I hate the male gender!!! GRR!

[lovemetender]

Hi! I am new to this site and this is my first post. I want to thank everyone who responds to this post in advance, so thank you : ) Okay so here is my situation, I will make it short and sweet. I met a guy and I had been hanging out with him for about a month as friends and then he finally asked him out. So we talked about how much we liked eachother, and how sad it is going to be when he has to leave. You see, he is only here until March because he is in the Army and doing his AIT training. So we spent pretty much everyday together. We decided that we wanted to take a little weekend trip away, so we went about an hour and a half away and got a room and all that good stuff. We had a ton of fun together. Sex was the last thing on my mind; i was not planning on it but I also wasnt going to shy away from it. Well it happend, not that night but that morning. So we did the bedroom deal and went about are day all normal and happy. We can back home and caught a movie before he had to be back on post. I dropped him off and everything was good, we gave out hugs and kisses and our ill talk to you in a little bits. Then in a matter of two hours he sends me a text message saying all this nonense. Then he came out and said he didn't want to see me anymore. I was really upset and I asked him where this came from. He told me his friends were telling him to not get attached because he is leaving. He said that wasn't what he wanted, but he really thought about it and they're right. I was left very hurt and there is no changing his mind. I don't know if this was like a hit it and quit it thing, or if he really did get to attached to me and thought it would be better now then later. WHY DO GUYS DO THIS? Can someone please help? This is my first post!

[Dako]

Originally Posted by lovemetender

WHY DO GUYS DO THIS?

You know the answer.

I'm sorry you got taken in by this creep.
Men aren't the only ones that do that.

You also know that.

[Jinx]

He told me his friends were telling him to not get attached because he is leaving. He said that wasn't what he wanted, but he really thought about it and they're right. I was left very hurt and there is no changing his mind. I don't know if this was like a hit it and quit it thing, or if he really did get to attached to me and thought it would be better now then later. WHY DO GUYS DO THIS?

I'll be one to say, not all men do such things. If it were so, we wouldn't have those happy relationships out there. I think you just happened across a bad apple with a sour excuse, so to speak. This nonsense about attachment and friends just seems like a "don't blame me" method of breaking off.

He isn't worth the time or energy, it seems as though he has used you. Given there are men who will go under the influence of their friends but I can't say much for them either. It may be painful, but he should be dropped period, he is just bad news looking for a way out.

Men aren't the only ones that do that.

As Dako said and that I agree with, for everything men do, there are women that do as well. No gender is without blame or fault. Everyside has its downfall. It just a matter of avoiding the bad parts.

[jl301]

Hey lovemetender,

To be very honest, it situation doesn't look very good from your standpoint although I don't know the whole situation at hand. But it seems like he took advantage of you, (eg. sex). I hate say, but that was probably main thing that was on his mind to be honest with you. He knew that he was going to be leaving in couple months and that he won't have to deal with you anymore. However, he can be really torn about the situation and that he does really like you. But he doesn't want to create more hurt between the two of you, since he is only going to be here for couple more months. We all know that long distance relationship takes alot of effort / trust even on the couples that have been together for while, let alone dealing with people that only knew each other for a month or two.

It just seems pretty odd that he decided that he doesn't want to talk to you anymore after you guys had sex. I know all this may seem really harsh to deal with, but it's reality. We all wish our lives can be smooth and magical like we imagined in our minds, but we all know that ususally never happens. I know you are really hurt by this and really painful to deal with right now. You have to be strong for yourself because you are the only one could help make the pain go away.

Hang in there!!!

[Empathy]

I just experienced a similar situation. First of all, I dated a guy in the army. It didn't start off that way. We were together 6 months before he went away to be in the army. As you can imagine, things ended BADLY after 2 years. I strongly suggest you not get caught up with someone that's new in the military. They become extremely different people. I would also think it safe to say that you shouldn't get caught up with anyone in the military at all. I just recently got screwed over by an airforce guy and my situation was almost identical to yours. Everything was fine and dandy until I trusted/cared for him enough to sleep with him. Then guess what?! He's suddenly not ready to give himself to anyone right now...whatever. He knew about my trust issues. I told him all of my secrets. Told him I was afraid to trust him but he even went so low as to talk me out of backing off. His words were, "I know you may not trust me but you can at least trust yourself." So I did. I took a chance and trusted that he may be genuine... Guys really are heartless. At first I tried to believe that it really was trust issues that he had. He was cheated on by his ex wife. He was telling me that he couldn't trust me because I was so smart and attractive and guys wanted me, etc...All excuses. Then I told one of my other air force buddies about it and he told me straight up that I shouldn't kid myself. I was played. My buddy even admitted to being so heartless as to do this himself. He knows the game. And admits that guys will go so low as to get you to bare your heart and soul to them. They'll charm you into trusting them and then they'll throw it right in your face after they've gotten what they wanted. As much as I hate military men (and I've had enough experience with them to know that the majority of them aren't very respectable. But mostly just army guys.) I'm such a sucker for them. lol. I expect I'll get screwed over many times before I finally find someone that's worth my time. Yes. Men do suck. Even though there are some women out there that will do the same thing, I think it's safe to say that the men are in the majority here. Especially MILITARY men.

[sweetheart230]

I know it hurts. But its my own personal experience that men who really don't want to commit themselves and are guarding themselves against it RUN as fast as they can away from a woman who start to mean something to them. It sucks. But some men are immature or otherwise not ready for committment. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad guys or anything, but what they do can be hurtful.

My advice? Take some time to yourself and heal. Not all men do this, but I've decided to take my time sexually with guys so that sex doesn't happen until they've decided whether or not they are the "committing" type.

I know how badly it hurts. It sucks and you love 'em and hate 'em at the same time. you want to slap them, but you really miss them, too. Just keep moving forward and know that there are good guys out there...its just hard to tell the difference sometimes. Some guys are just at the point where they want to have fun...it has nothing to do with you.

[Dako]

I'm not a pig, and have never mistreated a woman. I'm a doormat.

However, as a guy I've heard plenty of real creeps brag about their conquests and methods. Much the way racists will spout all sorts of nonsense assuming you're "one of the guys," these guys will go on at length about how they score with chicks.

If you want to avoid being used like a Kleenex, don't ever have sex with a guy you don't know. Guys will do anything to get into your pants, especially the really charming cute guys. They're extra cute and charming because they only have to keep the act up for an evening to score. Then they can brag to the gang how dumb you are. Last night I overheard a guy brag how he wants to "destroy" the chick he's been seeing because he's bored. His comrades cheered for him.
A recent thread concerned the "I Love You" drama. Well some guys will say that all night to get laid, but it means less than nothing. A guy who's sincere may stumble all over himself before uttering this phrase.
Women love confident guys. Well it's easier to act confident if you just don't care.
...And so on, you get the picture.

I could go on all night about men I've known and how they operate.

Sorry to sound so pessimistic, but there are predators in the world, and I hate to see carnage along the road. I really like women, even if they scare me.

[newts]

One of my male friends use to be in the army and he tells all women to stay away from them (they are not all bad)

There seems to be too many male hormones in one area when it comes to army men, they brag about their conquests to each other and they also encourage each other not to get into relationships and to conquer as many women as they possibly can - hey, they travel all around the world, they really can't give themselves to somebody 100%. Some do, however, the other 90% just don't want to be tied down.

I am sorry this happened to you, just use this as a very valuable lesson and move onto another guy who wants to stick around.

[BillyJean714]

Hey girl, I won't hate on you or judge you harshly. You are just deeply hurt, that's all. All of those emotions are perfectly "normal." You're just venting. It does seem as though this guy knew what he wanted, he knew what he was getting into considering his situation.

One thing that you must realize, in life, there are people who are just NOT very sincere. They're not very kind, nor do they EVER have any sort of REMORSE for hurting others. You just have to realize that some people don't have a concept of right or wrong. They can point blank kill innocent people and rape/molest inoocent children. I don't know what it is, but they just don't have any concept morals or ethics.

For now, forget about this guy. Realize that you'll fall in love once again, and hopefully, next time- to someone who deserves you. Trust me, anyone who can hurt you like that doesn't deserve your thoughts. Next time you meet another person you're interested in dating, take time to really get to know who they are at heart. You really need to look at the way they treat you- determine from your hunch whether or not their actions are sincere. Look at the way they treat you- little things count. For instance, how do they treat others? Are they mean/cruel to people/animals? What are their values? How does this person show attention to you? Are they the outgoing, smooth, charming, funny type? Does it seem as though they're doing kind things to score? Yes, there are some phony people out there- you just have to trust your hunch on this. A very sincere guy doesn't have game, just remember that.

You learn with experience. Sometimes, it's through trial & error. As human beings we tend to want to "see it to believe it" rather than take other people's advice. Shall you ever encounter a situation similar to this, just learn and carry on your experience for the next experiences to come. Sorry this had to happen, but life isn't perfect. We learn from our mistakes. You'll find Mr. Right someday. Just don't go looking. He'll find you, or you'll both find each other when the time's right. Otherwise, you'll just run into repeated heartaches.

[Relationship Coach]

This guy needs to get stuck on the frontline in Iraq! He has no class but will probably make a decent soldier because he takes orders well. His buddies probably couldn't spell "date" much less get one other than their left hand! The next time you invest your time and heart in to a relationship make sure they have longer hair and a 9-5 job. I'm sorry for your pain and I know that you will bounce back, although a little more cautious next time.

RC