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Is it wrong my man won't go down on me?


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I have a bit of an issue. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years now, and ever since day one he HATES going down on me. He has maybe done it to me 2 or 3 times. I LOVE giving him oral sex, I like receiving it even more. My last boyfriend was obsessed with doing it, so the change hass been quite difficult. Is there something wrong? He tells me that he just doesn't like doing it. I think it's a combination of him being inexperienced (he has never done it b4 me) and to be honest I think it kinda grosses him out. I'm always well grommed and clean (i know ) but i just don't get it! I have tried refusing to do it to him if he won't to me but that didn'tlast long, i love it too much. Should i just suck it up and live with it?

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If you force him to do stuff he doesn't like he's going to want to have less and less sex. In my opinion you will have to live without it, he doesn't like it and if there really is nothing that will change his mind, well, then there is not much you can do about it!

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you have only 1 life, so why do you have to live with it if its not you and what you like??? I agree that he wont change probably, if he doesnt like it, then he doesnt, and if somehow you make him do that it wont be the same... he wouldnt enjoy it and its just a turn off for all the fun.

Would you consider leaving him to find someone more like you, or is there love? Im not saying i would leave, not sure how i would deal, if it was true love i would put up with it of course.

There are people that just dont like it.. but hey he likes receiving.. maybe stop giving the pleasure to him

.. Best of luck

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Unfortunately, there is very little you can do to change his mind about this.....there are some things that may increase his desire to do it (ie using whipped cream/chocolate together....letting him know how much you enjoy it....challenging his manhood in some way where he wants to "prove it" and do it - all depends on why he is averse to it) however if his mindset is that he is grossed out by it and does not like it, it is very hard to change that. And he just might not ever, so you need to decide if you can accept him as is, or if you might be better suited with someone whom you are more compatible in the bedroom with. Of course, that is no guarantee you may be compatible with someone else in the areas you are with your boyfriend either....so if you truly love him, this may be something that you are willing to live with.

 

If you aren't, then well, you have to decide how important it is to you and whether it is worth leaving for. That would depend on how the rest of your relationship is though too - is he "giving" in other areas?

 

I would probably limit giving him oral sex though, in my opinion seems kind of unfairly balanced!

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I am sorry but, I can't imagine not giving oral to my lady. I guess I am a freak when it comes to pleasing my lady. Maybe he is scared that he will not be that good or that he may let you down. I would recommend that you talk to him about it and see if you can make him more comfortable with the whole idea. Maybe take a shower together and see if he will go "downtown" on you. I can't imagine how sex would be without having my woman having the big O while I am doing the DEED.

 

I recommend talking to him about it. Then decide if you can live with it or if you have to leave him for someone you are more compatible with. I agree with Whatfor when she said stop giving him oral and see if that makes him more willing to compromise with you. It is not fair to you that he is not taking care of you in that way since he obviously likes getting it.

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Poor creature, I know, I'm in the same position. I love giving my GF oral sex, I love it, and I'm even willing to sometimes overlook her not very good personal higiene.

I can tell you for sure that in the last year I've given her oral sex mor than twice the times we've had actual intercourse (penis/vagina).

 

After 3 years she has given me oral sex about 10 times, good oral sex (more than a couple of licks) about 3 times, and out of those three, only two were good (only once I was able to orgasm).

She really doesn't like it, and has even told me she is grossed by the smell of my penis (even when I'm straight out of the shower) or complains that my penis tastes to soap?

 

Well, that and the fact that she is terrible at it. She always bited or scratched my penis with her teeth, so I really don't miss it at all nor encourage her to do it anymore.

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My first husband tried it and didn't like it. My second husband of 13 years did it about 6 or 7 times and I usually had to ask for it. It's torture when you desperately want that and they're not prepared to give you it. What annoyed me was I would do it for him although I didn't particularly like it! And that was usually everytime before we had sex!

 

I think it should be like the saying, 'What's good for the goose, is good for the gander!'

 

I hope you solve the problem soon otherwise you're in for a very disappointing life.

 

Good luck

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Ask yourself which is more important to you: the pleasure from oral sex being done to you or the pleasure of being in love with him?

 

Yes, it is a disappointment. Yes, there are things we wish our partners would do and they are unwilling to do. But there are so many other ways of sharing your love and receiving pleasure from each other. Focus on what you do have, not on what you don't have.

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The problem with refusing to do it for him if he doesn't do it for you is that you could then start a war of retaliation. The difference in the situations is that you enjoy doing it for him but he does not enjoy doing it for you. Refusing to do it for him as a 'punishment' seems to me to be counter-productive - he will know exactly what you are doing and is likely to resent it.

 

Suppose there was something that he liked that grossed you out that you really did not want to do - would you appreciate him pressuring you to do it anyway? It seems to me that people should not be pressured into doing anything sexual they don't want to do - and that applies to men as well as to women. Which is why I don't think that challenging his manhood is such a good idea, with great respect to RayKay. I think that may well backfire on the relationship as well.

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Suppose there was something that he liked that grossed you out that you really did not want to do - would you appreciate him pressuring you to do it anyway? It seems to me that people should not be pressured into doing anything sexual they don't want to do - and that applies to men as well as to women. Which is why I don't think that challenging his manhood is such a good idea, with great respect to RayKay. I think that may well backfire on the relationship as well.

 

Agreed. It is more likely to be taken as an act of aggression and cause him to be hurt and feel less appreciated. That's not going to make him want to do it more.

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Suppose there was something that he liked that grossed you out that you really did not want to do - would you appreciate him pressuring you to do it anyway? It seems to me that people should not be pressured into doing anything sexual they don't want to do - and that applies to men as well as to women. Which is why I don't think that challenging his manhood is such a good idea, with great respect to RayKay. I think that may well backfire on the relationship as well.

With all due respect, I think you mistinterpreted my meaning of "challenge his manhood". It certainly was not about pressure, it was about having him WANT to please her, not about FORCING him to please her. And that can be done without pressuring. This could mean using in foreplay words that would make him want to do it, and so forth. Not actually pressuring him too.

 

It also had nothing to do with being aggressive about getting him too or forcing him too. It's about creating the atmosphere where he would WANT to do it, to please his woman, "as a man", and that is what I meant by challenge his manhood.

 

This goes back to the reasons why he feels this way, if he does think it is gross, that is one thing that she can work on changing, also if he just does not feel it's "worth it" because she can make sure he finds out how worth it is, however if he however is steadfast against doing it, that is not another. It also sounds like he is inexperienced, so if she can show him she enjoys it when he DOES it, that can go a long way.

 

If you also notice, I also said specifically she cannot FORCE him to change his attitude towards it. And that she should either accept him as is, or decide to leave.

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Well, the word 'challenge' used under these circumstances seems somewhat aggressive to me especially when used with 'manhood'. Challenge implies a confrontation or a contest which he might lose, which I don't think would be a good idea. But if that is not what you meant then that's fine.

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Well, the word 'challenge' used under these circumstances seems somewhat aggressive to me especially when used with 'manhood'. Challenge implies a confrontation or a contest which he might lose, which I don't think would be a good idea. But if that is not what you meant then that's fine.

 

Well, yes, if you only read that sentence and it was not put in the context of the rest of my post, if you don't, I can see how that sentence might be taken that way:

 

Unfortunately, there is very little you can do to change his mind about this.....there are some things that may increase his desire to do it (ie using whipped cream/chocolate together....letting him know how much you enjoy it....challenging his manhood in some way where he wants to "prove it" and do it - all depends on why he is averse to it) however if his mindset is that he is grossed out by it and does not like it, it is very hard to change that. And he just might not ever, so you need to decide if you can accept him as is, or if you might be better suited with someone whom you are more compatible in the bedroom with. Of course, that is no guarantee you may be compatible with someone else in the areas you are with your boyfriend either....so if you truly love him, this may be something that you are willing to live with.

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