FEMALE GENDER: A tough question fo ya...

bouldersweden · 01-01-2006, 08:39 PM

OK, this question is about breaking up... That is, it's about the best way to do it. Now, before I'm branded as a scoundrel, here me out. I'm at home right now, on break from school. I go back to school in a week or so and I need to break up with a girl there. This is my last semester of university and I have a job offer that's going to take me to another country. It's not fair to pretend this is going to last and it's silly to pretend. Furthermore, my grades were dismal last semester and if I want to graduate (and get a job) I need to get them up. School is my priority and I can't pretend that I'll have time to be a proper boyfriend.
The question is this: I like this girl and I'm wondering what the most ideal way to do this is when I get back? Does anyone have any pointers that make a breakup a little smoother? Do you have any experiences that turned out ok? Just let me know. Thanks.

**annie24** · 01-01-2006, 08:43 PM

It's going to be hard, no matter what you do. I think that the best thing is just to tell her what you told us. That you don't see a future with her, and you have other priorities right now.

Be careful with the "I like you though" sentence, because she may interpret that as she still has a chance to get back with you.

Consider things carefully. Are you really sure you want to give up a good relationship? You can still find time for a gf and school. But, if you can't, or you don't like her enough to make the time, then you should break up.

Be gentle, but direct. Be firm.

Then, it's best to limit contact to let her get over you.

good luck

Lady Bugg · 01-01-2006, 08:50 PM

Boulder.

Hi. I wouldn't think you're a scoundrel for trying to do the right thing with breaking up with someone.

It's commendable you want to do this right..and that you're trying to better yourself.

This is what you need to tell your g/f when you break the news to her...because it's possible she could take it personally.

Be kind, but be direct. If she has questions, answer them for her because she will want closure and she deserves that. Don't disregard her feelings, because she might be blindsided by this, maybe assuming everything is just fine as it is. Also be prepared for the fact she might ask you to reconsider or to change your mind....she IS after all being dumped and these are normal reactions when being faced with rejection.
Whatever you do...do it with respect. She does deserve that.

vandgsmom · 01-01-2006, 11:11 PM

I don't think that anyone who is considerate enough to seek advice on how to break up the right way could ever be considered a scoundrel.

Hopefully this wasn't a long term relationship, but whether it was or not, make sure that if a clean break is what you want, that you are not wishy-washy with how you work your dismissal.

Make a clean cut, it will heal faster. Try not to get to much into the "I will still love you, or the "I will be here for you if you ever need anything" stuff. It just leaves the wound open for longer.

Good luck and Happy New Year!

01-01-2006, 08:39 PM	#1
bouldersweden Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 53	FEMALE GENDER: A tough question fo ya... OK, this question is about breaking up... That is, it's about the best way to do it. Now, before I'm branded as a scoundrel, here me out. I'm at home right now, on break from school. I go back to school in a week or so and I need to break up with a girl there. This is my last semester of university and I have a job offer that's going to take me to another country. It's not fair to pretend this is going to last and it's silly to pretend. Furthermore, my grades were dismal last semester and if I want to graduate (and get a job) I need to get them up. School is my priority and I can't pretend that I'll have time to be a proper boyfriend. The question is this: I like this girl and I'm wondering what the most ideal way to do this is when I get back? Does anyone have any pointers that make a breakup a little smoother? Do you have any experiences that turned out ok? Just let me know. Thanks.

01-01-2006, 08:43 PM	#2
annie24 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,827	It's going to be hard, no matter what you do. I think that the best thing is just to tell her what you told us. That you don't see a future with her, and you have other priorities right now. Be careful with the "I like you though" sentence, because she may interpret that as she still has a chance to get back with you. Consider things carefully. Are you really sure you want to give up a good relationship? You can still find time for a gf and school. But, if you can't, or you don't like her enough to make the time, then you should break up. Be gentle, but direct. Be firm. Then, it's best to limit contact to let her get over you. good luck

01-01-2006, 08:50 PM	#3
Lady Bugg Offline Gold Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Gender: None Specified Age: 38 Posts: 1,896	Boulder. Hi. I wouldn't think you're a scoundrel for trying to do the right thing with breaking up with someone. It's commendable you want to do this right..and that you're trying to better yourself. This is what you need to tell your g/f when you break the news to her...because it's possible she could take it personally. Be kind, but be direct. If she has questions, answer them for her because she will want closure and she deserves that. Don't disregard her feelings, because she might be blindsided by this, maybe assuming everything is just fine as it is. Also be prepared for the fact she might ask you to reconsider or to change your mind....she IS after all being dumped and these are normal reactions when being faced with rejection. Whatever you do...do it with respect. She does deserve that.

01-01-2006, 11:11 PM	#4
vandgsmom Offline Gold Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 676	I don't think that anyone who is considerate enough to seek advice on how to break up the right way could ever be considered a scoundrel. Hopefully this wasn't a long term relationship, but whether it was or not, make sure that if a clean break is what you want, that you are not wishy-washy with how you work your dismissal. Make a clean cut, it will heal faster. Try not to get to much into the "I will still love you, or the "I will be here for you if you ever need anything" stuff. It just leaves the wound open for longer. Good luck and Happy New Year!