I losen up (confidence goes up significantly)when I have some alcohol in me why?

Massari · 12-06-2005, 12:10 PM

guys and gals.. what do I do to have that loosening up and that confidence when I am not drinking and/or drunk. by drunk I mean after 3 cans of beer or a bottle of 375ml of absolute VODKA. not too drunk..Like usually when I walk I tend to check my self whenever I could find a mirror.. and this shows that I am not too confident about myself.. I tried to overcome that; and it worked so far well for me.. since last year getting compliments from women, much more easier for me to talk to them,, but still it is not how I want it. Last night we had beer with a friend of mine.. and then we started in the mall (just chilling and hanging out) and I had this relaxing state where I really didn't care how I looked.. I didn't really dressed up that night.. but I was getting lots of attention from women.. like a couple of women were passing by and one of them smiled for me.. I know If I had talked to her I could have set a time for something like dinner, I didn't. How do you act like this when you are not drunk.. I mean confidence is my only issue when it comes to meeting women.. I got no problem look wise (at least that's what I have been told) and I find alcohol to clear that problem temporarily but I dun like it..(in the morning you feel bad , headaches and stuff)

your suggestions are greatly appreciated

chai714 · 12-06-2005, 12:30 PM

Learning how to read and send body language will give you more confidence. It's the equivilent of having a road map - body language tells you where things are going. Do some homework about it, go people watching and observe. Do it when you're in the office, at lunch, out with your friends, in an elevator, crossing the street, while at a red light, etc.

Also, knowing how to mingle with people will give you more confidence. For me, it's talking with the person at the drive-thru window, the checker at the grocery store, the bartender, the old man who is a janitor, the person at the ticket window - anyone and everyone of all ages. The more comfortable you are talking and mingling with people, the easier it is to approach anyone and with confidence. The main thing here though, is that it's all about them. Talk about what they like, their tastes, their accomplishments, their disappointments, where they're from, etc. A book by Dale Carnegie will teach you this. So, when it comes down to it it's not all about how to talk to women, but people. Most people respond in the same way when it comes to talking about their lives. Good luck.

Tigris · 12-06-2005, 01:19 PM

I agree with everything Chai has said.

I discovered a few years ago that I had lost the ability to talk to people (whether I knew them or not), however, this was down to my depression and the medication I was taking. Once I started to get better I conquered it again.

The most important things to remember is to smile and give lots of eye contact.

I know this will probably sound stupid but I started talking to old people on bus stops. Simple things to get conversations going. Just put yourself in their situations, e.g. old people usually get lots of pain through arthritis, etc. If it's a cold day, just say, 'It's a bit chilly today.' Or if it's a spring day say, 'It's nice to feel the warmth for a change.' You'll probably find that most old people are lonely so a few kind words will make them happy for the rest of the day.

Sometimes doing a thoughtful act like holding the door open for someone can instigate short conversations.

In October I had about 2 hours to wait in Larnaca Airport, Cyprus, alone. I started to people watch like Chai suggests. I found it very interesting and the time just seemed to disappear. Also, a girl in her late teens, who spoke broken English and her boyfriend approached me to ask if I would take their photograph.

The more you practise these skills the easier it will get.

Good luck and take care.

mo'Nique · 12-06-2005, 02:07 PM

building confidence takes time and a positive mindset. Do something everyday positive that will make you smile and make others happy. Compliment others and don't be afraid of constructive criticism. I notice that those who don't take criticism well don't have high confidence either. Also it's important to let go of the little things that don't matter in you life any longer whether it be a bad experience or something not going your way. All these things play a role in how confident one is. Good luck (hope i didn't go off topic here! lol) by the way very, VERY handsome pic!

12-06-2005, 12:10 PM	#1
Massari Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Canada , Ontario Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 1,508	I losen up (confidence goes up significantly)when I have some alcohol in me why? guys and gals.. what do I do to have that loosening up and that confidence when I am not drinking and/or drunk. by drunk I mean after 3 cans of beer or a bottle of 375ml of absolute VODKA. not too drunk..Like usually when I walk I tend to check my self whenever I could find a mirror.. and this shows that I am not too confident about myself.. I tried to overcome that; and it worked so far well for me.. since last year getting compliments from women, much more easier for me to talk to them,, but still it is not how I want it. Last night we had beer with a friend of mine.. and then we started in the mall (just chilling and hanging out) and I had this relaxing state where I really didn't care how I looked.. I didn't really dressed up that night.. but I was getting lots of attention from women.. like a couple of women were passing by and one of them smiled for me.. I know If I had talked to her I could have set a time for something like dinner, I didn't. How do you act like this when you are not drunk.. I mean confidence is my only issue when it comes to meeting women.. I got no problem look wise (at least that's what I have been told) and I find alcohol to clear that problem temporarily but I dun like it..(in the morning you feel bad , headaches and stuff) your suggestions are greatly appreciated __________________ I know this silence ,been here before, I’m walking blinded through your door. . .

12-06-2005, 12:30 PM	#2
chai714 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The End of the Pier Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 2,705	Learning how to read and send body language will give you more confidence. It's the equivilent of having a road map - body language tells you where things are going. Do some homework about it, go people watching and observe. Do it when you're in the office, at lunch, out with your friends, in an elevator, crossing the street, while at a red light, etc. Also, knowing how to mingle with people will give you more confidence. For me, it's talking with the person at the drive-thru window, the checker at the grocery store, the bartender, the old man who is a janitor, the person at the ticket window - anyone and everyone of all ages. The more comfortable you are talking and mingling with people, the easier it is to approach anyone and with confidence. The main thing here though, is that it's all about them. Talk about what they like, their tastes, their accomplishments, their disappointments, where they're from, etc. A book by Dale Carnegie will teach you this. So, when it comes down to it it's not all about how to talk to women, but people. Most people respond in the same way when it comes to talking about their lives. Good luck. __________________ "Your mind is your greatest weapon." - David J. Lieberman, Ph.D "Most every person or situation can be influenced through the power of psychology."

12-06-2005, 01:19 PM	#3
Tigris Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 3,556	I agree with everything Chai has said. I discovered a few years ago that I had lost the ability to talk to people (whether I knew them or not), however, this was down to my depression and the medication I was taking. Once I started to get better I conquered it again. The most important things to remember is to smile and give lots of eye contact. I know this will probably sound stupid but I started talking to old people on bus stops. Simple things to get conversations going. Just put yourself in their situations, e.g. old people usually get lots of pain through arthritis, etc. If it's a cold day, just say, 'It's a bit chilly today.' Or if it's a spring day say, 'It's nice to feel the warmth for a change.' You'll probably find that most old people are lonely so a few kind words will make them happy for the rest of the day. Sometimes doing a thoughtful act like holding the door open for someone can instigate short conversations. In October I had about 2 hours to wait in Larnaca Airport, Cyprus, alone. I started to people watch like Chai suggests. I found it very interesting and the time just seemed to disappear. Also, a girl in her late teens, who spoke broken English and her boyfriend approached me to ask if I would take their photograph. The more you practise these skills the easier it will get. Good luck and take care. Last edited by Tigris; 12-06-2005 at 01:24 PM.

12-06-2005, 02:07 PM	#4
mo'Nique Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Among the reptilians... Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 898	building confidence takes time and a positive mindset. Do something everyday positive that will make you smile and make others happy. Compliment others and don't be afraid of constructive criticism. I notice that those who don't take criticism well don't have high confidence either. Also it's important to let go of the little things that don't matter in you life any longer whether it be a bad experience or something not going your way. All these things play a role in how confident one is. Good luck (hope i didn't go off topic here! lol) by the way very, VERY handsome pic! __________________ ........Think Green