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Thread: Is anyone else in a 13 year age-difference rlp?

  1. #1
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    Is anyone else in a 13 year age-difference rlp?

    Hi, I was wondering if anyone else was in a similar type of relationship as myself? I'm a single, 28 yr. old female, I live alone, have my BA, working professional, never married/no children and the man that I am dating is 41, never been married, no children, owns his own home and business. We both share the same religion, attend the same church, have similar morals and values, political views, and have similar family upbringing.

    I really don't see our age gap of 13 years as a big issue. I've always preferred to date older men so this is not new for me. However, for HIM it is a new experience since he has told me that he has never dated a woman as young as I am. He treats me really good, and tells me that he is glad to have me in his life and that I make him happy.
    My question is, how can I reasure him that the 13 year age difference is no big thing b/w two grown adults? I noticed that when I don't bring it up, or when I don't encourage the discussion when he starts talking about it, he doesn't seem to really care about the age gap (maybe I should keep doing this?)
    Any thoughts?

    -McSushi! (no I am not a troll..just found this board today and I'm loving it!)




     


  2. #2
    Member whitefang's Avatar
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    Welcome to eNotAlone.com, glad to hear your enjoying being here.

    I myself, im not in a relationship currently, but i see nothing wrong with your relationship despite the age-gap, your both adults and you can do what you want. The important thing is that it makes you both HAPPY and if you enjoy being together then nothing else so even matter. Can't really offer anything to reasure him that it's perfectly fine other than telling him and just carrying on being happy together would be proof enough i would say.

    You both seem to have the exact same intersts and views, i'd say your a match made in heaven then, just keep saying that and remind him

    Hope this helps

    - whitefang

  3. #3
    Gold Member Relationship Coach's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA! There is an 11 year age gap between my wife and I, she is 31 and I'm 42. Our relationship is great and at times we joke about the gap but it has never created any issues. I tend to beat her more in Trivial Pursuit but she is very intelligent. We have many of the same interests as far as music, television and view points in general.

    I would not push or highlight any differences. Just enjoy the relationship for what it is.
    The slightest impact can make the greatest change.

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    Platinum Member novaseeker's Avatar
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    I think you should just keep on moving, act naturally and don't bring up the issue. If you don't make an issue of it, click with each other and have just a "tad" of tolerance for some age difference things, it should be fine. 27 and 41 isn't such a large gap at those ages, in any case.

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  6. #5
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    How about a bi-sexual girl who just turned 21 in August and is dating a almost 31-year-old lesbian? What about that age gap?

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    Thanks guys! I will take this advice. Not to highlight differences or make it an issue. Just act naturally, and enjoy getting to know each other. I did mention to him that maybe he felt akward about it because I look way younger than my actual age (I could pass for 17, 18 easy) and he looks his age 41. I told him not to focus on the physical and what other people might say or react. Character and personality is way more important.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member novaseeker's Avatar
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    Avoj -- My own personal view is the younger the junior party is, the harder it is with a longer age gap. But it's a very situational thing, specific to the people involved. A mature 21 yo and a 31 yo may work fine, for example. An immature 21 yo may not work out with a 31 yo. It's specific to the two individuals.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
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    My husband is 11 years younger than me. The only time I notice the age difference is when we talk about music (my favorite Bruce Springsteen album came out a few months before he was born) or stuff like TV shows (he'd never seen an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati before he met me).

    Otherwise, it's no longer an issue. When I first met him he had just turned 26 and I was 37 and I was very hesitant to even bother with him, thinking of the behavior and maturity level of the 26 year old guys I knew from work and so forth. But he wasn't like them at all. Lucky for me.

    The last guy I had a relationship with before I met my husband was 18 years older than me. I mistakenly thought someone in his 50's would know what he wanted out of a relationship, be able to be decisive and clear about it, and above all, have figured out cheating is not part of a monogamous relationship.

    Ah, silly me.

    Age doesn't guarantee maturity, just like youth doesn't guarantee immaturity. I don't think any sweeping generalizations about age gap between people who are adults can be made. At the end of the day, it comes down to how do you get along with that particular individual and how they get along with you.
    "And all I can think is that it must be a kind of rebellion
    to arm your fears like soldiers and to slay them...." -The Airborne Toxic Event

    "All you need to understand is everything you know is wrong." - Weird Al Yankovic

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    I started dating a man two months ago, he is 42 and I am 28 and I've never been happier in my entire life! Firstly, the one thing I have noticed (and this is not to offend ANYONE who posts here) is that, generally speaking, the men I have dated either close to my age up to 8 years older than me have been emotionally immature commitment phobic morons (Again, this is not to offend anyone, it is just my personal experience). I have found that the experiences I've gone through in my entire life have made me more mature and grounded, and I have a hard time relating to most men.

    With the age gap, when we first met I thought he was maybe in his mid-thirities. The second time we saw each other, we discussed age and we were both ok with it. In my opinion, when it comes to love (or potential fulfilling relationships) age should not be a factor, as it is such a minor part of a relationship by the time you are my age. It wasn't weird for either of us at all and we both decided to try it out.

    What I have found with this man is, because he has never been married and has gone through all of the dating experiences and played the field, he knows what HE wants, which is quite contrary to most men that I'm involved with. I have known what I wanted for many years, I don't need to date tons of people to realize it, I just have to keep dating to find the right one, and he is the same way.

    I guess the largest issue is with my family thus far. My Dad and Step-Mom are super-supportive of our relationship, they actually really like him a lot (rare) and they both said that love should know no boundaries, and if you use age as a way to weed people out, then you are potentially weeding out a really good mate. My mom, she was a different story, she completely freaked out and said 'What would a 42 year-old man want with a 28 year-old woman?'. I can see where she is coming from but it is such a shame that there is a stigma out there that says in this particular situation, the man is just going through a mid-life crisis and wants a hot, young chick. My Dad's side of the family is completely supportive as well, again...they love him. My mom's side of the family is supportive with the exception of my 3 overprotective Uncles who are close to his age. I believe the exact quote was "It is sick and wrong a 42 year-old man wants to date my 28 year-old niece, I know what he is thinking".

    The age gap is a NON-ISSUE. If you and he are comfortable with it, then it doesn't matter how your family, friends or society judge you. What matters is how that man treats you and if he really cares for you.

    And hey, I am like you as well...I look about 18. The one thing I love is that I'm giving a lot of older men HOPE out there when they see him with me...hehehe, sometimes it's fun to see the looks we get
    Last edited by Jadtt; 12-30-2005 at 07:11 PM.

  11. #10
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    Firstly, the one thing I have noticed (and this is not to offend ANYONE who posts here) is that, generally speaking, the men I have dated either close to my age up to 8 years older than me have been emotionally immature commitment phobic
    I can relate to this. And although everyone is different and I too don't like to make generalizations but I have also had this same problem with men around my age group and even up to 8 years older that don't want to settle down in life and have a long-term relationship and possibly marriage. I live in an area which encourages the bachelor lifestyle well up until mid 40's to even 50's! Which is fine for them to make that choice to be a bachelor, what I don't respect is when they pretend that they want a long-term rlp with someone and all they really want is sex. At least be honest upfront and let that person know you only do casual dating, nothing serious. I can't stand time-wasters.

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