tell your mother when she's wrong or if you don't like what she says. You are her child, and living under her roof. You are 18 now-- if you don't like what she has to say, you can get a job and move out on your own.

If not- maybe you need to learn a little more self control and anger management techniques, as DN suggested.

**lady00** · 01-21-2006, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hope75

It's not really your job to tell your mother when she's wrong or if you don't like what she says. You are her child, and living under her roof. You are 18 now-- if you don't like what she has to say, you can get a job and move out on your own.

I agree with this but only to a certain extent. I think the "if you don't like it, move out" idea is only a temporary solution. After all, someone's mom will always be their mom and they still need to have a relationship that works and that is loving with their mom in which they CAN say that something their mom does hurts their feelings. Moving out might solve some issues but it's just a bandaid...it won't fix a mother-daughter relationship that is causing conflict. Moms make mistakes just like everyone else and when they do, I think it makes sense for a child to be able to talk to them about it and resolve it. When a child messes up, their parents tell them so and they work on not making the same mistake again. But it's not always that simple. When I get into an argument with my mom, I talk to her about it, we resolve it. And yes, sometimes she's wrong, and when she is she's willing to admit it. Sometimes, I'm wrong. Same goes for my dad. And yes, I live with them but not year-round since I'm away at school during the school year (except breaks and some weekends).

Bethany · 01-21-2006, 02:17 PM

Just one word you have to remember and that word is RESPECT.

Your mother has fed you, clothed you, looked after you, worried about you, given you everything throughout your life that you needed and gone without herself to give you those things and after all that abuse you give her she still loves you unconditionally and would do it all again.

She may get things wrong but it's not for the lack of trying to do the best for her child and you need to remember that before you disrespect her by calling her those names again.

I would be ashamed if I had acted that way at your age towards my mother and as a mother now, I would be ashamed of my child if she/he treated me in that manner. Please don't do it again.

01-21-2006, 11:12 AM	#1
yeawutever Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Age: 22 Posts: 5,671	Well here goes.... Well, I dunno if u people wanna hear this, I think it's kinda stupid, but ok, if u can tell me some suggestions ok, fine. I talked back to mom whenever I feel she really deservesm basically gets on my nerves, and she's not right all the time, I have called her, stupid, idiot, and also "*****" and the HATE word on two occassions. Just two weeks ago, I say it in front of ur aunt and also one of her friend, cuz she deserve it. No, I don't feel bad afterwards though, I just forget it, I'm like wutever. But, I been thinking maybe I'm suppost to control myself more, I already say it in front of relatives and well, that's not good, but it's her fault mainly. I hear some people believe in God's commandents and it's say that if u diss or hit ur parents, it's a bad destiny for u, but heck, no, I don't believe in none of that, I don't believe in God in fact. If this was true, heck I would be prollie on the streets or in hell now inteads of college. Any suggestions on how I can aviod talking back to her and saying those words, it's gonna be an embarrass again if I do it again in front of relatives or friends.

01-21-2006, 11:14 AM	#3
DN Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,445	It's very simple - make a decision not to behave like that and stick to it. Not easy if you have a bad temper, but it is simple. Also check out some anger management classes. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

01-21-2006, 11:26 AM	#5
DN Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,445	Also take deeper breaths, to get more oxygen to the brain - that also has a calming effect and reduces anxiety and stress. Also see the definition of a 'rant' from my signature below. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror". Last edited by DN; 01-21-2006 at 11:28 AM.

01-21-2006, 12:55 PM	#8
Hope75 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: kitteh ville Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 12,512	Self control usually develops more with maturity... and experience. At 18 you are a young lady and hopefully you will begin, as you have been thinking about, to learn how to restrain every thought that comes into your head from coming out of your mouth. It's not really your job to tell your mother when she's wrong or if you don't like what she says. You are her child, and living under her roof. You are 18 now-- if you don't like what she has to say, you can get a job and move out on your own. If not- maybe you need to learn a little more self control and anger management techniques, as DN suggested. __________________ Muffin cats need love too. Please refer to the forum rules before posting: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :)

01-21-2006, 11:13 AM	#2
yeawutever Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Age: 22 Posts: 5,671	At times I also feel I wanna get out of the house and live independent, I ain't no minor no more.

01-21-2006, 11:17 AM	#4
yeawutever Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Age: 22 Posts: 5,671	Yea, I'll tried that, I also been thinking whenever I feel like talking back again, I should excuse myself and then come back when I'm calm.

01-21-2006, 12:19 PM	#6
shyanne Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 385	your not a little girl.... how dare you say those things to your mother. you may be saying the word idiot........but your looking like the word as it flows from your lips. your in college and not on the streets because of your MOTHER......how do you think you will feel if something happens to your mom......you can't take back all the things you said but you can make a change now so you won't have any regrets later in life. "she deserves it, its her fault"........come on... one day you'll be a mom and see how hard it can be, all the worries that go along with it. trying your hardest to provide a good life for them so they can go to college. teaching them right from wrong, making sure they have food and clothes and loving them unconditionally. i'm sure your mom loves you very much even after calling her those names.

01-21-2006, 12:54 PM	#7
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,867	Also, maybe you need to change the way you think about your reaction to your mom. It's normal to have disagreements and sometimes she will make mistakes and cause you to be angry. But just because it is sometimes "her fault" doesn't mean she deserves to be called names. No one deserves to be disrespected like that, especially not your mom! If she does something to upset you, it's fine to let her know that but calling her names is not the way to go about it. If she does something that bothers you, either wait until others leave or approach her when the two of you have a moment alone and after you have calmed down. Then explain to her that it makes you feel badly when she does whatever it is that is bothering you. Just a suggestion. Since I don't know much about your relationship with your mom, I can't give anything more specific but that doesn't really matter. The point is...make a commitment to change your approach because chances are you won't stop disagreeing with your mom (even if you move out) and you won't stop disagreeing with others (because that's just a part of life) and you need to figure out how to resolve disagreements without name-calling.

01-21-2006, 02:17 PM	#10
Bethany Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 2,030	Just one word you have to remember and that word is RESPECT. Your mother has fed you, clothed you, looked after you, worried about you, given you everything throughout your life that you needed and gone without herself to give you those things and after all that abuse you give her she still loves you unconditionally and would do it all again. She may get things wrong but it's not for the lack of trying to do the best for her child and you need to remember that before you disrespect her by calling her those names again. I would be ashamed if I had acted that way at your age towards my mother and as a mother now, I would be ashamed of my child if she/he treated me in that manner. Please don't do it again.