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How to tell if a guy is gay.


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okay well i really like this guy at my school and soemtimes when he looks at me and/or touches me i get this feelin' he likes me too, but am just not sure, and as am not out to all my group of mates [my best mates know am bi] i don't want to ask until am sure or pretty sure he is gay. i know there is no 100% way to know unless you ask, but i would be very greatful if you could give me some tips and signs to look for. thanks

 

- no doubt

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Hi, and welcome to enotalone, neighbour!

 

Dependant on how he acts around you - could be signs.

Watch his body language, etc.

 

Are you friends with him?

Or his friend?

 

Could you find out if he has had past girlfriends?

You would have to do that subtly, so as not to show any deep interest in his love life - or you could be revealing your sexuality, which may increase difficulty for you.

I know it shouldn't, as we are a modern society, which should accept people as they are - unconditionally.

But unfortunately, it may.

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yea am his mate, but we are not close or anythin'. he hangs around at lunch and break. he's only ever had one girlfriend which lasted a week and that was way back in primmary school.which i don't understand because he is really good lookin'! he has done things to me which make me think he likes me more than just a friend plus when our eyes meet it feels like we're lookin' at each other forever. but is it just me? one of my best mates said he fancys me and a few other people have said it too, but that don't really help when am not 100% sure, ya know? i just wish i knew.

 

- no doubt

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Some key thoughts to keep in mind are how he acts around you.

 

Most but not all men will keep some form of eye contact with another, as it relates on a subconscious level, but straight men don't hold it any longer than they have to unless there is a serious emphasis or issue which requires it.

 

Typically holding eye contact beyond a regular level may be a sign of interest. This is one reason when strangers whom have no connection will look away when the topic is dead or eye contact is not needed as not to give improper signals, or they keep eye contact but as soon as the topic is over, its gone. Of course there are always complications, individuals whom are shy or submissive on a subconscious level will look away interest or not and rather not try.

 

Eye contact at its very animal base is a sign of dominance or challenge to the other being, especially for men it seems.

 

Another point but drastically less successful in reading is pupil dilation. You have to be in a more or less static lighting environment because pupils yes will change for moods but also for light and similar factors. I wish I had the study link and info but in general in this study:

 

When straight men look at a woman whom catches their fancy, their pupils will dilate. When they look at a man or woman whom holds absolutely no interest or disturbs them, the pupils will constrict to some extent.

 

Same difference as it applies to straight women and men of interest AND more importantly for us, to gay men and lesbians when they look at someone of the same sex whom is interesting. Yet like I say, have to be pretty stable here to read it well and mean something.

 

Next, men have a different set of values with personal space than women. Most straight men will keep just as close as need be to hear one another, they usually keep more of what is considered a casual public or social distance. Rarely will they mingle as much into the Friendly and Intimate space unless they are entirely comfortable or for some reason need to be that close. Otherwise it is threatening and causes defensive behavior in response. Have you ever just noticed an elevator full of straight men? Good illustration.

 

Secondly, most often when two individuals are interested in each other, they will with little thought start the action reflection. Which is, say one person is in a chair and the other is x distance away infront of the other, if you watch, while the conversation is going well and they're interested and/or relaxed, they will move forward. Repeat certain words and phrases. Move their hands similarly. I'm not saying every motion but they will to some extent. Watch a straight man and woman whom have an interest in one another and are discussing, you'll notice this...usually.

 

Anyhow, no note. Not good if he is straight, I've heard more than once about horrible situations where men have became extremely defensive about their sexuality if they even think another man is gay and flirting, much less written out. I'd say look for the above key ideas before making a move of any depth. Just give yourself a nice layer of padding with his actions before making your own.

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Jinx thanks so much for that.

 

thing is he is always the one makin 'the moves' like he has now twice on two diff ocations grabbed my as* while i was sittin' on this 'pole' thing. the first time i was caught off gard and jumbed off and got away from him, but the next time he did it i just let him keep his hand there and i turned to look at him and he was lookin' right into my eyes i felt kinda weird so i turrned around and he removed his hand. he also sometime touches my legs when am sittin on this 'pole' thing. he once even put his hands on my face and he was right up close as if to kiss me but a mate called out "what the fu*k" and i pulled back and he removed his hands and backed away. he's always doin things that do make me think yea he likes me but, when some days go by and he's not talked to me or done anythin' i think he don't but maybe thats my fault cuz am not so touchy feely as he is. this is drivin' me mad.

 

he also normaly tries to site beside me and is always sayin' hi when he sees me but being me i just blank him. i don't mean to, it's just he confuses me so much. i don't know what he wants from me.

 

- no doubt

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Jinx had some very very GOOD advice!! I agree with her on the eye contact thing. I can always sorta tell who's attracted to me by the way they look at me. If their pupils dilate (meaning getting bigger), or their eyes get shiny & dreamy eyed.. those are good signs too.Staring I think is a big sign! People of the same sex don't usually stare at one another for a long time. I don't see a reason why they would stare at you other than they fancy you.However there isn't a 100% sure way to tell unless he just tells you for a fact!

 

 

I think he's attracted to you. I say flirt with him back & see his response.

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I'm still new at it, but I do believe that it is all in the eyes. The eyes are the mirror to the soul...

But I get so nervous making eye contact with people for too long because I'm kinda shy...lol.

When there are gay men that I am NOT attracted to then I don't make any eye contact.

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Jinx had some very very GOOD advice!! I agree with her on the eye contact thing. I can always sorta tell who's attracted to me by the way they look at me. If their pupils dilate (meaning getting bigger), or their eyes get shiny & dreamy eyed.. those are good signs too.Staring I think is a big sign! People of the same sex don't usually stare at one another for a long time. I don't see a reason why they would stare at you other than they fancy you.However there isn't a 100% sure way to tell unless he just tells you for a fact!

 

 

I think he's attracted to you. I say flirt with him back & see his response.

 

am gonna try flirtin' back dis week and see what happens, thanks for that

 

- no doubt

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okay today at lunch the guy i like was away gettin' food from the snack bar and one of his mates who am quite friendly with decided for a 'laugh' to chuck this bottle/or summin' at us and it stuck me above the eye and it was stingin' like hell, but i just laughed and he was like, "oh you alright" then he too went up to get food. then the guy i like comes down the stairs, calls my name and says "you alright" i was puzzled and go, "what?" and he goes, "did he hit you" and i was like yea the bottle caught me just der [pointin' to my eye] and he's like "it sore" i say "yea" and he swore under his breath sounded like bastard, but i thought nothin of it,

 

but later on durin' lunch the guy that hit me ended up closer to tears cuz the guy i liked kinda beat him up. but i never really thought they could not be connected until on msn tonight, i was talkin bout it with my mates and they too said, "thts maybe y he hit j" soo yea that made me feel kinda happy but i felt really bad for the other guy cuz he was on the floor and like i said close to tears.

 

but am still confused bout him all i know is i really like him and i wanna be with him, but i just anit sure if he feels the same

 

- no doubt

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no doubt,

 

I can understand how confused you must feel about this friend of yours and whether your feelings for him are mutual.

 

I especially identified with what you said about eye contact and how you look at each other for extended amounts of time: I get the same thing from this guy I like. When he talks to me he makes eye contact with me for extended periods of time in a way that I've never really experienced with my other straight male friends and he seems particularly interested in my company: inviting me to parties, inviting me over to his dorm room to drink and talk, inviting me to dinner after meeting up at the gym. My friends, like your friends with your crush, are convinced that he likes me but just doesn't know how to express it yet. Though he does make brief references to girls, it's not something he talks about a lot (the same way I acted a few years back, which is one of the reasons that makes me question his sexuality) and so I still find myself conflicted as to whether he's just interested in me as a good friend or as a crush that he's just uncomfortable acting out on. He knows I'm gay but so far we haven't really talked about it at all, other than a brief conversation about my opinions on gay marriage and gay parenting. This is, of course, not something he knew about me when we first met but he still acts the same way he always did around me, even after knowing -- compliments, active interest in what I'm doing/how I'm feeling, always inviting me to do stuff, jocular physical contact, eye contact and smiling while talking to me that practically melts my heart, etc.

 

So yeah, you're not in this "confused about him" boat alone. Until you're sure, I'd continue to feel it out as best as possible. Even if it continues to be this "up in the air" question like my crush, at least you will have gained a good friend. And that's not something to pass up on. From what you mention in your posts, though, it sounds like he certainly cares for you in a way that I wouldn't expect from my straight friends, so who knows?

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  • 4 weeks later...

Seriously, one problem I have is looking into things too much when they're not there & I'm also tired of the mixed signals. I like the masculine, not sure if he's straight or gay type so it's so hard for me to tell.Sometimes I can get a sense or feeling that another guy may like me just by the way he talks to me, looks at me or acts around me.

 

Another big issue is being bold. One time I'll never forget it but there was this cute guy at my school. We'd always stare at one another or what not. So one day I was looking at him & he blew a kiss at me. I was shocked & I had this dumbfounded look on my face. I was scared to blow one back because 1.) I was afraid he was just playing 2.) He was testing to see if I was gay or 3.)He's very well straight & trying to find me out. I really regret that, after that day, he bascially acted like nothing happened but I was too scared to talk about it. So the big thing is taking risks also. That guy was pretty bold & I wish I could be like him!

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  • 3 months later...

wow im in the exact same situation your in no_doubt there is this guy that i like and i have no idea if hes gay or bi but he keeps doing stuff that makes me think that he might like me.

so we were at this movie with a bunch of people and I sat next to him (now before i go on this guy "pretens to be gay" and kinda flirts with a lot of guys and has history of alot of extreamly short realtionships with girals) ok so we were filrting(i dont know for real or not) and we were dared to kiss each other and I said sure (i mean wouldnt you) but when we got close he started to laughing and we didnt (i know a disappointment) but the people we were with are the type that would have gone a told people and made life a living hell at school so im kinda glad we didnt but later he grabed my hand and held it but then as i was siting there he interlocked our fingers so at this point iam really confused "do straght guys usaly do that when people arent even looking?" we held hand for like i dont remaber maybe like two minnites but it seemed like a long time so after the movie was over when no one was arould he hugged me " really close" and asked me if my parents would care if they saw us kissing and i said no then we all said our goodbyes and went on our ways

2/3 days later in school he gives me longer then noramal hugg but i dont know if that is just to get a laugh or not

flash forward agein i was in the hall and I said "so your locker partners with Adom and he said "ya who told you" and I said "Adom...... ya i still dont have a locker partner for next year" he said "we should have been partners" I said "ya we should have did adom already turn in the slip" he said yes but that i should still turn one with our names on it. I said but they will just call you up and make you chose he said "ya" i asked who would choose he said that hed pick me and that adom would undersaned so i said ok and turn in a slip so that is were im at now well see who he picks and we also have made long eye contact but still i dont know if hes kiding or not and it is kinda driving me crazy.

 

what should i do? right now im going to play it slow i mean if we have the same locker I'll see him plenty next year and i think it is the safeist rouit

Do you think hes intrested in me? i just dont know.

 

-daytimetvsucks

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daytime, he likes you o doubt about it.

 

"but later he grabed my hand and held it but then as i was siting there he interlocked our fingers so at this point iam really confused "do straght guys usaly do that when people arent even looking?" we held hand for like i dont remaber maybe like two minnites but it seemed like a long time."

 

Now.. straight boys don't to that... not like that. then can hold hand but not like that and not in that situation.

 

"so after the movie was over when no one was arould he hugged me " really close" "

 

straight people hug too, but considering everything else.. hehe

 

 

"and asked me if my parents would care if they saw us kissing and i said no then we all said our goodbyes and went on our ways"

 

NOW he would never ask this is he didn't have some kind of interest. I'm pretty sure he likes you like you like him.

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Anyone have any tips on how to flirt with another guy? I don't know the first thing about flirting in general, and if i actually do it, i'm not aware of it. I'll get in a situation where i want to flirt with a guy, and it's me and him, but i don't have any idea what i'm doing.

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hey thanks everyone just an update on the sitution we are locker partners for sure now but i founld out he has a gf now too. so now im even more confused then i was before

i just wish i knew.

- no doubt

now i really know what your talking about it sucks im sorry

i dont know what to do should I A) just move on and try and get over him and if later something happens what ever? B)not do anything C)ask him if he is gay/bi or what ever D)eat a sandwhich

 

this is worse then knowing that he likes someone eles (i know he has a gf but with his history with girls that will be over in oooooohhhh i'd say tomarow) its the not knowing if you have a chance or not that bugs me

 

well thanks everyone. wow i use the word now alot sorry.

 

-daytimetvsucks

ps lil kaila he is 14 like me

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  • 3 months later...

No Doubt, I think that he loves ya. I love your life! It is better than a soap opera for the " I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" Commericials. (lol sprays of her life) This guy is really in to you, and straight people don't touch the same sex face or * * * and hold it there. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF YOU GUYS START GOING OUT!!! This topic is all that I could think of at school today during P.E.! (And two guy and two girls that r hot, but that is off topic!) SO just please PM or post if it happens!

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  • 3 weeks later...

That's a million dollar question.

 

It is never the same for each gay individual. There are no symptomatic giveaways, despite the popularly perceived stereotypes illustrating gay men as effeminate, flamboyant and mincing and gay women as butchy and man-hating.

 

The bulk of gay men are very much ordinary looking individuals indistinguishable from any other guy. You'll get become more adept at figuring this out as you come accross more and more gay people. Good Luck.

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