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  1. #1
    Member
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    Sep 2005
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    My Friend is not talking to me anymore

    I had best friend for 11 years from age 11 to about 23, we talked almost everyday on the phone and were always close. She was the only person I confided in and helped me with all my lifes problems. Losing her as a friend has made life harder for me because I dont have anyone else like that.

    As soon as she started going out with her now husband we drifted apart because she became distant towards me. I also had a boyfriend who she was very jealous of.

    My father died and she didnt attend the funeral, his death was very sudden. Some best friend.Then I made plans with her after not seeing her for like a year and she brought her boyfriend along and started insulting me in front of him, bringing up things i confided in her not to tell anyone.

    I never really got an apology and i didnt trust her anymore. She also visited her parents every weekend around the corner from me and never called me once to get together, So we didn't talk for a long time and she invites me to her wedding. She left a message at my mothers house saying she lost my home number. I thought it was rude since I gave it to her many times. I didnt get back to her then all of a sudden she leaves a message saying "oh i found your number"
    She called me like constantly trying to get me. I almost didnt go and she wanted me to be a birdesmaid but by the time i got back to her it was too late and I was glad.
    I did go out of guilt and she kept telling me im her best friend at the wedding and hugging me in front of her brothers friends who she was buddy buddy with when she stopped hanging out with me, i thought it was very phoney. I couldnt wait to leave. It seemed like she was trying to get them jealous.

    She called my Mothers house to say it was nice seeing me after the wedding. She said she didnt call my house because she said she lost my phone number again. When she wanted to invite me to her wedding she called me so many times at my #, also she could have checked her cell phone records to get it. I think its rude. I did send her a card to just say hi after the wedding.
    I was really put off by it, I didnt get back to her till recently and the wedding was a year ago and now I'm not getting a reply at all.
    So do I assume shes cutting me off and just used me for her wedding?
    Am I being rude for not calling her for so long, I think she should be happy that I even contacted her.

  2. #2
    Member SLMitchell918's Avatar
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    Apr 2005
    Location
    West Virginia
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    Friendship becomes strange after both parties find a husband or wife. I had the same problem as you. I didn't hear from my best friend of 9 years until she was getting married. I didnt' like her boyfriend, now husband, at the time and they did some dirty things like buying a laptop from me but never paying me for it. So we didn't talk for awhile until her mom called me and told me about her getting married. It was too late to be a bridesmaid but I was "her' best friend again. The only thing different in our story is that after her marriage we started being friends again.

    I would say that she probably isn't a good friend, but you may want to make one last try. Maybe you should attempt to call her that way you can put closure on the whole subject. Maybe she thinks you dont' want to talk to her. It could be so many things.

    You should decide if you could really ever be her best friend again. So many things have happened that its truly up to you to decide.

    Best Friend are hard to find, however, you have nothing to lose if she is a bad friend or person towards you now.
    - Selina

  3. #3
    Member
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    Dec 2005
    Location
    Canada
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    37
    Posts
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    Male
    I have had the same best friend since grade school, which would put us at about 16 years now. I would say that we talk maybe once every couple of months via MSN or e-mail. We probably only talk via phone twice a year to wish each other a happy birthday as we are both busy adults with families and such. The fact is that if either of us were in need of a friend at any given moment we would be there for each other in a second, no matter the cost or inconvenience. I have many other friends bu this person that I barely talk to at all is still considered my best friend.

    You do not necessarily have to talk to someone every day or even contact them all the time for them to be considered a friend. Personally I do not think you are rude.

  4. #4
    Gold Member WildChild's Avatar
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    My dad always told me you will know who your true friends are in time of trouble.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member
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    Oct 2005
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario
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    I agree with Wildchild.

    You obviously haven't been friends with her for a long time and she showed her true colours before and after the wedding. I understand what it's like to feel lonely...I recently drifted apart from my best friend of 9 years. It's hard. But you don't really miss her. She's not the same person, she doesn't care for you and I don't think you really care for her as much as you think.

    You miss the friendship. If you really think you want her in your life, don't give up trying to contact her. But friends will come and go. People grow, people change, things change. Another friend will come along and hold through the good and bad with you.

    She's not putting in the effort. She's not there for you. It seems to be all you. Do you want a one-sided friendship? Who knows, maybe it worked for others, but you need to realize what you want out a friendship before you attempt to rekindle this one.
    The grass is greener where you water it.

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