Marijuana? PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP!

Ok...I was in my mom's room putting something away and I discovered Marijuana. I am 99.9% positive it is Marijuana. What else could it be? Is there some kind of other stuff that smells like and looks like weed? I have smelt it before in her room but thought nothing of it until recently. My relations ship wiht my mom and step-dad are pretty bad already. CFS(child and family services) has been involed with my step-dad abusing and treating me poorley. But that has already been delt with. I want to tell the CFS about my mom and her drugs. It is worng and horrible. I don't have a problem with people doing drugs, that's their choise but my mother has 3 kids...and ha sa very important life. I am trying to get up the nerve to tell CFS about it. I think I should. What do you peoel recomend I should do? This is serious. There is drugs in my house and they are being used in my house! Help me please.

I think before taking it to Child Services you should probably talk to your mother directly. She is obviously using it because she feels stressed out...

If she denies it or abuses/gets angry at you for confronting her, or you feel threatened by her, then I would tell childrens services... but it's probably better for your relationship with her that you try and be supportive and not get her into trouble, especially if she has good reason to be using it..

Just my opinion.

I think you need to talk to your mother about it first. I'm sure if she found out that you knew, and you talked to her about it, then she might try to work it out with you. Talk to her first. Same thing happened with my mother an I, only I wasn't putting anything away, I was snooping around. Anyway, I talked to her about it and eventually after a few arguments, she quit smoking weed and now she is drug free. Just talk to her first, if she doesn't cooperate, then tell then maybe CFS is the only choice you have.

I can't talk to my mom. I tried bringing it up about an hour ago by saying "so mom I was in your room today putting something away and I f" and then she goes "look at the cat" I can't talk to ger. I am afraid she will also get mad and blow.

Don't be afraid - you are trying to do her and yourself a favour... take a stand, if she tries to divert, say "Listen to me" and say it forcefully. Make her take notice.

I am not sure if marijuana is illegal where you live but it definitely is where I am, and it's not a good idea for your mother to even be having it in the house...

Yes Marijuana is very illegal where I am.My mom was saying just last week how a frined of her might go to jail for selling it...then I found it in her room...I guess it makes sense why she says she has no more money left...and why she says she spent it on "something". I have tried to talk to her. I just can't nothing. Wroks. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. I SWEAR. No letters, phone calls, body language, e-mails. she will just ignore it all. What should I do?

If you have truly exhausted every avenue possible, including talking to relatives and trying to get someone else to talk to her about it, only then would I get Child Services involved.

This is whatI am telling you. NOBODY will listen to me. My mom own't my step-dad wont and I have no family to turn to. My step-dad's family is useless and my mom was adopted and barely talks to her family. As for my real dad I haven't seen him since I was 2 and my mom's family I don't know. I am going to try and talk to my friend about this...she is the one who go me the help in the first place wiht CFS. But I don't know...I honestly have NOVODY. Does anyone have a situation like this where they had to amke a ver tough disision?

She won't pay attention eh? Okay...grab a black permanent marker and an old light colored t-shirt you hate and want to throw away. Write "Mom, I found marijuana in your room." She can't not see that. But seriously, she needs to stop avoiding it and realize you are not stupid and noticed. Speak over her if you have to! She needs to hear your concerns. Don't be afraid to voice them either. If you can't talk to her...do go to CFS.

I'm sorry you have to go through something like this.

I duno bout the t-shirt thing.LOL. But is sure made me laugh...something that hasn't happened with me lately.

I think you really need to think through all your your options. You keep saying that your mom wont listen. Well, as cicchlid_chick pointed out, you need to MAKE HER LISTEN. Don't try and approach her like you want to have a serious conversation. She'll just brush you off again. Just come out and SAY IT. "Hey mom, I found some marijuana in your room." See how she responds.

But what do you hope for out of this encounter? You want her to stop? Aside from actually finding the marijuana in her room, are there any other signs that she is a drug abuser? If she so dependent on the stuff that it is affecting her negatively?

I'm not a fan of marijuana. I don't use it. But I know many people that do. I don't think it should be illegal. Marijuana use is a vice in my opinion that isn't necessarily more dangerous than smoking, and not as bad as alcohol use. It is habit forming, yes, but it's not anywhere near the same level as a hardcore drug like cocaine or crack. I think it should be legal. It's not. The vast majority of the people who are in prison for the "war on drugs" are non violent marijuana users.

If you inform child services about this, a number of things may happen and most of them are not what you would like to happen. You may want child services to help your mother with her marijuana use and make her stop. But once you tell them you can't control what they do. They may not even try to help her. They may inform the police immediately and have her arrested, as well as your step father likely. Do you think your mother is doing it without his knowledge? I highly doubt it. Or even if they do try to help her without putting her in prison, there's also a chance they may label her an unfit mother and take you away from your parents. Do you want to live in a foster home?

My opinion is this - you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Marijuana use is pretty high in the United States (where I'm assuming you're from) despite the fact that it is illegal. If you rat her out for this, both your parents may end up in jail, you may end up in a foster home, and even if neither one of those happen your relationship with your mother will probably become very strained to say the least, if it isn't already.

Bear in mind, I DO NOT USE MARIJUANA. I'm not advocating its use either. But at the same time I think telling child services or the police is the worst thing you could do.

The only problem with CFS is they have this tendency to overreact and remove the children from the household if there is any possible danger to them. They have a wide lattitude in this and it means you will have to go live elsewhere with either another family member or possibly in a foster home.

I don't want to scare you, I just want to let you know that this is a possible outcome so that you aren't surprised.

If you feel that CFS is your only hope, then call them. But you might want to ask your friend if you could stay with her first. If things are all set up then CFS might be willing to go along with it if they decide to remove you from the house.

I agree with avman.

Bringing CFS into the picture should be a last resort when you truly have exhausted all other options.

I am on last resort now

Details? Did you speak to your mother? How did that go?

O yah...I spoke to her...I said mom do you do drugs...she wouldn't reply to me...my frinds think I should tell CFS and get out of this house...I dunno...I think I might...

But go where? Do you have a relative you know with certainty would be willing to take you in until you're old enough to take care of yourself?

Like I said in my original post, you have to think very carefully about the consequences of your actions in this situation. When I was 10 years old, I reported my father to child services for hitting me. He wasn't totally abusive. He wouldn't hit me for no reason when he was upset about something else. It was always when I misbehaved...that was his way of discplining me. But sometimes he just went too far. So I told my teacher at school. My father and my grandmother (his mother) never looked at me the same way again for years. I suppose he felt betrayed, and maybe I did betray him. It was a bad situation for me to be in though...a real dilemma.

Maybe you don't get along with your mom so well for other reasons and that's why you're on this board. But if you think things are bad between you and her now, just wait until after you tell CFS about her using weed. My father treated me with emotional neglect about I narced on him. Who knows how your mother will react to you telling on her? All of the possible outcomes in this situation just don't look good to me because of the heavy handed way our society deals with marijuana users. If your mother's addiction is so powerful that it is affecting her parenting, her career, and causing her to take items from home to the pawn shop so she can get her next fix, then by all means I think you should tell CFS. But somehow I don't think that's the case. Who uses marijuana that way? It's not that powerful an addiction. Such serious behavior changes are associated with more powerful drugs, which she isn't using.

To put it simply, here at the outcomes I see.

1. CFS trys to make your mother stop using marijuana alone, and you continue to live with her.

2. CFS removes you from the home, and places you in either fostercare or with a relative.

3. CFS informs the police, and your mother quite possibly goes to jail.

I think the only way your mother wont find out you told on her is if CFS goes to the police confidentially, and they act on an "anonymous tip" to knock your door down and raid the place.

I asked a question earlier in the thread you still havn't answered. What is it you hope to acomplish from telling CFS if you do?

Agreed with some guy.

Number two with a twist of three - sounds most likely.

2. CFS removes you from the home, and places you in either fostercare or with a relative.

 

3. CFS informs the police, and your mother quite possibly goes to jail.

I would rather be anywher then here. My life here is stupid and pointless...I am at my frind most of the time (when I don't have to babysit for them)

I don't think you guys get what I am trying to get here. All of you are saying to let my mom continue using ILLEGAL drugs in the houe I LIVE in with my 3 brothers and abusive father. Ok then. Sounds good to me.

No, that's not what we are saying. We are saying that you need to understand what happens when CFS gets involved in these kinds of situations. They do not have any magic that just makes all the problems go away.

We are just trying to help you think through all of this before jumping into any sudden actions.

I don't think you guys get what I am trying to get here. All of you are saying to let my mom continue using ILLEGAL drugs in the houe I LIVE in with my 3 brothers and abusive father. Ok then. Sounds good to me.

I was actually going to touch on this in my previous post but decided not to.

You're young. I'm sure just about everything you have heard about illegal narcotics you have heard in school, from teachers, etc. etc. The standard stuff. "Drugs are bad. Don't do drugs." For the most part that's true. But something I've learned as I've gotten older is that there are very, very few absolutes in this world. Things aren't as simple as black or white. They are mostly shades of grey.

You capitalzed the word illegal. Yes, marijuana is illegal. It's illegal because there is a law against it. Laws are there to keep order in our society, and provide justice. But not all laws are just. Slavery used to be the law of the land in this country long ago. That doesn't mean it was a just system. I'm not trying to equate marijuana use with slavery directly, but extremes are useful for making points. The point is that laws don't always create justice. Sometimes they do just the opposite, and marijuana use is one of those times I think.

Marijuana is probably the least harmful of all illegal narcotics. As I've said before it's more similar to smoking cigarettes than it is to using a hardcore drug like crack. It's not nearly as addictive and it doesn't impair the user nearly as much as harder drugs. The majority of people in prison in this country are there due to drug related charges. The majority of those are non violent marijuana users. They simply smoked weed, and for that they are in prison. Didn't necessarily hurt anyone while impaired (like drunk driving), or steal from anyone to support their habit. Just smoked it. And for that they are deprived of their freedom. Meanwhile, alcohol use that leads to the majority of violent crime (as well as lord knows how many people killed from drunk driving) is completely legal. Is that justice? I don't think so, but that's just my opinion.

Now, if your mother's drug use is tied into other things that are affecting you negatively, that is a whole different story. I've asked these questions before but you haven't answered yet. Is she using money she should be spending to buy you necessities like food or clothing to support her drug habit? If she wont give you the $$$ to buy that fancy new prada bag that doesn't count. I mean are you literally going hungry with nothing to eat in the house, when your mom says she has no money but somehow manages to find money to smoke weed? Is she so stoned from using the marijuana that it is affecting her performance at work? If you can point out some tangible way that the drug use is affecting behavior or the environment negatively, please explain them. I'd like to hear it, and maybe we can help you work things out without a solution as drastic as telling CFS. But if it is JUST the fact that she smokes marijuana, telling CFS would be a bad idea. There are other ways to help someone stop using drugs than going to the authorities. There are rehab clinics and support groups that can help you without risking your mother being thrown in prison over this.

You're obviously not happy in your house. I can see that, and I can certainly relate. My family was completely dysfunctional. You want things to change...you want something better. And maybe now you see this as an opportunity...your way out. You have the moral authority now because you've caught your mother doing something that our society considers wrong. Maybe you're a little angry at her, and want to punish her. Punish her for not being the parent she should be. Punish her for marrying that jerk who abused you (he's another matter. If he's still abusing you you need to report him). And maybe a foster home sounds like a good idea. Any other home can seem like a good idea when the one you're living in sucks. Well, are you aware of the fact that the vast majority of children living in foster homes are unsatisfied with the new families they have? I'm too lazy to use google to find the statistics, but if anyone else wants to please do.

Like avman said, all I'm trying to do is give you my advice and help you to make the decision that will improve your situation best. And I can attest to CFS not having a magic wand to wave.

Marjauna is illegal and there are other ways of dealing with stress. She doesnt need to have it in the house with the children! There is NO excuse for drugs! They fog your mind and you cant make clear decisions! You need to tell Child protective services! Abuse and drug abuse dont mix. If she was a good parent ,Im sorry drugs are unaceptable! Think of your other siblings! Are they younger than you?

charlotte -

You are very brave and you are a great sister for your brothers. I wish you could have a more stable household to grow up in. Please remember all you learn going through this and grow up to be a good mother for your own children someday.

No one wants your mother to do drugs and no one wants you to have an abusive father, we just don't think this is a decision that someone your age should have to make. If there is truly no relative you can turn to and if you don't have a minister or priest that might help then I really think you should talk to your friend's mother at the house you are at all the time. Even if the best thing to do is to call CSF, let her help you, but tell your friend's mom everything first and either let her call CSF or make the call with her there. I really want you to talk to your friend's mom.

Ok...Well...My friend's mom is thinking about me maybe moving in until Christmas...Or just after Christmas. My friend knows about the drugs but she didn't tell her mom that. My frineds all think I should wait a month and if my mom still has the drugs then talk to CFS. My mom knows I know. I know this for a fact! My mom won't talk to me about it but she still knows I know. No she is not starving us...but when I ask for my allowance or the money she owes me for babysitting my brothers she won't give it to me!