helpful advice: 10 ways to get over him/her
I found this today. I wanted to share it with everyone here. Hope it helps! (these tips can apply to either gender, and any sort of love relationship, just change the words around in your mind)
10 Ways To Get Over Him by Tamara Jeffries
He's gone. And it hurts-bad--but your world must go on. Ten ways to dry your tears and lighten your heart.
It's over. Maybe it was his idea to part ways, maybe it was yours. Perhaps he was a horror and you're glad to have escaped him. Or possibly he was a nice guy, but just not The One. Either way, he's now officially your ex. And it hurts. Hey, we've been there, so we know your pain. A breakup--even a "good" breakup--is most often painful, disappointing and difficult. But look at it this way: If he's not with you, he's not for you. You may miss his looks, his kiss, his companionship. But if he didn't make you feel like a queen, then leaving him was your best move. Your next best one: Move on! But breaking up is more than just saying good-bye. It's easy to delete his number from your speed dial; it's harder to get him out of your heart. The process doesn't happen overnight. Truly getting over someone takes effort. Here are some tips to help you get him off your mind--and maybe have a little fun in the process.
1 Set a deadline. Okay, let it out: Moan, groan, complain, cuss, whine and pine. Call your best friend and cry like a 3-year-old. Grieve hard--but not forever Pull out your calendar and choose a date when you'll dry your tears and pull yourself together. If you use your grieving time well, you'll express your most potent pent-up emotions. And by that time you're likely to be sick of yourself anyway. (Your best friend definitely will be.) Don't let the pity party go on too long. If you're constantly thinking and talking about him--even about how terrible he was for you--it's as if he's still in your life. Let it out. Then let it go.
2 Clean house. No, don't drown your sorrows in Ajax and ammonia. Get rid of his stuff. Clean out your closets and cabinets, and throw out (or return) all of it--his toothbrush, that sweater you borrowed and anything else he left there. Research shows that we get physically addicted to the pheromones secreted by the person we sleep with. That's why it's so hard to break up with someone, and all the more reason to get his stuff out of your house. Psychologically, you're telling yourself you're making room for something (or someone!) new.
3 Adopt a pet. Experts say interacting with pets can reduce blood pressure, increase the rate of healing and ease depression. Pet therapists use animals to help alleviate these symptoms among critically ill patients, and there's no reason you can't glean the same benefits. You'd be amazed at how comforting you'll find the attentions of a sweet kitten or frisky pup. And if it was a nasty breakup, adopt a pit bull and take him for frequent walks around your ex's block. (Just kidding!)
4 Write about it. Seasoned writers have turned their real-life romance fiascoes into fiction. Just imagine: "He" ends up losing his job, his hair and the woman he left you for, while "you" meet a tall, handsome stranger who has a Ph.D., a six-figure salary and an even bigger heart. If your writing's not ready for prime time, then buy a beautiful journal. It's a safe place to express your disappointment, reflect on what happened and make a list of all the qualities you're looking for in your next mate.
5 Spend time with friends. Call your girlfriends and make a date for lunch or a movie. You may have neglected them a little since you fell head over heels (we've all done it), and now find that you miss the intimacy you shared with your sisters. Besides, there's no better place to go to for sympathy than to your girls.
If you have a trusted male friend you can confide in, he may be able to help you see your situation from a man's perspective so you can gain some clarity on what happened with your ex. Just make sure your "friend" is an absolutely platonic one. This is definitely not the time to start something on the rebound that will complicate your current situation.
6 Do something you've always wanted to do. Forget about all your pie-in-the, sky couple-oriented plans. What have you always dreamed of doing? If you've been procrastinating about making a major move (leaving that dead-end job, moving to a nicer neighborhood), now's the time. Learn to box, go hang-gliding or take a class toward your degree. You'll learn to do something exciting or useful, and you'll also get a special sense of accomplishment because you did it on your own.
7 Pretend he moved to Siberia. If he's someplace incommunicado, you won't be tempted to call him and get some mess started. You'll think of new people for movie dates, another strategy for getting your oil changed and perhaps some alternatives to the other--ahem!--pleasures you shared.
8 Have a sweet indulgence. Savor one exquisite truffle or scoop of Belgian-chocolate ice cream. Chocolate contains a natural amphetamine, phenylethylamine (PEA)--the same one our brains produce to make us feel giddy and delicious when we fall in love. When we fall out of love, we have PEA withdrawal.
Better yet, pass on the candy altogether and go to the gym. Exercise releases endorphins, one of your body's natural mood enhancers (and you'll look fabulous if you run into him again).
9 Get down! Dancing helps you express feelings, says Sally L. Totenbier, a registered dance-movement therapist and public-relations chairperson for the American Dance Therapy Association. In a major life change, you need to get those feelings out. But it's not time to hit the clubs, she says. You don't want to be anywhere that seems like a meat market. Instead, take a group class. Try belly dancing, African dance or salsa. Doing something physical releases tension, and some dance therapists say that moving your belly and backside gives you a safe way to express those pent-up sexual feelings.
Otherwise turn on the stereo and blast something with a beat and lyrics that express what you want to say. (Sing "Respect" with Aretha, Erykah Badu's "Tyrone" or anything from Waiting to Exhale.) Whatever you do, don't play "your song."
10 Meet someone new: You. Give yourself time to digest the deeper meaning of the breakup and figure out the lessons. Do your love affairs always seem to follow the same script? Did you move too fast? Too slowly? Were there warning signs to heed the next time you meet someone? Figure out your relationship patterns so you won't keep making the same mists. Forget what he did wrong; your most progressive move is to confront your own issues. Then you can pick up the pieces and get back out there. If this was Mr. Wrong, Mr. Right is waiting for you.
This is GREAT advice! Thanks for posting! I hope that it helps out many!!
Very good tips and advice. Thanks for posting this patience.
"Let your soul be your pilot, let your soul guide you, it will guide you well." Sting
<---- me and my mom :)
"Get busy living or get busy dyin', damn right..." Morgan Freeman, Shawshank Redemption.
Awesome post. Thank-you.. I think I have gone through all 10 of these to get past the hurt. LOL.. very good reminder.
"Sit vis vobiscum."
"nemo me impune lacessit"
"Libera Te Ex Inferis"
"Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum"
Today, 01:35 AM
Top notch advice! I wish I had this list years ago. Thanks for sharing Patience!
In addition to "cleaning house" (#2) I've found that after a breakup it also helps to "rearrange" furniture, pictures, etc. When I kept things as they were, I found every little thing reminded me of my Ex because he had spent so much time there with me. Changing the order of things allowed me to wake up every morning with the mindset that this was my new life and I was moving on.
Last edited by smallworld; 11-16-2005 at 01:54 PM.
"Sigh... I guess you're an adult now and know what you're doing." -- Smallworld's Mom 3.05.06
I read this just now...it touched me, and I wanted to share it.
"Even when you tear its petals off one after another,
the rose keeps laughing and doesn't bend in pain.
"Why should I be afflicted because of a thorn?
It is the thorn which taught me how to laugh."
Whatever you lost through fate,
be certain that it saved you from pain."
Wow, those are powerful suggestions and I will definitely be taking some of them, I would like to take that pet one, but unfortunately, I can't have pets in my apartment, so oh well. But thanks for that and good research!
Your qualities brought you where you are, but your faults made you who you are. - by Yours Truly
This was Awesome... Might I also suggest a really good book, to those of you are into that kind of healing. It was funny and inspiring at the same time and it helped me a lot.
Its called a break-up because its broken. By the same author of He's just not that into you. It has a picture of a pint of ice cream on the front... Good luck to all and stay strong...
Confusedwon - I agree about the book - every time I find myself slipping there are a couple of chapters in the book that I go back to and re-read.